chat

We hiked for a while and chatted, she decided she wasn't feeling the romantic connection by the end, and tbh I don't think I really was either. I think was forcing it a bit, like she said, and we chatted for a bit and she gave me feedback (a little clingy, extremely anxious) and when it became clear the getting laid ship had sailed I just explained this was my first second date (she winced a little, feeling bad) and that I'd only had sex once, and it was a favor arranged by a friend with a woman like twice my age for the specific purpose of taking my virginity. She said that explained a lot. And that I need a "ho era," something she'd be willing to help me with as far as advice on women and making a Tinder profile and whatnot.

This one didn't ghost me. That's progress. I got feedback for once. Further progress. It still hurts. I'm still going to smoke a shitload of weed and get some junk food later and play some video games. Maybe even buy a new one. This is honestly probably for the best, and I'll need some space from her for a while before I try to rekindle a friendship, but it still sucks.

I'm also learning to properly weather disappointment. I'll grow from this, I know. Just wish growing didn't hurt so much.