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Wait? how is a page in my pocket not secure but a software password manager is?
"you accidentally put it through the wash." - Yes this is a risk, same as your password software company is sold/closed
"someone pick pockets you." - Really this is not my concern if I am robbed (my cards and ID are more then enough to not need my passwords)
"you have a house fire." - The password is in my pocket so as a dead person my password is not a concern anymore. Also if my house burns down I have bigger issues.
"it smudges." - What is written are just reminders and I can rewrite them.
"you use weak passwords so theyre easier to type and write (instead of copy/paste)," My passwords follow the same rules as any good password, just because you hate typing them out does not mean I don't do it.
"you spill coffee in your lap." - OK, I am not seeing how burning myself does something to my password. if the paper gets wet? I guess if I was sitting in the coffee for a while it could make the ink run, but Eww that sounds like not a good time.
"why would you put access to all of your accounts on/in something so vulnerable day to day?" - I don't nor anybody should use the same password for everything, Paper is great for notes and is a lot more secure then any software. I would ask why people are ok storing sensitive information on someone else's machine. When did this become normal to trust a 3rd party over a physical item on your possession?
Who exactly says you have to store it on another computer?
Sorry I assume you are using a program that is not air gapped. Most of the time I associate the "cloud" to these managers.
KeePass can be used locally. Often you'd want to store your vault in something like dropbox simply so you can use it on multiple devices for ease of use, but you don't have to. And arguably you don't need to worry if someone gets your vault. The encryption cannot feasibly be broken in any way but brute force. If your password is hard enough to guess, you're fine even if an attack has your vault.
As well, if your complaint is just letting third parties handle your data, Bitwarden is open source and can be self hosted.
If its local then its not much more then an encrypted notepad, and I am down for that.