We really do live in a society, huh? 
You'd think I'd be numb to all this shit by now. But I'm just sad.
We broke the 2-degree threshold in global temperature increases recently. Media shrugs.
Covid spike yet again. The media tells us to harden up or die.
Everything fuckng sucks. Wages suck, prices suck.
The people protest, they rightfully don't want to boil from climate change or the genocide of Palestinians. The capitalist government says fuck you and arrests them. Very cool and democratic.
Death, disease, poverty. Everything is falling apart. I feel powerless. Like I'm watching the murder of something beautiful and all I can do is watch. The powers in charge of this are monsters. All they seem to want to do is make everything worse and anyone who doesn't agree with fucking up literally everything is labeled an extremist.
Shits traumatic.
I feel despondent most of the time and was in a real nasty place the other day. The only time I start to get worried about my depression is when imagining my own violent death brings me a sense of inner peace. I was there. Everything is so exhausting and horrifying and wretched, and I have to endure it all alone. I have my mom and brothers, sure, but that's not enough for me, and everything I do feels pointless.
I just keep going anyway. It might get better. Might not. But I'm not going to hurt myself as long as that will hurt the people around me.
Wish I could find a partner just by posting. Talking to people in person is a nightmare of so many ambiguities I can't even keep track of them all
i wish people would be sad that our lives are like this rather than be sad when some of us refuse to keep suffering.
Of course they're sad, they want better for us. I've been possessed by the urge to end myself since I was 15. 22 years later I'm still here because something inside of me wants to be better, to be well enough to heal others or at least let them lean on me.
I don't want to die. I want to have a life worth living, and someone who accepts me and welcomes my love in it. But that feels out of reach sometimes. That's when I fantasize about an end.
they want that but they can't or won't do anything about it.
i don't think i have the urge but like, we euthanize pets when they would spend years in agony with no quality of life and we just have to sit here suffering with no end in sight.