No shade to any comrades here in that role. I'm just venting because 1) I hate my job and am officially "quiet quitting," and 2) I've sent out over 120 job applications today and I'm fuckign tired.
this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2023
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That's the thing the metrics never need to be real just need to make the person at the top happy enough to never ask questions.
My boss: "We need to change how we report these new metrics, they're making us look bad."
Me: "Okay" adds 20% to all of them "How's that"
As long as work is being done everything is fine, just make sure they have something pretty to put in their powerpoints
Lies, damned lies, and statistics
One thing I will give my boss is that when we had a new guy with noticably bad metrics (like one billable item in 3 months) he listened to me when I said it was our fault.
Kept the guy on under my wing and showed that he just hadn't been trained properly. Let him know the next day that he had a month of my keeping him on even if he just called out every day to find a new job, now he's like a huge part of the company.
That experience alone was enough to make it so the only way to get fired here is to literally bring a gun to work or be such a chauvinist that you get the can.