Mildly Infuriating
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The reason that an oil change should take time is that it takes a while for all of the used oil to drain out. That's why commenters are recommending you do it yourself, because you can leave the car for 20 minutes to just drain. Then you remove the filter, and don't be surprise if more oil drains out. Replace the filter and then refill with oil.
Quickie Lube places that promise a 5 minute change are either lying about the time or lying about changing the oil. You would also control how frequently the filters are changed. You don't have to change the filter as often as the oil, but certainly every other oil change. I replace mine every time, but I recognize that's probably unnecessary.
All in, the process will take you about an hour, maybe longer the first time you do it. A pro with all of the equipment laid out and a proper garage can cut it to 30 minutes at best.
Don’t forget to pre-fill the new filter with fresh oil, otherwise bearing surfaces will run metal-to-metal for maybe 5 seconds before getting oil when you start the engine.
It's a good idea to do that where you can, but some engines mount their oil filters sideways or even upside down.
In these cases, some cars have a "clear flood" mode that will let you crank the engine without it starting. You can use this to pump oil though the engine for 5-10s and help prime your oil filter. For instance on Subarus you can hold the accelerator to the floor while you try to start it to engage this mode.
Yes, good call out. It's also good to get some oil on the gasket before installation.
Also ensure the previous gasket has left the scene as you only want one and for the love of Pete, DO NOT OVERTIGHTEN the filter!!!!!
Hand tight and just a smidge more. That's it.
I do mine every time. I don't like trying to figure out where I am on the cycle and $7 is cheap