I keep avoiding the topic with myself. I would like to do HRT but I mainly spin the following reasons in my head for not doing it:
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Muscle loss, I cant work out as often as I would like and it would be visible. I don't feel secure without some muscle to seem intimidating so I can defend myself. I am rather visibly queer and already get harassed as is for that and wearing a mask. I dont know any self defense and having muscles at least deters some people.
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I dont want to be dependent for my whole life on estrogen. Logically speaking I want it but I keep thinking in war scenarios, or travelling, or anything impredictable it would basically be near impossible to get and I dont want to depend on something I cannot obtain easily and cant control the circumstances
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Where I live there are no trans friendly doctors and I do not trust myself with DIY dosages at all. I wouldnt trust the DIY source in the first place, and even then making sure I dont fuck up my own body is too big of a responsability. I likely have OCD and freaking out if I did the dosages correctly or some small random shit would not do me good. Would very much prefer doctors but impossible in my case.
Asides I would really like the changes mentally and physically. I am too hesitant to get into this without proper help from a doctor or such. I've been reading HRT materials for at least an year and I still find a lot of the chemistry things confusing and dosages.
I've been on E for 4 months and haven't noticed any strength or muscle loss but I am very eepy all the time now
Caveat is that I work a very physical job so my body is getting worked almost daily.
You won't be dependent on estrogen unless you have your balls removed. Considering that the supply of E might get cut off I think holding off on an orchi/vaginoplasty is probably a good idea.
There are online pharmacies and doctors that can prescribe stuff. If you just want to see if HRT is for you, start with pills. If you want to continue I recommend getting patches or doing injections because the pills have a higher risk is blood clots long term.
Yea I kinda want to wait until I have free time to be more active again so I dont have severe muscle loss.
Thank you for your advice! My inner paranoid skeptic would still be suspicious of anything "not vetted" but that probably applies to most things.