This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ZombAnTomb on 2025-06-18 00:16:59+00:00.

This morning I was woken up an hour before my alarm went off by something itchy on my arm. I scratch and find some mosquito bites forming. I don't know how a mosquito managed to find its way into my apartment when I haven't opened a window in months, but clearly one moved in sometime last night. I rolled over to ignore it and start scrolling around on my phone, hoping i can get some more sleep before I actually have to get up. A few minutes later i see, what i assume, is the same mosquito fly by my phone screen. I try to take it out with a smack and swat, but no luck. I then realize my other arm now has bites. Im the person who gets huge welts when i get bitten by mosquitos, so i'm already annoyed. The bites will swell up bigger than dollar coins and get red hot and itchy beyond belief in minutes. I’m not looking to end up with any more than i already have, but I also don't want to get up out of bed yet to try and hunt this bug down. I decide my best bet is to wrap myself up like a burrito with the only my nose and a bit of my mouth peaking out so that i can breath still. As i'm starting to fall back sleep i feel a little tickle by my face and open my eyes to see that fucking mosquito flying around my tiny bit of exposed face! I try to grab it or crush it or something but I definitely miss. I sit up and i can already start to feel the tiniest itch forming on my upper lip. Now i am PISSED because I have a date in a few days and i'm sure this will will still be swollen by then. I get up and lock that skeeter in my room and go lie on my couch. I'm starting to feel my lip blow up and get numb, so i grab an ice cube to put on it and try to convince myself it won't get TOO bad. By the time I head off to work an hour and a half layer, i look like I’ve had too much lip filler only injected into half of my upper lip.

I finally decide to go to urgent care shortly after I get into the office because now i can't close my mouth properly anymore. I end up getting a steroid shot for $100 and end up with a nearly normal lip again by the end of the day.

TLDR; tried to ignore a mosquito in my room, it bit me on the lip, ended up with a concerningly fat lip, had to pay for a shot to stop it from turning me into a botched Kardashian.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Interesting_Sky_2605 on 2025-06-17 18:50:28+00:00.

Our office does this monthly bake sale thing to raise money for different charities and everyone's supposed to bring homemade stuff. I usually make brownies or whatever but this month has been crazy busy with deadlines and I completely forgot until this morning. Stopped at the grocery store on my way to work and grabbed some fancy looking cookies from the bakery section. They were in a clear container so I dumped them onto a paper plate and brought them in. Figured nobody would notice since they looked pretty professional.

Everything was fine until my coworker Linda asked for the recipe because they were so good. I panicked and said it was my grandmother's secret recipe that I couldn't share. She seemed disappointed but dropped it. Then another person asked about them and I gave the same excuse. But then our office manager Sarah was organizing the sale and asked everyone to write down their item and ingredients for allergy purposes. I wrote "grandma's chocolate chip cookies" and listed basic cookie ingredients hoping that would be enough.

Here's where it got really bad. Linda brought her mom to the office to meet everyone and specifically wanted her to try my "family recipe" cookies. Her mom takes one bite and immediately says these taste exactly like the cookies from Kroger bakery because she buys them all the time. Everyone heard and now they all know I lied about making them myself. Linda looked so hurt and embarrassed in front of her mom. Sarah made some comment about the importance of honesty even for small things. I wanted to crawl under my desk and disappear. TL;DR I know I should have just been upfront about buying them but now I look like a liar over something so stupid.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SelenaDaSmol on 2025-06-17 18:43:13+00:00.

Not today but this happened last spring after I went out of town for three days. I left my cat at home with her automatic feeder and asked my neighbor to check in regularly. She’s an indoor-outdoor cat, usually comes home by night. But while I was away, she must’ve gone on some flea-infested forest adventure.

When I got back, I was absolutely wiped. I ordered takeout, smoked way too much weed, scarfed down my food, and crashed in bed without even unpacking. I felt a bit of itching around my legs, but I was too high and too numb to care. I knocked out instantly like a brick.

Next morning, I wake up covered in bites. Arms, legs, everything itching like hell. My bed looked like a horror movie. Fleas everywhere, bouncing on the sheets like possessed popcorn.

The kicker? My cat didn’t even sleep in my room that night. She chose the sofa, knowing that my bed was a warzone.

Spent the rest of the day deep cleaning everything and treating her for fleas.

TL;DR: Left town, came back, got way too high, didn’t notice my cat brought home a flea infestation. Woke up covered in bites while my cat smugly avoided the chaos.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AsleepAtTheWh3el on 2025-06-17 13:15:16+00:00.

This story is actual about my husband, not me.

My husband Jake comes from a family where if you don't look completely average, there must be something wrong with you. For example: when we were first dating, I was fond of covering half my face with my hair, only exposing one eye. For years, his siblings thought it might be because I had two different colored eyes, or was all together missing the other one, and was self-conscious.

That being said, Jake definitely isn't as bad about making assumptions as the rest of his family, however he couldn't help but think something was up, when a new guy was hired at their shop, we'll call him Ron.

Jake would notice Ron walking in every morning with a thick black hoodie, completely covering his face. He would call out to Ron, "You're not hot??" Ron would just shrug. We live in south Texas, and it was summer time, so even in the mornings it was already 80-85°F. The bay they worked in wasn't air conditioned either.

Once inside Ron would shed his hoodie, revealing a long sleeve black shirt, and skin so pale, you could see his veins in his face and hands. He also never ate lunch, instead, during his lunch break he'd just sit quietly until his break was over.

These are all things Jake would relay to me when he'd get home from work. "I swear he must be a vampire!"

I just told him to leave Ron alone. People are all different. Maybe he has a skin condition, maybe allergic to the sun, has a special diet, or just likes being pale. It doesn't matter and it's not Jake's place to assume something so aggressive toward someone he barely knows.

During the next month Jake and Ron did start being social. One Friday they ended up joking around between jobs. Stupidly, Jake took the leap and made a joke about Ron being a vampire. Ron stopped laughing and, if his face could go more pale, it would have. He had a look like he'd been caught or something. Jake realized he made Ron uncomfortable, so he apologized and changed the subject.

Jake thought all was good, but the next week when he went in, he was informed Ron had quit suddenly.

Now he's even more convinced that Ron really was a vampire.

TL;DR: husband made a joke about an employee and he was so upset he quit.

Add on: it was a daytime job

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/candidengineer on 2025-06-17 02:33:54+00:00.

This didn't happen today, it happened a couple months ago. I quit my well paying job in MA to move back to NJ to take care of my mother (she has osteoarthritis) and be close to family/friends.

Paid an arm and leg to move back, and within 2 weeks I was miraculously able to get a written offer for a Senior Electronics Engineer job at a well known Japanese medical instrumentation manufacturer with an on-site US-based office 10 mins away. I was set to start in two weeks and needed to simply pass the drug employment screening.

Around the same time, I was taking care of my mom as she has osteoarthritis. She currently takes meds but they don't help much with nerve pain. So I did some research and some folks sweared by CBD.

Disclaimer: I take non-THC CBD time to time, it helps me sleep/relax and is non-psychoactive. The full spectrum oil has < 0.03% amount of THC and the company that makes it is HIGHLY reputable and FDA approved. I don't smoke weed nor take anything with THC, I've been sober off that stuff for over 6 years.

So it turns out this same CBD company makes a CBD cream for muscle/joint pain - so I figured I'd order some and try administering it to my mom's knee to see if it helps.

The cream arrives, and for all 5 days before the drug test, I applied the cream on my mom's knee with my hands. It helped her a little, but overall I didn't think much of it.

Fast forward to after the drug test. It's about a week before I'm due to start the new job - I get a call from the lab that I had marijuana/THC in my system.

I'm like "What.....the.....f****?!!!!!!!!!!" How!?

Turns out this cream, that is advertised as a CBD cream (no mention of THC anywhere) had some THC in it, and it transdermally passed through my skin as I was the one applying it on my mom's knee. I looked up the lab summary data on the company's website and the cream does have enough THC to be reported.

I explained to the company everything, showed them the lab summary of the cream and everything. They initially sympathized were allowing a re-take. I spend a whole week doing cardio and eating clean to detox it out of my system. But eventually they decided to rescinded the offer after "further investigation".

I resumed job hunting and now I'm headed to Austin to join another company because aside from this role, New Jersey is f***ing barren in the type of engineering work I do.

EDIT: I'm getting a two bedroom apartment in Austin, my parents will be living with me occasionally on and off. They're retired and still have this place in NJ, and since we have relatives in NJ, they'd like the option to move back and forth.

TL;DR: I transdermally got THC into my system by physically applying a "CBD cream" on my mother's knee and subsequently failed a drug test and lost the job offer.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/thejomjohns on 2025-06-17 01:10:09+00:00.

For context I live in North Seattle, on a good day it can take anywhere from 1-3 hours to get from my house to the airport (Sea-Tac), through TSA, and to the gate. Sea-Tac is notorious for insane lines at times, and today is the first day of summer break for UW and most of the colleges. I always leave extra early just in case anyway. I had a 10:12am flight to Cincinnati for a work conference this week, and I woke up early enough to attempt taking the light rail to the airport. It takes almost twice as long on rail but an Uber or even Taxi from my apartment is no cheaper than $90, with tip it’s over $100.

Everything was going smoothly, I even got a seat on the rail, I was going to make it in plenty of time for my Sea Spot saver appointment at 8:15 (free quick pass through TSA at Sea-Tac) and I’m 2 stops away from the airport when it suddenly occurred to me: I forgot to grab my passport. Yes I’m a dumbass and haven’t upgraded to a real ID yet, but I’m normally really on top of these things and have no issues just using my passport. I forgot to grab it because I spent all weekend doing chores in prep for 3 weeks on the road and just threw together my pack for today and out the door. My backpack goes with me everywhere and has 95% of what I use on a daily basis, so for flights I take out any sharp objects and pack a separate bag just for clothes and I’m set.

So I looked and I could book an Uber back up to my apartment, grab my passport, Uber this time instead of the rail to the airport (by then traffic had gotten worse but it’s still quicker to drive) and still make it in time for my flight. I have 2 students traveling with me and the only thing I could think of is I didn’t want to ruin their days by missing my flight. So I booked it without even looking at the price.

I get back to my apartment, begged the Uber driver to wait up to 10 minutes instead of the usual 5, and jet upstairs. Open my safe and my heart sank: my passport wasn’t in its usual spot. I check my lockbox, no dice. I check every place it could feasibly be and then it finally dawned on me: I hadn’t taken it out of my backpack’s since my last trip back in March. I had my passport with me the entire time by sheer accident. If I had actually forgotten it at least I’d have been my own hero by leaving early enough to cover such a faux pas, but if I’d taken 5 seconds to check I’d have realized I was fine and saved myself the unnecessary trip back to my apartment and the $220 it cost to Uber.

To make matters worse, one of my students mentioned she had actually forgotten her passport just a few weeks prior for another trip and the TSA is allowing a “grace” period since the Real ID change in May. I could have tried with just my driver’s license anyway. It also occurred to me I’ve just been walking around with my passport every day for 3 months.

The good news: Made it back to the airport, through TSA, and got to the gate with plenty of time.

The bad news: I unnecessarily gave myself a minor cardiac event and wasted $220 on a completely unnecessary Uber because I remembered I hadn’t grabbed my passport this morning only when I had already gotten to the airport, but forgot that I had never taken it out of my backpack since my last flight anyways.

TL:DR I got all the way to the airport before I realized I forgot to grab an ID acceptable for flying, did a whirlwind trip back to my apartment to grab it, only then realizing I had actually had it with me the entire time on accident.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Spare-Plum4897 on 2025-06-17 00:41:02+00:00.

My (f18) niece is 3 (4 next month so SHE KNOWS) and she likes to hit, bite, scratch, head butt, you name it. I’ve told my sister time and time again you have to get her out of that, when she goes to school, kids WILL hit her back, maybe even an adult (doesn’t make it right) that’s why she has to correct it before somebody else does because everybody won’t tolerate your child like you do.

ANYWAY, I was sitting on the couch with my sister and my niece was just playing around. In the middle of us talking she literally slapped fire out of me, i’m talking she slapped THEE FUCK out of me… I instantly slapped back, not even hard but just reflex. I said sorry immediately and tried to hug her but she hates me now… my sister acts like she hates me too but i’m like… I know that was fucked up but i honestly did not go out my way to slap my niece like wtf. I’m not excusing what I did but she has to stop hitting people.

tl:dr slapped my niece back after she slapped the taste out of my mouth and now my family hates me

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CooknWithWalterWhite on 2025-06-16 21:20:58+00:00.

My AirPods were low on battery but I thought they had enough to make it through a company wide call. There are about 500 people on this call and today they had guests from different companies speaking about our industry. Well, my talkative coworker came over to my desk and started talking to me about random stuff. As we were talking, my AirPods ran out of battery but I kept talking, thinking I’ll just turn up the volume on my computer when he leaves. The conversation had turned to hairstyle and how I style mine with gel and sometimes have to use a blow dryer (we are both dudes).

Well it turns out when my AirPods ran out of battery, the computer had switched my audio and mic settings to the built in computer software. This also caused me to become unmuted in the call but my computer speaker was muted since I always have volume at 0, so I didn’t realize. As I told my coworker all the feminine strategies I use to style my hair as a guy, all 500 people were listening. Supposedly the CEO was freaking out because he couldn’t figure out how to mute me and it lasted like 20 seconds until I turned around to see my boss had messaged me to mute myself. This was all happening during the guest speaker presentations. I can’t stop thinking about it and now I’m being made fun of (in a joking way), this is all so embarrassing.

TLDR; AirPods disconnected on a firm wide call, computer switched to the unmuted internal mic and everyone listened to how much effort I put into styling my hair as a guy, including blow drying, special shampoo, hair spray etc. and now I’m being made fun of

Also FYI, there is a Zoom setting to auto mute indefinitely when joining a call that I wasn’t aware of in case any of you now have a fear of this happening.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Warm-Combination5818 on 2025-06-16 15:04:12+00:00.

This morning we had our usual Monday team meeting. I was running on like 4 hours of sleep because I slept during the day yesterday and I just couldn't sleep during the night and when the morning came up I was feeling extremely tired. I joined the call and I figured I could get through it if I just kept my camera off and stayed muted.

Well, after 10 minutes or so I leaned back in my chair and I fell asleep. I woke up 45 minutes later to a Slack message from my manager saying, “Hey, were you having connection issues? I was calling your name during the meeting, but you didn't respond' The worst part is that I had a speaking part toward the end of the meeting and I completely missed it (that's probably when my manager called my name). Now I have to pretend I had some kind of technical problem or emergency nap disorder or something. Lesson learned: do not trust yourself with “just resting your eyes” during a Zoom call.

TL;DR: I fell asleep during the weekly meeting since I was very tired from the night before

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Cozy_winter_blanky on 2025-06-16 14:25:25+00:00.

This is nothing dramatic, but still felt like a fuck up worthy of at least a smile or a chuckle from you people so here goes.

A few days ago I was in the mood for something sweet and bought a box of mini powdered donuts since I haven't had any in a long while. After eating a few through the weekend, I found a small lump of what I assumed was powdered sugar. It felt the same as those people who find clumps of seasoning in their bags of chips. JACK POT!

I was happy about the unexpected treat, so I excitedly ate it expecting sugary goodness...

It was flour... I took a bite the size of a knuckle of tasteless flour and it took forever to lick and suck it out from my teeth. I don't think I can describe the disappointment.

TLDR : I ate a lump of flour thinking it was powdered sugar

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/JeF4y on 2025-06-16 12:07:16+00:00.

The day started with me continuing to troubleshoot a network issue within the house that absolutely defies logic and everything I know to be true, but I won’t dwell on that since it’s just the appetizer of a full on 6-course shit dinner. 

Flying out to Dallas today. I tossed on my pants from yesterday, grabbed my shit and out the door. 

I hop a train, hit the airport and realize to my horror that I have a knife in my pocket. It’s a $300 knife so I’m not down to toss it and while I could probably go home/back, it would push me close for my flight. So I weigh my options. 

Can I mail it home?? Nope. No post box or anywhere to buy stamps/supplies. 

I can check luggage for free! Let’s do that! 

I have my laptop bag and a cpap machine that I’m carrying on. I don’t want to check either because of the abuse but think I may be able to fit my laptop in the cpap bag. So I find a spot and start sorting through my shit. I pull out my work phone, my kindle and laptop. Those are what needs to stay with me. 

Fuck! The laptop is too big. 

Okay next plan. Find a piece of luggage. $50 later and I’m set! Unplanned bag purchase but whatever, it’s a bag I’ll reuse. I toss the knife and a couple work shirts into it and check it. 

Off to security and the gates! Security wants all laptops, kindles, iPads etc out of bags so I pull out my laptop….. wait. Where the fuck is my kindle?!? Goddamn it! I forgot the fucker when I shifted things around. 

I bail from security and rush back to where I would have left it. Nope (duh). Rush down to lost & found who laughs at me and says “check back in a day or two”. 

At this point I’m like suicidal or postal. Can’t quite tell which but I get to the delta lounge for a beer and to try and figure my fucking life out. 

And then my flight gets canceled pushing me out 3 hours.

Whatever day you’re having, at least it’s not mine. 

But the upside is I’m midday drinking with a lot of justification. 

In the lounge, I have the kindle marked lost/stolen so perhaps I may get it back.  When I get to Dallas I realize that I bought it with my Amex and they have purchase protection which covers things like this, so I file a claim and order a new one.

I get back home 4 days later, and unpack my bag, and FIND MY GODDAMN KINDLE!! It slid to the absolute bottom of a pocket that only unzips half way down the bag, so with the bag being stuffed I never felt it and miraculously didn’t notice it in Dallas when I had unpacked.  Returning the unopened kindle to Amazon and canceled the Amex purchase protection claim.

TL;DR: Accidentally brought a knife to the airport leading me to thinking that I lost my kindle, setting off a chain of events only to find my kindle 4 days later.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/cockparasite on 2025-06-16 13:18:32+00:00.

So last night I was getting ready for a date and noticed this small tube of what I thought was hair serum on the bathroom counter. Rubbed it into my scalp, figured my sister left it there and it smelled... intense, but whatever.

Halfway through dinner I start feeling super itchy. Like, can't sit still itchy. I go to the bathroom, look in the mirror- my scalp is bright red.

Get home, ask my sister what that stuff was.

“It’s for the cat,” she says. “Flea treatment.”

The worst part is i actually complimented the smell at dinner. Said something like, “Yeah, trying this new product, kind of earthy.” She nodded politely, probably wondering why I smelled like a vet’s office. Honestly surprised she didn’t call animal control on me.

So yeah. I may be parasite free now, but I’m not getting a second date.

TL;DR: Used my cat’s flea treatment as hair serum. Set my scalp on fire mid-date. Didn’t die, but my chances with her might have.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/perez_zinat on 2025-06-16 08:11:24+00:00.

This happened last weekend on a girls’ trip with three of my friends and I just can’t get past it. We had booked two hotel rooms and at some point, three of us were together in one while the fourth in the other. She said she’d join us later, so when we heard a knock on the door, we naturally assumed it was her.

In my infinite wisdom (and zero clothes), I strutted to the door stark naked and swung it open like I was in a shampoo commercial. And no, It wasn’t my friend but a poor, unsuspecting hotel attendant who had come to politely ask us to pipe down.

His soul seemed to have left his body and his face went red. He hurriedly stuttered something about noise, and basically moonwalked out of there without making eye contact.

I was also flushed with embarrassment after he’d left, an and my friends laughed over it for a while. I still can’t look at room service the same.

TL;DR: TIFU by handing out unsolicited nudity like it was part of the amenities. Oops.

Edited: Lol, those who wanted nudity spelt out, it’s been updated. It’s no biggie really. And can’t help laughing at those who referred to me as a bot 😅😅.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Amazing_Excuse_3860 on 2025-06-16 05:05:54+00:00.

For father's day, my dad wanted to watch the movie Flow with me (24F) and my sister (19F). He knew nothing about the movie aside from that it was about a cat, and that he'd heard good things about it. I had heard of it too, but I also didn't know anything about the plot of the movie until minutes before we watched it.

To those who haven't seen it, it is an animated movie with zero dialogue about a cat trying to survive a flood. As in, a world-ending, biblical-style flood.

I was not emotionally prepared for that. I LIVE with two cats. They're my fur babies. And the cat featured in the movie isn't an anthropomorphized cat - it moves, emotes, behaves, and meows just like a real life housecat.

I had tears streaming down my face within the first 20 minutes! This poor, helpless kitty was going through things a cat should never have to go through. It lost its home, it was all alone, and it was so scared. It could barely understand what was going on, let alone why any of it was happening.

I couldn't help but see my own cats going through this. Having to fend for themselves with no humans to care for them, having their home and the only things left of us being ripped away from them. Having to constantly flee from other animals who are also just trying to survive this nightmare. Being cold and wet and constantly afraid of everything happening. Where every attempt to get food risks your only lifeline floating away.

I had to google if the cat survived to the end of the movie before i could even consider watching it to the end. My dad asked if I was okay, and offered to stop the movie multiple times. I said no. I don't think it would have made a difference if I had stopped. I still wouldn't be able to get the images of that poor cat's suffering out of my head, keeping me awake at night.

One of my cats is at the foot of my bed right now, completely oblivious to the horrors of the world. Pampered and cozy, with a full bully and people who love him, as he should be. I hope this sweet innocent baby never has to go through anything like that movie, ever. I love him and his brother so, so much, and I wish they could live forever.

TL;DR: I agreed to watch what i thought was just going to be a cute cat movie, and it emotionally destroyed me to the point of being unable to fall asleep because I can't stop thinking about that poor cat in the movie, and my own cats going through something similar. I'm still crying.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/effietea on 2025-06-16 04:11:52+00:00.

I bought my house about 4 years ago. It's in a rural area, almost an acre, has a few trees. I don't really know anything about the people who lived here before me but I know the woman was a widow and raised a few kids there. Anyways, there's a dead tree that's been in the middle of the property since I moved in. Since it wasn't really bothering anything and here were much more pressing things to take care of, I hadn't worried about it.

I was out doing yard work today and decided it was finally time to get the tree down. I started clearing the area around it and found a bunch of decent sized rocks--like 30-40lbs each. I was really excited because I needed those size rocks for another project I was doing so I cleared the area and moved each rock across the yard to my other project. Once the nice rocks were moved, there were a bunch of pieces of cement--I moved those too. I went back to clearing around the tree and suddenly the ground started smoking. It looked like a cloud of white smoke appearing every time I raked--then I hit a patch of very fine white dirt. At first I thought it was like, chalk to make the dirt easier to work with but it dawned on me that I'd probably disturbed someone's ashes. Then I remembered the woman I bought the house from was a widow. I'm guessing the previous family scattered ashes under the tree and then put a bunch of rocks on top to keep the ashes from blowing away. And then the tree died and the idiot new owner dug it all up. So I'm probably cursed now, will keep you all updated.

TL;DR: I dug up rocks in my yard and probably disturbed the former owner's ashes. Yay me.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Maleficent_Sir_6034 on 2025-06-16 03:32:45+00:00.

Not really “today” IFU, more like “in general” IFU.

I’ve always loved the name Miles for a boy. I never had lists of baby names for future children, but for some reason Miles always felt right to me.

Husband and I got married quite young, but we were both starting grad school and it was definitely not a good time for kids. Also, without going into detail, I was diagnosed with some chronic health stuff and sort of assumed that having biological kids would be a challenge for us. We made peace with it, and six years ago we adopted our two amazing girls out of foster care, something I had dreamed of doing since I was little. Since they were older kids and not babies, they both already had names, and I wasn’t about to change them. A year after that, we completed the family by bringing home a fluffy orange kitten who is now a 15 pound beast of a cat. He’s a male, and he needed a name. I figured, well we have two girls now, and even if we adopted more in the future we would probably go through foster care again, and our kids would already have names, and the odds of me getting pregnant and having a boy are probably pretty slim, so…… might as well use my favorite boy name on my chonk monster. And that is how Miles the Cat came to be.

Fast forward to April of this year. I am 35 - not ancient, but also not exactly in my most fertile years. Husband and I had been talking about maybe giving the whole conception thing a real try, but as I said I had already made peace with the fact that it probably wouldn’t happen for us. We had taken a spring break trip with the girls to visit my parents. I was waiting on an extremely late period that never came. You can guess the rest.

Surprise!! Baby due in November. And then a couple months later… surprise!!!! Baby is a boy!!!

So, I now have three options:

1. Name my son Miles, and change the cat’s name (we’ve had him five years at this point)
2. Name my son Miles and keep the cats name and have my son go through life thinking he was named after the cat
3. Keep the cat’s name, and find another name that I love to give our son

Obviously, I’m going with option 3. But UGGHH I have been absolutely kicking myself ever since I found out the gender 😫

So just as a cautionary tale: don’t waste your favorite baby name on a pet if there’s even a small chance of having babies!

TLDR: didn’t think I would have a baby, so I used my favorite boy name on my cat, then got surprisingly pregnant with a baby boy and have no idea what to call him now!!

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/nachtmusik525 on 2025-06-16 00:23:11+00:00.

I am still in total shame.

We went out for dinner and the restaurant patio was full of mosquitos. Now, I am a simple person: I see a mosquito, I SMASH IT. Usually they pick me as their meal so I'm used to slap myself withno problem.

But then one of those bastards flied on the beautiful face of my BF and started to suck (🤨). I tried to shoo it away but BF was startled of my sudden movement and I ended up slapping him in the cheek without him understanding WHY.

I AM SO STUPID. I told him "I AM SO SO SORRY, there was a mosquito" and immediately stood up to go wash my hands, since I had the bastard smashed on my palm. He laughed but then I realized that all the other people saw me slapping him and then immediately going away like in a damn telenovela. I went back to the table and ate my pizza feeling emarassed af. I am still cringing.

We resolved with me paying for his dinner and then he slapped me on my "other cheeks" so all is good😂

TLDR: wanted to protect my boyfriend from a mosquito bite, ended up involuntarily slapping him in a restaurant hall, no hard consequences except shame and a bit of cringe

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Late-Track-6500 on 2025-06-15 21:56:21+00:00.

I’m writing this in the car, after easily the most embarrassing thing just happened to me.

For context, I’m out with my family and we decided to grab some food. After the meal, they wanted to stop by Savers. I agreed, no problem.

Until… the food I just ate started doing backflips in my stomach, and I had to take a shit.

With nowhere else to go, I went into the public restroom at the back of the store. The minute I sat on the toilet, the Hershey squirts left my body. I felt some relief… until I realized there was no toilet paper, except for five individual squares on the filthy floor beside the toilet.

I had two options: 1. Use the dirty toilet paper 2. Waddle with my pants around my ankles to the paper towels and back

I chose option 2.

The second I got to the paper towel dispenser, someone opened the door — while I was facing it… pants and underwear at my ankles, with shit in my crack.

I threw my arm out to block the door, but it was too late — dude saw everything. Balls and all.

I went back to the stall and had to go with option 1 anyway. What the actual fuck.

TLDR; Explosive diarrhea with no toilet paper, empty paper towel dispenser, caught with pants down in a public restroom

Edit: since this post is getting some attention I want to mention that; I didn’t even think of using my sock.. I think I was in a panic and needed to think fast before someone could open the restroom doors, unfortunately I was a little to late. I’m now going to keep whipes and toilet paper in my car at all times.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Terytha on 2025-06-15 18:16:37+00:00.

For our anniversary, we decided to spend a week at a beach side cabin by the ocean. It wasn't the swimming kind of beach due to the severity of the waves, but I at least wanted to dip my toes in so I bought some cheap, barely fitting rubber sandals that I could get wet. Barefoot wasn't something I wanted to do because I didn't want to pull shell shards out of my feet.

Anyways we went into the water, splashed around for the two or three seconds it took to go numb in that friggin icy water, then headed back in to take a leisurely romantic stroll by the sea. There was a significant amount of sand in my shoes but I just shrugged it off because its the beach, of course there's sand.

I guess because my feet were numb and I was having fun I didn't realize how much wet sand was stuck under the straps. By the time we'd walked the beach end to end, I noticed it was a bit scratchy so I looked down and hey, blood! I'd completely sanded the tops of my feet off. They swelled so bad I couldn't wear shoes the rest of the day and I was limited to socks or bandages for most of the trip.

TL;DR: Went on a romantic beachside stroll, got too much wet sand in my sandals and sanded the skin off the tops of my feet.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/rievealavaix on 2025-06-15 10:28:16+00:00.

Obligatory "this was yesterday".

TIFU. Went to the library to have a quiet, relaxing afternoon. Stopped in the restroom to pee. Went to shut the door to the accessible stall and it hit the latch, caught for a moment and then slipped past it, swinging out.

I wasn't expecting that and was leaning on the door a little. I fell, my arm catching the latch on the way down. Two cuts, a swollen leg, torn up skin, lots of bruises.

TIFU by using the iodine wipe the library staff gave me. -3/10 do not recommend. It burned terribly and turned my skin orange.

20 minutes later they scrounge up a different disinfecting wipe and a single band-aid. I convince the staff that yes, we should actually write an incident report, just in case.

TIFU. Bandaged it all when I got home. Had an allergic reaction to the medical tape. Thankfully that swelling has calmed down.

I'm in so much pain.

TL;DR: Fell in the restroom at the library and caused extra pain with iodine and medical tape

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Cultural-Carrot3247 on 2025-06-15 15:26:38+00:00.

I (55F) was out to lunch with a good friend of mine (also 55F) to celebrate my birthday. We’ve been friends for over 20 years, and one of the things we’ve always bonded over is our love of books. We read totally different genres ,she’s more mystery and thrillers, I’m more memoir and literary fiction ,but we both adore reading and always end up talking about books whenever we see each other.

Somewhere in the middle of our lunch, we got on the topic of physical books vs. e-books, and that somehow veered into paperback vs. hardcover. And I started to tell her how much I don’t like paperbacks, how they’re flimsy, how I hate how the covers bend and never quite lie flat again, how they never sit nicely on a shelf, how I like the weight and substance of a hardcover in my hands. I even made some joke like, “If I’m going to commit to reading 300 pages, I at least want to feel like I’m holding something worthy of that time.”

I could see her kind of nodding politely, not saying much, which I took as her agreeing or at least just listening. So I just kept going. I wasn’t trying to be mean or snobby. I thought we were just having one of those “book people get it” conversations.

Then she smiled awkwardly and said, “Well, speaking of books,” and reached into her tote bag and pulled out a wrapped present. “Happy birthday!”

I slowly opened the wrapping, already feeling my face go hot. Of course, it was a book. A novel she’d been raving about a few weeks earlier. A thoughtful, sweet gift from one reader to another.

And, of course it was a paperback.

I laughed awkwardly and said something like, “Oh wow, I’ve been meaning to read this!” and thanked her, but the whole energy had shifted. She smiled and said, “I thought you’d like it”

And then, to make matters worse, she added, “I debated getting the hardcover, but this one had such a nice cover design and I figured it would be lighter to carry.”

I tried to recover and said something dumb like, “Oh yeah, no, totally, I mean, I still read paperbacks too, I’m not that picky, haha,” but the damage was done.

We finished lunch, and she was perfectly pleasant, but I could sense this subtle coolness the rest of the afternoon. She didn’t bring up the book again. I texted her later that night to say thank you again and that I was excited to read it, and she responded with a “Glad you like it!” and a smiley face.

I can’t tell if it was a genuine smiley or one of those passive-aggressive ones.

TL;DR: I went on an anti-paperback novel rant only to immediately be gifted a paperback novel from her for my birthday. I may have accidentally insulted her thoughtful present and now I have no idea how she really feels about it.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/thatguysjumpercables on 2025-06-15 15:20:26+00:00.

Let my wife sleep in late because that's what we do on Sundays. Went to wake her up the way I usually do by doing a standing hug thing while she regains consciousness. I stood up to let her roll over, then noticed her nightgown was starting to show heavy cleavage.

I am a boob man. Butts are nice of course, but boobs are my jam. And my wife appreciates my appreciation, so it's not like I was doing anything abnormal or unwanted.

But the exact moment I went in to show my appreciation, she, eyes closed, decided to adjust her head on her pillow.

BAM

*Headbutted her right in her eyebrow.

It's about 15 minutes later and there's some noticeable swelling and I feel like a complete fucking asshole. Oddly she still thinks it's her fault because she's a dork but I know better. We laughed about it when the pain subsided, at least.

TL;DR: Tried to motorboat my wife, headbutted her instead.

Edit: clarification

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MyHighKitchen on 2025-06-15 14:47:34+00:00.

To kick things off, I have a strawberry intolerance. I say intolerance and not an allergy because it’s not epi-pen bad, but still coming out of both ends bad.

It’s time for bed, which means brushing our teeth. “Mommy, you do it!” Kid says in the most adorable toddler voice. And I do so, using her silly banana shaped toothbrush. I brushed my front teeth only, but still got a taste of the paste. I remark how terrible the taste is and start rinsing my mouth out. I can still taste it. So I head to my bathroom and brush my teeth. Finally that terrible taste is gone.

A little while later I’m on the floor with a terrible migraine, crawling to the toilet and ejecting every fluid in my body from both ends. Violent diarrhea and vomiting all night.

The next morning my husband asks how I’m feeling. And since I’ve been up all night I am able to pinpoint exactly where I fucked up.

“Kiddo’s toothpaste is strawberry banana flavored, isn’t it?”

TL/DR: Today I fucked up by showing my child how to properly brush their teeth using a toothpaste flavored with a food item to which I am wickedly intolerant to. Probably would have gotten away with it had I not basically rubbed it all over my gums.

EDIT TO ADD: I went with intolerance because in the past I’ve said it was an allergy and have had armchair doctors of the internet lose their minds. It’s pretty wild that folks get uppity about intolerance vs allergy. I and my whole family consider and treat it as an allergy.

I looked at the ingredient list, strawberry is not listed but it does say natural flavor. I don’t know and at this point I don’t care. Orajel Kids can fuck right off. Into the trash it goes.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Gandalfssnotrag on 2025-06-15 09:29:22+00:00.

This happened recently, and even though I laugh about it now, I didn't find it funny at the time.

At work, I like to sit in my car on my breaks and watch Netflix, so in the hot weather, I’ve been putting a cover over my car's windscreen to try and keep it cool. I also like to get to work early and have a cup of coffee before I start the day, so I'm usually the first person in the car park.

On this particular day, I had allowed some extra time for roadworks, but they were finished, so I arrived 10 minutes earlier than usual—much to the delight of the night security guard, who usually goes home as soon as I arrive on site.

As I'm waving goodbye, I start my usual routine of putting the cover over my windscreen. It has these tabs that shut in the doors to keep it on, but the air pressure from closing the door tends to move them out of place, so I hold them down. This time, however, I wasn’t paying attention, and as I closed the passenger door, it caught the top of my thumb in the gap.

I wish I could say I let out a manly roar, but in actual fact, I yelled like a wounded animal. I quickly reached for the handle to free my poor thumb, but I had forgotten that I was holding my car keys in my other hand. In a maneuver that I would usually find hard to replicate, I somehow managed to lock the car as I grabbed the handle.

Now slightly panicking, I fumbled with my free hand in a desperate attempt to unlock the car and managed to drop the keys. They bounced off my work boots and landed firmly under the car.

"No worries," I thought, "I’ll just call the security guard to come back and free me." However, my phone was sitting proudly in my now-locked car.

In a fit of frustration, I kicked the door—leaving a nice big dent.

After what felt like an age, but was probably only about 15 minutes, one of my workmates turned up and found me contemplating whether to endure the embarrassment or gnaw my thumb off.

I chose the former, hoping he would quickly assist me in my predicament. Alas, he was too busy laughing.

Thankfully, he managed to compose himself enough to retrieve my keys and free me—and my now very sore thumb.

Apart from a bit of bruising, nothing was broken. Though my embarrassment was far from over, as the whole ordeal was caught on the security cameras.

Having watched it myself, I must admit—it is quite funny.

TL;DR: Tried to keep my car cool by covering the windscreen, accidentally slammed my thumb in the door, then locked myself out of the car—with my phone inside and my thumb still stuck. Kicked the door in frustration, got laughed at by a coworker, and the whole thing was caught on security cameras.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SessionForeign6346 on 2025-06-13 18:00:23+00:00.

UPDATE showed my friend this post and she was dying with laughter !!! She told me she can’t stand asymmetric bobs and I said that was a good payback ( I have one ) we said we will be laughing about this for years to come !!

This happened yesterday and I’m still cringing.

We were all hanging out, me, my husband, and one of my close friends and her husband. Casual evening, wine flowing, conversation meandering from work drama to random pet peeves.

At some point, I started venting (okay, maybe passionately ranting) about how I cannot stand when men dye their hair. I don’t even know what set me off, maybe it was something we saw on TV, but I just went off about how it always looks weird or artificial and how I wish men would just embrace the gray and age gracefully.

Mid-rant, I notice my friend has gone really quiet. I stop and look at her, and she gives me this deadpan expression before saying, “I make my husband dye his hair.”

Cue the longest silence ever.

Apparently, she prefers the darker look and asks him to touch it up regularly. He kind of just smiled and nodded like, “yep, that’s my life.”

I wanted the couch to eat me alive. My husband slowly sipped his drink, eyes locked on the ceiling like he was trying to astral project out of the room.

I immediately backtracked and said, “Oh but some guys can totally pull it off!” which honestly made it worse.

TL;DR: Went on a passionate rant about how much I hate when men dye their hair… right in front of a friend whose husband does exactly that because she asked him to.

UPDATE: Well I did say I FU and apparently everyone else on Reddit agrees! I have been reading all Your comments.

For the record I don’t dye my hair.

I should not have been judgmental! I agree! I just think people don’t realize how beautiful being natural can be as well. There is no shame with the signs of aging. Gray hair is beautiful but so are all colors ! I don’t care what anyone does anymore !! I learned my lesson the hard way !