menby

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A space for masculine folks to talk about living under patriarchy.

Detoxing masculinity since 1990!

You don’t get points for feminism, feminism is expected.

Guidelines:

  1. Questions over blame
  2. Humility over pride
  3. Wisdom over dogma
  4. Actions over image

Rules (expansions on the guidelines):

  1. Mistakes should be learning experiences when possible.
    • Do not attack comrades displaying vulnerability for what they acknowledge are mistakes.
    • If you see good-faith behavior that's toxic, do your best to explain why it's toxic.
    • If you don't have the energy to engage, report and move on.
    • This includes past mistakes. If you've overcome extreme reactionary behavior, we'd love to know how.
    • A widened range of acceptable discussion means a greater need for sensitivity and patience for your comrades.
    • Examples:
      • "This is reactionary. Here's why."
      • "I know that {reality}, but I feel like {toxicity}"
      • "I don't understand why this is reactionary, but it feels like it {spoilered details}"
  2. You are not entitled to the emotional labor of others.
    • Constantly info-dumping and letting us sort through your psyche is not healthy for any of us.
    • If you feel a criticism of you is unfair, do not lash out.
    • If you can't engage self-critically, delete your post.
    • If you don't know how to phrase why it's unfair, say so.
  3. No singular masculine ideal.
    • This includes promoting gender-neutral traits like "courage" or "integrity" as "manly".
    • Suggestions for an individual to replace a toxic ideal is fine.
    • Don't reinforce the idea the fulfillment requires masculinity.
    • This also includes tendency struggle-sessions.
  4. No lifestyle content.
    • Post the picture of your new grill in !food (feminine people like grills too smh my head).
    • Post the picture of the fish you caught in !sports (feminine people like fish too smdh my damn head).
    • At best, stuff like this is off-topic. At worst, it's reinforcing genders norms..
    • If you're not trying to be seen as masculine for your lifestyle content, it's irrelevant to this comm. If you are trying to be seen as masculine, let's have a discussion about why these things are seen as masculine.

Resources:

*The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks

founded 4 years ago
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listing: all - local
51
1
The Sigma Male is the RAREST Male Type, and This Channel Has 107 VIDEOS TELLING US ALL ABOUT IT (www.youtube.com)
submitted 3 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Sigma Male more like Sigma Balls haha got 'em.

52
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How do you manage the fact that no matter what, people will see you as a threat (hexbear.net)
submitted 3 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Title

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The Inequality of Right and Obligation of Minangkabau Men in Matrilineal System (www.researchgate.net)
submitted 3 years ago* (last edited 3 years ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

I found this paper, and it is really an interesting read.

Abstract: "Matrilineal in Minangkabau is well-known, especially by social scientists. This research is also deal with matrilineal in Minangkabau society. It specifically focuses on the position of men in the matrilineal andtheir view of the position.This research was conducted in Padang by a qualitative method. Data were collected from participant observations and in-depth interview. Research findings showed that Minangkabau men experienced an imbalance between obligations and rights in kinship.They were honored as the leader of their relative through some social and economic responsibilities. On the other hand, they did not have a complete right to the economic resources that are controlled by the woman. The men were discriminated against based on this regulation. There are massive differences between men and women related to the legacy. There were numerous abandoned men in their old age. However, the Minangkabau men did not consider it because of the effect of matrilineal customs."

54
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How to stop hating men (hexbear.net)
submitted 3 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Plz help

55
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Male employees sexually harassed at Activision Blizzard (kotaku.com)
submitted 3 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Also, looks like the person who made this video, Kevin Meier, himself perpetrated abuse. Claim 1 . Claim 2 .

Really, it looks like quite a few people were involved in both sides of the equation. Here's Maggie Olsen who did something similar.

Either way, this just shows that this toxic culture really is pervasive to an incredible extent.

56
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Men's Wellness: How It Exploits Your Insecurities (www.youtube.com)
submitted 3 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Damn good video.

57
1
How China’s Pick-Up Artists Fell Victim to Their Own Mind Games (www.sixthtone.com)
submitted 3 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

It seems like a mix of the PUA and Instagram subcultures in the West...

58
1
Why China’s Boys Are Being Left Behind (www.sixthtone.com)
submitted 3 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
59
1
On being needed and doing things [Effort Post] (hexbear.net)
submitted 4 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

Figured I'd talk rn while I feel like the ground pulled apart under me in a way positive and odd. So recently, like 5 minutes ago, found out my sister bought a car to drive herself to work and I'm happy for her but feeling weird.

No secret that I'm neet and live at home. I guess to put it simply I've tied my self-esteem in what I could do for others. One where the transactional nature of capitalism is based on. I get love only so long as I'm useful to those around me and no love otherwise. This of course a ridiculous standard I would never hold to other people but one I can't shake off myself so easily.

Was the driving tough yeah but I was getting used to it. Same with the need of postponing drink or other activities so as to be useful in driving my sister where she was needed.

Now though, I feel as though I lost something and I feel a sense of sadness and dread. Brain is meh but I feel it in my stomach.

I know there is still more to do around the house but the question comes do I do it because it needs to be done or to preserve the other esteem that this patriarchal system as instilled in me. I've heard the term other esteem once to mean a self esteem rooted in other people or external and thought it would fit here.

Normally I'd try not to think about but I know if left unaired this will fester. I also have the duty of being some kind of role model here now that I'm a mod. To this end I shall be more open with my emotions and encourage other masc comrades to do the same here.

I would like to here what my masc comrades thoughts on being needed and doing stuff. Tell me your thoughts, feelings, and anything you always wanted to say but were too afraid to. I'm new at this but will try my best to respond with empathy and understanding because we all need it :hug

60
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The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love by Bell Hooks discussion thread. (images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com)
submitted 4 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

So I read this on the recommendation of two comrades here and I loved it. Hard read at times since crying and having to confront a lot about myself and my up bringing to realize I got a lot of work I need to do to be full emotion feeling. I'd encourage everyone to read it or at least stop by here to ask any questions y'all might have on it. I'll do my best to answer anything but would like to get everyone's thoughts on it.

61
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The racist origins of “Toxic Masculinity” (mobile.twitter.com)
submitted 4 years ago* (last edited 4 years ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

It looks like an interesting paper. I haven't read it or heard the podcast OP is referring to.

But I can definitely see his point on how toxic masculinity can be used as a weapon by liberals to further marginalise the poorer classes and communities of colour.

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Opinion | Rethinking Masculinity: Fathers as Caregivers (www.yesmagazine.org)
submitted 4 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
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How to dress like a sl*t as a man. (vm.tiktok.com)
submitted 4 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
1 comments fedilink
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Man hating has consequences (hexbear.net)
submitted 4 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
9 comments fedilink
 
 
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Men are not inherently violent, predatory, or dangerous (hexbear.net)
submitted 4 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
2 comments fedilink
 
 

Source: https://roach-works.tumblr.com/post/190477871021/jenniferrpovey-mascbi-haesthal-men-are