gondaily

Today was really good!

I wore my corduroy trousers, cotton plaid shirt, and my brand-new leather shoes. Technically, my shirt was also brand-new, though I did get it a couple of days ago, and this was also the first time I ever wore my corduroy trousers out, so they all felt brand-new.

Anyway!! I loved it. It was really comfortable, and, well, really stylish, I think! I'm really happy I got to wear that.

I think my shoes looked so good... The colour is so oddly delicious. It's like chocolate. The only thing, gosh, is the belt. I really need a belt!! My pants fit my pretty much exactly, so I don't need a belt in a structural sense, but aesthetically, my outfit is missing that middle part. I need a dark brown belt to match my shoes. Gosh, that... When I pull that out... I can't wait!!

Tomorrow, unfortunately, I'll be going to my brother's, so I won't put on anything special, including my new shoes and my other new shirt. Instead, I'll use a white shirt I have here and, I think, some black pants, and sneakers. Casual, very basic, but nice. Also, convenient for travel and biking.

I don't really have much more to report... I did have a very nice conversation with my coworker, today. She's really nice.

Today, my new shoes got delivered.

The world -- nay, the UNIVERSE!!! -- is not, fucking, ready!!!!

The fit... The fit I'm about to put on. Oh, the fit I'm about to put on! I'M ABOUT TO REVOLUTIONIZE FASHION FOR ALL ETERNITY!!!!

THEY WILL SING SONGS ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!

Or not. Frankly, I never liked songs about particular people very much; Notable exception being Grace Kelly, of course.

REGARDLESS!

The shirt? On point. The pants? Awesome. The... The shoes... Oh, my boy, my dearest boy (talking to my heart), why beat you so hasty? Reason: simple; Shoes are fucking awesome.

Classic, impeccable. Can't go wrong sort of style, but like, can't go wrong some 50 years ago in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere if you had a little too much money for someone that lived in butt-fuck nowhere. Still.

I wore jeans today,

But tomorrow... I'm pulling out the corduroy.

YOU HEARD ME! TOMORROW!!!! IS THE DEBUT OF THE CORDUROY KING!!! (Me)

I was considering the cotton-linen shirt, being that I think the colours are really nice, but I'm feeling like the brown is too much when everything else is also brown. Instead, I'm going with the brown AND blue shirt. Socks? BLUE!!!!

I'M ABOUT TO ROCK THESE PEOPLE'S WHOLE FUCKING WORLD!!!!

I know what you're thinking... «Is this dude (genius fashionista) really about to waste the fit of the century on a menial work day?»

Well, yes. That's the beauty of it, really. It's something I can wear any day. Any day. I can put this on and rock your world.

Where do you live, reader?

Sleep with one eye open, and then close it, lest you peep the fucking fit, and die. Of awe.

GON OUT!!!!

Got a couple of new shirts, today :D They're exactly as I envisioned them, maybe even better!!

I'm very excited to wear them. However, I wanted to wear them with some new shoes, which should be arriving relatively soon, as well. I'm excited to try it all out, see how it goes, which I hope is really good.

I went for a walk, today, and it was pretty nice. It rained a little, so I got wet, but it's fine. It's nice to also feel the rain, it chills you out a little, I feel like.

The rain, however, is a bad premonition. I bike to work. If it rains... Well, you know. DAMN!!!!!

Let's hope it's not raining tomorrow morning, but even if it is, it's fine. I'll use my rain cover and hope for the best. It wouldn't be the first time.

I wore jeans, today.

I did laundry today.

It took a little longer than I expected, frankly, but I think everything worked out fine. I hope so, at least! Clothes look alright. Let's hope they dry good.

Otherwise, today was a pretty decent day!

I kind of feel like I have a lot to say. I've been thinking about a lot of things, about what I do, how I do it, my goals. About just moving along and taking risks.

About the kind of person I want to become. What I want to look back at, the trail I want to leave behind.

Thinking about if that matters at all, or if I should just focus on treading a path ahead that I can feel confident following. Maybe those are both the same thing. Maybe not so much.

I feel like there's something out there for me. It's an odd feeling. It's not so much that there's something I want to chase, though there are things that I am chasing and very much want to keep pursuing, until I get them, but moreso what I mean is that I feel like there's something that I might stumble upon.

I talked about sitting on a park bench, some days ago. I think that's what I was getting at, in retrospect.

I would really love to stumble into something incredible.

I wore pants, today. Tomorrow, I hope to go pick up some shirts I bought and wear them! Excited about that. I should also be getting some new shoes that I finally decided to get. Let's see how this works out.

I worked really hard on my exercise, today!!! I OUTDID MYSELF, I CAN FEEL IT!!!

Well, I don't know, I guess tomorrow I'll really feel it, if I did it right. Or not. I guess I can't see the future.

I wore jeans today, and got a little sweaty, but it's OK! Man, do I feel good!

:D A good day, a better day.

Made cheese too, and my granny made great food for me to take to the job tomorrow.

I still need to work on getting some fresh veggies in my diet, though. That's the one thing!

I had a good time talking to people, today.

It kind of did a number on my throat, quite frankly, but it was enjoyable nonetheless. I had fun!

Wore jeans. And a polo! What could go wrong? Answer: many things; yet, nothing did...

Lots of different punctuation marks in that previous paragraph. It doesn't matter if they were used incorrectly, by the way.

Anyway, other than that, not much to report.

Did some push ups today, definitely getting stronger. Weighted myself, did drop about 1 kg, which I expected - not the exact number, but the drop. I did start cycling again and eating a little less, it makes sense.

Spoke with a friend and decided to message another friend. Hope she's doing well... I'll build up the guts to shoot her a DM.

I'm so thoroughly exhausted... I moved myself damn near 'til my wheels fell off!!

Wait... Where are they?

MY WHEELS!! NOOOO MY WHEELS!!!

THEY...

THEY'VE FALLEN OFF!

Plus, my legs hurt. My hamstrings, specifically, but really just my whole legs.

I wore jeans today, very comfortable.

I feel like I'm struggling to think... I'm just so tired. But hey, sushi tomorrow! Yay! :D

I've been feeling somewhat unyieldingly positive.

Mind you, bad stuff still happens and I still feel down, but I feel like I'm seeing the bright side very often.

That feels good.

It is starting to feel a tiny bit manic, though... I'm a little giddy. I don't like that very much, but it is fine, for now. I'll get to rest quite a bit this weekend, I hope, but we'll see how I hold up.

I wore pants again today. I don't actually like these pants very much, I'm realizing, because they're very wide. Or... My legs are very skinny? Today is leg day, actually, so maybe that's about to change! Then again, I think it is really is that the pants are just kind of wide.

I bought two shirts, today. Huge discount from a national brand, so I felt like... Why not? I want to buy more shirts anyway, this seems like as good an opportunity as I'll ever get for this. At least one of them should arrive tomorrow. I'll see if that holds up.

Today is upper body day.

My shoulders hurt like a butt on a stick... Which, I'm hoping, is a good sign. I might've actually worked them good! This time, however, I felt somehow weaker than last time. I didn't count my reps very well, I think because I wasn't very into it, but I think just doing 4 sets to failure works fine, as long as I keep my reps in that reasonable range of 8-12 or something. I just go as much as I can, with form as good as I can keep it.

My shoulders though, I feel like I really hit those, this time. I really hit 'em! I think big shoulders look cool, so... Good!

On another note... I felt like I didn't do much work today. It felt a little monotonous and boring, but it's fine, I guess. I'm just looking at patents, summarising them, and asking the question: Can we work around this?

I guess maybe the question is moreso "How do we work around this?" but whatever...

I'll go for my walk today, again, and this time I think I'll go somewhere different! I'm excited to try out different routes and see where I land, see what I see. Maybe see something cool!

Something I noticed, which might not be so great, is that I'm not eating very much. Mind you, I'm eating a decent amount, it's just that I'm not adding that bunch of bread and tons of cheese that I was eating while my parents were still here... I don't have a scale, so I don't really know what my weight is doing, right now. I don't see any obvious changes in my body, of course, since it's only been 3 days, but I am wondering if I'm in a caloric deficit.

I'm eating 3 apples per day, though. That's kind of neat. No such thing as too many apples, unless you're eating way too many apples. I also bought some veggie packs so take for my lunches... Which actually makes my lunches kind of expensive, in relative terms! They were 2.49 € each, so that's already quite a bit. The rice is relatively cheap, at least the amount I'm eating, an apple is also just a few cents, water barely anything, so the tuna can is the other "big" expense for lunch, and that's almost 1 €! Almost, so not quite, more like 90 cents, possibly even less if I buy the cheapest ones, definitely less if I buy something other than tuna. Still! We're almost at 4 € per lunch. That would be... Well, I might be crossing into 150 € monthly for food, which is considerably more than I would prefer.

Something I could do is buy vegetables separately and cut them up myself, of course, but I don't really have much space... I can make space, I suppose. Yeah, I can make space. Well, problem solved, but it is a bit of a pain in the ass. Still, I feel like the price I'm paying for convenience on those little things is a little steep. Too steep for my liking, anyway!

I wore jeans today, again.

So, first day of work was black pants black polo. Second day was blue jeans and white shirt. Third day was blue jeans and black polo. Wanna guess what tomorrow's fit is gonna be?! You get 1 try.

I feel tired, but satisfied.

Today, I was almost late for work. Well, I say this, but objectively there wouldn't be a problem even if I was a little late for work... Still, it's a matter of principle. I don't want lateness to turn into a habit.

Regardless, the work itself was actually OK. It was a lot of just typing and reading, but I think that's fun. I got to discuss things with my coworker quite a lot, and it's fun to talk to her and discuss our stuff. I also got to talk to another coworker at lunch and it was fun. Cool guy.

Overall, a good day. I got to ride my bike, I'll still take my usual walk. I wore jeans! Long time no jeans...

I'm gonna go buy some veggies right about now, I think.

I hope my days stay pleasant.

Today was my first day at my new job.

I was nervous and excited, and ended up getting a fair share of exciting things and disappointment.

My coworkers are great! They're nice and kind, they're talkative but not intrusive, and clearly intelligent. That feels good. I love being around people that can tell me things I don't know, that know things I don't know, and that I can learn from. Especially considering we're a startup, it's good to see we have some competent brains working. My boss, however, seems to be more of a nut case than I thought... I say this not just because of his somewhat erratic behaviour through our many calls throughout the day, but because of the things that were just dumped on me out of nowhere, considering I very much should've been told! Also, my other coworkers, the ones that have been there since before, don't like him very much. He's a decent guy, by all estimates, but he's not really a professional, and not much of a leader. A shame, but oh well.

I'll just put my head down and get work done. Whatever's asked of me, I shall deliver! Unless it's too much, in which case I won't.

One of my coworkers is very cute. Always a bonus. I love freckles...

Also, I got to talk to my friend again today. It was nice, though we talked less and it didn't flow as well. I guess we just don't really have much to talk about. Well, whatever! It was nice, anyway. Even if we never speak again, it was nice that we got to speak at all.

I also made cheese and rice for tomorrow, and bought some apples (also for tomorrow).

The most unfortunate part of this day was that I was really tired when I got home. I didn't sleep much (my fault) and it was quite a stressful day, even if it had plenty of great parts too. Great things can be stressful, too. So, my workout wasn't very nice. More than that, it was my first ever leg day and I feel like I didn't really do it right. Some parts of it, sure, but it wasn't a very complete workout and my heart wasn't in it. I was just too tired, I think. I did get my protein in, tho I suspect I ate a little less than usual. I don't have a scale, and won't see a scale until Saturday, but I'm hoping I don't end up losing a bunch of weight this week. The cheese should help with that!

I'm excited for tomorrow, if a little nervous, anyway.

Oh, I went on a walk! Not too long, about as long as usual, I guess. It was nice.

I wore pants, today. Black ones, and a black polo. A little goth, I guess, but it was fine, I think. I felt comfortable, if a little cold. It was a cold day, today, for Summer.

Today, an old friend reached out to me.

We haven't spoken in well over a year, maybe years, and we didn't part on the best of terms, but they reached out anyway. It was a predictable sort of reaching out... They wanted to know how I was doing and what I had been doing with my life. I replied, and we've been having a really nice chat over the phone.

I feel like, sometimes, I'm scared of reaching out to old friends. Will they care to reply? Will they be mad that I didn't reach out sooner? Will they even remember me?

I guess the much bigger question is: Does it matter?

And no, it doesn't. If I ever feel like reaching out to an old friend, no matter the reason, maybe I should just do it. What do I even have to lose? It seems to me that the answer is nothing.

Anyway, I wore shorts today, and finally moved in to the new studio. Tomorrow, work begins. I'm a little nervous, but nothing crazy. I'm confident in myself, and I'm determined to work hard to get things done.

Today, and many days, I feel like a mirror. I feel like everything I feel and think, the way I act and conduct myself in the world, is a weird sort of «almost-right» uncanny valley reflection of other people. My smile is wrong, my face is wrong, my whole body is wrong, my voice, my words, the way my leg moves when I walk, the noise my steps make, or when my steps don't make much noise. It makes me feel like I'm not human. I should say: very often, I don't feel human; I just feel like a broad approximation of what a human should be.

When I watch movies, or read books, or just consume anything that's supposed to make me feel things, I feel them. Most of the time, I feel them very strongly. I cry a lot when I read, and I'm not sure I've ever watched a movie and not cried, quite frankly. Why? On reflection, I feel like maybe I cry because I feel too much. Movies make emotions strong, so strong they can jump out of the screen; books too, so the feelings can jump out of the pages. Being so busy trying to blend in, trying to fix my crooked smile or my wonky steps, maybe I just listen to those blown-up emotions too much. Funnily enough, the consequence of that is that I react weirdly to movies and books, too.

You ever wave your hand at your own reflection? I've done that. To see what I look like when I do it, but also just to greet it. Even reflections deserve to hear a "good day" once in a while, I'd say. Have you tried shaking your reflection's hand? Or give it a kiss on the cheek? It's so awkward... They always put out the wrong hand, and the way they position their head makes it so that your lips always touch. I'm sure they, too, are just trying their hardest to be like you, but they can't quite manage it.

I think the eagerness of the attempt is endearing, at least. I hope it really is.

Anyways... I wore shorts today, again. It was very hot.

I'm gonna have sushi tomorrow!

And bonus... I had sushi today, too!!! Well, kind of... Kind of in the «kind of» kind of way, that is, in the sense that I did have sushi, but it was cheap store sushi and not restaurant sushi, so it was really not very good and barely qualified as sushi in my book, quite frankly. Still OK, I guess, but not really.

Regardless, tomorrow there's sushi :D Very excited about this.

I got a couple of Pinterest pictures in my feed that actually matched my interests, this time around, which was nice. I like to browse there sometimes to try and get a glimpse of what I might do with my fashion in the future. I did get some nice ones, recently. Additionally, I finally resigned myself to dropping some 50€ on new underwear... I really need it, the stuff I have right now is either falling apart or has already fallen apart and has since departed the realm of «stuff I have» and safely arrived at «not even in my closet anymore» Avenue. It lives there now. Nice big family, multi-generational home.

I wore shorts today. Good ones, I think. Very thin... Weirdly thin, even. Still, fine enough, I'd say.

Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I spent a long time, sitting on a park bench.

Maybe nothing - or at least nothing remarkable, save for some health benefits related to being outside near green spaces - but maybe something. Maybe I would notice that someone always commutes through that park. Someone like me, perhaps, that felt like being in that park might make something happen.

At first, we don't even acknowledge each other, but, as the days go on, we can't help but notice the stranger that does the same thing every day. I always sit in the same bench, at the same time, always doing the same thing - in this scenario, I'm reading something on my e-book reader and drinking some chocolate milk, of course. They always pass through the same poplar lined pathway with their headphones blasting some song I can't quite make out.

Eventually, we start greeting each other. A simple nod that turns into a "good afternoon" that turns into a "how're you doing" that turns into a book set aside and headphones around a neck.

Maybe they work at a nearby coffee shop, or at a dental clinic, or at the university. Maybe they have big dreams they're chasing, or a big trip planned for next August.

Frankly, it doesn't matter. The details, in this case, distract from the bigger picture - or rather, the very small picture that says so much about everything else.

Maybe, if I sit in a park bench for long enough, I'll meet someone worth meeting, and I won't even have to move from where I'm seating.

Online, I feel like I'm constantly surrounded by horrible people. Mean-spirited assholes, grifters, trolls... Or just standard-issue horrible people, people that don't care about anyone else and that go out of their way to hurt others. They feel inescapable. Your favourite musician is probably like that, so is your favourite author, and the person behind that funny meme page you follow. The brand that makes your shoes hires slaves to stitch soles, and the brand that makes your shirt does the same, and they're actually the same brand owned by just a few very rich people, that also own the company that made your phone, and your computer, and the car you drive to work or the train that took you grocery shopping. They probably also own the companies that make the food you buy, and by «make», of course, I mean «pay shit to farmers that kill themselves making it».

There's people that aren't like that, of course. They're not even that hard to find... Still, they are a vanishing minority, both in number and in volume and impact and notoriety.

If I were to sit on a park bench for long enough, would any of that change? Probably not. Would meeting a nice stranger and having a chat matter?

I think there's something to be said for engaging with the people around you - being part of a community. I'm a little scared, however, that that may be turning a blind eye to some very serious issues that plague our world - our everyday lives - through barely veiled supply chains and internet anonymity.

Well, I wore shorts today. Cheap ones I've owned for years.

I got some jeans, and now I'm having a hard time filing the return.

I went to a restaurant, and the food took ages.

That's it, really, as far as bad experiences go, but I did feel a little bit more annoyed today than usual, possibly because I didn't get enough or quality sleep.

It happens, sometimes, and it's OK to accept that, even if it's also important to stay aware of your altered mental states and try to reel them in, as well as preventing them by eating well, exercising, and getting good sleep.

Also very important is to not let those bad experiences 1) Ruin your day; and 2) Haunt you. It's not the sort of «I wasn't myself that day» sort of excuse, which I find actually rather pitiful, but moreso accepting that you were out of line with your ideals, realizing your flaws, and moving on with that knowledge and the will to always improve.

I wore shorts today, though the weather wasn't particularly pleasant, actually. I'm sure that also helped my not-so-great feeling.

Today, I worked out with dumbbells for the first time!

-ish... I did use dumbbells before, of course, but not in a structured workout as I did today. The dumbbells are as advertised and very nice; I like them very much, and don't regret the purchase (for now, at least).

I did something that I felt was reasonable, and checked some guides online to confirm and reinforce my regimen. Today was upper body day... Let me tell you, I hit upper body. The only thing that I felt like I didn't hit very well as chest, for some reason. I don't have a bench, so I can't really do presses very well, but I thought floor presses would be fine. I didn't really feel them in my chest, though, and I felt like the limiting factor was very much my grip, which is unfortunate. The other exercises were different degrees of fine and great.

Tomorrow, I'm gonna hit my lower body. I'm looking forward to it!

I did also get my protein powder today. It's tasty. Maybe a little overly sweet, but good enough. I'm having a bit of a hard time dissolving it in my typical mug, so I'm considering buying a shaker or something so I can put more water in and hopefully get it dissolved more easily. It's fine like this, it works, but I could probably spend very little money and get it working significantly better.

Finally, jeans... I got my new (second-hand) jeans, today, but unfortunately I'll be getting a refund and returning them. They were advertised as 501s, but they were indeed 511s. I'm sad it didn't work out, but oh well. This will be my first time getting a refund through Vinted, so I hope everything goes smoothly. The buyer has some sketchy reviews, when it comes to returns, but I'm hoping those were moreso other buyer's being unreasonable, since the overall reviews for this buyer are stellar.

I wore shorts today.

A good day, I'd say. Spent some time with my granny, worked out, ate well... A lot of deliveries, and though not all of them worked out, the ones that did really worked out - pun intended, by the way. I feel very happy!

:D

Today, I went to the city with my brother. It was OK.

The city is beautiful and there's so much to see, as well as lots of very cool craftsmanship for sale in the markets. I saw some very nice leather bags! I did also go to a store I'd been eyeing, but they told me they don't stock corduroy in the summer. Understandable, of course; I'll just have to go there in the winter!

Other than that, nothing much happened. We took public transport, and that was fun. Unfortunately, my delivery got funked on account of several factors, one of which - perhaps the most important - being that I didn't pick up when they called me... Yeah, dang. It's fine though, I got them to change the delivery address to some other place and I can go pick it up there. Just, no protein powder today; it's fine.

Tomorrow, some dumbbells I bought should arrive. Relatively cheap, so it doesn't hurt too much. Also, it does give me some more opportunity for some variety in exercises and some easier time working out some parts of my body that I might be struggling with. I think it's a fine purchase, overall. Worst case scenario, I can just return them! There's actually a 2-year window for that, turns out; kind of wild. I might've misread, honestly, because that sounds a little too generous. Maybe they put that in and hope people forget!

I wore shorts, today.

I tried out some cheese I made, and it was delicious, as per usual. I've also eaten quite a few pieces of fruit today, all of which were delicious. Well, an apple was a little mealy, but other than that it was all amazing. I really love fruit.

Today was mostly uneventful.

I listened to some music - mostly the same song on repeat; this one: MONEY ON THE DASH (SPED UP) - and took a bit of a walk, but that's it. I'll be taking another walk and working out in about 30 minutes, too. Had lunch at granny's and it was delicious. Very nice.

Tomorrow, I'll be going out with my little brother to check out the university. Of course, I'll also make him keep me company as we check out some clothing stores I wanted to see in the city. I'm excited :D

It seems Kick (the streaming website) is even worse than I thought, somehow. I mean, it has a pretty slimy reputation, from what I can gather, but holy crap people are quite literally dying on live over there, what the fuck... It's quite disturbing. I often think about the role of government in regulating the things people get to see, and I do begin to wonder if social media shouldn't be more properly regulated. How can websites where people are livestreamed DYING be allowed to operate at all? I mean, I get it happening once, because before then it hadn't happened, but twice? Surely this gets banned immediately, no? I'm pretty sure the answer is no. Maybe the answer should be no; still, I find it very upsetting.

I did wear shorts today.

I may have had a good day, today?

Well, I think it was good, but there were not so good parts. For starters, this morning, my weight wasn't very pleasant. I weighted in over 68 kg! Concerning. There's no other word for it! Also exaggerated reaction, of course, but still. Yesterday we went to a new pizza place, so I guess that may be the culprit. Also, the number just doesn't make sense, physiologically, so it's fine. I ate much cleaner today, I hope.

Lunch was good, and was followed by a very long walk. It took around 2h30. I just walked and walked, and listened to music. It was lots of fun! I loved it very much.

Yeah, it was a good day.

Something else is that, this morning, I tried on my pants again. I feel good when I wear them, sue me! I LIKE THEM, OK?! Gee, you're so judgy... Anyway, they fit better than last time, somehow. It was really confusing.

Also, I feel like I've been dreaming? It's weird. I don't really remember my dreams, ever, but it's almost like I get flashbacks to things I know didn't happen, and they certainly feel like they're dreams, in that they feel completely implausible and absurd and somewhat distanced from me. It's a very odd feeling, tho not particularly unpleasant, just kind of weird to think about, I guess. Maybe my brain is finally figuring out how to hang on to dreams for longer.

Today, my workout was mediocre. I couldn't do as many push-ups, at first, but I did end up overperforming my later sets. I was feeling very low on energy, regardless, so it certainly wasn't optimal. I don't mind it too much, but I can't make this a habit. I want to feel energized for my workouts so I can give it my all and get stronger.

Other than that, I just wore shorts and nothing much happened. Tomorrow, we'll go have lunch at granny's. I'm excited :D I love eating.

Today was, by every measure, a really good day.

I woke up at 9 to try out the cheese I made last night and it was really tasty! Not perfect, since I was missing some tools, but good nevertheless. I had lunch with my family at a recently-opened pizza spot next to my grandma's and that was delicious too. Really good, actually - some of the best pizza I've ever had, quite frankly. Then, I got to have some time with my granny, look at her sewing machine, and even try it out! It gave me some more confidence that I can actually make clothes - it will obviously take a lot of effort, practice, and failure to get to a place I can feel happy with the results, I'm sure, but the whole machining side of it seems very manageable. Plus, I've got my grandma's machine to commandeer, when I start on something a little more serious, before needing to invest basically anything.

Still, I find myself overcome with a bubbling sort of melancholy. It's happened before, and it used to happen quite often, but it hasn't happened in a while.

Sometimes, I see something really cool or awesome, or I hear some really good music, or something else, and it's like my heart closes itself off to the world. Maybe that's not melancholy, actually, but I can't think of a word that better describes the feeling. It's really frustrating to be faced with something awesome and know that it simply isn't going to happen, that you'll never experience it first-hand, or that you'll never get to see it again for the first time. I feel like I've gotten pretty good, over time, at turning this feeling around into a quiet sort of optimism - the fact I got to know of something cool at all is already amazing! - and even hopeful - the fact something this cool exists means that something even cooler might exist too, soon, and I might be there to witness it! - but, this time, I guess that mechanism didn't trigger appropriately.

The world is so big. It's overwhelming, really. It's so big that I can't even fathom it, I can't even grasp it, not really.

I wore shorts, today.

I made cheese today, again.

There was a bit of a failure, but nothing major, and it doesn't look like it's impacted the final product - other than losing some of it thru pot overflow, anyway... I'm excited to have a taste, tomorrow!

I'm strongly considering investing in a sewing machine and making my own clothes. Really, looking out there, it's hard to find things just like I envision them. Well, that makes sense, of course - why would people make things how I envision them? - but it's still incredibly frustrating to try and look for a nice pair of pants, and they're either priced for gigallionaires or made with plastic. Well, or made someplace else - I'm on a bit of a «Made Local» kick, and intend to stick with that for the foreseeable future.

It really does look like I'm just gonna have to do this stuff myself. Frustrating, yes, but also exciting! It's an incredible excuse to learn a new skill! My grandma has a sewing machine, too, so I even get to practice somewhat before putting my money where my mouth is. I feel like that expression doesn't really fit the context; sorry about that.

Regardless, I've been thinking about this a lot, and I might just do it. I might be reaching some next-level hipster shit...

Oh, what's that you have on? Awesome, when did you make that?! B... Buh-Ai? What's that? Buy? OH! You bought them, right... Makes sense haha, I just - ah you know me! - I just haven't thought about «buying» stuff in so long... Ah, these days I make everything myself. Yeah, yeah, I can sew. What's that, anyway, a 50% poly-cotton blend? Right, right. Made in Bangladesh, you say... Yikes... My stuff is handmade local, of course - by me, that is. 100% organic cotton, ethically-sourced, Fairtrade and OEKO-TEX certified... Your shirt's cool, though, I guess. Who's this Zara fellow you mentioned, by the way?

I can see a clear path; I shall travel it, and see where it leads. If I must turn into a demonic creature of textile condescension, so be it. I accept my fate!

I did wear shorts today, and my new Hamburg Hard Rock Cafe shirt! Size M, because I've lost weight. I believe I have some sized XL, would you believe it. How times have a-changed.

Today, I listened to Dev Lemons' SURFACE TENSION a lot.

It's really freaking good. I love every song - except, maybe, DON'T PINCH ME, which I only «like» - and I feel like, as a whole, it's a really great project with interesting themes and crazy instrumentals. On top of that, the MVs are absolutely incredible, too! I'm not usually one for MVs, but damn did she hit it out of the park with this one.

If you're interested in reading my thoughts a little bit more in-depth, check out my review of the album!

Other than that, not much happened. I haven't talked about my weight very much, these past few days - for no reason in particular, frankly - but I did gain some weight during my Germany trip, and actually I'm getting a little tired of seeing the number go up. Again, I know I shouldn't worry too much about it or anything, but I also think I should keep myself in check. So, I've decided to lose some weight. Just a little, nothing drastic, but I'll just watch what I eat a little bit and stop gorging myself. Really, I shouldn't have been doing that to begin with, I'd say... I'll keep exercising and getting my protein in, of course.

I wore shorts. I did put on my corduroy pants, though, just to see how they fit. I'm excited about them, what can I say!

I ate a really good piece of tuna, by the way. My mom's a great cook.

I think learning new things - new skills - is probably the coolest thing anyone can do.

More and more, I'm noticing people fighting back against that notion that caring is cringe that has somewhat permeated popular culture for a while, now. I think that's really great. Caring isn't cringe, in fact, it's super cool. Moreover, I find it really cool to act on your interests and to show that you're interested in things.

Anyway, it kind of seems like I'll be working on some AI stuff, come September. Interesting, maybe; We'll see.

I wore shorts today, but did get my jeans (second hand, of course).

Edit: I ended up thinking about this line in the shower.

I got swindled into sex by a sweet-talking succubus.
I guess she's into deliciously alliterative quips.

I think it's really funny, so I decided to share it.

I'm back home!

I suppose home is relative... In many senses, I'm very much not home, even if I am much more «home» than I was just a few hours ago. Regardless, I'm feeling good after a nice shower - though I am tired and a little cranky.

I didn't take my walk today, nor did I workout. I got here way too late and way too tired to do any of that... Unfortunate, but sometimes that's just how it goes. I'll have to make sure to do it tomorrow - and perhaps try a bit harder than I've been trying, while out in Germany. It's not so much that I've been slacking off, but I was slacking off a bit. SUE ME! Don't actually, but I do feel I could've tried much harder.

Now, however, I'm just chilling. I hope to watch some videos on YT and relax. I did wear shorts today, by the way.