OC only... or else
Coming after news that the game director was part of an expedition in Brazil to explore "the most dangerous mangrove in the southern hemisphere" that went out of contact last week.
"He died doing what he loved" - an unnamed Fromsoft employee who says the loss of the auteur was a blow to the game studio
"We have to shelve the Sekiro Spinoff and the Bloodborne sequel, we simply cannot continue without Miyazaki-sensei"
Everyday I wake up and think about the time Melina told me that Danny Devito had cancer and I started crying thinking my hero was dying, and then I found out that that bitch had lied to me, and that's why I'm requesting the addition of the :worst-person-on-the-website: emoji
Keywords: melina, fake news, bitch, hexbear, deep unsatiated rage, anti union aktion, anti union action,🔻, containment comm, crypto fascist
:jbp: There's an increasing trend these days for vulnerable, unhappy men to turn, what the internet calls, "prison gay". If you look at increasing rates of LGBT identification, especially by young people, by the year 2050 25% of all men could be in a same-sex relationships.
Well get back to why that is later, but if this trends holds as I predict it will this has very interesting implications for the remaining 75% of men who decide to engage in heterosexual relations.
The sexual marketplace will be dramatically impacted. Whereas now the sexual marketplace is tilted in favor of women, the marketplace of the future may be tilted towards men due to a supply gap. It's basic economics, if theres a significant gap of demand and supply, the remaining supply becomes more valuable over competition. We may see a "bull run" for men if you will.
Right, that's, that's very true today about how women hold all the power in sexual encounters, and how this transgender and homosexual ideology and propaganda poisons men's brain into thinking they're women.
Today women go for the top 20% of men, based on attractives and succses and other valuable assests in the marketplace. And this is according data released by various dating apps such as tindr.
If you can even call them dating apps. It's much more like a removed app than a dating app
Completely, just apps that unleash formless chaos on men and traditional dating.
:jbp: And polls show well above half of all new sexual and what little serious relationship is out there today, is facilited through these so called "dating apps". This is why I like Beauty and the Beast so much, it's a film about the female hero myth and reveals so much about women. In the movie the woman protagonist, Beauty, is very attractive so she's high up on the hierarchy, but she doesn't go for Bastagon, which most women would, and it's a fantasy about high status women not caring about their status, like they are better than the hierarchy, but she still goes for a handsome prince anyway. The chaos and the vapidness of feminism in one film.
It's just like the vapidness of these apps. Women claim to want equity and equality, two words which are totally interchangeable to them, they say they want men who are "nice" and won't punch walls, but who do they go for? The top status males regardless of who they are. They draw these lines that don't mean much to make separations of high status men, but the biggest line is the one between high status and low status men. It's the only line feminism teaches young girls not to cross.
Men are not going to put up with this bullcrap anymore
That's why they are choosing to go gay, the low status men cannot compete with high status and that's why they engage carnally with one another. They have no one else. That's why we see a huge spike in bisexuality identification especially for men under 35. "Prison gay" because they have no other options. So those 25% of men who turn gay are going to be those the least valued by women. The "incels". Like natural selection they will be removed from the gene pool.
Liberalism and the Marxists have put a barrier between men and women and its having disastrous results for our young men. But what that does to the remaining 75% of men predicted to remain staunch heterosexuals has a lot of fascinating implications. A form of liberal social darwinism.
The remaing 75% will be mostly made up of high value, masculine and average men who were doing better than low value men
So now the former middle value men are the bottom of the food chain and the the high value men are even higher. The new lower value men will have to adapt and become even higher value than their previous status to compete
Given their previous position on the totem poel the former middle have the best chance to enter top value. They will try to improve themselves to such a degree to be seen as valuable by women.
New Daily Heil chud bait holiday slop just dropped!
Doctor Soy? TORRENT of complaints following "cucked", "beta" Doctor Who Christmas special
Doctor Who fans have been left furious after the reveal that under Russell T. Davies (the series' current showrunner) the newest actor to fill the boots of the famous role, Ncuti Gatwa, is an "almond milk loving numale"
One review from the Spectator said "With his retro style jukebox, mood lighting and unusually tightly cut leather jacket (presumably fake to fall in line with the shows pro-vegan messaging), Gatwa's Doctor would fit in perfectly with the hipster hordes of young know-it-all generation Hamas leftists"
Nobody:
The Daily Heil and SSpectator: "Jukeboxes are woke, if you use colourful lights you're literally Yasser Arafat"
Radlib breadtubers after finding out that their bisexual lighting means they have to properly support Palestinian liberation: 
Outraged fans took to the website formerly known as Twitter to voice their dissaproval. One user said "No wonder the doctor got rid of all of the bookshelves he used to have, now he needs room in the TARDIS for his morning jog! I wonder if he uses his new jukebox to listen to 'disabled friendly' audiobooks while he's running around?".
Others complained that "this show used to mean everything to me, its heartbreaking to see its addition to Disney's tofu-verse", "The sonic screwdriver's redesign into a universal remote is pretty fitting for the shows new audience of bored Woke Warrior millenials who make a New Years resolution to go to the gym, stick with it for a week and then just sit on the couch watching their blue pilled childrens shows about magical owls and stuff",
The Owl House, Heartstopper, etc have literally formed a squatting network living rent free full time in this person's brain
"just found out that SOYtwa's SCOTTISH, how long until Russel T. GAYvies directs an episode about Scottish independence? I was okay with all the gayness and the transgenders but the kilt is just a step too far"
Type of guy who's "okay" with "the transgenders" but flips his shit when he sees a man wearing something that looks like a dress
and "it sucks and my wife left me, F*** Wokeness".
RIP BOZO LMAO
(MIAMI, Florida) Long time editor in chief of Fake News Times, Melina, has been found dead in their Miami condo. They were 59. The award-winning journalist, famous for breaking the Jeffery Epstein case in 2007, was discovered by CIA in the late afternoon. Their death was being treated on Saturday night as "unexplained" but sources said the long time writer had died of an apparent crack overdose.
The Miami Police said: "We were called by Emergency Dispatch to an address in Downtown Miami shortly before 1700 hours following reports of a person found deceased covered in shit. On arrival officers found the body of a 59 year-old journalist who was pronounced dead at the scene."
"It was either the crack or the IBS. Hard to tell" said one anonymous source
Melina first joined Fake News Time in the 1970s as a special crack correspondent and was noted for there ability to get deeper into the story than anyone else was willing to go. "They could take down a mountain of crack like it was nothing" said senior editor Tucker Carlson. "You could have a mountain of crack out, enough to kill 10 men, and they would smoke it like it was nothing."
Senior editor Regular A. Bitch said in a press release "I'm gay and my little pud is pretty small. That's funny Melina died. 7/10 bit to die of a crack overdose in 2023. Seriously, who even smokes crack anymore? Jfc just hop on fent"
Junior Labor Union correspondent H.O. Main said in a quick statement while entering a Burger King bathroom "She sucks and I'm glad they [CIA] did her in". Junior Italian Correspondent Arty Set stated "I'm vegan" upon hearing the news
Complete dorks and trans people everywhere are mourning the loss of their favorite operating systems after Elon Musk made his purchase of Linux official today. Users will still be able to use the current builds of their software but all future builds will need to purchase a license to operate as part of XOS, Musk's new proprietary operating system. Musk hopes to "epicly troll" users by forcing them to either buy a Tesla or a license for the software.
Musk has been loudly proclaiming that the software "has always been for people like me," though he won't clarify the statement at all. FOSS activists have been outside X, formerly known as Twitter,'s headquarters since the decision was announced and onlookers describe the smell as 'overwhelmingly putrid', causing local authorities to block off the surrounding area and dispatch firefighting helicopters equipped with soapy water.
Musk has been trapped inside X, formerly known as Twitter, headquarters for nearly 72 hours now and plans to stay there for as long as he can but his food supplies are dwindling and he is becoming increasingly restless. He holds the one and only copy of the brand-new Closed Software License and is repeatedly reading it through a megaphone out of his window.
The activists, having prepared for that exact response, and put on beige raincoats that one can only assume were once yellow and inserted earbuds, beginning the second phase of the protest: a silent rave featuring the soundtracks of all 4 Matrix movies. Having been outsmarted, police were forced to leave the area and stand near the barricades wearing gas masks for their own safety.
This situation is developing, we will continue to update as more information becomes available.
Albuquerque, New Mexico. Once an idyllic, quiet town, it's recently been thrown into chaos after life took a wrong turn. Multiple lives claimed in acts of senseless violence. Faces charred and covered in ash, people left flat on the ground, others suffocated by thought bubbles containing screws and baseballs. Police are trying their best to find the culprit but are now seeking outside help.
"The first time someone gets crushed by a safe, you're thinking it's a joke. By the third person who looks like an accordion, you know there's a problem."
Detective Richard Tracy has been tracking the killer's movements for months now to no avail. At the end of his rope, the befuddled lawman hopes instead to make people aware of what to avoid.
"Obviously don't go into any tunnels, avoid any kind of X marking the spot, if you see a sign saying it's open season to hunt you definitely don't try to rip it down. These are all things that we still need to be teaching children from early ages but just aren't anymore."
The state of heightened alert comes after an extended police chase in which authorities tried chasing the man responsible, only to fall off of a cliff after making the mistake of looking down. Thirteen officers were killed in the pursuit, all holding signs that say "UH OH!". As the death toll continues to increase with no end in sight, one has to wonder what's up, doc?
This story is developing, we will continue to update with more details as they become available.
Do you love lying to near-total strangers? Do you want to attain the ever-present, unwashable stink of the comedian? Do you hate yourself and take it out on other people? If you've answered yes to all 3 of those questions, we have great (real) news for you!
Applications are now open to be part of the Fake News mod team! We are accepting four (4) junior correspondents in a probationary role. Before we accept anyone, we need to see what you can write. Applicants will be asked to write three (3) stories, consisting of a few paragraphs, about any premise of their choosing.
Stories will be graded on 4 factors:
Applications will be accepted from today, December 14, 2023, to next Thursday, December 21, 2023. The crybaby ban list has been cleared and everyone is encouraged to apply if they so choose. This is intended to be a soft reset of the Fake News style so feel free to go in a completely different direction than us if you want to, the goal here is to be open-minded and less insular.
I CANNOT BE MORE GENUINE, THIS IS A REAL THING, WE ARE NOT DOING AN EXTENDED JOKE
Please send all applications to my DMs! We're not trying to do democracy here
CONTROVERSY fills the gaming industry this morning after an NHK interview with a niche artist’s wife reveals all after she claims the head of longstanding game developers Fromsoftware Hidetaka Miyazaki is a fraud. In the interview the widow explains how the two were “very close” at college and shared their admiration for novels and manga. “He always wanted to tell stories” she says wiping a tear from her eye. “One day he came home ecstatic… ‘me and Miyazaki are going to work on a game’ he was so happy. He said that they both had a business opportunity for a game development company.” That company being of course Fromsoftware where Miyazaki started his work fitting into a small developer role, years later he would become the CEO of the company. “Just a week later he came back he looked like he saw someone die, and he did, his friend died, metaphorically. He said ‘he (Miyazaki) didn’t vouch for me… he took the job and didn’t mention me.” Kaito’s wife explains how Miyazaki had allegedly taken all of Kaito’s work and passed them off as his own during an interview with managerial staff at the company. This lead to Miyazaki becoming chief director of the project Demon’s Souls just two years later, within that time span, Saito had passed away of heart failure at the age of 36.
“I just want people to know that the games you play started with my husbands work. If he was alive he would be so happy with all of it. I am not condemning the games for I know Kaito would love them so much- he deserves to be known and deserves the respect. Please boycott the new Elden Ring Expansion.”
