Drabbles, weird short stories, and other cheap drivel
Slowly but surely moving all my fiction—just the fiction—to Piefed: [email protected]
I'm a terrible writer. You don't have to take the time to tell me. I know. Quality? I write without that! But quantity? Darlin', I’ve got that in spades.
Hmmm, so how can I write more crap in even less time to annoy everyone on Lemmy? This comm will mostly be Drabbles, which are tiny stories that are exactly 100 words. Not 99. Not 101. One hundred. Like a hitman with a word count contract. (Which I've broken in this sidebar.)
A few other flash fiction and weird-ass short short stories may be posted as well.
These are pulp shots fired straight from my brain. No filter, no brakes, no shame.
Love 'em? Hate 'em? Doesn’t matter, because I’m posting them anyway.
Read fast. They bite.
Trump, Vampire Sex Cults, and Nutraloaf (written to piss off Lemmy, liberals, and conservatives, by Universal Monk)
Chapter 3: The Toad and the Tomcat
Goddamn, that diner hum was still rattling around in my skull like a bad acid flashback I never even had, the kind that makes your balls shrink up and hide. The Chevy was chugging through the New Mexico desert now, the sun baking the hood like it was trying to fry an egg on it, heat waves dancing off the asphalt in twisted shapes that looked like dicks if you squinted hard enough.
Cutiepie Mandango was back to his bullshit in the cage, rattling the bars with his tiny paws, those massive balls of his swinging like fuzzy wrecking balls every time we hit a pothole.
"Nutraloaf!” He yelled. “Where's my nutraloaf, you weak-ass driver? Imma sue! Bigly! Look at the size of my hands! I’m a real warrior! Not like you, pussy! I’m gonna kick your ass. Right after I fuck it.”
"Shut the fuck up," I growled, wiping sweat from my brow with the back of my hand, the salt stinging my eyes. “You don’t have hands, you have paws.”
“No I don’t.”
“Yes, you do. Now shut the fuck up, before I throw you out the goddamn window.”
“Well, they look like hands. See?”
“Animals don’t have hands,” I said, without looking. “They have paws. Now shut up.”
My throat was still raw from Jimmy's cock, a funky reminder that I wasn't gay, not really, just a guy who knew how to deepthroat for dollars. I focused on the ten grand coming my way.
That was the dream keeping me going, even as the gas gauge dipped into the red zone, mocking me like a limp dick. I needed fuel, and fast, or we'd be stranded in this godforsaken wasteland with nothing but cacti and coyotes for company.
Up ahead, a flickering sign popped up on the horizon: "Last Chance Gas – Beer, Bait, and Oddities." Sounded sketchy as hell, but beggars can't be choosers, right?
I pulled in, tires crunching over gravel littered with cigarette butts and empty beer cans, the place looking like it hadn't seen a customer since the Clinton administration.
The station was a rundown shack, paint peeling like sunburned skin, with a single pump that wheezed like an old man jacking off. I parked next to it, the engine ticking down in the heat, and hauled Cutiepie's cage out with me because leaving that little freak alone in the car seemed like a recipe for disaster.
He was already squeaking up a storm, "Gas? Weak! Real men’s cars run on coal!"
I ignored him, slinging the cage over my shoulder like a fucked-up purse, and headed inside. The bell jingled like a cheap porno soundtrack, and the air hit me like a wall of stale smoke and BO, mixed with something sweeter, almost chemical.
Behind the counter was this drugged-out drifter type, all stringy hair and bloodshot eyes, wearing a tie-dye shirt stained with god knows what. He looked up from a dog-eared comic book, grinning with teeth that were more yellow than white.
"Hey, man. Fill 'er up? Or you here for the specials?" His voice was slow and slurry, like he was half-asleep or fully baked.
“Gas," I said, setting Cutiepie's cage on the counter with a thud.
The little monster peered out, whiskers twitching, and let out a squeak: "Hippy loser! Get a job!"
The drifter blinked, leaning in close, his breath reeking of weed and onions. "Whoa, the fuck is that? Some kinda mutant rat? Looks like Trump if he got hit with a shrink ray."
“Therapy pet,” I muttered, fishing out my wallet. It was lighter than my balls after a bad hookup, barely enough for a tank and maybe a candy bar. "Just pump twenty bucks' worth. Where are the potato chips? This thing's obsessed with some prison slop called nutraloaf, but I'll take chips."
The drifter chuckled, a low rumble that turned into a cough.
"Nutraloaf? Nah, man, but I got something better. Oddities, like the sign says." He jerked a thumb toward a dusty shelf in the back, lined with jars of pickled weirdness – snakes, eyeballs, and yeah, a live toad squatting in a terrarium, its skin all bumpy and glistening like it was sweating acid. "Colorado River toad. Bufo alvarius. Lick it, and you'll trip balls harder than LSD. Fifty bucks. Cash only."
I stared at him, then at the toad, which blinked back with those glassy eyes, tongue flicking out lazily. Fifty bucks? That was half my gas money, but fuck, I was broke, and the road to Florida stretched out like an endless blueballs session.
"Does it... work? Like, really fuck you up?" Not that I was into drugs, but hey, if it could make this trip bearable, or maybe even flip it for more cash later.
"Oh yeah," the drifter said, eyes lighting up like he'd found a fellow freak. "Pure DMT from the glands. Lick the back, hold it in your mouth, and boom – other dimensions, man. Saw God once. Looked like a giant cock with wings." He leaned closer, whispering. "Tell you what, since your pet's got that presidential vibe, I'll throw in a free beer. Deal?"
Cutiepie rattled the cage, squeaking, "Lick it! Winners lick toads! Make toads great again!"
Fuck it, why not? A quick high might drown out that lingering diner hum still buzzing in my ears. I slapped down fifty bucks, feeling like an idiot, and the drifter scooped the toad out, holding it steady on the counter.
Its skin was cool and bumpy under my tongue as I leaned in, giving it a long, wet lick, the taste bitter and chemical, like sucking on a battery dipped in piss. I gagged a little, but swallowed, the slime coating my throat.
At first, nothing. Just the drifter grinning like a Cheshire cat, handing me a warm beer. "Give it a minute, bro. Bathroom's out back if ya need to puke."
I grabbed Cutiepie's cage and stumbled outside, the world already tilting a bit, colors sharpening like someone cranked the saturation. The bathroom was a concrete bunker behind the station, door hanging off its hinges, the inside reeking of piss and mold, graffiti scrawled everywhere. Dicks, swastikas, phone numbers for a good time. I set the cage down on the sink, splashing water on my face, but then it hit.
Hard.
The walls started breathing, pulsing in and out like a giant lung, the fluorescent light buzzing louder, turning into a swarm of neon bees. My skin prickled, fur sprouting from my arms – wait, fur? I looked down, and holy shit, my hands were shrinking, claws popping out, my body compacting like I was being squeezed into a furry sausage.
"What the shit?” I yelped, but it came out as a meow, high and panicked. The mirror warped, showing me as a tabby cat, orange stripes like Trump's tan lines, whiskers twitching, tail lashing behind me. I was a goddamn housecat, paws slipping on the tile, my human mind screaming inside this fluffy prison. Now I was a pussy? Literal pussy? Fuck my life.
Cutiepie's cage rattled, the little freak peering out, his tiny dick hardening instantly, pink and veiny, poking through the bars like a perverted antenna.
"Yasss! Pussy! Best pussy ever!" he squeaked, his voice echoing in the trippy bathroom, the walls now dripping with colors, rainbows pooling on the floor. He banged on the door of his cage, humping the air furiously, balls slapping against the wire. "Let me out! Imma make you great! Grab that cat pussy! Here, pussy, pussy.”
Panic hit me like a truck, but my cat body was curious, instincts kicking in, rubbing against the cage bars, tail up like some slutty invitation. No, no, this wasn't me. I wasn't into this furry shit, not even for money. But the hallucinations had me locked in, the toad venom turning everything into a swirling vortex of horniness and horror.
Cutiepie's paw shot out, fumbling with the latch, and fuck, it popped open. He burst free, scrambling up my furry back, his weight light but insistent, claws digging into my flanks like tiny needles.
“Hey! You little shit!" I tried to yowl, but it was just meows, pathetic and needy. “Ok, maybe just the tip!”
He mounted me right there on the filthy bathroom floor, his massive balls dragging over my tail, hot and fuzzy, the stench of hamster musk mixing with the piss-soaked tiles. His tiny dick probed, finding my cat ass – wait, cats have asses? – and thrust in, veiny and curved, making me feel ways that made my human mind recoil but my animal body arch.
It was quick and frantic, him humping like a jackhammer on steroids, squeaking Trumpisms the whole time: "Tight! So tight! Winning! Imma drain the swamp in your boy pussy! Better than Sleepy Joe!”
Precum leaked, slick and salty, his balls slapping my fur with wet smacks, the sensation building despite the disgust roiling in my head.
I clawed at the floor, tiles chipping under my paws, the world spinning in fractals, a Taylor Swift song suddenly plays from some radio outside, her voice twanging in my ears like a bad trip soundtrack. But kinda making me fall in love with her. First, I turn into a cat. Now, I’m a fucking Swiftie.
Cutiepie's thrusts got harder, his paw gripping my scruff, biting down with those gnarly fangs, drawing a bead of blood that tasted metallic on my tongue.
"Yuge! Feels yuge!" he gasped, and then he came, tiny spurts flooding me, hot and sticky, dripping out as he kept pumping, milking every drop.
My cat body shuddered, some fucked-up orgasm ripping through me, waves of pleasure mixed with revulsion, my dick – wait, cats have barbed dicks? – twitching uselessly.
Then, as quick as it started, the high peaked and crashed. The walls stopped breathing, colors faded, and my body expanded, fur receding, limbs stretching back to human size. I was on all fours, naked somehow – wait, my clothes were shredded on the floor – ass sore and leaking, Cutiepie tumbling off me with a satisfied hum, curling up in the corner, paw lazily stroking his spent cock.
"Best fuck. MAGA queen pussy," he murmured, eyes half-lidded like he'd just conquered the world.
I vomited into the sink, bile and toad slime burning my throat, the taste mingling with the phantom feel of hamster cum trickling down my thigh.
"Fuck... you," I gasped, scrambling to my feet, legs shaky, grabbing what was left of my jeans and shirt, the fabric ripped like I'd been mauled. Still doesn’t make me gay though, nope, I'd just been cat-fucked by a Trump hybrid. That ain’t gay. That’s just weird.
I scooped Cutiepie back into the cage, ignoring his happy squeaks, and bolted for the Chevy, the drifter waving from the door like nothing happened.
The engine roared to life, and I peeled out, gravel flying, the desert blurring again. That hum from the diner? It was louder now, like laughter in the wind. I swore I'd never talk about this, never think about it, but my ass twitched with every bump, a reminder that this trip was only getting weirder.
Florida couldn't come soon enough.

Trump, Vampire Sex Cults, and Nutraloaf (written to piss off Lemmy, liberals, and conservatives, by Universal Monk)
Chapter 2: Nutraloaf Dreams and a Creepy Cage
"What the fuck is nutraloaf?" I grumbled as I slid behind the wheel, the vinyl seat hot enough to sear my ass through my jeans. The car smelled like old fries and regret, with a new layer of hamster musk from Cutiepie's cage. I cranked the engine, and it coughed to life like a smoker hacking up a lung, belching black smoke that hung in the dry Arizona air.
"Prison food, dummy!" Cutiepie squeaked, banging on the bars.
"Documentary said it's loaf of nutrition, great taste, perfect for winners like me! Yasss, feed me, bitch!" He started humping the air in his cage, his tiny dick poking out, veiny and pink, balls swinging like fuzzy pendulums.
I peeled out of the lot, tires screeching on the hot asphalt, the sun beating down like it had a personal grudge. The road stretched out, endless desert on both sides, cacti standing like middle fingers to the sky.
Cutiepie kept ranting the whole way, spewing sexist crap that made me want to chuck his cage out the window. "Women drivers suck! Build the wall around your ass!"
I blasted the radio to drown him out, some country station playing Dolly Parton, her voice twanging about love and heartbreak.
Cutiepie perked up, humming along in his squeaky voice. "Jolene, Jolene, take my man pussy please!"
Fuck, this trip was gonna be hell.
Hours blurred by, the Chevy eating up miles, gas gauge dipping low like my patience. My stomach growled, and Cutiepie's nutraloaf obsession was getting to me.
"Fine, you little shit," I said, spotting a diner sign ahead, the kind of place with neon flickering like it was on life support. "We'll stop. But if they don't have your prison slop, tough luck."
The diner squatted by the highway, parking lot cracked and weedy, a few trucks parked like they belonged to guys who chewed tobacco and voted red.
I hauled the cage inside, ignoring the stares from the truckers at the counter, their flannel shirts stained with grease and sweat. The place smelled like fried eggs and cigarette smoke, the air thick with that greasy haze from the grill.
A waiter sauntered over, young and cute in a way that made my not gay dick stir, tight jeans hugging his ass like they were painted on, apron tied low.
"Table for one? And... what is that?" He pointed at Cutiepie, who was rattling the cage bars.
“My therapy animal,” I said, flashing a grin. “Law says you have to let me bring him in. I can call my lawyer if ya want.”
The waiter shrugged and led us to a booth in the back, his hips swaying just enough to make me wonder if he was flirting.
I set the cage on the seat, Cutiepie squeaking, "Where's the nutraloaf? Where’s Sleepy Joe? Are you Sleepy Joe? You look like him. Get Harris on the phone! Imma fire all you bitches!”
The waiter chuckled, leaning in close, his cologne mixing with the diner grease, a musky scent that hit me low in the gut. "Cute little guy. Kinda looks like Trump if he got shrunk in the wash. What'll it be?" His hand brushed my arm, lingering a second too long, fingers warm and suggestive.
I ordered a burger, but my eyes were on his crotch, the bulge obvious, like he was packing heat. “You all got anything like nutraloaf? The prison food stuff?”
The waiter laughed, shaking his head, but his foot nudged mine under the table, toe tracing up my calf. I’m not gay, but my cock hardened anyway, pressing against my zipper like it had a mind of its own.
"No nutraloaf, but I got something else you might like," he whispered, his hand sliding under the table, fingers grazing my thigh, inching toward my bulge.
I gasped, shifting in the seat, the vinyl sticking to my ass as he cupped me, squeezing gently, thumb rubbing the head through the fabric. "On the house, if you play nice." His grip tightened, and he started stroking slow.
But Cutiepie ruined it, screeching from his cage, "Weak hands! Real men grab pussy! Nutraloaf now, homo, or you're fired!"
The waiter jumped back, hand pulling away, face flushed red as the truckers turned to stare. "What the hell is that fucking thing?” he asked, backing off like he had touched fire.
"Long story," I muttered, my dick throbbing in frustration, balls aching from the tease.
The waiter brought the food, no more flirting, just an awkward smile and a quick exit.
Cutiepie gnawed on a fry I tossed him, ranting between bites. "This ain't nutraloaf! Fake food, like fake news! Fucking libtards!”
I scarfed my burger, the meat juicy but tasting like disappointment, grease dripping down my chin like last night's spit. The diner felt heavier now, the air thick with that fryer smell and something else, a low hum vibrating through the floor, like a truck idling outside but deeper, more animal.
The truckers grumbled, one saying, "Sounds like a goat in heat." I froze, the hum growing, a distressed bleat echoing faintly.
“Time to go,” I said, grabbing the cage, Cutiepie squeaking protests. “I don’t even wanna know what’s about to go down.”
I bolted for the door, the hum following, unnerving as hell, like something was watching from the shadows. The Chevy waited, engine growling as I peeled out, Cutiepie laughing in his cage. "Run like a bitch! But find me nutraloaf! Do you think it was that talkshow dude, Stephen Colbert? Smelled like him. Truthiness this, homo!”
The road blurred ahead, desert heat waving like a mirage, but that hum lingered in my ears, sensing something off, like the trip was just getting started on its fucked up path.

Danny “Slick” Malone thought it was just a freaky delivery job. Get the Trump-faced mutant hamster to Florida, get paid, get drunk. Instead, he’s tripping balls on toad slime, getting chased by vampire nuns, and maybe falling in love with a lab-grown monstrosity who screams about Nutraloaf. It’s sweaty, sleazy, and soaked in weird. Just the way I like it it. (Guys, it's satire. Plus, I'm bisexual so I'll write all the big gay, cursing hamster stuff I want to. Calm down.)
Trump, Vampire Sex Cults, and Nutraloaf (written to piss off Lemmy, liberals, and conservatives, by Universal Monk)
Chapter 1: For A Little Thing, It Sure Has Really Big Balls
Ok, so just for the record, I’m not gay. Not all the way. But fuck all, I like sucking cock. I mean, if it is for money anyway. And Jimmy Soudan’s dick was a really fun one. Thick, slightly curved, veiny, and big.
Loved having my mouth on it and just making loud sucking sounds as I gobbled it up. Slurping that shaft like it was the last popsicle on a hot Tucson day, feeling the veins pulse against my tongue, the salty precum dripping down my throat like some twisted reward.
I’m Danny Malone, called Slick by people who know me, ‘cause I can slip in and out of gigs without getting tied down. Hustling is my thing. Pretty much I give blowjobs for cash. Keeps the rent paid and the beer cold.
Jimmy’s place smelled like old pizza boxes and a weird chemical tang, like a lab exploded in a frat house. Beakers everywhere, papers scribbled with formulas I couldn't give a shit about.
I bobbed my head, slurping loud, the way he liked. His hand gripped my hair, pulling me deeper.
"Yeah, Slick, that's it. Suck it like you mean it." His voice was raspy, like he'd smoked a pack while jerking off to science porn.
I gagged a bit, eyes watering, but pushed through. Spit dripped down my chin, mixing with the sweat from this Arizona heat. Window AC unit hummed like a dying bee, not doing shit against the stickiness.
I looked up at him, his face crooked from the angle of his nose, which I could see had been broken a bunch of times. This dude had taken more punches than a boxing bag at a drunk's gym. He was big and burly. All muscle and scars, the type who probably shattered many other people’s noses in his youth.
And now, as he gripped my head with those meaty paws, fingers digging into my scalp like he was trying to crack a walnut, and jammed his dick further down my throat, it seemed like he was looking to fuck mine up too.
While I was goin’ at it like a pro, feeling his balls slap against my chin with every thrust, my eyes got hypnotized by the elaborate tattoo right in the middle of his stomach. An unholy trinity of political power players. Donald Trump, George Bush, and Dick Cheney. Locking lips in a passionate embrace under the watchful eye of a cross adorned with dollar signs.
It was a display that could make even the most devout atheist question their disbelief. Trump’s orange mug smooshed against Bush’s smirky grin, Cheney looking all sinister in the background, eyes carved to look eternally horny.
I pulled back for air, dick popping out wet and shiny. "Dude, what's with the ink? You into that shit?"
Jimmy chuckled, stroking himself while I caught my breath. "Patriotism, Slick. Real men. Not like these snowflakes today. Guys posting on Lemmy, crying about people not getting canceled enough. Buncha fuckin’ babies these days.”
He jammed back in, fucking my face harder. I let him, hands on his thighs, feeling the coarse hair. My own cock twitched in my jeans—traitor! I'm not into dudes. Not really. Just the money. And maybe the power rush, having a guy like Jimmy moaning 'cause of me. He bucked, grunting, close now. Cum building. I could taste it.
He put one of his legs up on my shoulder, and it was like getting hit with a wall of stench. Holy shit, the smell of foot in the room was already overwhelming, like a locker room after a marathon mixed with rotten cheese, but with his foot on me, it was suffocating.
Sweat soaked. Heat radiating off his sole like a goddamn furnace. But the real horror was his toenails. They were like some kind of twisted experiment in neglect, curling down over his toes like gnarled, overgrown vines snaking out from a jungle of doom.
The sickly green color made me question whether he was intentionally cultivating a new species of fungus, yellow crusties built up under the edges, probably home to some bacteria that could wipe out a small town.
I powered through, slurping louder, letting the spit drip down my chin like some porn star audition.
"Hang on a sec," he said as I was going to town on his dick, my lips stretched wide, jaw aching from the girth. "I gotta go check on something real quick."
"You fucking kidding me?" I asked as I popped his cock out of my mouth, a string of saliva connecting us like some gross umbilical cord. "You have to check on it right now?" My voice came out muffled, throat raw from the pounding.
"Shut the fuck up. It’s complicated. It involves Donald Trump. So kinda fucking important."
"Are you being serious right now?" I asked. "Dude, I’m sucking your dick and I’m not even fucking gay. This is a timing thing. I’m not always in the mood to suck dick."
That’s when I heard it. A weird noise pierced the air, sending shivers down my spine and causing my dick to retreat into hiding like a scared turtle. It was a sound that defied description, sounding like a mixture of a wailing baby, a distressed mule, and a fucked up cat on its deathbed.
High pitched squeaks mixed with low gurgles, like something was dying and laughing about it at the same time. Echoing from the back room, bouncing off the walls covered in peeling wallpaper that looked like it had seen better decades.
My balls tightened up, not in a good way, like they wanted to crawl back inside my body and hide.
"What the fuck is that?" I asked. Didn’t matter though, I had already lost interest. I was getting up to leave. I stood up, wiping spit from my chin with the back of my hand, feeling the wet spot on my jeans where I had been leaking precum earlier.
"Government stuff," Jimmy said, zipping up his pants with a casual shrug, like it was no big deal. "There’s a bunch of groovy shit we’re working on."
Then the sound again. Louder this time. Closer. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something dart across the floor. Small, furry, orange blur zipping like a fucked up mouse on speed.
I jumped back and screamed like a little girl. High pitched yelp that echoed in the small apartment, making me cringe inside. Now see, I know I was just sucking a dude’s dick, but screaming like that, made me feel pretty fucking gay. I tried to compose myself, straightening my shirt, pretending like I had not just shrieked like a damsel in a horror flick.
Jimmy jumped up. "Oh shit. That’s Cutiepie!"
Then the weird baby meowing sounds again. Scratching and squealing as Jimmy bent over to catch the thing.
Whatever it was that Jimmy caught, it was about the size of his hand and was thrashing around as Jimmy carried it. The thing stuck its head out from between Jimmy’s fingers, and I realized it was some sort of deformed rat. Its tiny face was twisted in a grimace.
And holy shit, the balls on this thing. Huge balls for its size, swinging like pendulums. It stared at me, jerking its tiny dick furiously.
Squeaking, "Imma grab your boy pussy! Yasss queen, suck that cock!"
Freaking out, I jumped backwards, tripped over the coffee table cluttered with empty beer cans and ashtrays, and fell on my ass. Hard landing that jarred my spine, pain shooting up my tailbone. "What the shit?" I screamed. My voice cracking like a teenager’s.
"Told ya,” Jimmy said, holding the wriggling bundle like it was a precious baby. "Government stuff. My latest experiment.” He was smiling, pushing up his glasses that had slipped down his sweaty crooked nose.
The thing jumped out of his hands and scurried across the floor, humping the air, squeaking more bullshit.
"Losers! Weak men! Make America great again!" It’s voice was high and screechy. Fangs too, I swear. Sharp little points glinting. And that dick, erect and pink, bobbing as it ran circles around us.
"It's a Trumpster,” Jimmy said. “A cutting-edge genetic experiment. Hamster-human hybrid. Cloned from Trump's DNA sample. I was supposed to destroy it, but... couldn't. It’s too perfect." He scooped the thing up again; it bit his finger, drawing blood, but kept jerking with its free paw. “Its name is Cutiepie Mandango. He's got all of Trump's charm. And appetites."
The Trumpster wriggled, squeaking, “Check out my balls! Huge! Best balls ever!" It humped Jimmy's palm, leaving a tiny smear.
"You’re telling me," I said, staring at the thing’s orange face peeking out, its whiskers twitching like it was plotting something evil. "That that fucking thing is part hamster, part Donald Trump?"
The resemblance was there, the comb over fur, the squinty eyes, the pursed lips like it was about to tweet some bullshit.
"Yeah. Cool, right?" Jimmy beamed.
"No fucking way, dude. No. Fucking. Way."
"It is totally tame. See?" Jimmy started to pet the creature, who seemed to be humming. Almost like it was happy. And then I noticed something else.
"It’s jerking off again!” I yelled, pointing at the thing’s paw furiously stroking its shaft. "And it's staring at me!" Those eyes locked on mine, unblinking, full of some twisted lust.
"Yeah, he’s a little sex freak," Jimmy chuckled.
"Ya ya!" the creature squeaked out as it stared at me. "Sex freak. Imma do you good. Real good."
“I’m leaving," I said. “I’m not watching a hamster jerk off while it stares at me like I’m its next meal."
“So he likes jerking off,” Jimmy said, still holding the thing. "Don’t blame him for that. He has needs."
"Nope," I replied. “Blaming myself. Poor life choices." I headed for the door, ready to bolt into the Tucson heat, and forget this ever happened. "This is fucked, man. I'm out."
Jimmy set the thing down; it scampered to my shoe, humping the toe. Tiny rapid thrusts.
"Wait, Slick,” Jimmy said. “I need you. Deliver him to Trump in Florida. He's waiting. Ten grand. Cash."
Ten grand? Fuck. I stared at the Trumpster, now rolling on its back, balls flopping, squeaking about walls and pussies. Absurd. But ten grand?
"Fine. But if it humps my leg the whole way, I'm tossing it out the window."
"Deal. And Slick? Watch out. He's got a thing for nutraloaf. Saw it in a prison doc. He’s obsessed." Jimmy grinned, handing me the creature’s carrier. Cutiepie climbed in, still stroking.
I grabbed the cage, the thing's squeaks echoing like a bad dream. Sweet fuck, this was not my day. But money's money.
Outside, my beat up Chevy sat baking in the parking lot, rust spots like freckles on a redhead's ass, the engine probably as hungover as I was. I loaded Cutiepie's cage into the passenger seat, strapping it down with a seatbelt because the last thing I needed was that furry bastard escaping and humping my leg while I drove.
The cage rattled as I slammed the door, and Cutiepie let out a high pitched rant. "Nutraloaf! I need nutraloaf! Saw it on TV, prison shit, best food ever! Make diners great again!" His voice was like nails on a chalkboard mixed with a bad Trump impersonator, all bluster and bullshit, his whiskers twitching furiously. “Drive, bitch! Florida awaits! Huge success!"
I shook my head. Ten grand. Road trip with a masturbating Trump-hamster. What could go wrong?

Grass (written by Universal Monk)
The field of grass shimmered in the moonlight, each blade catching silver as it moved with waves of slow, restless grace.
From the soil where he’d buried her, she rose, her dirt-caked fingers pointing straight at him, her hollow eyes promising revenge.
END

The Lady of Endless White (written by Universal Monk)
Part 1
Dr. Henry Caldwell leaned back in his chair, the sunlight from the window streaking across his table. London hummed faintly outside, the muted cacophony of hooves on cobblestones and distant street vendors hawking their wares. For a man of his stature, life had fallen into a rhythm: polite society in the mornings, consultations in the afternoons, and evenings steeped in quiet solitude.
But that rhythm had been disrupted. A letter had arrived three days prior, delivered by an impeccably dressed servant.
Its elegant script bore the name Marquis Laurent d'Etoile, requesting Caldwell’s immediate assistance. The Marquis described a delicate matter involving his niece and insisted on Caldwell visiting in person at the Marquis’s estate just outside Kensington. Though cryptic, the letter’s urgency attended to Caldwell’s curiosity enough to accept.
Now, he found himself in a modest inn near the estate, a quiet refuge from the dust of the road. He had chosen to stop here before making his way to the enigmatic mansion, both to gather his thoughts and learn what he could about the place from the locals.
It wasn’t the house itself that lingered in his mind—it was what he couldn’t see. On his journey, Caldwell had passed the mansion, hidden behind towering white walls that gave nothing away. No chimneys. No black gates. No garden spilled over its edges. Just an unbroken expanse of white, glaring under the midday sun.
He sipped his watered wine, staring across the street at the stark white barrier that separated the mansion from the rest of the world. The innkeeper, an older man with a sour expression, had humored his earlier questions about the house with a mix of boredom and superstition.
“Been like that for a year now,” the man said, polishing a glass. “All white, inside and out. Servants, horses, carriages—every last thing painted like it’s snowing every single day.”
“And the occupants?” Caldwell pressed. “What do you know of them?”
“Foreigners,” the innkeeper grunted. “Rich ones. Their money comes from some kind of newspaper network or bulletin system they run, called ‘Lemmy’ or something like that.” He shook his head, his tone thick with disdain. “They keep to themselves, mostly. Except for that one fellow who goes to town. Always changes into black, like the devil himself, before stepping outside. Folks around here call them the white mad folk. Not that they’ve ever set foot in here.”
“I think I’ve heard of that,” Caldwell replied. “Some sort of news system, meant to be more independent. A good idea, but if you ask me, it’ll probably just end up as one of those echo chambers that all newspapers become. I once wrote a letter to a newspaper in—”
Caldwell’s words were cut short by the sudden clatter of hooves outside. He turned toward the window, setting his glass aside. Across the street, a plain white carriage came to a halt at a narrow gate in the wall.
A man emerged, tall and pale, dressed entirely in white. Even the gloves on his hands gleamed unnaturally clean. The transformation was swift and deliberate. A servant, similarly dressed in white, handed the man a black overcoat, hat, and shoes. The white garments vanished beneath the dark layers, leaving a figure that now looked somber, almost funereal.
The man stepped into the carriage, and as it rattled away, the gate closed behind him with a soft click.
Caldwell sat motionless, his mind racing. This must be the Marquis himself, he realized. What sort of household operated in such a manner? His thoughts were interrupted when the innkeeper returned with another muttered observation.
“That one—always him,” the innkeeper said, jerking his head toward the departing carriage. “The white mad folk send no one else out. Suppose they think he’s the only one who can blend in with the rest of us.”
Caldwell nodded absently, his curiosity deepening. He resolved to learn more, though he knew the answers would come soon enough.
By the time he reached the estate, the air had turned cool, and the afternoon sunlight cast long shadows across the white walls. A servant greeted him at the gate, dressed entirely in white, and led him through a blindingly pristine courtyard.
The Marquis Laurent d'Etoile entered the receiving room with measured steps, his dark eyes weary yet alert. His presence commanded attention, though his face carried the heaviness of long-kept secrets.
“Dr. Caldwell,” the Marquis began, his French accent refined but faint. “Your reputation precedes you. I trust the journey was not too burdensome?”
Caldwell inclined his head. “Not at all, though your estate has certainly intrigued me. I must admit, I’ve never seen anything quite like it.”
The Marquis’s lips twitched into the ghost of a smile. “It is unique, yes, but that is not the purpose of your visit. I have come to request your assistance in a matter both delicate and urgent.”
Caldwell gestured for him to sit. “How can I help, Marquis?”
The Marquis hesitated, then sighed. “It concerns my niece, Lady Colette d'Etoile. She is unwell. Her condition is unlike anything I have read about, and I require discretion as much as expertise.”
“What can you tell me of her symptoms?” Caldwell asked, leaning forward.
“She is sensitive to color,” the Marquis said, his voice low. “Particularly red. It incites a madness in her that I dare not describe here. To protect her, I have ensured her environment remains pure and untainted.”
Caldwell raised an eyebrow. He leaned back. “You mean the white house?”
The Marquis nodded. “Yes. Everything she sees must be white. Even the sight of a servant’s shadowed sleeve might provoke... episodes.”
“And you want me to examine her?”
“Precisely. I believe you can help. But I must warn you—her condition requires the utmost care. Any misstep could be disastrous.”
Caldwell studied the man. There was desperation in his tone. “I’ll do what I can,” he said finally. “When shall we begin?”
The Marquis stood, his movements as precise as his words. “Tomorrow. I will send my carriage for you again. And, Doctor—bring nothing with you that is not white. Every detail matters. Even your hair must be hidden beneath a white covering to ensure not a single strand peeks out. I understand how unusual this all sounds, but it is imperative. Only white.”
Part 2
Dr. Caldwell adjusted the crisp white suit the Marquis had insisted he wear. The outfit felt unnatural, the fabric too pristine, as if any speck of dust might unravel its perfection. He stood in the mansion’s grand vestibule, surrounded by a suffocating brightness. Every surface, from the walls to the marble statues, glared back at him in stark, unbroken white. Even the air felt sterile.
“Follow me,” said the Marquis, his voice hushed but firm. He led Caldwell up a wide staircase, its steps muffled by thick white carpeting, the balustrades painted to match. Each step echoed in Caldwell’s chest, an unnatural rhythm that heightened his unease.
At the door to Colette’s chamber, the Marquis paused. “She may seem lucid,” he warned, his dark eyes locking onto Caldwell’s. “But don’t let her charm fool you. Beneath it lies a darkness neither of us can fully comprehend. A darkness like no other, I assure you.”
Without waiting for Caldwell’s response, the Marquis pushed open the door.
The room was enormous, a cathedral of cold light that pressed against the senses. White curtains, heavy and lifeless, filtered the sunlight into a ghostly glow, bathing everything in an eerie luminescence. The furniture gleamed like freshly fallen snow, pristine yet unnervingly sterile.
The air hung thick with a strange, clashing scent—like the comforting musk of old books buried under layers of sharp, medicinal soap. The contrast clawed at Caldwell’s mind, as though the room was desperately trying to scrub away its own history. Yet none of it mattered when Caldwell saw her.
Lady Colette d'Etoile sat near the window, her hair cascading over her shoulders like a river of pale white silk. It shimmered faintly in the muted light, so devoid of color that it seemed almost translucent, as if the life had been drained from each strand. Her features were delicate, almost fragile, like porcelain that might shatter under the weight of a single touch.
Yet her dark eyes, in stark contrast, held a quiet defiance that defied her ethereal appearance. She turned her gaze toward Caldwell, studying him with a mixture of curiosity and weariness, as if she had seen far too much of the world yet wished to see even more.
“Dr. Caldwell,” she said, her voice soft and lilting. “You’ve come to see the Marquis’s horrible prisoner, I assume?”
Caldwell hesitated, taken aback. “I’ve come to see you. Your uncle is concerned about your health. And from what he has mentioned to me, I am concerned as well.”
Colette laughed—a sad, brittle sound. “My health? Or his pride? He’d rather call me mad than admit the truth.”
“And what truth is that?” Caldwell asked, stepping closer.
“That he is the mad one,” she said simply. “Look around you. This prison of white isn’t for me. It’s for him. He cannot bear the sight of color, the world’s vibrancy. He suffocates me here to justify his own delusions.”
Her words unsettled Caldwell. There was no tremor in her voice, no hint of instability. She seemed entirely sane, even serene, despite her unnatural surroundings.
He seated himself across from her, watching as her hands rested lightly on her lap. “Your uncle says the color red affects you. That it incites uncontrollable... reactions.”
Her smile faded. “He’s been saying that for years, hasn’t he? It’s easier for him to paint me as a monster than confront his own fears. Do I seem mad to you? Do I seem so horrible? You have kind eyes, I know you’ll find the truth.”
Caldwell studied her carefully, searching for any flicker of madness in her expression. There was none, only a quiet sorrow that seemed to cling to her like a veil. He hesitated, unsure whether to believe her calm demeanor or the Marquis’s dire warnings. Rising slowly, he gave her a final glance before stepping out of the room, his mind swirling with unanswered questions.
The white corridors felt colder as he made his way to the study, where the Marquis waited. The man was already pacing when Caldwell entered, his movements sharp and restless. “You’ve been speaking with her,” the Marquis said abruptly, his voice tight with agitation. His usual composure was unraveling, the cracks beginning to show. “Did she claim I’m the one who’s mad?”
“She did,” Caldwell admitted, meeting the man’s glare. “But I must say, Marquis, there’s nothing about her demeanor that suggests madness.”
The Marquis stopped abruptly, his face pale. “You didn’t see her that night, Doctor. The blood. The screams. It was not the girl you spoke to—it was something else entirely. Something driven by an unnatural hunger.”
“What precisely happened?” Caldwell pressed. “I will need more information before I can help.”
“She was only a child,” the Marquis murmured, staring at his hands as though they still bore the stains of some terrible memory. “A servant cut himself in her presence—a small wound. But when she saw the blood... she changed. Her eyes, her strength. It was as though she became a beast. Red seems to drive her insane.”
He shuddered, his voice faltering. His eyes grew slightly watery, and he blinked rapidly, as if trying to hold back the weight of the memory. “A most horrible thing. Horrible.”
Caldwell frowned. “But you’ve kept her isolated ever since. How do you know such an event would occur again? You might be prolonging her suffering for no reason. I must protest that I’ve never heard of anyone having such an allergy to the color red before.”
The Marquis’s eyes flashed with anger. “Do you think I would subject her to that again, Doctor? I swore to protect her from herself—and protect others from her.”
Caldwell nodded, but doubt crept into his mind. The Marquis’s conviction bordered on fanaticism. Was he exaggerating, or had his fear become a delusion? Only one way remained to uncover the truth.
Part 3
The bouquet of red flowers lay hidden in Caldwell’s bag as he prepared for his next visit.
The Marquis’s warnings echoed in his mind, but he pushed them aside. He couldn’t let superstition cloud his judgment. If Colette’s so-called madness was real, it would manifest. If not, it would confirm his suspicions about the Marquis.
When he entered the white mansion once more, his heart pounded against his ribs.
The bouquet trembled slightly in Caldwell’s hand as he stood outside Colette’s room. Beneath the white paper wrapping, the vibrant red petals burned like embers in the sterile light of the mansion.
He opened the door.
Colette sat by the window, her pale hair glowing faintly in the muted daylight. She turned to him, her face softening when she saw him. “Dr. Caldwell,” she greeted, her voice as calm as ever. “Back to tend to the Marquis’s ‘madwoman’? How lovely that I haven’t scared you off.”
Caldwell managed a thin smile and closed the door behind him. He took a few measured steps toward her, the weight of the bouquet growing heavier with each step.
“Not at all,” he said, unwrapping the flowers. “I’ve even brought you something.”
As the crinkled paper unfurled, the flowers emerged in a burst of crimson, their fiery petals a shocking contrast to the sterile white that dominated the room. The vibrant color seemed to bleed into the space, defying the oppressive monotony of its surroundings.
Colette’s gaze locked onto the bouquet, her dark eyes widening, the faint glimmer of surprise flickering across her delicate features. She didn’t move, her stillness unnerving, as though she were a marble statue suddenly confronted by something alive and untamed. The room itself seemed to hold its breath, the vivid red casting a surreal, almost forbidden energy into the air.
Her breath quickened, shallow and uneven, like the first gusts of an oncoming storm. Her hands gripped the arms of the chair with such ferocity that her knuckles blanched, the delicate skin stretched tight over bone. “What... is this?” she whispered, her voice trembling, barely more than a hiss.
Her tongue flicked out, wetting her lips again and again in a strange, compulsive rhythm, and then she smiled—an unnerving, brittle curve of her mouth that didn’t reach her eyes. Her gaze darted between the flowers and Caldwell’s face, sharp and rapid, her pupils dilating like an animal scenting prey. There was something wild in her movements now, her head tilting slightly as if she were sizing him up, her smile growing as the tension in the room thickened like a palpable fog.
“It’s just a bouquet,” Caldwell said softly, though his heartbeat thundered in his ears. “No need to get yourself too worked up. I wanted to prove—”
The rest of his words evaporated as Colette’s entire demeanor shifted into something grotesque and primal. Her face contorted unnaturally, her delicate features twisting into a mask of rage and hunger. Her pupils dilated until her eyes were nearly black, and a guttural growl, low and feral, reverberated from deep within her chest.
Her body jerked violently, and her movements grew erratic—sharp, animalistic.
Then she screamed, a piercing, guttural cry that shattered the silence. The words were incomprehensible, some ancient language that clawed at the air like curses ripped from the pages of forbidden texts.
Her head snapped toward Caldwell, her lips curling back to reveal gleaming teeth as she shrieked in a voice both chilling and otherworldly, “I’ll consume all of you and send you right to hell!”
Before he could react, she lunged at him, her movements faster than anything human. Her hands struck his chest with the force of a predator taking down prey, slamming him hard to the cold, white floor
Her fingers clawed at his face, sharp and unrelenting, leaving trails of fire where her nails raked his skin. Her head jerked back, and her mouth opened unnaturally wide before she sank her teeth into her own tongue, biting down so hard that a torrent of red spilled from her mouth. The blood dripped down her chin, staining the whiteness of her dress in vivid, horrifying streaks.
Colette’s eyes burned with a terrifying intensity as she lowered her face to Caldwell’s neck. Her teeth found flesh, tearing with a brutal ferocity. Pain exploded through Caldwell’s body, a searing agony that sent him thrashing beneath her.
Her growls deepened, mingling with his muffled cries as she pinned him with a strength that defied her slender frame. It was as though she had become something not of this world, a creature of pure instinct and hunger.
He struggled, but she was relentless. Her once-delicate features were contorted into something grotesque and feral, her mouth smeared with his blood. The white room seemed to blur around him as darkness threatened to swallow him whole.
Through the haze of pain, Caldwell heard the door burst open. Voices shouted, hands pulled Colette away, and the Marquis’s anguished cries filled the air. Then everything faded.
Caldwell woke to the faint scent of antiseptic and the soft murmur of voices. He was in a bed, his body weak and aching. A sharp pain throbbed at his neck, and his fingers brushed against a bandage.
The Marquis sat beside him, his face pale and drawn. “You’re awake,” he said quietly.
“What... happened?” Caldwell’s voice was hoarse.
The Marquis sighed, his hands trembling as they rested on his lap. “You saw it for yourself. The curse she bears.”
Caldwell’s mind raced with fragments of memory—the flowers, the attack, the blood. “I have no explanation.” he said. “Nothing I’ve encountered comes close to this.”
“I’m not sure exactly how it happened,” the Marquis began, his voice laden with weariness and regret. “But she was reading some cursed book—the one based on the so-called ‘Golden Bible’ those Mormons are passing around these days. Damn these new religions. I miss the old days, when faith didn’t dabble in such dark absurdities.”
He paused, shaking his head. “She met with them in secret. They gave her some strange vial to drink, said it would unlock hidden knowledge in the text. After that, she claimed she could read the ‘passages between the passages’ in the book—words she said were meant only for the chosen. Nonsense, of course. But soon after, she changed. The sight of red now... it stirs something deep and uncontrollable in her. Something primal. It’s as if she becomes... less than human.”
Caldwell leaned forward, his expression hardening. “This has happened before?”
The Marquis nodded slowly, his gaze dropping to his hands. “Her younger sister,” he said, his voice cracking under the weight of the memory. “Colette was just eighteen when we found her. Her sister’s throat had been torn open, blood everywhere. Colette was on the floor... feeding.” He drew in a shaky breath, his eyes distant. “We’ve kept her confined ever since. I had hoped you might provide answers, Doctor. Something—anything—that could bring her back to normality.”
“I’ll need to do some research,” Caldwell said. “I have colleagues at the university—experts in unusual cases. I could contact them, with your permission, of course.”
“There’s no need for that,” the Marquis replied, his face darkening further. His voice was heavy, each word dropping like a stone. “She’s dead. The servants... they had no choice. If they hadn’t acted, she would have killed you.”
————————
The days blurred into one another as Caldwell recuperated in the quiet solitude of his own home. The soft creak of floorboards and the faint ticking of the clock were his only companions. Yet, no matter how calm his surroundings, the memory of Colette lingered, vivid and unrelenting.
Her feral rage burned in his mind, the echo of her guttural growl, the feel of her teeth tearing into his throat. Just as haunting, though, was the image of her sorrowful smile, the gentle cadence of her voice as she spoke of her confinement.
Caldwell paced the length of his parlor, the heavy velvet curtains drawn tight against the night. His hand unconsciously brushed the bandages at his neck, tracing the faint outlines of scars beneath. He still couldn’t reconcile the two sides of Colette—the ethereal, tragic woman and the bloodthirsty creature that had nearly ended him. Which was the real Colette? Or had both been true all along?
The Marquis’s parting words echoed in his thoughts, solemn and final: “Some truths, Doctor, are better left buried. Remember that.”
He turned toward the mirror over the mantle, staring at his reflection. The faint scars caught the dim light, ghostly lines that would remain long after his wounds had healed. He whispered to himself, almost in defiance, “I will.” But even as he said it, he knew the memory of her dark, ravenous eyes and crimson-streaked mouth would haunt him forever.
His steps faltered, and he turned toward the bookshelf on the far wall, a sudden compulsion pulling him forward. His personal library was small but curated with care, each volume a testament to his lifelong thirst for knowledge. His fingers drifted across the spines, pausing on a single, unassuming book—a Book of Mormon, its plain cover unremarkable.
He hesitated, the Marquis’s warning flickering at the edge of his mind. Then, with a deliberate motion, he pulled the book from the shelf and carried it to the desk. The lamp flickered as he sat down, the room’s shadows seeming to shift and gather around him.
Slowly, Caldwell opened the book, its spine creaking faintly, and began to leaf through the pages.
END

The Beholden of the Shifting Vastness
written by Universal Monk
Part 1
Evelyn strode into the archive room, a hushed thrill tingling down her spine. She’d come all the way from BYU-Idaho for this, having caught wind of a library of lost LDS manuscripts buried deep in the sprawling basement of a university library in Utah.
She would never have known if it hadn’t been for a cryptic post she stumbled across late one night on Lemmy. Tagged by a user long since deleted, the post whispered of "forbidden revelations," secrets buried in the deepest corners of the forgotten library. Hidden manuscripts, it hinted, were waiting to be found—relics of visions too dark to ever reach the public eye.
According to the user, these weren’t ordinary manuscripts—they were penned by early Mormon settlers, writings that delved into ancient rites and visions too unsettling for the light of day. The words seemed to pulse on her laptop screen, tugging at Evelyn with a strange allure, promising secrets sealed away and nearly erased from history itself.
The archive wasn’t well-marked; she’d asked two librarians and followed three different signs before she finally spotted the narrow, dim hallway that led to it. The air grew stale as she descended the staircase, and a faint musty smell mingled with the dust in the air, lending an eerie weight to the room.
Rows upon rows of aging, leather-bound tomes lined the shelves, their titles barely legible from decades of wear. Evelyn ran her fingers along the spines, looking for any sign of the “lost” texts she’d read about.
Most of the volumes appeared to be typical LDS history and theology—interesting, but not what she’d come all this way to find. Then, just as she was about to lose hope, her hand landed on a small, nondescript book wedged between two larger ones.
The cover was a battered, timeworn leather, marred with scratches and age, its surface barely holding onto what once might have been a rich, deep hue. In the dim light, a faded silver symbol emerged—a pair of interlocking circles crossed by a single vertical line, almost pulsing in the quiet room.
Evelyn leaned in closer, squinting, trying to make out the title, but the letters had nearly vanished, rubbed away by countless hands or perhaps by the passage of years. Only one word remained, etched with unsettling clarity down the spine: Testament of the Beholden.
The title almost seemed to hum, as if it alone held the weight of untold secrets, watching her back.
Heart pounding, Evelyn yanked the book from the shelf, a thick cloud of dust puffing into the air, curling and billowing like smoke as she pried it open. The pages crackled under her fingers, fragile and worn to a yellowed, brittle thinness, as if the weight of years had seeped into every fiber. Each line was marked in a strange, spidery script, twisting and crawling across the paper like the scrawl of an ancient, unseen hand.
As her eyes adjusted to the script, she began to realize this was more than just a forgotten theology book. The opening pages were filled with passages blending scripture and peculiar, apocryphal verses, things she had never heard in any Sunday or BYU lecture.
The pages whispered of the group called “The Beholden of the Shifting Vastness,” a sect of Mormon settlers from long ago who, if the author’s fevered words were to be believed, had witnessed “visions from beyond the stars.” They believed they had peered into the void where “the giants of the under” stirred. These beings, they claimed, were not of this Earth.
They were ancient entities who slumbered just beyond the thin veil of reality, visible only beneath desolate desert skies when particular stars aligned. The Beholden wrote of vast shapes shifting in the ground, monstrous shadows that waited, patiently, for those who dared look too long.
In a passage that sent a chill through her veins, the text hinted that the knowledge wasn’t new but came from none other than the prophet Joseph Smith himself. His famed visions had revealed more than the public ever knew. Smith’s encounter with the divine was not limited to celestial angels or holy messengers, as he claimed in the Book of Mormon; he had also seen these giants from beyond, the “Sentinels of the Under.”
He had, the passage stated, uncovered these details from the sacred Golden Bible—the very plates that gave rise to the Book of Mormon. But fearing that such revelations would condemn his fledgling faith, he chose to withhold them, sharing the dark truths only with a select inner circle of believers.
Hidden in his private accounts, this knowledge became the Beholden’s secret foundation, a grim theology concealed from the faithful masses. They believed they alone had been entrusted with the visions too terrible for the public eye, revelations that hinted at a cosmic mystery far older and darker than any church could bear.
A prickling sensation crept over her skin as she read. The words were disturbing yet enthralling. The Beholden, she learned, believed these beings watched over them, protecting some and cursing others, depending on how they were venerated.
Each passage sank darker than the last, layered with instructions for rites, chants, and the strange recounting of visions whispered among early pioneers.
One entry detailed an encounter during the Great Trek, as Mormon settlers journeyed through the vast prairies toward Utah. They spoke of a figure, impossibly tall, as towering as a mountain and as black as the deepest night, emerging across the open plains.
Its shadow stretched over their entire campsite, cloaking wagons and tents, suffocating the firelight. The figure moved with an unnatural silence, gliding over the land and leaving the prairie grasses flattened in its wake. Accounts spoke of entire groups falling to their knees, struck with a primal fear, unable to look away as the shadow passed, casting them in the grip of something ancient and unknowable.
The Beholden insisted this towering figure was no mere hallucination but a terrifying reality. These were guardians of forgotten worlds, ancient entities that still watched from beyond the prairie’s edge, patient and unwavering, waiting for those who dared stray too far from faith’s protective path.
The Beholden took this knowledge as sacred, a warning passed down to those brave enough, or foolish enough, to seek the truth beyond the pages of scripture.
She couldn’t pull herself away from the book, and the room around her seemed to fade, her world narrowing to the aged pages before her.
Eventually, Evelyn tore her gaze away, feeling disoriented. She closed the book and tucked it under her arm, intending to ask the librarian about checking it out.
But as she turned, she froze. Through the tall, narrow windows that lined one side of the basement, she thought she saw something—a faint, shadowy figure that towered against the fading daylight outside. Just as quickly as she’d noticed it, the shape dissolved into the shadows.
Evelyn shook her head, dismissing it as a trick of the light. But as she made her way up the stairs, the eerie feeling lingered. And that night, as she lay in her borrowed apartment, her mind buzzed with words from the manuscript, descriptions of towering shadows and desert hymns. It was late, and she knew she should be sleeping, but she couldn’t resist.
Against her better judgment, Evelyn opened her laptop and searched on Lemmy, hoping to find some connection or insight. Her heart sank as she scrolled—the community threads she’d once found were gone, wiped clean as though they’d never existed. She searched again, this time sifting through obscure forums and half-hidden corners of the internet, but every lead was a dead end, each link leading nowhere.
Frustrated, she glanced down at the book resting beside her, the embossed symbol seeming to glint with an unsettling familiarity in the dim light. She hesitated, then opened it, fingers trembling as she skimmed over the passages that had haunted her mind. The words seemed darker now, the ink richer, pressing into the pages as if bearing the weight of a thousand unspoken horrors.
Evelyn poured over the book, each yellowed page drawing her deeper into its labyrinth of strange words and twisted beliefs. She could almost hear the echoes of the Beholden of the Shifting Vastness murmuring from beyond the veil of time, their chants scratching at her mind like whispers caught in a sandstorm.
The passages were riddled with instructions for ceremonies, prayers in a jagged language she’d never seen, and hymns that seemed to hum with a life of their own, written in curling, unfamiliar symbols that made her head ache when she stared at them too long.
One hymn, titled The Chant of the Sands, kept reappearing throughout the text, hinting at rituals the Beholden had used to summon the "guardians of the endless Under,” figures whose names had long since eroded from memory.
“They offer knowledge in shadows, power in silence, but ask your devotion in whispers…” she murmured, her voice trailing as the words seemed to echo back, resonating against the walls like a ghostly harmony.
As she read more, she saw that the Beholden had worshipped these enormous beings hidden beneath the earth—eternal watchers who slumbered below, only to rise again. Her heart pounded, a thrill mixing with dread, as she realized the text spoke not of God but of immense, indifferent entities who existed on the fringes of reality itself.
She decided she needed sleep. Her mind was a tangled mess of shadows and half-formed fears, each unsettling revelation looping back in her thoughts. Maybe, she told herself, a few hours of rest would clear her head, make everything seem less… ominous.
But as she dimmed the lights, her room cloaked itself in darkness, and the book lay open on her desk like an eye staring back, unblinking. She pulled the blankets up to her chin, her pulse finally slowing.
Yet, sleep would not bring comfort tonight. Little did she know, the strangeness was only beginning.
Part 2
She woke up to a sound like dry wind scraping across dead leaves. She rubbed her eyes and looked around, squinting at an odd detail she hadn’t noticed before: her windowsill was dusted with a thin layer of dirt, dark and fine, as though someone had smeared it there deliberately.
It coated the sill like the fingerprint of some shadowy hand reaching in from beyond.
Her fingers hovered over it, tingling, before she finally touched it, trailing a line through the dark powder. How had it gotten there in the dead of night?
From that night onward, the shadows outside her window began to grow, creeping longer and thicker, twisting into strange forms that shifted and swayed like they had some intention of their own.
She could have sworn they watched her in the quiet hours, unmoving and patient. And sometimes, when the night was still and the apartment felt unnervingly silent, whispers rose faintly outside the glass—deep, guttural hymns in a language that sent chills down her spine.
She couldn’t understand a single word, yet the sounds rooted deep in her bones, stirring an ancient dread that left her frozen, listening in the dark.
“Evelyn,” her friend Nora said one afternoon, pulling her from her thoughts. “You look… terrible. Why are you worrying so much about this stupid old book?”
Evelyn forced a smile, brushing off her friend’s concern. “I’m fine. It’s just research.” She hesitated, her fingers trailing the edges of the book. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Nora’s face paled, her eyes darting between Evelyn and the book. “You’re being really weird.” But Evelyn turned away, already back under the book’s spell, ignoring the warning ringing in her friend’s voice.
That night, Evelyn came upon the last ritual, a forbidden practice known as The Invocation of the Darkest Veil, a rite that promised to draw the gaze of the guardians—those towering beings who drifted just beyond sight, ancient and unseen.
"Speak your words," the text intoned in curling, archaic script, "and they shall answer.”
Each line seemed to slither and twist off the page, whispering secrets that felt too alive, pulsing like veins in the parchment.
She read it in silence, feeling a coldness seep into the room, chilling her from within. Outside her window, the shadows thickened, pressing against the glass like a dark tide rising, silent and unyielding, as though something vast and ageless waited just beyond, observing her from behind the veil of night, its patience stretching back through untold centuries.
The room felt like ice, each corner thick with an unnatural chill that seemed to seep into her bones. Evelyn could hardly breathe. She clutched the book in her trembling hands, its pages a blur beneath her fingers. She didn’t know why she felt the need to open it now or why her lips parted, words tumbling from her mouth in the forgotten tongue of the Beholden.
“Ar-voc, uhn-da-leth,” she whispered, her voice wavering as each syllable left her lips.
The strange hymn rolled out of her mouth, low and guttural, each word woven with ancient intent. As she spoke, the air turned heavy, almost viscous, and the walls around her room flickered, bending and shifting like shadows cast by firelight.
Her bookshelves, her bed, even the light itself seemed to warp, pulled toward the corners of the room as if something else were forcing its way in.
The flickering slowed, and in its place, Evelyn saw it—an endless plain stretching out beyond her walls, a bleak, desolate expanse under an alien sky. The ground was black as ash, shimmering like shards of glass beneath an otherworldly sun that loomed low and blood-red.
Shadows drifted through the dirt, massive figures trudging along the horizon like spirits caught in eternal pilgrimage. And amidst them, a whisper—a deep, resonant hum, like a distant thunderstorm groaning against the fabric of reality itself.
Evelyn couldn’t tear her gaze from the vision creeping into her reality. The land itself seemed to seep through her walls, a pitch-black dirt oozing across her floor like liquid shadow. It spread, thick and consuming, pooling around her feet with an unnatural coldness, clinging to her skin as if alive. She felt it winding up her ankles, heavy and suffocating, as the foul, decayed smell of ancient soil filled the air, darkening the room in a shroud of dread.
The whispers twisted in the air, thick and venomous, curling like smoke through her ears, coiling around her thoughts, wrapping around her bones.
“Seeker,” it hissed, the sound filling her skull like an echo in an endless chasm. “Behold... the gaze of the shifting vastness.”
Then, it rose—emerging from the dirt like a mountain draped in shadow, a single eye vast as her wall, dark as the void, lined with throbbing veins of molten gold that pulsed like a heartbeat.
The eye was ringed with jagged, predatory teeth, gleaming with a hunger that made her skin crawl. From the gaps between the teeth, wiry tendrils of something that resembled iron wool jutted out, swaying like grasping fingers.
And then, skittering among the teeth, spider-like creatures with eyes too many to count darted in and out, watching her with glee, their fangs twitching as if savoring her terror.
The monstrous eye hung there, peering into her, peeling back her flesh in its gaze, as though reading every hidden thought, every whispering fear she’d ever buried. Evelyn’s knees gave way, the crushing weight pressing into her chest, pulling her forward, closer, into its dark and endless stare.
The whispers grew louder, surrounding her, filling every part of her mind until she couldn’t hear her own thoughts. The shadows from the dirt crept closer, sliding across her floor, winding up her legs, pulling her down into their embrace.
Evelyn tried to scream, but her voice was swallowed by the shadows, her cries snatched away as the black filled her vision. The world around her faded, reduced to nothing but sand, darkness, and the unblinking, all-consuming eye of the Beholden.
As her last moments slipped away, the words of the hymn she’d read echoed, wrapping around her like a funeral shroud.
The next morning, her apartment was silent. A faint outline of dirt marked the floor, and on her desk sat the open book, its pages whispering in the stillness, waiting for the next seeker to uncover its secrets.
END

The Machine (written by Universal Monk)
I noticed Caleb Williams looked different. Skinny. Hair turned gray. Grotesque veins grouped up and bulged under his forehead.
“I’ve invented something,” he said. “It activates the primitive nerve centers of my brain. I can see other dimensions that exist and overlap our own!”
Poor Caleb could finally see the things that made dogs bark. Those strange shapes skirting the edge of night. New colors unknown to mankind.
Yeah, he looked different. That’s because he could see different. He could see everything.
He hanged himself on November 16, 1899.
I have just acquired his invention.
Now I want to see.
END

Let's Have a Look (written by Universal Monk)
Every night, I'd hear my daughter giggling in her room, whispering to the “thing in the closet” she swears protects her from monsters.
Tonight, when I opened the closet to prove it was empty, I found a note in her handwriting: Don’t trust the one pretending to be Daddy.
END

Ash (written by Universal Monk)
She clung to him tightly, her tear-streaked, ash-covered cheeks pressed against his chest as she loved him for being so good to her.
But as she looked up into his beautiful, kind eyes, she knew she’d still have to burn him alive and watch his house collapse into flames, just like all the others hiding in plain sight.
END

The Tomorrow Thief (written by Universal Monk)
“Ready?” the technician asked, his voice flat over the humming console.
Charlie Newburry’s mouth went dry. He nodded, eyes clamped shut, heart hammering. “What’ll I see?”
“Nothing wild,” the man said. “Ferns, maybe birds. Ninety seconds back, tops.”
Everything went dark. Charlie’s stomach plummeted. “I’m not ready!” he screamed, eyes flying open.
Steaming earth, swaying ferns, air thick with rot.
A guttural snarl froze his blood. He spun around to face a saber-toothed tiger. It pounced, fangs sinking into his throat, blood gushing over prehistoric dirt.
As his vision dimmed, birds erupted skyward, shrieking, their wings blotting out the sun.
END

A Bug (written by Universal Monk)
Tommy Farell woke up to a faint scratching in his left ear, like a nail scraping bone.
He shook his head, thinking it was wax, but the sound grew. Skittering around, alive.
“The fuck?” His fingers probed, finding nothing, yet the noise turned to a wet, clicking churn.
By midnight, his ear burned, a pulse of heat spreading to his jaw. He stumbled to the bathroom, tilting his head under the light.
A black leg, thin as a hair, twitched from the canal. His scream choked as the thing burrowed deeper, its whispers now words in his skull: We’re home.
END

Mod (written by Universal Monk)
I posted a harmless article about stalking and got banned within seconds, so I messaged the mod to ask why.
He replied with a photo of me sitting at my desk, taken just moments ago, from inside my apartment.
END

That Good Dinner (written by Universal Monk)
“Looks weird,” the little boy said as he poked it with a fork.
His mom rubbed his shoulders. “It’s just fish. Eat it.”
He took a bite. Then another. It tasted better than anything he could remember. Going hungry can do that to a person.
“Put your plate away, it’s time for bed.”
The next morning, the boy woke up to the sound of his mother crying.
“What’s wrong, Mommy?”
“We ate blowfish,” she said as she stroked his thick black hair. “But I must have cooked it too long. The poison must have disappeared. Now we’ll be hungry again.”
END

Shattered Self (written by Universal Monk)
The attic smelled of mildew and decay. My flashlight caught Sarah, her face a pulpy ruin, eyes gouged, leaking viscous red.
“It’s in the mirror,” she gurgled, clawing at her shredded lips.
I turned, heart hammering. The mirror showed me, but my reflection grinned, teeth jagged, flesh peeling like wet wallpaper. “You can’t leave,” it rasped, voice mine but wrong. I smashed the glass, shards slicing my knuckles bloody.
The room darkened. My reflection stood behind me, whole, smiling. “You’re already gone,” it said.
I touched my face. It was cold, smooth glass. Sarah’s corpse laughed, her voice now mine.
END

The Hunger Below (written by Universal Monk)
The basement reeked of damp rot and something sharper. More vulgar. Coppery, like blood. I clutched the flashlight, its beam jittering across the concrete. “Jake, you down here?” I called out, voice shaking.
A sloppy wet gurgle answered. I swung the light toward it.
There was Jacob slumped against the wall, his chest a gaping, glistening ruin, ribs jagged like broken teeth. His eyes, wide and glassy, locked on mine. “It… it’s still here,” he rasped, blood bubbling from his lips.
Something skittered in the shadows. I froze. A low, ravenous chuckle slithered through the dark. “You’re next,” it hissed.
END

Wood Cut (written by Universal Monk)
Mason Gregory found it at a yard sale on the edge of town, just past where the cracked pavement gave up and the weeds won. A mailbox leaned like it had given up years ago. Grasshoppers snapped through the dry yellow-brown grass as he stepped out of the car, their clicking the only sign of life.
The table was covered in chipped mugs and old dolls with missing eyes, but what caught his attention was the block of dark wood leaning against a rusted lawn chair.
It was carved deep with a figure that looked part jaguar, part soldier. The thing stood upright, claws gripping a torch in one hand, a club in the other, its mouth peeled open in a snarl. Feathers (or maybe they were spines?) fanned from its skull, and red circles danced across its armor like dried blood. The eyes, two black pits, stared like it knew him already.
“That’s old,” said the woman behind the table, her voice dry and cracked. “My husband dragged it back from South America. I always thought it was ugly as shit.”
Mason chuckled. “Hell yeah. Looks like something outta Doom.”
The old woman didn’t smile. Just flicked ash off her cigarette. “What?”
“A video game,” he said, still staring at the carving. “Old-school. Demons, fireballs, that kinda thing. I started playing it again after getting sick of arguing with people on Lemmy. Figured I’d do something a little more retro.”
She squinted at him through the smoke. “Still don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”
He laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Just rambling. How much for this?”
She drew on the cigarette, what teeth she had left the color of old paper. “Ten bucks. Cash.”
Mason froze for a second. He hadn’t carried real money in forever. He pulled out his wallet. A crumpled five, a few ones. Just enough. He handed it over, nodded his thanks, and walked back to his car with the woodcut tucked under his arm.
It felt heavier now.
That night, he hung it up on the wall. He meant to leave it and go to bed. But hours passed, and he kept coming back. Staring. The eyes seemed deeper now. Hungrier. The mouth wider. A ring of fresh notches lined the bottom. Like it had been counting.
By morning, he still hadn’t slept. His gums throbbed. His hands pulsed with a dull ache. And the woodcut had changed. The jaguar-thing stood straighter now. Its grin stretched wider. Scratches marked the wall behind it. Long, shallow gouges he had never noticed before. He stared at them, unsure. Had they always been there?
He told himself it was stress, maybe that damn black mold that was on the ceiling, or maybe sleep deprivation.
That night, something whispered from behind the walls. Scratching came from inside the floorboards.
“What the fuck?” he hissed, standing barefoot in the dark. Sweat clung under his arms and pooled in the creases of his neck. Probably that damn black mold, he told himself. He was probably delusional.
Then came a sound. A soft shuffle. Like claws dragging across old floorboards. Near the woodcut.
He looked.
It hadn’t moved. Just sat there. Still. Watching.
Then the mirror shattered behind him.
His hands were black up to the wrists. The skin was hard, rough like bark but warm and pulsing. His teeth ached like they wanted out of his skull.
It wasn’t mold. It wasn’t madness. It was the woodcut. It had to be. He could feel it burrowed inside him, grinning without a mouth.
He turned to the mirror. His reflection stared back, but the eyes were too wide. Pupils flat like old coins. Lips pulled into a grin he didn’t recognize.
That’s when he understood.
It wasn’t a picture. It wasn’t art.
It was a doorway. A mask. A summoning.
And he had stared too long.
When the cops entered the apartment a week later, after neighbors reported screaming and a foul stench, they found no body.
Just the smell. Thick and sour, like something rotting deep in the walls. Black marks streaked across the plaster.
And blood. Too much blood for someone who had simply left.
The carving was still there. Nailed to the wall.
Still smiling.
END

Whatever Happened to Edna? (written by Universal Monk)
The kettle screamed, but Edna hadn’t turned on the stove.
She shuffled down the narrow hallway, slippers scuffing the wood, arthritis biting every joint. The lights flickered. A door slammed upstairs. Then another.
"Quit that racket," she muttered, voice thin but stern.
A low growl rolled through the walls.
"I said stop it!" she snapped.
Silence fell. Then every cabinet in the kitchen burst open at once, plates flying out like startled birds.
“You nasty thing,” she hissed, squaring her shoulders. “I buried you in ’47!”
The hallway mirror cracked.
And from behind her, something whispered, “Now you’re joining me.”
END

The Chicken Man (written by Universal Monk)
He tossed his marker into the trash. That final theorem still shimmered on the whiteboard, taunting him. Unproved. Unsolved. But something in his bones had changed.
He traded proofs for poultry. Journals for dirt beneath his fingernails. Now he walked barefoot through dew-wet grass, holding some grain, beard tangled like the nettles growing wild by the coop.
Sunlight broke over the ridge, catching the glint of wire fencing and chicken eyes shining like amber beads. They clucked at him like old friends. He smiled, teeth crooked, heart steady. There were no more variables. Just eggs. Straw. Sky. And finally, silence.
END

The Lantern (Written by Universal Monk)
Fog hushed the marsh as Josiah trudged through knee-high reeds. Somewhere ahead, a bell rang slow and distant.
Then she appeared. Barefoot. Dress torn. Eyes sad.
She held up a lantern.
“You dropped this,” she called out.
He raised his own. Still in hand. Still lit.
The girl stepped closer. “You dropped it when you drowned.”
The flame inside her lantern turned red. Josiah looked down. His boots were gone. Water up to his chest. Breath shallow.
Behind the glass of her lantern, a tiny version of him pounded and screamed.
The girl smiled. “I’ll take good care of you.”
END

Anabelle and the Clurichaun - written by Universal Monk.
Anabelle was walking in the park and noticed something strange. She scooped it up.
“A tiny dragon!” she said.
“Nope. I’m a clurichaun. I’ll grant a wish if ya let me go.”
She glanced at a nearby bird singing in the breeze.
“I want to fly!” she said.
Poof! She shrank. Wings fluttered.
“I’m a fairy now!” she said. “Thank you!”
“Now you have to worry about stuff that you didn’t have to think about before.”
“Like what?” she asked.
“Everything. Especially birds. Birds love to eat fairies.”
Anabelle looked up. The birds were louder now.
And much, much closer.
END
