Almost two years have passed since my initial "Hold on, could I have ADHD too?" moment (for reference: I'm 27). Turns out I do not only have severe ADHD, but Asperger's too. I've had a suspicion before that I might be autistic but it's kinda funny how the doctor dropped this on me before I even had a chance to ask.

Anyway, I've finally gotten meds (Kinecteen) that I've been on for the past four weeks. My hopes were high and the first couple of days even seemed immensely promising. On the first day alone I was able to get done what I usually needed two whole weeks for. Suddenly I could switch between tasks without getting upset, I could hold conversations without my mind drifting away mid-sentence, go on a trip without all the usual sensory overload, heck, even my social anxiety felt a little less severe than usual.

Somehow though, most of this enthusiasm eventually vanished. Work still sucks ass (9-to-5 corpo job in an open-plan office, ugh), I already resigned but have to survive another three months. Leaving the apartment is still a hurdle, my anxiety is bad enough but my pollen allergy certainly doesn't help the situation. Then there's this huge pile of things that I want/should/need to do that has accumulated over months and years of paralysis. A little gullibly I thought this pile would magically vanish once I get on medication. Well, it somehow doesn't.

What I find most depressing of all though is that I just don't know what to do with my free time. Out of habit I often turn to cannabis (vaporizing, not smoking) and put myself in front of my PC, but ultimately only to work off more tasks. Back then I used to play a whole lot of video games but I just can't get in the mood anymore. Tried some, but nothing stuck. I feel the urge to go outside, but there are just too many stimuli for it to feel actually calming. I'd like to get myself a motorcycle again but I never managed to build up savings.

To improve my general mood I'm really trying to devote some downtime to do relaxing activities but I just can't think of any. Everything seems to me like just another tedious task that I have to get done. I'm very thankful for my loving girlfriend and our cat who both give me some solace, but of course I am still worried about how my condition will affect the relationship in the years to come.

What are your experiences with medication? Does it just take time to find oneself anew?

I've been thinking about how LLMs like ChatGPT change the expectation that at any time, anywhere, you will have the information you need at your fingertips.

It seems useful to cope with some difficulties in life at the beginning. (Similarly to having a smartphone with you at all times)

But over time it seems to increase anxiety because you feel dependent on these tools to be able to handle certain situations.

Every time I avoid using these tools but instead try to use a simple notebook or just think things through in my mind (When possible of course, definitely not when overwhelmed) . I feel like my capacity to do so slightly increases in future situations.

But when using these tools, even though it's easier and requires less effort in that moment, I feel more anxious in the future. (Especially when I don't have internet connection or my battery is running low)

Does anyone else have similar experiences?

in my past crusing thru autism posts on the bad site, once in a while somebody would post something talking about this and it was like reading my own experience in somebody else's words.

for those of you who read the subject line and know exactly what I'm talking about: can you also never shut off masking except when alone and in fact can't even relate to the concept of being able to "not mask" around others? or maybe around 99.99999% of the human race apart from a few people you know well and have known for years?

I've found (thru being homeless and couchsurfing starting well into adulthood haha do not recommend) that I can't live with most people, even introverts, because their activity pattern is not like my parents that I grew up with, and so my brain fixates on what they're doing and then I hear every. human. sound. in the house. at full attentional processing. every waking moment of my life. forever.

this decimates my ability to work because I touch computers for a living and I can only touch them correctly in 1 of 2 ways, either collab with others using tools like kanban and a ticket system, or solo hyperfocus for days on end, which has 0% chance of happening without the above going on...

but I got off topic. the question I am curious about is: if you relate to the subject line of the post, do you think the mental energy drain comes from being unable to shut off your awareness of (potentially) being perceived by others in the house; by your having to keep your mask on standby, warmed up and ready to go at all times when others are in the house; or, both? and do you have other thoughts on this particular topic which I suspect is related to a subtle but extremely impactful neurotrait some few tortured souls among us have???

Does anyone else here not like watching the short form videos (tiktok YouTube shorts instagram etc) because of the overstimulation and that they feel like small talk bs without any depth to them

What ever happened to the SimpleX chat group for AuADHD?

The other day I was at birthday party for a old family friend (he's 98)

There were a bunch of people which I never met before. I normally keep pretty quite since that's basically my default option.

Or at least it was until someone asked about AI. I'm not really sure how it happened but I got distracted from masking and immediately started talking loud and fast. I had to be interrupted because I was infodumping so quickly.

Right after I snapped back into masking and was dead quiet. I haven't had this happen in a very long time. The person who asked about AI looked a mix of both startled and amused.

I end up making myself finish it so that it is at least done

I love finding new special interests, but the accompanying sleep-deprivation is real.

How not just give up? There is nothing left, no viable career options, hobbies are pointless because there's just no improvement past certain point anyway, no alleviation to the fucking constant hurt that's AuDHD. And nobody gets it, nobody.

Any insight, other than "seek help", would be welcome right about now.

In the middle of a conversion I will start to bring up a helpful quote or some random fact that's loosely related but then I can't remember what it is. I start to speak and then just blank at "that reminds me." After that I then forget what the original context was so then I'm just lost.

Or health, in a sense. Recently I've been seriously overworking myself, but the only signs that I can notice early on are mental. Such as being unable to stay on a task or project for more than 10 minutes at a time max, or forgetting how to talk properly and slurring my speech.

And to put in perspective how exhausted my actual body is, I've been just straight up collapsing, barely able to walk straight, shaky noodle legs and the such. But I don't notice any actual physical problem until I literally fall over, and then I'm like "Oh, I should sleep or stop and relax" or something.

Is this a thing anyone else experiences? I was diagnosed with the AuDD combo a while back but I've been unmedicated, since being poor in America and all that.

Hi I might loose my job tomorrow. For the most Part of my Life i was able to fit in with society. All-ways while ignoring my own mental health. Aka Masking I was diagnosed ADHD when i was a kid, but never got Meds or a treatment back then.

I tried to go to therapy since spring last Year now to get some help, but it takes so long to get any diagnosis or help. I suspect a autism-ADHD combination.

The last few moths i feel quit depressed, (not super dark, just empty and sad) Now today after working for over 10 years and changing field recently its likely coming to an End, i can't keep the facade up. Work from Monday-Friday 8-5 is to much for me. I had an event with the co-workers last week, and i got drunk and was told to leave to not disturb the other people there. Why can't i be myself in this world, i disagree with so much that is the standard in this world. This job went against my principles, yet i went there and did my best, but it was not enough, it never is, darkness always shines trough. Anyway i except them to clear my desk and make me leave after they know how i tick. Any suggestions what to do next?

psychiatrist looked at the neuropsychologic evaluation results of autism+adhd and was not convinced. not that there isn't anything going on, but he thinks my case isn't as conclusive as the results claim it to be and i'm still open to be diagnosed with maybe other kind of personality disorder (perhaps ocd). he's not discarding autism either, he's just adding other possibilities

(he's pretty sure about the adhd, though)

not sure what to think of it, and also not sure if i should stay here

hello

just got my neuropsychological evaluation results:

• level 1 asd
• turbo adhd
• eating disorder (more specifically, pica syndrome)

also a bunch of other things that aren't disorders themselves (neuroticism is the only one i can remember)

honestly, the primary feeling to me coming out of this diagnosis is "it's not my fault i'm a total mess". i thought the asd diagnosis would be more validating, but the fact that i'm in the 99 percentile in a lot of aspects of adhd really validates how i felt about this shit being really hard for me but easy for other people. it really flipped my perspective from "jfc i can't get my shit together" to "holy shit, how am i still alive and able to earn a living while living 1000 miles away from my family??"

i'm not gonna let this justifying not even trying to be better, but it makes me more assured that i am really trying my best, that failures will happen, and that i should be kind to myself and honest about my limitations

also, i bought a dishwasher and my depression has been cured. why wasn't i told about this before?

anyway, hello

I know I am and I believe it, but it still feels foreign to me, maybe because I'm recently diagnosed.

Hey everyone,

I’m reaching out because I’ve been feeling really misunderstood lately, and I’m hoping to get some perspectives from others who might share similar experiences. I’ve been struggling with how my ADHD, particularly with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD), is coming across to people, and I’ve even been called a narcissist, which is honestly heartbreaking and frustrating.

Here’s the thing: I know that people sometimes see my need for affirmation and validation and think it’s me being arrogant or seeking attention for the wrong reasons. But it’s so much more complicated than that.

With ADHD, my self-esteem has always been fragile, and I’ve often felt like I’m different or not quite “fitting in.” I know that sounds cliché, but it’s real for me. Because of RSD, when I get even a small whiff of rejection, criticism, or being left out, it feels like it hits me harder than it would for most people. I react more intensely to these things, and it can feel like a punch to the gut. So, to counteract that, I’ve developed a way of building up my confidence, and that’s where the need for affirmation comes in. It’s not about seeking attention, it’s about needing emotional reassurance to make myself feel secure, to feel like I belong.

But when I post something on social media or share a success with friends, I’m not seeking the spotlight. I genuinely don't want to be the center of attention or for people to think I’m showing off. What I’m craving, though, is the positive affirmation that makes me feel like I’m not a failure, like I’m not invisible.

The thing is, some people see this behavior and immediately think I’m being a narcissist. And that hurts. Narcissism is a complex thing, but one thing I know is that I don’t lack empathy. I have an overactive sense of empathy (thanks, ASD), but sometimes it doesn’t come across because I struggle with social cues. For example, when I get defensive or react strongly to criticism, it’s not about feeling superior to anyone or being indifferent to their feelings,it's about feeling emotionally triggered by rejection. The narcissist stereotype doesn’t fit because I want to understand how others are feeling. I genuinely care about the people in my life, but I don’t always know how to show it the right way.

Another thing that gets me in trouble is how my ASD makes me interact socially. I have trouble understanding social dynamics and sometimes I’ll miss things that would seem obvious to others. For example, I might not pick up on someone’s frustration with me until it’s too late, or I’ll misinterpret how people are feeling. In these moments, it’s not that I’m trying to manipulate or use people,it’s that I simply don’t know how to navigate the situation because my brain is wired differently.

I’m not trying to make excuses, but I’m hoping that people can understand that what might look like narcissism is often me navigating a world that’s hard to understand and trying to keep my emotional world from collapsing in on itself.

The worst part is, the more I try to explain myself, the more I feel like I’m being misunderstood. I’ve been told that I come across as selfish, and it kills me, because deep down, I’m desperate for connection. I’m not trying to hurt people, I’m just trying to keep my self-esteem intact, to protect myself from feeling the crushing weight of rejection that I can’t always control. But every time someone calls me a narcissist or accuses me of being self-centered, it’s like a slap in the face. It feels like they don’t understand the real pain behind my actions.

I want to be genuine, to connect with others in meaningful ways, but my own brain sometimes gets in the way. I don’t want attention for attention's sake, but I do thrive on positive interactions. Just a simple word of affirmation or encouragement can help me feel like I’m seen. When people praise me or recognize something I’ve done well, it lifts me up, but it’s not about ego; it’s about survival. It’s emotional nourishment, and I need it.

If any of you have struggled with these same challenges, where ADHD, and ASD are making you feel like you’re always walking a fine line between seeking support and being misunderstood as a narcissist, I would really appreciate your insights. How do you cope with the intense need for validation without feeling like you’re being seen as self-absorbed? How do you navigate the pain of rejection or misinterpretation?

And for those who have experienced similar dynamics in their friendships or relationships, what’s been helpful for you in explaining these patterns? How do you manage the balance between needing affirmation and still trying to be a good, empathetic person?

Thanks for listening. I’m really just hoping for some understanding here.

I have always struggled with self-esteem, especially when it comes to RSD. To cope, I’ve found that repeating certain positive affirmations like “I can do anything,” “I’m awesome,” etc. helps me feel more confident in myself. It’s not about being arrogant, but more like a mental trick to push through my insecurities and feel better in the moment.

The thing is, some people around me are starting to accuse me of being a narcissist because of it. I’ll admit, part of me does enjoy the attention that comes with these affirmations, and for a while, I just leaned into it. But now it feels like it's spiraling a bit out of control. I’m wondering if I’ve crossed some line between self-empowerment and self-centeredness.

I don’t want to seem arrogant or like I’m trying to manipulate anyone, but I really don’t know how else to keep my confidence up. Has anyone else experienced this? How do you manage the fine line between boosting your self-esteem and coming off as narcissistic, especially when dealing with ADHD or autism?

we have created a signal support group to connect a supportive network of people struggling with cptsd, bpd and other forms of trauma. please feel free to vent, trauma dump and be together during tough times 🩷

https://signal.group/#CjQKIDyYlgFaxeDUSqLmJBwWiVzGgbtBC0exF3kew0J4A-3LEhA9q2epnMPa-nL_gmAqa2Xo

I've been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism and I'm pretty familiar with the difficulties and increased anxiety/depression in day-to-day life.

Overall, I'm doing pretty well now. If people talk to me, they would not know I experience any difficulties in life. (Although I'm currently not working). I'm not really that stressed in general, I'm doing much better socially, capable of getting things done everyday, and not feeling terribly tired every day anymore.

But sometimes, seemingly unannounced, I get these bouts of severe discomfort. It feels to me like anxiety, but it's not preceded by any worrying thoughts. (as far as I can tell).

When I feel this, I usually have to lie down or I might start coughing and vomiting. And I will not be able to get myself to do anything anymore. (not even just do something I usually enjoy.)

This can last for an hour, but sometimes it's almost a whole day. Afterwards, I seem to be perfectly fine again.

Is this something that anybody else experiences? Or is there something else going on? Everytime I go to the doctor to explain this, they don't seem to be worried and tell me that it's probably fine.

But fear for having this happen again (And it seems to happen quite frequently), is what is keeping me from making any commitments in terms of my life or work.

Hi all

It's quite common for people with adhd (and autism) to have problems with executive functioning and working memory. Which can influence a bunch of things like being able to follow steps, remembering where you left things, being able to follow a conversation, concentrating on some task, etc...

I've been diagnosed for both (autism more recently) and got to know that based on the tests of my assessment that my working memory is quite heavily impaired, but the rest of my mind works quite normal.

In day to day life, this can be rather bothersome, but I usually find some way to deal with it. But when sick, or when I had a bad sleep, suddenly I become almost incapable of basic tasks. Unable to prepare food, make appointments, or work in any way.

It's quite normal that this impacts your working memory in a negative way. (Even for neurotypicals, it's the same). But there seems to be this threshold where things become almost impossible. Where you start forgetting things you have to do only moments later.

I'm looking for ways to cope with these moments. Obviously when sick, you need rest, and eat enough. So I'm not looking to force myself to be able to work while sick. But sometimes it's so bad that I even forget to rest, forget how to cook, forget how to order food online, forget how to take care of myself. Which usually results in me being sick and worse off for a much longer time.

Things I've found that help me:

• Meditation (Incredibly difficult when sick, but every bit seems to help)
• Medication (ADHD meds seem to help a bit, if I'm using them at the moment, I seem to feel much better, even when it's mostly physical discomfort. )
• Committing skills/knowledge to long-term memory (This is difficult because usually it requires extra time and calm moments where you can focus on it. It helped me a lot for cooking. Practicing the basics makes it much easier to get cooking even if I feel terrible)

Any other suggestions as to what might be good ways to improve working memory and make sure that I stay functional to make sure I can take care of myself?

Coming out of paralysis and into power. Time to catch up on everythingggggg 🤘😎🎉

cross-posted from: https://midwest.social/post/16044688

Brain enlargement may be linked to symptom severity in kids with autism spectrum disorder

Specifically, social and communication symptoms appear to be more severe in children who display brain overgrowth on MRI scans. Experts believe this overgrowth may be associated with alterations in the activity of the Ndel1 enzyme, which is related to embryonic neuron differentiation and migration.

Study: https://molecularautism.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s13229-024-00602-8

Hi all, I just wanted to say hello. I’m an adult and came to realize in the past few years only that I’m probably on the spectrum given some of my tendencies. When I was a kid there was no label autism other than the most extreme cases. As it turns out, my son - late teens - is on the spectrum and also has ADHD. He struggles with a variety of aspects but he’s also strong and insightful. He learns about himself more all the time, and I also have the benefit of being able to relate to some of his challenges.

So I just thought I’d say hi; very glad to have discovered this community.

I’m around most of the time to comment or converse.

Best wishes to everyone, and I’m hoping to have some rewarding conversations in the future.