“I like you but I don’t think I can deal with this anymore. I really don’t like talking to people and I can’t commit. I’m sorry. I’m not going to break up with you, I just don’t like talking. I like you, but you wear me out.”

But then he still says he loves me and that I’m the only one for him and that no one can take me away from him? i don’t get it?

he hurts me all the time, it’s like the song tainted love says “Sometimes I feel I've got to

Run away I've got to

Get away

From the pain you drive into the heart of me

The love we share

Seems to go nowhere

And I've lost my light

For I toss and turn, I can't sleep at night” and “i love you though you hurt me so”

It’s supposed to help our attachment to each other and mental health to take a break, but we’re gonna miss each other deeply. I was sad before and we were talking so much but I had a PTSD breakdown and now we’re not gonna speak to each other. At least it will be 24 hours sending like one message to each other but I think I’ll cry more.

He wants to take one, and I won’t force him to not do it just because of my selfish desires, but I will miss him and want to know if anyone was in a similar place or knows how to help me “survive”?

I probably need one since I’ve been not mentally well, but I think future me will struggle to take it well due to attachment to him and missing him even when i’m not supposed to talk to him. Plus, everything that reminds me of him will cause me to start sobbing.

Now, I have a chance to work more on myself. I don’t think I was right for her or to have any sort of commitment. Plus, I couldn’t even appreciate the things that made her happy. I apologized but I felt so bad.

I just wanted to stop talking and leave her on read and not answer her calls but I felt too bad, but I don’t have to anymore now that we’re broken up. I don’t have to be there for her and commit to anything. I can play video games, watch TV, do what I want now.

I’m sad that we can’t call and watch TV together, but I was too unhealthy and I acknowledge that I need to work on myself. I love her but we can’t answer each other’s texts every second. I tried to be there for her, I just can’t. I hope she finds someone better and I can work on myself.

I won’t have to post about me being a shitty boyfriend because I’m no longer a boyfriend. Plus, I think she’s losing feelings for me. It will all work out in the end, it is what it is.

Ever since I was a child, I would have emotional outbursts. i have a bad fear of abandonment complete with severe attachment to my fiancée.

i tend to get mad easily and have mood swings, and i used to try not to think the worst of my partner. i was so attached to her, but I’d always think she didn’t like me back or that she’d abandon me one day.

i prepared for that.

now that we’re engaged, I’m still attached, but less negatively.

but it used to be really bad. i’d get mania and depression episodes but i’d also get like that. I know you can’t diagnose here, I’m just wondering for yall’s insight(?)

So I guess my parents are getting divorced for real this time. I've only gotten like 3 hours of sleep in the last two days, and now I'm sitting wondering if I have the strength to call my dad, who will probably die of sheer heartbreak either way.

Meanwhile, my mom is trying to use chatgpt to convince me that she's completely faultless and my dad is the root of all of this family's problems. 🙄

And I wonder if I should bother explaining to her why LLMs can't be trusted and that chatgpt in particular is a yes-man, or if I should just block her and move on, knowing that she'd rather take advice from a robot than her own freaking son.

So I get on lemmy to doomscroll a bit, and end up explaining to someone how to verify if a cop is real or not, only for some jerk to interject with a complete non-sequitur. I figured it was obvious trolling so I gave them words, but now I have a bunch of down votes so I guess I played that wrong idk.

Apologies to my clothes rack, which now finally needs to be replaced after being the victim of my rage like 6 times since I got it...

(And I don't think therapy can help, by the way. How's a person supposed to resolve trust issues when you're paying them to talk to you? And yea I've been.)

Anyway I was gonna wait for lemm.ee to shutdown to force me to stop using this place but idk I might just delete it today. Idk what I'll do instead but maybe watching paint dry isn't as bad as people make it out to be...

Anyway thanks all for listening, I hope you're having a better day than I am. 🫶

First off, I woke up depressed yesterday morning. Next, I couldn’t sleep until very late last night while my fiancé could easily and quickly get to sleep.

I wanted to sleep too but couldn’t, and I also needed a good cry during to being so depressed all day. I cried myself to sleep and eventually used lavender body spray to fall asleep. It seems that’s the only thing that helps me.

My fiancé can’t be there for me 24/7, and he can’t be there for me when I’m sad because it’s 2 a.m. and he’s asleep. It’s just impossible.

And I really do love him, I’m attached to him. I feel really sad for him due to his family and life, and I really care about his well-being and I love him a lot.

Sometimes I worry I’m not good enough for him, though. He, for example, likes video games and wants me to play them. I only like Minecraft, Roblox, those “chill” games. He said it was fine that I didn’t want to play, but I also have bipolar and felt extremely guilty for it. Plus, I thought when he texted “Why don’t you wanna play 😭😭💀💀” he was mad even though that’s just how he texts.

I eventually realized he wasn’t though and it was my depressive feelings acting up. The last thing I want to do, though, is make him sad or break his heart. I’m feeling a lot better today, though.

Last night was the first night in more than a month that my best friend and I hung out. It was for her 40th birthday. For background, everyone but me in our friend group is Vietnamese. So when people started showing up, they spoke Vietnamese only. This is fine, I get it. They’d rather speak their mother tongue around me. Even if that means I don’t understand a word anyone is saying. I’ve brought this up to her, only for her to turn it around me as if somehow it is my fault for not joining a conversation that I have no frame of reference to. Whatever, it is what it is.

I’ve supported her through her divorce. I’ve been the only one to listen when she cried, to offer her an ear time and time again when she told me about how bad it was for her. To offer her support of what to do in the steps she needed to take to file and etcetera.

But tonight was too much.

They all showed up, and as usual talked only Vietnamese, which again I don’t understand. But the moment her motherfucking new boyfriend, an American guy, showed up, they all switched to English. It was like magic! Wow, suddenly everybody can talk English—it was amazing! So somehow when I am with the group, I need to be understanding because one or two people don’t speak English well. But when that motherfucker showed up, they all made the fucking effort to try, for him. He didn’t even try to know me past “what’s up?” Clearly she has not told him how close her and I were (or was, now). I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. And above all I feel like a fool for listening to her bullshit excuses why they talk the way they do, when some motherfucker she has known for two months shows up and it’s suddenly English. Fuck that. I’m tired of being bored, and I see the fucking hypocrisy now. I hope this is worth it for her.

I’m happy that she found someone who makes her happy. I am devastated that it comes at the cost of our friendship. He can eat shit and walk into traffic for all I care. I love her like the big sis she has been to me, but last night, I reached my motherfucking limit on bullshit I can deal with.

I’ve texted her as much, we’ll see what she has to say. Seriously, I feel so unimportant to a friend group that was somehow so happy to see me? If I was important at all, they would speak at least a little English, so I could understand, so I could join in on the conversation. But they don’t. Fuck all of them. I’d rather be alone than sit there for hours being bored again. My only wish is that no one parked behind me, so I could pretend to have a reason to go home, rather than staying the night at her brothers house. I fucking hate this. I wish that I had my old best friend back, the one who made sure I understood what was going on. The one that sat near me and made sure I was having a good time too. She doesn’t even try anymore. People change, it’s life. I just need to accept this and move on.

Happy fucking birthday, Mandy.

First off, i just wanna say thank you so much for listening and being supportive 🙏

Second, i wanna share that i’m doing fine seven years later. I have a supportive family and a girlfriend. I really hope hes in prison, idk if he is though. I’m doing better than ever and im not feeling as guilty as i did for what jake did.

I had a crush on a girl (Girl A) before I met my current partner, (now I identify as straight or bi-curious) but she was really good friends with my bully (Girl B).

Ever since freshman year, we were friends, but we slowly drifted apart as she liked Girl B more and me less. A still liked me as a friend, just B more. A was bi but she was actually in love with B, and she was among the only ones B genuinely liked.

A got over B but they were still very close. A became on and off and distant towards me, and treated me differently. She’d go along with B and be an absolute dick and then be nice again.

B spread several rumors about me, and A said they didn’t happen and “forgave” me, but B continued to harass me and be a jerk.

B manipulated me and tried to throw things at me too, including saying I was too disgusting to find love or be sexually harassed because “no one wants an autistic girl”.

A just went along with it even though she was nice sometimes, but was it okay that I cut contact due to her close association with B and her occasional behavior?

I (20f) was 13 and dated a 33 year old, jake. Here’s the thing, though. It happened 7 years ago but i still feel a bit bad for it.

We met online and jake started talking to me a lot and liking my posts on instagram. I ended up joining his small discord server that he didn’t use a lot.

He never told me his age but he would always show a picture of a teenage boy on his posts and send them to me, who looked about 14. Plus, when i confessed that he looked cute (or the boy did) and i said i liked him, he said yes when i asked him out.

things went well in the relationship. He was attentive to me, funny, I really liked him despite being young, so just puppy love.

he knew i was 13, i didn’t know his age. He, after a month of being romantic and calling me cute, wanted to get back with his ex (m20s) and told me that he was actually 33.

He felt bad and said he shouldn’t be talking to minors my age, and also said that I groomed him and tricked him into going out with me. He also said he said yes because he felt bad because i “guilt-tripped” him even though he never showed his real face and didn’t tell me he was freaking 33.

Edit: thank you for your support!! 🙏 🫂

I'm silently stressing out currently because I'm worried my relationship will end.

My partner and I have had a lot of struggles over the past year, if not longer. My partner's oldest child has got into so much unfortunate and serious trouble - police visit, hospital visits, self-harm, suicide watches, rape, drug and alcohol use - and they have only just turned 15. All of this has brought our relationship to the brink, and last year we broke up, but just for a short while.

During the break up, I wanted to feel like someone wanted me, so I signed up to a dating app, and even organised a date. The date was terrible for me as the person was someone who I've met before at a house party of a friend of my then ex. I didn't realise initially but the date recognised me when we met in person. It was too much for me, so I ended the date early and went back to the place I was staying and cried. I didn't tell my then ex I had a date, because I didn't think I had to as we had broken up. I deleted my app account and focused on getting right with myself.

My partner and I ended up resolving things, got back together, and have been working on being a strong couple despite the adversity. We've been doing great, and have both changed dramatically to be loving and supportive of each other.

Just recently, my partner went to their friend's kid's birthday party while I was travelling for work - the same friend who is friends with the date person. The friend almost insisted on having a private catch up with my partner, which was scheduled for last Friday. My partner ended up cancelling because of sickness and the situation with their kid has got worse. In text exchanges with their friend (my partner told me), who was pissed off at the meet up being cancelled, the friend asked, "How is your relationship?. We both remarked that this was strange. This friend is someone my partner usually only sees once a year, so they aren't close. My partner spilled the beans on what's been going on with the kid, and the friend replied with," I'll give you some breathing space."

I am now spiralling in my head, as I had forgotten about the date, but it all came rushing back. We hadn't told anybody we broke up, so I'm thinking this person heard about the date and thinks I was doing the sneaky behind my partner's back, and so wants to spill the beans.

This is really not the time for them to do this, or to do this ever. The kid has just been raped again, because they got drunk, and went out trying to find someone to give them drugs, and the worse happened. They disappeared for 12 hours, and we spent a good chunk of that charging around our city looking for them. There is just so much going on, that my partner finding out I went on a date would actually knock them down despite how we are together right now and the circumstance at the time.

We don't need any more stress in our life, and even if I think I didn't do anything wrong, this would not go down well. My partner is so worked up at the moment, anything more would knock them down. Under normal circumstances, I would talk to them about it, but the situation we are in is far from normal.

So I'm stressed. There is not a plan for my partner to meet this person again, but it'll happen at some stage. If what I suspect is true, I know this friend is trying to do the right thing, but I wish they would butt out. My/our private life is not someone else to think they can interfere with, despite what they think are good intentions.

I'm just getting this off my chest so it's not only sitting in my head.

I have a pendent that is made of the ashes of my best friend. I carry him around all the times. He unfortunately left me unexpectedly a few years ago.

Today, I can't bear to take him with me to work. I have been feeling so ashamed at work. I hope he understands.

Just venting. Please don't send me any self help message. I am not thinking of it.

Update: Thank you for all your kind words. I am now crying in my car reading your comments in my work's garage. My shift starts soon. I am going to dry my face first and think about resignation.

I feel so awful. I have multiple panic attacks. I want to cry. My body feels like it is not mine. I want to quit but my legs are like noodles. I can't even get up.

I know it is all in my head (perhaps) but I really think people don't trust me anymore. I don't trust myself too.

Please don't send me any self harm alert. I am not thinking about that. I just want to vent.

I had someone narc to my boss today about a completely non-impact error. (Meaning it doesn't affect our user base whatsoever.)

It was a procedural error, meaning I loaded a file into the page's content library instead of linking to a DMS.

Very simple. I fixed it in two seconds, and again, IT DOES NOT AFFECT THE USER BASE.

DO NOT BE THIS PERSON.

EVERYONE HATES PEOPLE WHO DO THIS.

I (19M) call my American girlfriend (22F) long-distance. However, I’m autistic and very nervous when I call.

I tend to be very dry and only say one word or one thing, and I don’t know how to properly respond when my girlfriend gets anxiety attacks over call and she has to leave from being overstimulated.

I just say “oh okay” because I don’t know what to say.

Fuck you for trying to control me.

For trying to tell me what I can and can’t do.

For telling me that I would never find love.

For telling me my disorders make me a weak, useless animal.

For calling me sub-human and treating me as such.

For thinking of me as less than I am.

For calling me a child and treating me like you’ve said I was: a “retard”.

For getting your (who were also my) “friends” to turn on me and threaten me and stalk me.

For making fun of people with disabilities.

For harassing my FRIENDS.

Fuck you.

I actually, truly hate you. I don’t just feel disappointed anymore. It’s some sort of hatred. I will never speak to you and your friend(s) again.

I don’t want to speak to you. I’m way better off than you. I have a fiancé, friends, and a loving family.

You tried to hurt me. You said it was my fault.

You said I made you hurt me, that I made your friend stalk me and make sexual harassment comments and even pretend to ask me out so you could make fun of me.

I realized you never actually loved me. You were a fake, abusive asshole. You suck. I hate you so damn much. But I’m moving on.

You’re right. I don’t deserve someone like you. I should have listened to you when you said you were a fake, toxic person who doesn’t like anyone but yourself. When you said I wasn’t who I thought you were.

You were right. And I eventually listened. I got past the bias and the loneliness. I’m no longer lonely. I found love and friends and don’t need you anymore. I don’t need your false love or friendship. I don’t need to be biased against you and think that was love to combat the loneliness I no longer have.

He loves me. You don’t.

They like me. You don’t.

They accept me. You don’t and didn’t.

And you can shove your fake apology, fake tears, and fake love up your butt, because the damage towards me and others is too great. I forgive you for peace of mind, but I will never speak to you or trust you again.

You hurt me, act like nothing happened, then pull me in again. It’s a “never-ending” cycle but people have limits. I have limits. I was your most loving friend and you threw me away for my disability.

You probably will never find someone more willing to put up with your crap, or it will be very hard. Not for someone who knows the real you. They don’t know you, that’s why they support you. Or they’re messed up themselves. I may be one of the only ones who knows you. The only one who knows you better is probably yourself.

You were right when we were friends and you were nice and you said “You know me, but you don’t know me.” I didn’t know the real you, but now I do. I trusted you and you threw me out. It’s my fault I introduced you to my friends and they threw me away. They sided with you in the end and I won’t trust them either.

Fuck you. Maybe them, too, brainwashed as they are. They think you’re the victim. They don’t know the real you, and I pity them, but they did damage too that they just can’t fix right away. Therefore I don’t trust them either.

Bye. I’m healing. I’m stronger now. I have love and a life and friends. I’m not as miserable as you are to hurt others. ✌️ ❤️

I’m going to use an alt, this account, due to people I know using Lemmy.

I’m (19M) in a relationship. This isn’t exactly what my post is about but I have multiple things going on, including autism, PTSD, anxiety, bipolar, possible ADHD, and eating issues due to sensory overload.

I really feel like a bad fiancé and boyfriend mainly from my PTSD and bipolar. I need to talk to someone because I was even once thought to have BPD before they figured bipolar and PTSD, plus I already have autism which I heard can appear similar.

I’m trying to work on this intense fear I have of her abandoning me. I know she loves me, but my brain tries to think of reasons that she’s not thinking about me or going to leave me.

In school, I frequently got attached to other guys. If they did something, sometimes I’d get mad (like hanging out with someone else or saying “I’d do it later” or still having my middle school bully followed or something). I frequently went from very loving and kind towards them like they were my favorite person in the whole world to victimizing myself and thinking they want to betray me.

While I’m healing as an adult, I’m still in that pattern of thinking. I’m an adult, but I don’t want to continue acting like this after my brain fully develops, which it hasn’t yet. As of now, I have to take breaks from texting my fiancée because I don’t want to lash out and hurt her.

I’m really trying not to hurt her and affect her. I’m trying not to be as attached as I was in high school as a 15-year-old boy. One that thinks just because she’s watching a movie, she hates me and doesn’t want to talk to me. I, myself, watch movies to distract myself from that way of thinking.

I don’t want to be like this, so I’m working on it. A monster who abandons and hurts his girlfriend.

Back as a young teen, I freaked out when a guy friend didn’t text me. I texted him several times sometimes. I thought he was trying to avoid me if he spent time without me or was doing something else like I mentioned.

I got into a fight with this dude Nick once. He helped me with things, so I ended up thinking of him as my best friend. I felt so happy around him. I wanted to hold his hands. Both of them. I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me. He was my favorite person ever and I only wanted to spend time with him. He still had my ex Haley followed, though, so I got mad and (looking back) assumed he did that to get me mad because he was secretly “teaming up” with her. I called him a bad friend. We made up, but it still hurts that I would be like that to him.

I was very toxic even at age 13-14 where I would make up lies as to how my exes (while we were middle school dating) hated me and wanted to leave me and would cheat on me. I got better and went into stable friendships and now a stable relationship, but it’s why I see myself as a bad guy.

I’m trying to get better. I need comfort, please, not to be shamed. ❤️‍🩹

I (20M) had this woman friend (19F) when we were teens, like 15 and 16. The friend talked behind people’s backs. She made fun of them for being wheelchair users, autistic, etc. She said she didn’t want to be that way but she was. Me and my other friend went along with it and called her a good person. We defended her because she was good to us and that’s all that mattered.

She said autistic people were dogs. She wanted to kill my autistic friend. She said he was so ugly, he would never have a girlfriend and didn’t deserve a hug. She told an autistic girl who was traumatized she didn’t deserve a hug either because autistic people are “disgusting” and “her slaves”.

She saw a garbage can and told her friends that a mildly stocky girl (as in her body type) with some eating disorder that the garbage can was donations for her food :(

I never saw her again, but I’m glad I could recover and be a better person, hopefully a good one to autistic people. I do feel bad that I didn’t help him though.

We will talk it out, I’m not venting but rather just wanted to talk about it.

So, my fiancé “David” (17M) and I (18F) are quite clingy. We have trauma and abandonment issues. I’ll admit, I’m working on my flaws early in our engagement and getting to know each other more. My flaws are: when I miss David, I really miss him. I try not to get upset when he calls his friends and I can’t join. He would let me, but sometimes I get asocial LOL.

David can also be clingy and text several times in the span of 10 minutes if I don’t respond. We are both clingy. This is normal, I believe, and I’ve seen 40 year olds who are married do this, but David can get very upset at the fact I have man friends despite the fact that he has woman friends.

David and I got engaged earlier this month and have been dating for several months after his previous toxic relationship “Josephine” broke up with him.

Josephine would constantly insult him, cheat on him, and abandon him like several people would already do to him. Josephine really messed him up after the breakup, so he gets really mad at a guy I have known even before I was friends with David, Matthew (19M).

Matthew is straight (we are all allies though), just like everyone mentioned in this post, but he already has a girlfriend and has made it clear he has no romantic feelings for me or anyone else who isn’t his girlfriend.

I told David I wouldn’t let Matthew call me pretty again because he complimented my outfit and David got angry. David, though, has trauma. I don’t need advice, just a discussion, and we will both work through our PTSD and abandonment issues. ❤️ 💍

title

So I've got laid off recently and I decided I wanted to keep my projects that I worked on as a reference for myself, I wouldn't sell them or anything like that, just bits of code I created. So I just went and copied pretty much everything relevant to me off my work laptop, only local files, nothing really super confidential, just code projects for specific inhouse usage and documentation about them. Also my personal folders where I did have a few personal things as well, just so I don't lose access to those. I wouldn't have used it for anything but personal reference, like I wouldn't even know what else to do with it. Stupid, I know. Well, they found out, with some DLP software I didn't know we had. So now I will have to go and meet, my bosses, hr and legal. Don't know how that is going to go, I will just say I'm sorry, I deleted everything in a panic, which probably was also dumb, but I'll bring my laptop and the wiped drive that I used. I am just really really nervous and I could throw up.

Edit: Thank you for all your support, I've survived the gauntlet, I am still miffed by the whole ordeal but now it's over and, surprise, I had nothing just as I told them.

I did say I haven’t spoken to him since he moved out of the house to a hotel. This is true.

However, he’s been trying to reach me online and is desperate. My father (54M) is a narcissist. Though a lot of narcissists can be well-intentioned, he has done more harm than good.

My father is an alcoholic. Though he stopped for a year or two after becoming really nasty and getting himself and possibly us banned in more than one place, he started drinking again.

I knew my father was a narcissist. I tried to be on good terms with him despite his “eccentricities.” When I received a message from him asking to tell my mom to get back with him, I reluctantly told her and she didn’t want to.

He got mad at me for this and said I betrayed him and brought dishonor to our Chinese family (we’re white Europeans, by the way, with no affiliation to China). Anyway, I blocked him and so did the rest of the family.

Later, on instagram, I found an account with a profile picture of something I was interested in trying to chat with me, claiming to be a 17 year old girl. When I started to chat with “her”, she eventually brought up the “dishonor” again because “she” is Chinese and would know.

He has also said “ 你给家族带来了耻辱，真是可耻！” He is not Chinese, but speaks it at least a bit. I blocked that “girl” and I’m really hoping he doesn’t do it again. What do I do?

I don’t know where to put this.

I’m a bicurious/hetero young white woman with Christian white parents. My dad found out I support gay rights despite identifying as straight. He didn’t really like that I have a Hispanic fiancé (he was okay with it, but he was like “you could do better, come on.”)

He called me a “leftist lib” because I support interracial marriages, gay marriages, trans rights, etc. How can you use supporting these things an insult though??

I also really want acceptance as someone who is neurodivergent and has seen neurodivergent people and minorities be bullied/discriminated against and also has been bullied themself.

I just don’t care if we survive as a species. We aren’t surviving forever. I care about having a good time while we can. I don’t think having ten billion people with 99% of them being poor is good. I don’t think 20 billion forced to eat bugs and die of treatable disease is good. I don’t think having kids just to have kids and keep the species going is good.

I think we should attempt to make the world a great place for the few humans who can live a grand life until it all dies. Through technology and evolution we can achieve amazing things and see more than we would ever be able to see but… it’s going to destroy the planet faster. Oh well.

I just don’t really care about preserving anything because to preserve it means we are going back to the dirt and, quite frankly, I’d rather the species just go extinct at that point than fall into some dark religious anti intelligent shit hole where you suffer until death and we go extinct anyways eventually after adding who knows how many centuries of suffering to the universe.

I feel like people won’t say it, but actions speak louder than words! I have vegan progressive and lgbtq friends eating at McDonald’s (supporting killing animals even though you don’t eat it yourself), flying to Florida to vacation (supporting fascism), buying trucks (anti climate change) and working at major corporations (supporting all that’s bad by being a cog) on and on and on with the choices I see people make that add another little cut to the thousands that will cause the death of the planet.

So come on, just admit it, you don’t really care either. Do you?

On Monday I have a meeting with my boss and his boss. They wouldn't say what for, only that "I shouldn't worry". Which makes me ABSOLUTELY worry. Don't think I'll be fired but I'll probably be put on a PIP or something.

On top of that one of my cats is actively dying. She's 15 and I'm by no means ready to say goodbye.

Then I decided to upgrade my pc but of course I botched that and now I have a very expensive paperweight, a mountain of frustration, a few thousand € wasted and nothing but misery and shit to look forward to.

Ain't life grand? I'm in my 40's and when I was younger, I kept going thinking "one day surely things will finally be better". But they're not. They always keep getting worse and my ability to cope diminishes instead of growing. I feel every failure separately covering me with their weight, and I've finally racked up enough that the combined stress is starting to crush me completely.