this post was submitted on 12 Jul 2025
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A Boring Dystopia

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Are you using Lemmy / other networks to create noise in your life and to replace talking to people irl? (lemmy.world)
submitted 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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I grew up pre-internet and only embraced it at uni, early www time. I grew up not having a mobile phone because they didn't exist, went to the local (crappy) library if I wanted a map of the world or to do any form of research. Things most people today can do it seconds involved having to get up, go out, and interact with people one way or another.

I rushed out one day and forgot my phone and headphones. I got about 40m away before realising and thought 'meh'. Didn't make any difference to my day.

I look at what I do today, and even typing this wouldn't really have been possible some 25-30 years ago, unless it was in an email to someone I probably personally knew. I only had read-only access to usenet.

Now, everyone (and any bot) can write text on to another computer that others can be influenced by.

Posts that are clearly attempting to manipulate me are everywhere - propaganda thrived in the newspapers, on the radio, the television, and now internet. He who wins, gets to write history.

Having so much information at my fingertips (both biased and factual) mean I actually need to interact with the world less because any inquisition can be solved within seconds.

So now, I'm actively stepping away from the online and want you encourage you to do it too! I've started to read a physical book, ask more people questions forget my phone more often, and take a better look at the world around me, and things are so much more quieter!

"Muh anxieties" have no excuse because I need to forget about them to do stuff.

We're actually becoming a world of isolated people falling into particular funnels that shape us. Break free now and do something afk that scares you. Put your phone down, leave it at home when you go out, ask a stranger for directions.

You owe no online community anything, especially not your short-lived time.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

So now, I'm actively stepping away from the online and want you encourage you to do it too! I've started to read a physical book, ask more people questions forget my phone more often, and take a better look at the world around me, and things are so much more quieter!n

Good for you, take care of yourself but do not waste my time implying this space is hollow simply because it is digital, that is nonsense.

We're actually becoming a world of isolated people falling into particular funnels that shape us. Break free now and do something afk that scares you. Put your phone down, leave it at home when you go out, ask a stranger for directions.

Ok, having an intellectual conversation here about a difficult topic I care about scares me. I must cite my sources and respond honestly to genuine criticism in a way I don't have to elsewhere especially in person.

Go for more walks in the woods, sure, but don't categorically bash digital communities fighting back against the brutality of the day in the process, it is intellectually lazy.

No, spend more time here, find a way to levitate your discussions here so they are heartfelt and meaningful, let an initial mindless scroll give way to a genuine sense of an online community of good (hilariously funny btw) people we are trying to foster together, add your fuel to the fire.

I for one keep finding my way back to the fediverse because the precision of thought I leave quality conversations here with I can't get anywhere else in the world consistently enough, ESPECIALLY in physical analog socialization. That isn't hyperbole, it is a simple near daily observation I make like the observation that coffee smells amazing or mornings are peaceful.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

The benefits of a healthy online space for discussion premised on shared interest and (ideally) quality are immense, no doubt. Good participation can bring people more of those benefits, and it would be foolish to dismiss them.

But at the same time, we folks in the West at least live increasingly atomized, lonely lives. While it's certainly better than nothing, particularly if you experience barriers to IRL socialization (disabilities, mental health conditions, etc.), having your sense of community derived completely from the internet has drawbacks.

The medium is particularly vulnerable to manipulation, whether through artificial means or simply groupthink as a product of the specific actors involved (intentionally or not). It can create spaces with weird feedback loops that inform crazy outcomes (think of the incel movement, extremist movements of many colours, etc.). And it removes a bunch of context from the interactions which, on one hand, is liberating (only your words matter, regardless of social position, physical appearance, place of origin, medical conditions, etc.), but on the other is limited (nuances of speech, facial expressions, physical proximity, physical context re: where the interaction takes place - this all adds to the meaning of a given interaction).

As with most things, balance is key. Participate online, sure - you can have great discussions, build friendships, etc. - but recognize meatspace community has value, and should be tended to equally. We should be talking to the people physically around us more, and I truly feel one factor of the shit we wade through these days is that many don't.

[–] [email protected] -4 points 5 days ago (2 children)

don’t categorically bash digital communities fighting back against the brutality of the day in the process, it is intellectually lazy.

Mental bondage is stronger than any physical bond, there is no "brutality" of the day other than what you invent.

No, spend more time here, find a way to levitate your discussions here so they are heartfelt and meaningful, let an initial mindless scroll give way to a genuine sense of an online community of good (hilariously funny btw) people we are trying to foster together, add your fuel to the fire.

Right... That's the exact reason dubvee and lemm.ee are gone.

Not sure if your post should have "/s"

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Why not go for a walk then friend?

If you will not listen to reason, nothing binds you here.

[–] otter 1 points 4 days ago

there is no "brutality" of the day other than what you invent.

Dayum, you got the good Copium®, son.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Use in moderation maybe?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago

Everything in moderation, including moderation.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I feel like you are on to something there. I was never interacting with people online prior to this. I was a heavy user of reddit, but never posted anything. And then when they went to shit (closing the API down) I migrated to lemmy and I did (still do) feel like I need to be active here so that I'm doing my part for the human part of the internet

You owe no online community anything, especially not your short-lived time.

This is a very powerful argument and one can use it justify all sorts of selfish behaviour (as a strawman). I'm not saying I entirely disagree with this statement but on the other hand, what else do we have. I mean in this short lived time, if we're not engaging with community and other people, what even is the point.

One could argue to find the community offline/IRL, but it's not so easy. And moreover, I want the old/indie/free/community run web back. Too many things have been fucking enshittified by capitalism

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

if we’re not engaging with community and other people, what even is the point.

And it's because of this dopamine hit / concept. that facebook uses bots and AI gen content to 'interact' with people to create an echo chamber and keep them coming back for more ad views.

One could argue to find the community offline/IRL, but it’s not so easy. And moreover, I want the old/indie/free/community run web back. Too many things have been fucking enshittified by capitalism

The original internet is way gone. The poole is now long closed. No more free bitcoins. No more original internet. Connecting with real people and not faceless AI gen bots is where it's at.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

yeah but making friends IRL as a mid 30s millennial feels impossible.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 days ago (1 children)

You don't have friends here.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)

...huh? i don't know what that means.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

He's just saying that using Lemmy as a cope for not having IRL friends is healthy.

But, to your point, making friends is easier than you think. Join groups. They're everywhere. I literally went to a "boardgame play testing" event today and met a lot of cool people.

Things like that are everywhere. You just got a look for them.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

oh, uh, sure? that's an odd thing to reply with when i never implied only having friends on Lemmy or online was healthy.. so.. alright. i do have friends in person, if we're going to talk about it. i just still find it rather difficult to make new connections.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Fair. The OP you were responding to was about how people cope with loneliness IRL with pseudo-real online interactions, and you responded with how it's difficult to find relationships in person.

I agree it's not necessarily related, but I the guy above was wildly afeild taking your statement as an excuse for why finding relational fulfillment online is an acceptable cope. It was kind of the topic at hand.

But, aside from that, I think making new connections is really just about going out there and doing it. I'm 33 and constantly meet new people, so it's definitely achievable in your 30's. Just go to things. Open up Eventbrite or whatever and find something going on that looks like fun, and then just go. There's a whole world of opportunities out there to meet new people.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 days ago (1 children)

just go to things

look lol, i know. it seems that simple. i have significant mental health issues that complicate things. i wish i could just go. i also don't value the same people you may do, so finding people i truly get along with is not easy for me.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I know mental health issues complicate things, but that's something to work on, not an obstacle that can't be surmounted. I have tons of friends with mental health struggles of all kinds.

But you say that you don't value the same people I do, but what makes you think so?

As I say, I was at a local boardgame meetup this past weekend. Not exactly a "party" crowd. And to be clear, there's local meetups for everything under the sun. What do you value in people that you don't think you could find a social group for? What makes you think finding a group you would vibe with is particularly hard?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I have tons of friends with mental health struggles of all kinds.

yes, but we are all unique, unfortunately. none of them are me with my specific problems. a big part of my struggle is socializing in general.

But you say that you don’t value the same people I do, but what makes you think so?

because i know the reception of the beliefs i hold and they are universally condemned

What makes you think finding a group you would vibe with is particularly hard?

there aren't any groups that interest me in my area. i have looked on all the usual places.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I have friends with crippling social anxiety. It's a lot of work, and they have their ups and downs for sure. But it's something that they're working on in therapy and making strides on. It is possible to improve and for things to get better.

I mean, it's hard to say without knowing exactly what you're talking about, but universally condemned likely seems strong. But regardless, you said that you don't value the same people I do. Does that mean you can't value someone with different beliefs than you?

You say that there aren't any groups in your area that would interest you. What kind of group would interest you? What group, if you saw it was starting up in your area, would motivate you to go out and meet people?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

It is possible to improve and for things to get better.

oh sure, i don't deny that. i have experienced a lot of positive growth over the years and hope it continues. but i am not financially stable enough to pursue psychiatric and psychological treatment, so.. just kinda dealing with it the ways i can.

Does that mean you can’t value someone with different beliefs than you?

not necessarily. our differences cannot be significant. it does mean i am far more intolerant than most, though, but on a personal level.. not as an outward participant in society. i am pleasant to everyone i meet, but developing a friendship comes with baggage for me. i am less willing to talk to people with the goal of friendship in mind because i largely encounter folks who, frankly, i am better than. and that's pretty sad because i suck.

What group, if you saw it was starting up in your area, would motivate you to go out and meet people?

it is unlikely i would go because i am unable to attend events solo due to anxiety. if i don't know anyone i have no security blanket. i am not in the right headspace to tackle this issue at the moment.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Fair enough on all counts.

I would point out that if everyone only made friends with people better than them, no one would have any friends. It's important to pour into others as well as to get poured into. It's how we make the world better. And just because someone is "worse" than you doesn't mean they don't have value. And it doesn't mean there isn't something you could gain from having them as a friend. I've had friends who are "better" than me and "worse" than me make positive change in my life.

And I know you say you're not in a place to work on this, and I can respect that, but I would say that it's never a bad time to continue leaning forward in a positive direction. And if this is something that's negatively impacting your life, the sooner you work on it, the sooner you'll be less impacted by it. No time like the present and all that.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

just because someone is “worse” than you doesn’t mean they don’t have value

very true. however, it does make me less willing to be friends with them. we can be mutually kind and supportive, but i don’t want to know them on a personal level. also, it’s all a spectrum anyway. there are greys between each side, so it’s not like i’m looking for carbon copies of myself. but the radius of my tolerance is low, lol.

i try to lean forward, i do. i am, to my own chagrin, romantically optimistic about humanity. but it isn’t unrealistic. i ground myself by keeping up on sociological and political trends. shit is bad. shit is worse than bad. shit is worse than worse than bad. it’s all impacted how i see others and their role in the world.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

It does sound like you've let doom scrolling negatively impact your life.

I won't argue things are bad, but the reality is that most people are generally decent.

Sure, there's a lot of dicks out there, but they're very much the minority. They are just overrepresented in the Lemmy echo chamber (and other online platforms too of course).

Obviously it's hard to say if you're being "too picky" as it were without knowing exactly what lines you're drawing, but it sounds like you might be projecting your negative expectations onto people as opposed to people actually not living up to those expectations.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

i know it seems that way but it’s only because you are not accurately viewing the world, in my opinion. it isn’t that there are dicks, it’s that there are uneducated, ignorant, self-serving people who are just trying to get by. they don’t usually act maliciously but their unintentional ignorance and poor judgment causes worldwide death and suffering.

i cannot stand the average person any longer. truly, i have struggled my entire life. but the PTA mom who votes Dem without giving much thought? she is just as responsible for fascism as her Republican counterparts. it doesn’t matter if she isn’t doing it intentionally or maliciously—the end result is the same. if you are effectively contributing to the destruction of humanity i want nothing to do with you on a personal level.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 hours ago

I do think there's an element of privilege here. Just because you have the luxury of time and space to be involved in politics and spend a lot of emotional energy in that area doesn't mean that everyone else has that luxury. For the single mother of three, working two jobs to provide for her kids, she probably doesn't have the bandwidth to be super "educated" politically.

But what would you have that PTA soccer mom do? The bar is always arbitrary. I could choose to set it higher or lower than you. Why is your spot for the bar what it is? I could claim anyone who isn't vegan, or uses toilet paper, or doesn't drive an EV, or isn't growing their own food, or isn't chaining themselves to government buildings in protest isn't doing their part and is actively "contributing to the destruction of humanity." You have defined your threshold of acceptable somewhere short of actively murdering fascists (I assume), so why is that? And what makes your choice of threshold the correct one?

I think we have a tendency to say, "what I'm doing is the correct standard," in order to make us feel justified in our outlook and superior to the people around us. Is it that others are actually "contributing to the destruction of humanity" more than you, or is that something that you tell yourself to help maintain an emotional wall of protection?

And, literally all that aside, I think your assumption that there aren't plenty of people around you who feel similarly to you is unfounded. You could make friends by getting involved in a political campaign. I did that a number of years ago, and met a lot of great people. Helped a lady get elected into the House of Representatives. Had a great time and met a lot of cool people along the way. And surely those people would meet your thresholds of "good enough," no?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 5 days ago

Thank you

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 days ago

maybe the next step of your progression can be reading a book without posting about it

[–] [email protected] 3 points 5 days ago

Maybe. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I basically become disenchanted with smartphones before I even got one. I mean the iphone seemed amazing but hearing stallman previously had gotten me to be a believer in free software and you could just see the chains. Granted though, most of the folks I talk to are my neighbors.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

but hearing stallman previously had gotten me to be a believer in free software

There are so many people and organizations to be inspired from and be inclined to the free software movement but you fucking got inspired by Richard Stallman?! A pedophilia and necrophilia sympathiser who has multiple sexual harassment complaints against him and even went to great lengths to defend an associate of Epstein who raped a girl where Stallman worked?! Seriously what the actual fuck! Smh!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago

So whats the basis of your claims. Im aware of his associate and did not know he was convicted of rape.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 days ago

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I’m using it because Reddit AI kicked me out permanently.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Said something about Jews?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago

Nah, I’m not that low. But it was definitely something that only AI could have booted me out for. The words that got me ejected? “Punch her.”

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago (1 children)

lol, what was your crime?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 5 days ago (3 children)

So there was a post where this woman was complaining about her landlady or head of the homeowner association or something in some apartment building. The lady was fined 50 bucks for trash outside her door. But it turns out it wasn’t trash but an Amazon package, and she was so frustrated and felt unfairly treated by the landlady. So my comment to her was: “Punch her.”

And boom! I was permanently banned from Reddit. Unbelievable.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Punch yourself.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 3 days ago

Well-played, hahaha.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)

Ah yes. "Inciting violence" is apparently the worst possible thing you can say on reddit, regardless of context.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

No, I really don’t think that was inciting violence. Do you really think she punched her? I must be really powerful then, eh?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

I didn't say it was logical. That's how the mods interpreted it when I made a similar joking reference to punching some nazis that got me permanently banned.

Prior to that, they also gave me a temporary ban for 'misogyny' when I described a woman physically assaulting a much larger man who, in self defence, shoved her away from him causing her to fall on her arse, as 'a win for gender equality'. :)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

I stand corrected:)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

There needs to be content-led websites where people can write comments that someone may find offensive. In England, people have the right to be offended, just because they are offended doesn't instantly make it harassing as per Protection from Harassment Act 1997 case law.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 days ago (1 children)

@[email protected]

Are you using Lemmy / others to create noise in your life and to replace talking to people irl?

I tried to but I couldn't. Infact my original purpose on the Fediverse was to make new friends which are meaningful. I even made a Friendica account because I thought to myself "Friendica is a Fediverse alternative to Facebook and Facebook was THE place to go to make new friends a decade ago. Maybe I'll make some new friends on Friendica...." boy oh boy I was so wrong! All that there was in Friendica was posts screaming "oRaNgE mAn bAd!!!1!!1!!" and Snopes bot posting links to their news articles. Nothing else. There's no way to make friends in that environment. Facebook was not like that 10 years ago, I know that because I was there 10 years ago! Facebook was not political 10 years ago, but now both Facebook and the Fediverse are overtly political. Infact, I feel Fediverse is more political than corporate social media. All I see on the Fediverse are political posts (esspecially about Trump and Musk) and Linux posts. If you don't like these both, you'll be alienated here very soon. I'm apolitical and a Windows user. I don't feel welcome in the Fediverse. It's hostile. In fact I had to lie about using Gentoo in my last comment (the last time I used Linux was 2 years ago) because I know how toxic c/linuc_gaming is to Windows users. I feel all of the Fediverse is filled with political opinions on the extreme sides of the spectrum and the users are mostly Linux cult members. Let me go below in detail on WHY it is so:

As all alternate social media platforms birth from some sort of protest/activism/boycott, the best example is how Shittit (Reddit) API changes gave birth to Shitmmy (Lemmy) and Deadbin (Mbin). Alternate platforms usually give space to de-platformed individuals (Lemmy is created by Dessalines and Nutomic, both of them are hardcore tankies and genocide deniers. They got banned from Reddit for their genocide denial). In the past Alt social medias gave space for the far right and alt-right, now it's far left and alt-left. Nothing different. Just look at what shitshow is going on in Shitsky (Bluesky) and Shitlight social (Skylight social)! Every post is "Orange man bad!", "MAGA Bad!". I gave Shitlight social a try and couldn't stand it! The folks there are chronically online and so deluded that they think everyone is MAGA, like for example: there was a video where a young 11 year girl drove her parents car to the supermarket to buy something and crashed the car into the supermarket, the comments were like "The parents are Trump supporters!". I was like WTF! There was no media coverage of this incident (at the point when the video was made), the video was filmed by someone inside the supermarket, no other context, no nothing! And those deluded people were screaming "Her parents are Trump supporters!" without even knowing the girl's name! To them everyone is a Trump supporter. Every alt media platform is filled with individuals on the extreme sides of the political spectrum. No alt media platform is suitable for making meaningful friendships. That includes Lemmy, Mbin and PieFed. After typing all this out I'm thinking to myself "maybe I should leave the Fediverse and try to make new friends elsewhere...".

[–] [email protected] 0 points 5 days ago

Thank you for typing all this out - I concur on a lot of things, especially the politics. Once you mute the political communities, lemmy is nothing but gaming, linux, trans, and German and Danish communities about politics! All the noise across networks I suspect is from a lot of bots. For many years (even before LLMs), it's always been fairly easy to automatically create text posts to persuade and manipulate. Now, with the advent of LLMs, they can adapt to relevant communities and your specific post history to create hard-hitting "OMG someone is wrong on the internet and I must correct them" noise, either to keep you engaged (a la facebook) or to manipulate you or others vicariously.

Just think, all that time and effort you put into typing your response (even if you can type > 100 wpm), you could have spent looking for a real-life community to join - board game clubs, a local coffee / tea cafe and you'll soon be talking to the regulars, a pub, even for a coffee (especially during the day time) and so on

Start with easy openly friendly people and work your way up. Or just jump in to speed dating and be stupid with it!