Relationship Advice
Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!
The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.
Please make sure you read our rules before posting.
Rules:
Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.
1: Treat all users with respect. [!]
The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.
2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]
Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.
3: All posts must be a request for advice.
All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.
4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.
Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.
5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.
Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.
6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.
Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.
Reddit reposts are allowed.
As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115
How are rules enforced and bans applied?
For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.
For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:
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1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
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2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
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3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.
The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.
Exceptions:
While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.
Related communities:
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Adulting: [email protected]
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No Stupid Questions: [email protected]
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Mental Health [email protected]
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I guess that's hard. I mean for some people it's one big event and that settles it. In other situations it's more gradual and there isn't such a thing like one distinct correct time to end it.
I'm not entirely sure what to recommend here. Maybe set yourself goals. Reflect, and think where you want to be, and where you are right now. Maybe that helps a bit to make a plan or see whether you're on the right track.
Btw, how does couples therapy work? I've never done that. Is there a fixed amount of sessions, or do they tell you at some point your relationship is healed now? I mean obviously it didn't turn out to help more than a short time for you...
In theory, it's until you have resolved your issues. It's more like the therapist mediates and asks questions to helo you understand your relationship dynamics. We made quick progress, but it dissipated over the course of a year.
By then, the therapy was mostly trying to help us retread ground and we both struggled with that fact.
Thanks for the explanation. I should probably not ask my questions here, but listen to some detailed podcast about it. Concerning your situation, I really don't know. Seems you tried. I can't judge and as always we're missing the other half of the picture. But you don't sound very optimistic or happy. You're probably genuine with your question, but it also feels to me like part of you made up your mind already and you typed this down to hear some affirmation. And I wouldn't know a good alternative either, after a year of trying including professional help. Ideally you'd talk to a close friend and not internet strangers, maybe someone who knows both of you. But that's always easier said then done.
You're right. I should be asking my friends. But, a part of me also wants to know what a stranger would say. My friends know and care about me, but I think it's worthwhile to see what someone totally removed would say if they knew how I felt.
And I won't lie, maybe a part of me is looking for permission. I don't want to feel like I'm crazy or making a rash decision.
I really appreciate it, though. It's tough, and I don't think there's a 'good' answer. No matter what I do, it'll be an unhappy outcome on some level.