this post was submitted on 17 May 2025
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me_irl
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I have encountered this analogy irl. I was pretty drunk and said something distasteful to a friend. She ended our friendship over it and caused the group we were in to split into factions. We tried talking it over, but after I made all efforts I could to apologise, she responded with the plate analogy.
Honestly I thinks its a bad position to take. People have wronged me too over the years. Forgiving them, regardless of them apologising or not, is, in my experience, the better option for yourself.
The hate you carry with you if you don't doesn't do anything to them, but it eats you up from the inside. Forgiving somebody frees you from that. It's not about forgetting what people have done to you (and maybe choosing not to keep them in your life depending on how bad it was that they did), it's about not carrying the hate with you trough the years.
A former friend didn't want anything more to do with you and you turn that into a character flaw for them? I think that says more about you than them.
I stopped drinking alcohol after the event for good, so there's that. It's not that I haven't learned my lesson from it. (Not drinking not beeing the only one, but i won't go into more personal details here).
And I wouldn't call it a character flaw. More like an approach on how to handle live. And in this case, I think she didn't chose a good approach for herself.
You can apologize however you want and the other person can accept it or not. Sometimes an apology isn't accepted. That's how apologies work.
To say otherwise is to not respect peoples' boundaries.
Yes, that's true of course. I just don't think it is of benefit to yourself to hold a grudge.