Dad for a Minute

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If you need a dad figure for help, encouragement or just a hug this is the right community for you.

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I shouldn't care but I do. My father has been so absent throughout my whole life (lemmy.world)

submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Hi everyone. I created this community here on Lemmy because I wish to give others what I have never felt: the love and the support of a father.

My father is alive and well, but I've always felt like he was dead. I've never received support, love, or hugs but I instead received disapproval, criticisms, insults and high expectations from him. I remember telling kids in elementary school I had no dad.

I am at an age where this should not affect me. I am an adult with his own life but I am unable to feel indifferent to it. His words (or the lack thereof) still affect me. I want him to be proud of me, at least once in my lifetime, and whenever I try to say something that I think will make him proud, I always leave disappointed telling myself "never try again".

My mother was emotionally unavailable too as she has a schizophrenia diagnosis. I don't know what I am looking for by writing this post, maybe just some nice words.

I still wish to be someone's cherished son. Thank you for reading.

Edit: Thank you to all, really. Your thoughtful comments warm up my heart.

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[–] [email protected] 41 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Why should it not affect you? Because you're an adult you should have no emotions?

Humans are emotional beings—to run from them is to run from being human.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Emotions are a blessing and a curse. But you’re right that we all need to learn to embrace them; both good and bad.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 3 months ago

If it helps, you might want to consider not characterising emotions as "good" or "bad". It's too easy to think of yourself badly for feeling "bad" emotions - something I have done many, many times.

I try to think of emotions as useful or not. Sometimes feeling hate can be useful, if it leads to positive action. Sometimes feeling love can can be the opposite of useful, if it leads to negative action. When going through an emotion ask yourself if it can be useful. If it can, great! If not, then accept that, but don't beat yourself up for feeling a "bad" emotion. It's just not a useful one.