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Anyone else seemingly can't put in the effort to maintain friendships? (hexbear.net)

submitted 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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Even when I get bouts of loneliness, the desire to make friends is quickly snuffed out when I proceed to think about all the effort it would take to not only go out and meet people, but how big of a pain in the ass it is to be a present friend who doesn't let connections just fade away.

Like, I know I'm capable of maintaining friendships if I care enough about someone, but in practice have neither interest nor energy enough to do it even when it's something I know I want in the abstract. None of my hobbies are really social in nature, so they haven't been a vector to meeting people I might actually be interested in knowing.

I was thinking this might just be a depression thing, but I've been like this my whole life, and the only close friends I've ever had were all a result of people intentionally becoming my friend, putting in all the initial effort until I became attached enough to care about staying friends. I do kinda feel like an asshole for this, like what kinda socialist is this much of a recluse? But I'm not really sure where I'd even start on working through this.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Just know, there are millions and millions of people out there who just don't have any friendships or socialize regularly. They're not on social media, they're not making calls and throwing parties. They just go about their life doing what they want or what they've trained themselves to do and are perfectly content for the most part. I have special insight in my community and get to interact with this crowd (mostly everyone gets there by senior age, even if they're going to reunions their houses are off-limits).

I think it's all perfectly healthy and normal. You only get one life so live it how you feel fulfilled. The only thing to really worry about is if you're avoiding relationships in any negative form like narcissism (are you only maintaining relationships you have deemed valuable?) As long as you're not spreading misery, you do you boo boo.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

They just go about their life doing what they want or what they've trained themselves to do and are perfectly content for the most part.

I've seen what social isolation does to people and it's never struck me as good. People gradually lose the ability to communicate with the outside world, they tend to suffer economically as they are, and they develop any number of psychological issues. I've known people who developed anxiety, depression, OCD, even schizophrenia.

Some folks manage better than others, but it always takes a toll.

As long as you're not spreading misery, you do you boo boo.

Internalized misery isn't something I'd applaud or celebrate.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

People gradually lose the ability to communicate with the outside world

How do you mean?

I've known people who developed anxiety, depression, OCD, even schizophrenia.

oh hey, I've developed the first 3 from being socially isolated for like nearly 20 years now agony-deep