Tom Swifty Jokes

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A place to share and appreciate Tom Swifty jokes.

Rules:

  1. No bigotry allowed.

  2. Put the whole joke in the title.

  3. If posting a joke taken from elsewhere, cite the source and trim links of any metadata.

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"Why is my urine black?" asked Tom inquisitively. (slrpnk.net)
submitted 3 weeks ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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I had previously posted this on reddit and it's still my favorite.

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"You done fucked up, A. A. Ron", the substitute said erroneously. (slrpnk.net)
submitted 2 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"There's one for each male child", Tom said personally. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"I only wear kilts now," said Tom expansively. (slrpnk.net)
submitted 2 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"I think we should have more waterfowl", Tom said productively. (midwest.social)
submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"I'm going to take a break from claiming souls for a while", Death said, repressed. (midwest.social)
submitted 5 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"Lacking", Tom said without meaning. (midwest.social)
submitted 11 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"Why can't you ever be on time?" Tom said belatedly. (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"That faint odour just came back", Tom said reminiscently. (midwest.social)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"We are not cousins", Tom said unrelatedly. (midwest.social)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"You just left ninety-nine hundreths of that cake!", exclaimed Tom extremely obtusely. (lemmy.ml)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"It looks like you, and it does everything you do, and yet it isn't you", Tom said on reflection. (midwest.social)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"Tom got here after the other two", Tom said in third-person. (midwest.social)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"It's fair in this specific context", Tom said just in case. (midwest.social)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"Well, Pumbaa, you should know that I've already bested your little friend at Battleship", Tom said sanctimoniously. (midwest.social)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"Large semi-aquatic herbivores are vital to the health of the ecosystem", Tom said hypocritically. (midwest.social)
submitted 1 year ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"I might not have kids, but I can still self-identify as a father", Tom said transparently. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"This whole dissertation is a load of crap", Tom said in abstract. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"Veronica is much too formal," she said with irony. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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OC

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"That AA Milne adaptation was crap," Tom pooh-poohed. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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OC, first posted

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"Other guys never want to hang out with me," mentioned Tom. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
0 comments fedilink
 
 

OC, first posted

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"For your insolence in disrespecting me, I shall become a scourge upon your kingdom", Ishtar said urbanely. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"Don't call me Francis," he said, being frank. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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OC

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"I come to pay respects to mighty Genghis", Tom contributed (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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"I have committed no crime", Tom pled in a sense. (midwest.social)
submitted 2 years ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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