Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/FunkThisYouWookie on 2025-05-13 21:20:22+00:00.

I was having a phone conversation with a colleague who I'm really casual with. Like we talk shit and gossip and all that. Anyway, at this time we were talking about a work thing. The VP came up in conversation and the colleague said "VP is a dick, right?!" And I said "Uh. yeah. He can be hard to work with." TBH I don't even know why I said it. I haven't even really worked with this VP. I'm horrible on picking up jokes/sarcasm and was just caught off guard, I guess. Idk.

Colleague laughs. I say Just kidding. Colleague says he's standing right here.

Honestly, I don’t remember for sure if I said Just kidding before or after he said the VP heard. My brain may just be trying to make me feel better.

TL;DR colleague says VP is a dick over the phone and I agree unknowing that I was on speaker and VP heard

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/JewelerOk5317 on 2025-05-13 04:34:41+00:00.

So this happened recently, and I’m still trying to process how it spiraled the way it did.

My wife was out driving with our two daughters when they got a flat tire. The girls, bless them, were super eager to help and begged my wife to let them change it. She told them no, understandably, she probably just wanted it dealt with someone she thought eould do it right, not knowing the kids were fully capable. So she called me and asked if I could come over and handle it.

I Ubered to the parking lot where they were. As soon as I got there, the girls lit up and started begging me to let them do it. A bit of context: a while back, I was working on my project car and the girls helped me swap the wheels. We turned it into a fun, teachable moment, they learned how to use the jack, what order to loosen/tighten bolts, all of it. They were surprisingly good at it, and we really bonded over the whole experience.

So here they were now, dying to show off to their mom how they could change a tire all by themselves. I thought it was kind of awesome. I looked at my wife and gave her a little “Come on…” nudge. She reluctantly agreed.

The girls absolutely crushed it. I supervised, helped with practically nothing, but otherwise they did the whole thing smoothly. I was proud. They were proud. I thought it was a win all around.

The drive home was... quiet. I didn’t think much of it at first. Figured she was tired.

Nope.

Once the girls were in bed, she let me have it. She told me she felt disrespected, she called me to do something she specifically didn’t want the kids to do, and I overruled her in front of them. She said it made her feel ignored, like her judgment didn’t matter, and like I was more focused on turning it into a feel-good moment than actually supporting her when she has made a decision. Then she went to sleep angry.

I apologized, of course. I didn’t realize how deep it went. To me, it was just a tire change and a chance for our daughters to shine a little. But to her, it felt like I brushed aside her authority and needs in the moment.

So yeah. TIFU by turning a simple tire change into a mini family drama and unintentionally disrespecting my wife.

Lesson learned.

TL;DR: Wife asked me to change a flat tire. I pushed her to let the kids do it and she felt disrespected because I undermined her authority. And she felt disrespected.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Novel_Bluebird_5166 on 2025-05-13 19:46:24+00:00.

My friend got me this nice plant. I watered it every day, talked to it, made sure it got lots of sunlight, etc. It was the first plant I ever had and I was thrilled at how well it was keeping.

I have quite a busy life, and keeping a plant like this is quite the commitment, but it looked so nice on my windowsill I thought I’d do my best to look after it.

Today, I went to change its pot. Turns out the plant is FAKE and I’ve wasted all this time watering and talking to a FAKE PLANT!!!

Nobody ever thought to tell me this - I don’t think they even realised it themselves because it has soil in and everything.

I contacted the person who got me it and she just laughed and said “of course it’s fake”… I feel like I’ve wasted my life.

TL;DR: Wasted 6 months watering a piece of plastic.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/turrboenvy on 2025-05-13 13:59:56+00:00.

My wife (47F) is a type 2 diabetic. I (46m) am very involved in her care, filling her massive number of pills into a 4-times-a-day, 7-day pill case, going to doctor appointments, etc. It's one of many medical issues she has, including a recent Achilles surgery and non-alcoholic cirrhosis (NASH).

She has been doing very well the last couple of years since they put her on meal-time insulin and a continuous glucose monitoring (Dexcom).

So the problem starts a couple weeks ago. Suddenly her sugars go from the normal low-100s to 200, 300, even touching 400 at one point. We check the obvious. I check her pills -- they look right. Insulin shows no signs of spoilage. We think back and she hasn't missed any shots. Diet hasn't changed. She has been mostly stuck in bed for 2 months following her surgery, so not a lot of activity, but why the sudden change? We're at that age, and menopause can cause blood sugars to rise, but not so acutely -- basically overnight.

She doesn't really have any other symptoms, but this is usually a sign of infection. This is a major concern for her Achilles recovery, i.e. will she ever walk normally again. High blood sugar fosters infections and she already has trouble healing. We see the doctor -- he suspects cellulitis and puts her on an antibiotic. Things improve slightly, getting back into the 200s, before creeping back up again. The doctor has no other answers. Next step is contacting the diabetes clinic, but it takes months to get in there.

We had no answers... until last Wednesday. Wednesday is the day I fill her pills. Basically, we have the "open" pill bottles in a basket with more refills in a bin. I pull from the basket what I think is Metformin (one of the diabetes meds) and... it's not. It's prescription ibuprofen. The bottle and pills look very similar to metformin. In fact I had almost grabbed the wrong bottle from the bin before, but I noticed and marked the label with highlighter.

I guess missed it this time. So potentially, she has been taking a prescription dose of ibuprofen twice a day for 2-ish weeks instead of Metformin. At that time it is unproven that she has taken any. I thought I had finished a bottle of and thrown a new bottle in for next time. I counted the remaining ibuprofen pills and it was down to... 26 from 42? However, in the 5 days that she has definitely been taking Metformin, her sugars have gone back to normal. She hit 101 this morning.

So it's undeniable. I gave her the wrong pills. A week or two of high blood sugars isn't a death sentence, right? She survived? Yes, but. ibuprofen can damage your liver and should be avoided in people with liver disease -- like her non-alcoholic cirrhosis. How bad is the damage? She already has an appointment with the liver clinic on Thursday so I guess we find out then.

You might ask -- why didn't you notice when you checked her pills? I have asked that myself and I have a theory -- I fill from Sunday to Saturday (left to right) but she takes from Thursday to Wednesday, with me refilling on Wednesday night for Thursday. If I ran out of metformin halfway through filling the week, I would have filled in the rest of the week from a new bottle. The wrong bottle. So it's possible depending on which day I looked at, that day may have been OK. If I checked on Sunday, the incorrect pills would've been gone from that first week.

I threw out the ibuprofen so it can't happen again. She can't take it anyway.

TL;DR: I gave my diabetic wife ibuprofen instead of Metformin, raising her blood sugar and possibly destroying her already-damaged liver.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/True_Strength_2442 on 2025-05-13 02:18:41+00:00.

Hey everyone, today I fucked up and had sex with a frat guy I matched with on tinder. I told him that I had a fantasy of having sex in the woods and so we decided to go deep into the woods in New England. The thing is neither one of us brought a blanket or towel to lay on so we were in the grass… it’s May in New England. That means ticks. Lots of ticks. You see I’m not from New England and after I got like 3 ticks off of myself before they bit but apparently I didn’t get all of them and when I went to take my shower I found 2 more and had to remove them. I am now scared that somehow in 5 hours I got Lyme disease even tho it typically takes 36 hours. Don’t do your wildlife fantasies.

TL;DR: fucked a frat boy who will only ever be a situationship and ticks are now my STD 😔

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DirtyMight on 2025-05-13 00:44:21+00:00.

Was watching a movie when I saw my dog running in circles, looking uneasy. This is a typical sign that she either has cramps or needs to pee/poop. Since she had already been outside at the usual time, I assumed it was cramps / diarrhea. I quickly grabbed the leash and took her to the playground near my house so she could poop.

Because I was in a rush, I forgot my phone at home, so I had no light with me. That meant I needed to stay close to the path, since it's the only source of light in the area. I was also wearing the hood of my jacket because near light sources at night, there are tons of insects—and I really don’t want them flying into my face or ears.

My dog went halfway into the bushes, so I was standing right next to her, which meant I wasn’t visible to people walking along the path.

I heard footsteps coming from the path, and since I was so close to it but hidden from view, I did what I usually do to let people know someone’s nearby—I cleared my throat. (I usually do this in public bathrooms too, just so people know they’re not alone, etc.)

Turns out, it was a woman in her ~20s. From her point of view, she suddenly heard a deep sound coming from the bushes, and when she looked over, saw a hooded, 2-meter (6.5-foot) man standing right next to her.

This poor woman probably saw her life flash before her eyes. She had a look of terror on her face and completely froze for what felt like 30 seconds without moving a muscle.

I felt awful and tried to apologize and point out my dog to show that I was just walking her, but the woman didn’t really respond and stayed frozen in place. It took her a good 1–2 minutes to calm down and realize everything was fine before she continued walking.

When she got further away, she told me to be careful—especially with my hood up—because there are some really bad people out there at that time of night. When I explained that I’m fine and only had my hood up to avoid insects flying into my ears, I think it finally clicked for her that I was just a huge idiot walking his dog while being scared of bugs.

If by some huge coincidence you’re reading this: I am so, so sorry for scaring the living shit out of you. I’ve been feeling terrible about it for hours now.

TL;DR: Walking my dog late at night as a big guy. Tried to make a sound so I wouldn’t scare anyone. Ended up terrifying a woman and probably almost gave her a heart attack.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/redblade8 on 2025-05-12 18:53:24+00:00.

I have been listening to dedicated by Carly Rae Jepsen every day on my way to work for the last two weeks. Well I heard a weird squeaks every time I turned at the same spots on my road (winding road). The car stopped making the sounds on the way home but it was still bothering me because it was back on the way to work. I checked the wheel well, power steering fluid, steering tie rod. Everything looked ok. The sound continued over 2 weeks. Well today I was folding laundry and none of my podcasts were doing it for me so I turned on my music and there is was the squeak! Well it turns out the first song has a squeak in the background that was literally driving me crazy.

TL:DR listened to the same song every single day on the way to work. A random sound effect in the song made me think something was wrong with my car.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/-primrose- on 2025-05-12 18:34:14+00:00.

So TIFU. There was a post I’ve just now seen from 10 months ago posted in this subreddit. It mentioned about not realising that eating dried apricots were similar to eating prunes. I couldn’t comment on the post so made my own to say OH MY GOSH. Do not eat half a bag of dried apricots in one sitting! To clarify what the previous poster said ‘4-5 max’.

It’s my one day off this week and I’ve spent the last two hours feeling a bit funny and have had to hang up the phone on my dad to make it to the bathroom in time.

If you’re reading this in the future not knowing why you’ve experienced the same it’s because apricots are super high in fibre and other stuff that’s good in SMALL doses. Some of the properties mean that liquid is sent to your digestive area and makes it pretty hard to store what your body’s been cooking.

I hope you’re having a better day than me haha.

TL;DR - I ate half a bag of dried apricots and am stuck on the toilet.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Stxic on 2025-05-12 18:12:28+00:00.

I was in the forest on a walk , atleast 5 miles in. When I felt the urge to go, so I did what anybody would do and go in a bush. Until a family noticed me ; their 4 children staring , I was harshly shouted at by the father. I am traumatized. I went home that same night and felt pretty sad that the kids has to see that. Oh well i guess it not me who saw it 😅

I've got a great tip : Never take a leak ; even if you are desperate, on a public forest walk , trust me. you will regret it.

TL:DR I got caught taking a leak by a family of 4 then got harshly shouted at by the father

I don't know what else to write because I don't have enough stuff to write about that will take up 750 characters , Hmm anyway , Are you having a good day? I hope you are!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Safe-Manufacturer-82 on 2025-05-12 15:51:41+00:00.

I started my first seasonal job and first kitchen job last week and last night the chef was off so I had to cook dinner for our guests by myself. He helped me get things organized in the morning and gave me a few pointers for the evening but obviously it was all up to me. When I got to the kitchen at about 4 I was feeling great. I had set the rolls to proof at the time he told me and I just had some easy prep to do. Until I remembered that one of the guests was vegetarian and I would need to make something for her. No big deal, I used to be vegan I have handle that. I whipped up a quick marinade for a tofu steak, I kinda winged it but was confident it would be fine.

I knew dinner was at 6:30 so I was timing everything accordingly and was on track to finish at just about 6:25 to have time to plate everything. Well, at 5:55 people started coming into the kitchen and getting wine glasses for guests. I was surprised, usually guests don’t sit down until about 5 minutes before a meal. And I said so to one of my coworkers. She looked at me and slowly shook her head. “Its at 6….” She said quietly. Well fuck.

I had somehow screwed up the time and now had at least 15 minutes until things would START to be ready. The rolls were in the oven but had aggressively over proofed meaning I had gotten THAT time wrong too. I was scrambling but there was literally nothing I could do but wait. I decided to start cooking the tofu to make sure it was warm all the way through. I popped a pan on the stove to heat it up but those damn stoves have 2 setting. Off and on, no low or medium (maybe thats normal but I’ve never been in a commercial kitchen before). So after a few minutes I poured some of the marinade into the pan to cook the tofu in (not really sure why I did that??? It had a good amount of olive oil in it but also balsamic…. I was starting to lose the plot at this point). Anyway, I put some of the liquid in and the damn thing erupts into flames. I froze. No one was in the kitchen with me so there was no one to react better but almost immediately the fire started to die down and after maybe 30 seconds it was out. Fuck I was terrified. We had done a fire safety training literally 2 days before and I had totally just failed. Well I was so flustered that I didn’t think to turn on the overhead fan so about 5 minutes later the smoke alarm went off. Of course I knew exactly why that was happening and the owner had just stepped out but came back when she heard it. I’m not sure if she knew it was the smoke alarm or just a loud timer (the kitchen timer sounds very similar) but she didn’t say anything to me about it. And also it was a non issue. There was no big fire, everything was fine. But I was scared it had alerted the fire dept. And yes I know thats not how it works but I was freaking out.

Luckily one of my coworkers got it turned off quickly and came in to check on me. I was so close to breaking down into tears. I was pissed at myself, embarrassed, stressed, everything. But I pulled myself together, got dinner served up and the second it was done I hightailed it outside, past some coworkers who I knew were worried (I am the same age as their kids and I can feel their parental concern/instincts often and it is usually appreciated) they asked if I was okay and I said I was just going on a walk and would be back in a few to get dessert ready. I walked up the hill and finally let myself cry for a few minutes. I knew it wasn’t a huge deal. The food was all on the table by 6:20 and no one was complaining, the guests were just having a nice time chatting etc but I felt like an idiot. How could I have possibly gotten the time wrong? Dinner had been at 6pm every other day, why in god’s name did I think it was at 6:30?

I got myself together after a few minutes and walked back to the kitchen. One of the older employees (the “dad” if you will) stood up and gave me a hug and I tried to hold in my tears but of course I couldn’t. I splashed some cold water on my face and went out to the table like the chef always does to ask how everything is and tell them what they are eating. Everyone seemed happy and I got dessert ready. When plates started coming in someone told me that the vegetarian didn’t like her tofu and at that point I wasn’t surprised. I shouldn’t have winged something like that but apparently she ate it all. Well I served dessert, everyone seemed happy and finally I was done. I hid in the kitchen the rest of the evening, putting leftovers away and made some dinner for myself.

I am off today and tomorrow and the guests from last night are leaving today and Wednesday. I only have to cook breakfast on Wednesday and they will be gone but I don’t want to show my face (I live on the property and don’t have a kitchen of my own). Not to the chef to tell him how poorly it went, not to the guests, especially the vegetarian who I had spoken to before dinner and had a nice chat with. Not to anyone. I’m so humiliated. I know everything is fine. Nothing horrible happened and apparently chef gets meals out late frequently (I think it has stopped since I have been here) but that is what I have heard. Nonetheless I am mortified. The owner came by a few times to tell me that everything was fine, I don’t have to be perfect on my first day alone in the kitchen and that everything was delicious. Thank god the food tasted good (except for the tofu (but apparently the veggie lady seemed to be a hard to please lady, that was not the impression I got and it might be a total lie on the part of my coworkers to make me feel better but idk))

TL;DR on my first day alone in the kitchen at my new job, I started a small VERY brief fire, got the time wrong and served dinner 20 minutes late, over proofed the rolls, served offending tofu and cried in front of my coworkers for the first time. And now I don’t want to leave my room or show my face.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ClockworkClaws on 2025-05-12 14:54:52+00:00.

College freshman. I’ve known since middle school that I want to go into a specific field and that I’ll need to get a masters for that.

I learned recently that one of the colleges I turned down offers a 4+1 program where you can easily get a masters from my dream program. Now I’ll have to do 4 years of college, 2 years of work experience, and a 2 year masters instead. And that’s assuming that I even get into this highly competitive program.

I’m really angry at myself. I didn’t do enough research during my college admissions process, and I’m wasting money.

Looking back I chose my current college because it’s what my parents wanted and it has the best reputation. And maybe because it’s similar to my high school and I was scared of graduating. I can’t help but feel that I’ve majorly fucked up, and I haven’t told anyone because it’s so embarrassing.

TL;DR: turned down a college that had my dream program, now I’ll need to do additional years and pay more money.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/serenologic on 2025-05-12 14:21:01+00:00.

(tifu = today i f***ed up. technically this happened last week, but i still want to crawl under my bed and stay there.)

so i (26m) was doing a virtual interview for a job i *really* wanted. big tech company, remote position, dream role. i was nervous, obviously, but i thought i was holding it together.

about 10 minutes in, during one of those awkward “do you have any questions for us?” parts, i felt it. the pressure. i thought i could *sneak* it out silently. a classic stealth move.

reader, it was *not* silent.

it was loud. *cartoon-level* loud. and it *echoed*. because i was in my damn kitchen with tile floors and no carpet to absorb the shame.

i froze. interviewer froze. second interviewer *muted* for a second (to laugh?). i literally said:

“sorry, that was … not what i meant to bring to the table.”

...

and then we all burst out laughing.

i was sure i’d blown it. i sent a thank you email anyway, because professionalism or whatever.

they emailed back the next day: *“we loved your energy. welcome aboard.”*

i still don’t know if they mistook it for confidence or just felt bad for me, but hey — i’ll take it.

**tl;dr**: i made a sound that i really hoped would be silent ... it wasn’t, during zoom interview, tried to style it out with a joke, somehow still got the job. still can’t look my webcam in the eye.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Galeprime on 2025-05-11 17:57:14+00:00.

I used to be on literally every major social network app you could think of, it started off with MySpace then moved to Facebook and then as social platforms came along I joined them and made friends, got in contact with old friends and made new ones.

Then the world changed pretty drastically post covid, social platforms seemed to favour toxicity, depressing stories and whatnot, it was affecting my mental health so after some deep thought I ripped myself off everything (bar Reddit, which I recently joined back onto and loving it).

This decision has basically severed ties with everyone I knew, nobody even sends a text/calls and the only irl friends I have don't even come see me.

As a huge introvert and someone who gets anxious and depressed fairly quickly it's sending me down a spiral I'm not enjoying and despite my best efforts (subreddits for finding friends) it isn't working at all.

Sorry I'm aware most TIFU posts are pretty funny, this one isn't...if you read this far then big kudos to you ❤️.

TL:DR I went from social media addict to cold turkey and now I'm a friend less depressed mess of a man

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/180311-Fresh on 2025-05-11 21:48:46+00:00.

Literally happened earlier this evening, and still both giggling about it.

I tried to go all passionate, kissing down SO's thigh, aiming for that primal, sexy “rhh-c’ham” sound. Instead, my attempt at a seductive growl came out more like the start of a Homer Simpson “om nom nom.”

She burst into absolute hysterics, which set me off as well, and now every attempt to recover my dignity with a follow-up bite has ended in the same breathless, uncontrollable laughter. I’ve fully Pavlov’d myself into a thigh-kissing punchline. At this point, I’m less seductive husband, and more snack-obsessed cartoon character, but at least we’ve had the best laugh we’ve had in ages.

Pretty sure I’ve permanently ruined thigh kisses for both of us though!

TL;DR: tried to get all passionate, kissing down SO's thigh, but my attempt at a sexy growl came out as a Homer Simpson “om nom nom.” Now every attempt to recover my dignity just triggers fits of laughter, and I’ve probably ruined thigh kisses for both of us forever.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DamionWood on 2025-05-11 20:38:29+00:00.

I got a tattoo kit for my 21st birthday, practiced on some fake skin before realising I really need to have a go at real skin before I actually tattoo anyone.

I chose my foot, made a cool design that goes straight down the middle, from the top to the bottom of my sole.

I thought it would be great because if I mess it up, It won't even be visible most of the time.

The actual fup happens when I tattoo my foot, I do it, it looks great, I wash it...I haven't gone deep enough. That's okay though, it's not like it hurt so I can just redo it a little deeper...

I cried. It hurt so badly that my manly little eyes blahed themselves blind. I've never had a tattoo before, and I thought I was so tough for not feeling anything during the first go.

Now there's no going back, do I want an unfinished tattoo? Absolutely not. I have to finish this, little by excruciating little.

Tl;Dr - I tried tattooing my little manbaby foot and now I'm stuck with it as some type of messed up art project that I'm obligated to finish.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/serenologic on 2025-05-11 14:14:22+00:00.

(tifu = today i f***ed up. this actually happened a couple days ago, and i still want to curl up and disappear.)

so i've (25m) had a crush on this girl for over a year. let's call her anna. she's funny, smart, kind of chaotic in a cute way — and, most importantly, has an identical twin, mary.

i met them both at a mutual friend's party last year. at first, i couldn’t really tell them apart. but anna had this tiny scar on her wrist from when she fell off a bike as a kid, and over time i learned to recognize her laugh, her expressions, her vibe. so i thought i had it down.

anyway. fast forward to last weekend. i’m at this chill house gathering, and anna (or so i thought) is there. we talk for a bit, and i feel like the universe is giving me the green light. i’ve waited so long, so i finally say it.

i say:

“hey, i know this might be out of nowhere … but i really like you. like, a lot. and i’ve felt this way for a while now. you make everything better when you’re around.”

she stares at me. silent. then she smiles and says:

“i’m mary.”

my soul left my body.

i froze, stammered something like “oh my god i’m so sorry,” and she just laughed, like REALLY laughed. then she said:

“It’s okay. i already knew. i just wanted to hear what you’d say.”

then she winked.

i still don’t know if that means she told anna or not. i haven’t spoken to either of them since. i’m seriously considering joining a monastery.

tl;dr:

confessed to my crush at a party. turns out it was her identical twin. she knew the whole time and let me suffer anyway.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/concernedhusband6400 on 2025-05-11 07:31:20+00:00.

Okay, so a little backstory: my wife (23F) and I (24M) have been married for about 1.5 years, together for 3. We just moved into a much bigger place, which is awesome. While unpacking, my wife unearthed a bunch of old journals from years ago. We were already looking at old childhood photos of me and kinda in a nostalgic mood, so we started reading some of her entries together.

Now, here's where I messed up. These journal entries were from a time when she was in a pretty serious relationship about a year and a half before me (red flags already waving, I know). We've always been open about past relationships, so when I skipped ahead a page and saw some, uh, intimate details, I didn't initially freak out.

But of course, my dumbass kept reading. And honestly, it really hit me hard. It wasn't just that she was writing about sex with her ex; it was the way she wrote about it and how incredibly different it is from our sex life now.

My wife has always told me she's not a super physically driven person and has a pretty low libido. But in her journal, she went into intense detail about her ex's physical attributes, saying she couldn't get enough of him. She wrote about being annoyed if they went more than a day without sex and how she loved how rough, spontaneous, and frequent it was.

Basically, everything our sex life isn't right now. With us, it's sometimes weeks in between, and honestly, sometimes I can't help but worry it feels like a chore for her.

When she finally caught up to the page I was on, she quickly flipped to another section and said "oops!" I excused myself and started unpacking other boxes. She could tell I was bothered and immediately offered to throw the journals out, which was genuinely sweet. I told her not to and that I was fine (huge lie).

I guess it just really hurts to see that there was someone who genuinely drove my wife wild, physically. The way she wrote about him… I can't shake it. It was like she was describing a Greek god. Every single physical detail, she was just fawning over it. She's given me compliments and written me lovely letters, but never like that. Never in a way that made me feel like she had this primal, physical need for me.

I know my wife loves me. It's not like she married me for money (because trust me, that ain't it). But I'm really struggling to process this and can't help but feel like I'm the "safe choice" after a string of more passionate relationships. The image of how she described him is just stuck in my head.

So, Reddit, what the hell do I do now? I feel like crap.

TL;DR: Read my wife's old journal and found incredibly detailed and passionate entries about her sex life with an ex, which is the complete opposite of our current sex life. Feeling insecure and like I'm the "settle down" guy.

Edit for clarification

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/archaeob on 2025-05-11 00:14:37+00:00.

I'm an archaeologist, meaning I work outside and end up with poison ivy a few times a year and often have a bad farmer's tan. When my sister asked me to be her maid of honor last year, she specifically asked me to make sure that I didn't have an awful farmers tan or poison ivy for her wedding, to which I agreed. I had an agreement with my supervisor that I wouldn't be in the field the two weeks before her wedding to ensure this.

However... two weeks ago we had a permit from a federal agency unexpectedly come in earlier than we were anticipating that had very specific dates in which we were allowed to do the field work. And my name was on the permit so I had to be the one to do it. It was basically go out and do the fieldwork this past Thursday and Friday or never be able to do it and lose a valuable client. My field is precarious enough as it is due to all the cuts the US government is making right now that i definitely didn't want to screw this up for us. So I told my supervisor that I'd do the fieldwork and just be extra careful.

I wore long sleeves and scrubbed with technu as soon as I got home, but only wore gloves when I absolutely had to as I didn't see any poison ivy out. We use an ipad for a lot of data recording and have to do a lot of writing with pencil and paper as well so gloves would have had to be coming on and off anyways. But, despite the technu, I still have poison ivy that is steadily appearing on the back of my right hand and my thigh at the moment. The other people who were out in the field with me also have started developing poison ivy, so it was probably everywhere on site or the oils were on our equipment from a previous site. Gloves still could have helped reduce my chance though.

I'm hoping it doesn't get to bad, but with my history it probably will be visible/nasty by next Saturday. And I react really horribly to steroids. They make me paranoid and jittery, and because I have an autoimmune disease, I have to taper off them very slowly so I don't end up getting into a huge debilitating flare. I haven't broken the news to my sister yet because I am holding out hope that it will be mild enough no one else will notice due to the technu. And I will go get steroids if it gets bad. But I definitely messed up and broke the one promise I made to my sister for her wedding.

Edit: I woke today with the rash on my neck and chest. I sent a photo to my mom, not knowing she was sitting next to my sister. Sister is surprisingly cool and told me not to worry about steroids unless I felt like I need them to be comfortable. Her quote "shit happens."

TL;DR I promised my sister I wouldn't have poison ivy for her wedding. I got poison ivy a week before her wedding.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Elecat1 on 2025-05-10 16:57:23+00:00.

I was walking back to my parents house through a wooded area on a beautiful day, to walk off this weird post-drinking dissociation I can feel on days after drinking. Perhaps that's a contributor to what happened next. I was in a neighbor's backyard and I realized I needed a stick to clear any spider webs, so grabbed a long, curved one. When I did I realized it kinda seemed like a Katana (curved Japanese samurai swords), I started thinking about a character I tried yesterday called Acheron from Honkai: Star Rail who looks really sick using her katana.

This character:

https://honkai.gg/acheron-character-guide/

I was dramatically "sheathing" and unsheathing it and doing "cool" sword moves to clear webs. Then I heard chatter and looked up at the neighbors back deck and saw 4 of them just starting at me. One just gave me a tiny awkward wave and I did the same. I just hope they couldn't hear the sound effects I was making

I'm a grown-ass 37 year old man(child)....

TL;DR pretending to use a stick as a katana and neighbors were watching the whole time

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Accomplished-Fix1204 on 2025-05-10 16:38:39+00:00.

TL;DR. Bought my bf sugar free gummies as a road trip snack. I know he was sensitive to the ingredients and his farts were so bad we almost died

So basically my bf has been trying to eat a little better lately because his doctor is worried about him getting prediabetes in the near future. He has a bit of a candy binge eating problem, where he always has to eat the whole bag in one sitting if he opens a bag of candy. He does this with gummies, Reese’s minis, caramel candies basically whatever he has he’ll eat.

We were on the way to Six Flags last week (maybe a 4 hour drive) and I packed us a few snacks. Some chips, some sparkling water and of course the candy. I grabbed it from the Walgreens near my house for him to try as a healthier alternative. I’m not a huge candy person myself so I tried a piece or two and the gummies tasted pretty normal. He ate through the entire bag like 30 minutes in.

About 2 hours later he tells me that his stomach is hurting and we both thought it was weird since he hasn’t eaten much the whole day. We suspect he has mild ibs as well as lactose interesting so he’s prone to stomach issues, but he tries to be careful of what he eats. He rubs his stomach and I hear the most diabolical sounding fart I’ve ever heard in my life. I laughed because it was hilarious, until I saw him shift and let out ANOTHER fart. This one was somehow loud and quiet at the same time. Like someone was hissing or something! He apologized after the smell hit us and rolled down the window but the smell was so dense I’m not sure that even helped all that much. The whole car ride this man was just ripping ass left and right. I thought I was going to suffocate! I wanted to be mad but it was my own fault.

We ended up pinpointing the source as being from the gummies. Some people are sensitive to things like xylitol and malitol and it seems like he’s one of those people lol. Never again. A week later and I’m worried the car will never smell the same again. That should put a warning on those things.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/mellyrod on 2025-05-10 14:33:13+00:00.

This is a comedy of errors.

I dabble casually in hiking - I’ve had a couple back-country trips in my younger years, but as of lately am pretty out of shape and working mostly an office job. In the past year or so, I’ve maybe done 5-6 hikes that a gal pal would drag me on. Maybe 5k, 10k max, but they felt ok. All this to say, that I probably have just enough experience, and little enough actual fitness, to be dangerous to myself.

Visiting Banff this week, I knew I wanted to do a pretty significant (for me) hike, and cruised AllTrails for a good one. I found the Aylmer lookout at Lake Minnewanka. AllTrails says it’s 23km, and an out and back hike. I figured - okay! A challenge, but I’ll hike 12, take a break at the summit, and then hike 12 back out. Knowing this is the longest I’d ever attempted, I set a boundary for myself that if I hadn’t reached the summit by 2:00pm, I would have to turn around and kiss that gratifying view goodbye for the sake of getting back to the car by sunset (and trying to be realistic about having to trek the same distance back out!)

Mistake number 1: not understanding that AllTrails gives you the ONE WAY distance of an “out and back” hike.

I prepared myself well in the morning! Bear spray and bells, plenty of food and water, layers of clothing, sunscreen, emergency supplies and my medications. This is one credit I will give myself; I did ensure that I had everything I needed for a BIG hike.

I also had this handy dandy new Garmin watch to help me track the hike - cool! (This was mistake number two, we’ll get to that in a second)

I set off! Hour 1 was delightful and flew by as I chatted with another family on the trail. They turned around at the first pretty bridge, and then I was on my own!

Hours 2-3 were also lovely - I was marvelling at the views, enjoying the fresh air, and generally vibing. My body felt great, even if I was feeling the burn! Oh sweet summer child. If only she knew.

Hour 4 the ascent started, and I was feeling pretty pleased with myself! I figured since it was about noon that I was way ahead of schedule, and would certainly be at that majestic and coveted viewpoint well before 2:00! I started listening to an audiobook, and channeled by inner badass female warrior as I started huffing and puffing my way up the mountain.

This is where I started to crack. I severely underestimated how much harder it is to consistently hike UP with no flat reprieves. Regardless, I persisted for two more hours. There were lots of breaks, and one very nearly puking moment I was able to stave off with some Gatorade, banana chips, and a Gravol (thank goodness for my pocket pharmacy!).

This is also where I peed trail side for the first time. Despite my best diligence and efforts, I did indeed find a tick on my belly later that day. Yuck.

All the while, I’m watching the numbers tick upwards on my Garmin - the KM’s seem to be going by SO slowly, but I chalk it up to being a chunky lady with little legs and elevation being harder and slower.

I summit, take some photos, and head back down. Thank goodness downhill goes quicker than up!

The rest, I’m thinking I was mostly in a fugue state. My phone was on low battery, so the audiobook had to stop in the interest of keeping the last of the battery for emergency and continuing to update my safety person on my locations.

So I raw-dogged the long way home with just my thoughts. Thoughts like “you can do anything, even if you’re slow!” “This will be a new personal record, and the hardest part is over!”. I also thought thoughts like “do I remember how to Jerry rig a tourniquet if a bear rips my arm off?”

Oh, did I not mention I was in grizzly territory? I didn’t bring the bear spray just for funsies homies.

The way home seemed impossibly slow. Why are the KM’s ticking by sooooo slowly when I keep putting one foot in front of the other? I’m definitely going the right way… so I guess I’m just slower than I thought perhaps?

I finally, blessedly, make it back to the car.

8:45am to 7:15pm. What a day!!! But I beat the sunset, and I had totally expected my legs to be jelly after 24km so I’m calling it a win at this point!

I get back to the hotel and a friend cheers for me - says I’m a crazy ass for doing a 24k hike. Proudly, I pull out the Garmin app to show her my stats.

MILES.

24 MILES. And with 1000m of elevation to boot.

For all yall who aren’t aware of the conversion, that’s about 40km. Quadruple the distance I had ever done in a day. Almost a literal motherfucking marathon. The combo of not understanding how AllTrails measures an out/back, and not looking closely at the units of measurement on that fancy new Garmin watch, means I accidentally did a marathon and I didn’t even know it till it was done.

So anywho yeah. It’s morning now and I’m not even sure if I’m going to be able to walk on the plane 😂

TLDR: stupid Canadian with short legs doesn’t understand units of measurement, accidentially hikes 24 miles as a result, but DID NOT PUKE!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Twistys_Pisacandy on 2025-05-10 13:19:21+00:00.

All names have been changed to provide anonymity

So this has been ongoing for the past couple of months but really came to a head in the last week.

For a while now my son has been saying “Oh my god!” or “What the fuck!” My wife and I know that he picked these phases up from daycare, so we have the following dialogue:

“Who says that?” “Zale does.” “Are you Zale?” “No, I’m Mark” “Ok then, Mark doesn’t say those things”

Now is when the FU happens. The next time he says either of the phases I call him Zale. “I’m not Zale, I’m Mark” “Well Mark doesn’t say that, Zale does. So you must be Zale.” This usually gets him to stop saying either phrase, which is the goal, however the FU was realized last weekend when we were at a restaurant, and further during the week with Grandma. One of the people at the table behind us said “Oh my god” and Mark instantly said “Zale” under his breath. My wife and I exchanged Oh great glances. Mark proceeded to do that a couple more times that meal whenever the other group would say it. The same thing happened this past week when he was with Grandma. She would say “Oh my god” without realizing it and Mark would instantly say “Zale”. She would look surprised and claim she didn’t say that. But every time Mark would call her “Zale”

TL;DR any time my son would use a certain phrase he picked up from school we called him the kid who says it. Now he calls other people that kids name.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Dry_Ticket_9548 on 2025-05-10 11:31:32+00:00.

I'm currently in full panic mode after realizing I've royally screwed up our family vacation planning, and I'm the designated "responsible one" who handles all the booking 🙃

Long story short: I managed to book flights for our family of 4 to arrive at our destination A WHOLE DAY before our hotel reservation starts. And now our main hotel is fully booked for that night, so we can't even adjust it.

The amount of tabs I had open while planning this trip should have been my first warning sign. Flight prices for different days, hotel options, car rentals, vacation packages - my browser looked like a digital hoarder situation. I decided I'd take care of all the bookings at once. Got our flights for what seemed like a steal - should've known the universe doesn't just hand out travel deals without consequences.

Just double-checked everything today (thank god I did before we left) and realized our flights land at 2pm on the 15th, but our hotel reservation AND airport parking both start on the 16th. So now we're looking at:

• Nowhere to stay that first night

• No parking for our car at home

• A family of 4 with luggage potentially homeless in a tourist city

• Me facing the judgment of my spouse who specifically asked "are you SURE the dates line up?"

Now I'm frantically searching for a one-night hotel that won't cost a fortune, and trying to figure out if we can add an extra day to our airport parking without taking out a second mortgage.

The worst part? I'm the one who always lectures everyone about "checking and double-checking" travel plans...

TL;DR: Booked family flights a day earlier than hotel reservation, main hotel fully booked that night, now have to scramble for a one-night solution and explain to my family why we're hotel-hopping on vacation.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/peculiar-pirate on 2025-05-10 09:50:55+00:00.

Gonna keep some of the details vague for the sake of anonymity. I recently joined a sports club, and I signed up for a competition. This would've been my second time attending the club. A couple of days before the organiser announced that there was a dress theme. Initially he said that the theme was 'best dressed' then he added that he really meant the 'most entertaining' and said there would be prizes for the best outfit. Well I decided to go a bit overkill on this and wear a cosplay outfit that had been sitting in my closet for a while. It has bright colours, a scary mask, and it stands out a lot. As I know no one at the club, I was also thinking it would be a good icebreaker as we could all discuss our costumes together. The day comes around and I hype myself up on the walk there feeling very excited about this event, and some guy even complimented me on my outfit! Only as I approach the building things seem a bit off because I don't see anyone else approaching the building in entertaining outfits/costumes. Oh well, perhaps I'll see them at the meeting point. Lo and behold, when I got there I discovered that I had made a huge misjudgement. No one is wearing any costumes, they are just dressed slightly more formal than usual and one person is wearing a jersey of our rival club. They all look at me rather baffled and slightly concerned. I stuck around for a few minutes hoping that other people will also show up in something entertaining but no one did. I bailed after a few minutes as I could not handle the embarrassment and did a one mile walk of shame back home where two kids cried because they found my costume too scary. I am just going to disappear from that club forever.

Edit: someone in the comments told me to add this for context. The organiser (also the president) who came up with the entertaining theme told me that he was coming in a wedding dress, so I assumed everyone else would be dressing as out there as he was. I also didn't see the same organiser there, so I'm wondering if he bailed too? It's a strange situation.

TL;DR: Misinterpreted the dress theme for an event at my sports club, and wore something extremely wacky which confused everybody there. I decided to go home out of embarrassment, even though the event itself was quite expensive.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Cristalandmoon on 2025-05-10 04:15:43+00:00.

So, I'm the proud owner of a sex toy. His name is Raphael, and it was given to me as a gift a few months ago. I needed to clean it, so I did it with no second thought. Washed it, dried it and store it away in my room as always.

Later today, my mother arrived home, went upstairs to presumably wash her hands, and called me immediately asking loudly: "Is this yours?".

Oh, no. Had I actually imagined I store Raphael away!? My memory does wacky things all the time, so it wasn't impossible. I ran upstair immediately, while my father looked at me puzzled from the kitchen (it's a small house) only to find my mother standing in the bathroom, pointing at the little open cleansing bottle that reads 'CLEANER: liquid soap for sex toys.'

"Oh, yeah, sorry." I chuckled embarrassed. I quickly took the bottle and its cap and ran to hide in my room, as I heard her loudly say: "Disgusting!". A little later she left for the hospital (she's taking care of a relative) without looking at me in the eyes, leaving my puzzled father to repeatedly ask me: "what was that about?", and "why is she so angry?"

I ended up telling him she had found an intimate soap. Nevertheless, it is a good question: why did she look so upset? And then it struck me: the bottle was open. I could've left it like that, but she could have also picked it up. The bottle itself does say it's for sex toys, but the label's design is similar to one for face cleanser, and the soap has a very nice soft smell. Could she have tried to use it on herself!?

But wait, there's more! A few days ago she complained about back pain, so I, as a considerate daughter, bought her a massage gun, which she will recieve tomorrow morning!

Will she be able to look at me in the eyes? Will I be capable of keeping a straight face? We'll see soon enough.

TLDR: I forgot the sex toy cleanser in the bathroom and my mother found it. She might have used it, and tomorrow I'm gifting her a massage gun. Hooray.