Today I Fucked Up

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/JDMplsmarryme on 2025-05-19 14:23:38+00:00.

I was refereeing a soccer game yesterday, as I had been all weekend, and I am finally on my last game, It was the 10th game of the weekend, and I was extremely tired, Some kid touches the ball, I blow my whistle, and I call out (pretty loudly mind you, decent sized field) "Hand!".

Well, now imagine my complete mortification, when I look at this child, and he does not, in fact, have a hand on the arm he hit it with. And to make matters even better, my dad, and sister were already there, and laughing their asses off about it.

When I woke up this morning, and got downstairs, I see my siblings sitting at the counter, and when they saw me, they started laughing, and my sister that was there said "Hand".

TL;DR: I called a handball on a kid missing a hand, and my family is never going to let my live it down.

Edit: Yes, I know that is the call, only 1 of the 3 siblings play soccer and she doesn't care to back me up, My siblings bring up things from 10+ years ago, I am not going to live this down

Edit number 2: The kid found it funny, was joking with friends and the coach, I apologized for my families laughter anyways, and the kid just laughed and said my reaction was funny. If the kid took it badly I would have told my family to shut up, or asked them to leave

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/External-Response-25 on 2025-05-20 02:50:22+00:00.

So I’ve been going to therapy for a while. It’s going okay. I cry less when someone says “we need to talk,” so... progress?

Anyway, last night I was feeling bold. Decided to message my ex something lighthearted to break the ice. Found this perfect meme of a skeleton sitting in a therapist’s chair saying: “It’s not that deep, Susan. I’m literally dead.”

Classic. Passive-aggressive. Emotionally immature. Just my style.

Except I didn’t send it to my ex.

I sent it to my actual therapist.

At 11:47 PM.

With the caption: “Haha remember when you said I have abandonment issues???”

No reply. For hours. I went to bed thinking, “Okay, maybe she’ll laugh. She gets my humor.”

She did not.

Today in session, she printed the meme. Handed it to me. And just said: “Let’s unpack this.”

I spent 45 minutes analyzing a meme I meant to send out of pettiness. She said it was “deeply revealing.” I said it was “deeply unfortunate.” We both cried, for very different reasons.

TL;DR: Tried to roast my ex. Roasted my soul instead. Therapy now costs more emotionally than financially.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AutumnHopFrog on 2025-05-20 01:50:06+00:00.

So this actually happened last night. My wife and I left the theatre after watching the new Final Destination movie. It was still a bit early so we thought we'd get a snack and a pint. Applebee's is close to home and cheese sticks sounded pretty good. We sat down and said hi to our bartender (I'll call him Brad for the rest of this post). Great guy and really the other reason we sometimes end up at Applebee's.

Across the bar from us was another couple. I noticed them right away because of the drunken PDA's and loudness. The man was probably in his early fifties, a big guy , buzz cut, and a goatee that screams crypto trader. His wife? girlfriend? Whatever was a blonde woman who was obviously tanked.

Halfway through my beer, I ask the bartender why Applebee's has so many tropical specialty drinks. I make some comments that it really doesn't fit the overall theme. Basic lighthearted, end of night riffing. I said something to the effect of, "it's like that guy who wrote that shitty cheese burger song designed their drink menu."

My wife responds with, "You mean Jimmy Buffet?"

"Yes, that's the guy. Man, I hate Jimmy Buffet stuff," I replied.

Instantly the man across from us says, "Wait, you hate Jimmy Buffet?"

I say something to the effect of yea, I can't stand his music," or something close to that.

He again voices his objection, but in such a way that I think he's joking around. Like, how dare you hate Jimmy Buffet, ha ha. So I smile and laugh as does my wife. I've had tons of playful conversations at bars, especially about music and pop culture and the such. His wife, in a drunken slur says, "Yeew hchate Jemmy Buffate? Thatsh jusht unpatriotich"

Okay, so my wife and I laugh and feel and return to our previous conversation. The guy then says, "Do you know who I hate?"

The mood was starting to change, but I bit. Smiling, I inquired, "Who do you hate?" Thinking he'd say some musician he's heard two radio edits from that rubbed him the wrong way. Whatever.

"I HATE Biden  because he's a lib CU CK!" he says, smiling at his self-perceived wit.

I was a bit taken back because nothing up to this point had been political. My wife and I were talking about the movie we saw and how it had the feel of the early 00's cheesy horror movies. I was wearing a Cowboy Bebop t-shirt and a cardigan. My wife wasn't sporting anything political. But whatever, his look matched the comment, so I just smiled and said, "Okay, if that's your thing."

At this point, the mood had definitely changed. My wife, being more perceptive than myself, side eyed me with a look. that said, oh fuck it's one of them. I was still trying to keep things copasetic so I just smiled and returned to my drink.

"Hey, did you hear me? I said I hate Biden because he's a lib Cu ck," he repeated while staring directly at my wife, holding an unlit, half smoked cigar that was starting to stink up the place.

My wife responds, "Congratulations on your feelings," with a smile, still trying to keep the mood light, which was not the case anymore. She knew the scene was escalating in a bad way.

And this is probably where I really didn't make things better. I said something along the lines of "I don't really care if you hate Joe Biden or not, but you have to give it to him for not writing shitty songs about cheeseburgers." I joked. Then I kind of did a little impromptu song about cheeseburgers,

Then there was screeching of wood against tile, some quick chaos. 'Well hell, I'm going to get in a fight at Applebee's and given this guy's size, I'll likely get my ass kicked.... Maybe he will be slow and I could take him, maybe... But then I would get a trophy of winning (likely losing) a fight at Applebee's. Rock bottom, here I come... damn.'

But then Brad came over to him, and some words were said. I didn't hear them, but it was enough for the man to grab the back of the chair. He didn't throw it to the floor. He kind of tipped it, brought it down a bit, then let it drop with a pathetic impact. "It's not like I wanted to come here anyway, this place sucks," he said like he just lost a round of Street Fighter 2 and was going home to cry. Grabbing his wife's arm and leading her out the door.

My wife and I were flabbergasted, to say the least. I started laughing my ass off. "What the hell just happened?"

The next 20 minutes were filled with the lively, and confused, conversation of the previous events. I couldn't stop laughing about it. Probably the brief shot of adrenaline. Or just the absolute absurdity of standing on a knife's edge of getting into a fight at Applebee's. Win or lose, you don't win that kind of situation. You will always be that guy who fought at Applebee's.

So big thanks to "Brad" for being clutch in that situation. Good dude.

TL;DR: Almost got into a fight at an Applebee's because I made a quip about Jimmy Buffet.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/JustCaite on 2025-05-20 01:06:03+00:00.

I am not American. I am not Mexican.

I am simply a dumb tourist.

I wanted to get 800 pesos which is like 40 dollars. I go to the atm, I don’t read anything because I’m in a hurry, I type 800.

And then the horror. I think I actually broke the machine. I ended up with fucking 800 American dollars. Cash was literally fucking flying because of course there was wind. At the end I got 680 dollars. If you are in Los Cabos and found 120 dollars in the street well you can thank me. Or maybe the machine just didn’t have that amount of cash I don’t know. I certainly miss 800 dollars on my bank account tho.

I have 680 American dollars, I have no fucking idea what I will do with it, I have a trauma of ATM now and I still can’t believe this actually happened. How it’s even possible that it happened

TL;DR: I fucked up, withdrawing 800 dollars because I didn’t notice it was an American dollar ATM and not a Mexican peso one

Edit: I know it sounds fake and it’s not really a proof but here, it’s a picture of the tragedy: https://i.postimg.cc/nccBWfvZ/IMG-4572.jpg

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Equal_Beautiful2673 on 2025-05-19 21:54:42+00:00.

Had a rough week and really needed a mental break, so I called in sick on a Friday to get a long weekend. I didn’t plan anything wild just wanted to relax, clear my head, and catch a matinee movie without distractions. So, I threw on a hoodie and sunglasses, feeling like a low-key celebrity trying to avoid recognition, grabbed some popcorn, and settled into the theater for the 2PM show. As the trailers ended and the lights dimmed, I noticed someone sit two seats over. It was my boss. With his wife. Also apparently sick. We exchanged one awkward glance, didn’t say a word, and sat through the whole movie in silence. Monday at work? Super awkward. We just pretended nothing happened.

TL;DR: Called in sick, went to a movie, ran into my boss doing the exact same thing, and now Mondays are weird.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/kikipopo on 2025-05-19 20:06:06+00:00.

Well, lately I've been getting WAY too many spam texts. They all come from unknown area codes, and usually just start with "Hi" or something equally pointless. Very obvious when they come in, and there are probably 5-10 per day, and it's irritating.

I decided a few weeks back to start sending them Goatse in an attempt to dissuade them from continuing to pester me. So far, nobody has ever responded, and it may only be placebo effect, but it does feel like they've slowed down!

Cut to this morning. I get the telltale "Hi" text, and immediately sling my response. Mere seconds after sending it, I get the "Hi, this is your Costco delivery team, we'll be there in 30 minutes message." I just sent our poor fridge delivery people a gaping Goatse. I feel horrible.

They did not respond. I got a call ~2 hours later saying that a new team would be delivering my fridge tomorrow, because today's team didn't feel comfortable delivering to my house because of "a text picture you sent."

TL;DR: I sent an innocent Costco delivery guy Goatse because I thought they were a spammer.

I want to die.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Puzzleheaded_Logic9 on 2025-05-19 16:56:05+00:00.

CW for gross butt stuff.

I just got home a week ago from a semester at university. I ate pretty crappy while at school because I was focused on getting my grades up, so my diet consisted of mostly instant ramen or whatever food the dining hall had. Overall, not much variety, and definitely not a lot of fiber and other good stuff. I’ve had chronic issues with constipation due to not drinking enough water (I forget), and I was pretty stopped up while at university. To the point where I was getting multiple rectal tears and bleeding and had to go to the doctor for a colonoscopy. They didn’t find anything serious, but my doctor did recommend that I try and change my diet to include more fiber and iron.

My parents have started eating pretty healthy after my mom got her gallbladder out a couple of years ago, and our pantry is always stocked with stuff like granola, grape nuts (that really healthy cereal - my dad loves it), and of course, the damned chia seeds. After getting home I decided I would make an effort to eat healthier again, so three days ago I started making myself a bowl of yogurt, granola, and chia seeds for a little extra fiber for breakfast. The serving size of chia seeds on the bag is around 24g, so I put in around 8g to start. Big. Fucking. Mistake.

I’ve been shitting myself near constantly for the past 12 hours, and I woke up this morning feeling even worse. I want to eat something because my stomach is so empty, but eating anything (even broth) makes me feel like I’m going to puke. My mom (after she finished laughing at me) keeps on encouraging me to drink water and electrolytes, but even the thought of swallowing water is revolting. I feel fucking miserable, and I swear I’m never eating those fucking chia seeds ever again. The next time I want to add fiber to my diet I’m just gonna eat broccoli or something like a normal person.

TL;DR: I ate chia seeds after months of eating poorly and now I can’t stop pooping.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Teodorp99 on 2025-05-19 14:08:18+00:00.

Obligatory this didn't happen yesterday, but my gf did remind me of it and I thought I should post it here.

2 years ago, just after breaking up with my ex, I decided the best idea would be to download all dating apps under the sun to get back into it. Long story short, all of my matches ended up eithe ghosting me or being green card seekers, so no dice there. In the end i decided that the apps weren't working out, so i kept them for mild entertainment but chose to focus on myself.

2-3 months after that i got together with my current gf, and deleted the apps off my phone. Well a couple of months into our relationships, she comes in and asks me "Are you really looking for something else while we're together?" To which i reply absolutely not, I'm happy with what i have. She then turns to show me her phone and it's screenshots of my dating profiles. There were screenshots from 4 different apps that i'd used.

Apparently her friend was looking for dates on the apps and passed through my profile and recognised me, and proceeded to warn my gf that she should look into it. My dumb ass deleted the apps off my phone but didn't shut down the profiles, so they were still active for anyone looking in the area.

Cue embarassment and redownloading all the apps just to shut down my profiles.

TL;DR: After getting together with my new gf, i forgot to delete my dating profiles and her friend found my profiles

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Silver_Doubt76 on 2025-05-19 12:50:22+00:00.

I (27M) just got back from this amazing trip to Costa Rica (which normally I couldn't afford at all, but I was lucky enough to get a tax return which I used for the trip). My mom came over for dinner last night and was super excited to see my vacation pics. I gave her my phone and she started scrolling all the pictures cuz there were over 200.

After a few minutes her face suddenly froze and she gave me the phone right away. I knew I fucked up as soon as she did that.

I look down to see she had somehow scrolled way past my vacation pics and straight into some photos that my girlfriend had sent me last month. I haven't been able to look her in the eye ever since. What should I do? Should I talk about it with my mother or let this whole thing bury?

TL;DR; my mom saw some sensitive photos of my girlfriend after scrolling on my phone

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Revolutionary_Pea341 on 2025-05-19 10:00:53+00:00.

So this morning I was in a rush and half-asleep when I got a sweet “good morning” text from my girlfriend. I wanted to respond with something flirty and cute, so I typed, “Good morning, babe 😘 can’t wait to see you later. I’ve been thinking about you all night 😏❤️.”

I hit send and threw my phone down, proud of my smoothness. Five minutes later, I got a reply… from my boss.

Turns out I had opened my boss’s text from earlier in the day and replied in that thread instead. She responded, “I… don’t think this message was meant for me.” Cue immediate panic. I apologized profusely, trying to explain the mix-up, but I’ve been dying of secondhand embarrassment all day.

Worst part? We had a Zoom meeting that afternoon and she couldn’t stop smirking. 😩

TL;DR: I tried to send a flirty text to my girlfriend but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now I have to live with that forever.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/sk8hinb on 2025-05-19 02:39:26+00:00.

I am not much of a naturalist/environment guy but my wife is. So much so that I’m considering changing my dietary tendencies to be plant based like she is and not be a heavily meat based person anymore. Anyways I mountain bike a lot, and today as I was going on a lap down towards a downhill section, I noticed a small bird in the middle of the way. It couldn’t fly, was just hopping a few cm at a time, and its tail was visibly damaged. Usually I would have just kept riding and let nature do its thing but a year ago we were out and she found a hummingbird on the ground and saved it - so I am trying to do the right thing here. I spoke with a guy that was passing me and he googled a vet I could take it to. I emptied out my fanny pack as much as I could and went to bring the bird to the bottom of the trail where my wife would meet me and we would take the bird to the emergency wildlife vet. I had about a 3 mile descent to do, and took it very slowly. Made it to the bottom where she was waiting and turns out birds are very fragile and even an emptied fanny pack with the zipper open suffocated it. So instead of the bird hopping to potential safety, I accidentally suffocated it in my bag and then took it out to show my animal loving wife who was then brought to tears. To cap it off we saw some roadkill on the side of the road which made her even more upset.

TL;DR birds are fragile, nature is cruel, don’t transport avian creatures in fanny packs.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/panicattheaccountant on 2025-05-18 23:13:37+00:00.

I am a 35m, happily married to a woman with two kids. Much to her chagrin I am a chatterbox. I love chatting with strangers, getting a piece of their story and making a new friend.

I’ve been going to my local gym for 5+ years, it’s a fairly close community so I know most people that go there… especially the 5-7am crowd.

Well last week there was a new guy there in the morning— around my age that I’d never seen there before. So in true me fashion I strike up a conversation introducing myself getting his name, talking about our workouts etc etc.

Super nice guy, fun conversation until I finish off with “well it was good chatting, sure we’ll see each other again. Keep working on those triceps, they look yummy”

I have never used “yummy” to describe anything. Not to mention just a weird thing to say to anyone IMO.

He gave me the most “wtf” look I’ve ever received. I get all flustered, apologize, say not sure why I said that. Went to the other side of the gym and finished my workout hoping to god he doesn’t need to come to my side.

I do public speaking for a living… I rarely get flustered. I’ve been thinking about it for 3 days and want to find a new gym.

TL;DR Tried to bro-down with a stranger at the gym, told him his triceps were “yummy” as we were wrapping up the conversation. I was mortified, he was hella weirded out and I’m now looking at options to leave the country.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Thirsty4Knowledge911 on 2025-05-18 21:14:48+00:00.

Our male cat is about 13, with long orange fur. He sheds like crazy in the spring, so we get him professionally groomed. He is NOT a fan of being groomed. Our vet prescribed a mild sedative to eliminate his anxiety, and to protect the groomer from being mauled to death! We give him one the night before and another one about an hour before his appointment. We refer to these as his Happy Pills.

A few months ago, he was having some digestive issues (hairballs complicated by his love of eating dried leaves he catches in our tiny backyard). Another trip to the vet gets a clean bill of health since he seemed to be past the worst of it. The vet prescribes an appetite stimulant since he hadn't eaten much for a couple of days (this was our big clue that something was wrong because he ALWAYS eats his entire meal). We didn't need to give him any of the pills, and just put them in the medicine cabinet and forgot about them.

Fast forward to this week to prep for his grooming appointment. I give him his evening dose of his happy pills, and we all go to bed. Around midnight, he was unusually vocal and woke us up. I ignored it and went back to sleep. The next morning, again, he was very insistent that he was ready for breakfast (I've trained him that if he pesters me too much, it just delays getting fed). I feed him and set a reminder to give him his next dose an hour before we head out for his day at the spa.

I go to give him his second dose and realize these pills don't look like the ones that I remember giving him in the past. Sure enough, he is far from calm, he is pestering me to feed him again. I quickly realize my mistake and give him his happy pill and hope that it's enough to get him through his appointment. We've had to reschedule in the past because he just wasn't having it that day.

As silly as this seemed in the moment, we had no experience with him taking an appetite stimulant. The next 48 hours seemed like an eternity. He was bugging us every time we walked into the kitchen, crying incessantly, wanting to be fed.

TL;DR: I gave our cat an appetite stimulant instead of a sedative to prep him for his grooming appointment. He bugged us constantly for 2 days to be fed.

Edit: See obligatory cat pic in comments.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/onlyzarina on 2025-05-18 19:05:42+00:00.

Started a new job this week. Office is chill, open kitchen, nice people. I was just trying to be normal and not do anything weird

Lunchtime rolls around and I’m already kinda anxious. I brought some leftover pasta, toss it in the microwave, hit start and walk away feeling like a functioning adult

Then I hear these loud popping sounds. Someone goes “yo is something on fire?” I turn around and there’s actual sparks inside the microwave. Like lightning. Full-on fireworks show

I totally forgot I left the metal fork in the container. Just sitting there heating up like a dumb bomb

I panic, rip the microwave open like that’s gonna fix it. Everyone’s staring. One guy’s like “did you really put metal in there?” and I just mumbled “yeah I guess I did”

Break room still smells like burnt plastic and failure. The office manager said it’s not a big deal but I saw her writing something down and now I’m the microwave guy forever

Ate my cold pasta in silence and avoided eye contact for the rest of the day

TLDR first day at my new job I nuked a fork and now everyone knows I’m the guy who almost set the kitchen on fire

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/kasjssb on 2025-05-18 17:05:50+00:00.

So I’ve been keeping fish for years, and have been "rescuing" sad looking fish at pet stores for a while now. A few months ago, I rescued a sad little goldfish from a dollar store tank situation. Poor thing was pale, skinny, and obviously was not being taken care of. I brought it home, got it set up in a 70L tank by itself.

So this is where I fucked up:

My 7 year old little brother is autistic. He's very particular about colours. His favourite colour is white. Not off-white. Not cream. White. When he saw the goldfish, which at the time was still pearly white, he instantly fell in love. He then declared it his fish, and I just kind of laughed it off and told him he can be it's owner if he takes care of it properly.

He named it Snowball (which I thought was pretty cute). He fed it daily, watched it swim, even told it little stories. He was obsessed. I felt like the best big sister ever to be honest.

But then, a couple weeks ago he went away for a week on a school trip. And during that week… Snowball turned orange.

I knew it could happen, goldfish often change colour as they mature, especially if they’re rescues who were underfed or poorly housed. Better diet, proper lighting, and reduced stress bring out their natural pigment. But try explaining pigment development to a heartbroken 7-year-old. He came home, ran to the tank, stopped dead in his tracks, and stared. And then he burst into tears.

So now he’s mourning Snowball like he died, even though the fish is literally right there, swimming around and living his best orange life. I tried to explain, I even showed him old pictures, but he just whispered, “That’s his cousin,” and walked away.

TL;DR: Rescued a white goldfish, gave it to my autistic little brother who loved it for its colour. It matured and turned orange while he was away, and now he believes his fish has been replaced by an imposter. Trust broken. Fish thriving. I'm on thin ice.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Noxbit1 on 2025-05-17 21:11:02+00:00.

(Quick PSA:) Don’t mix meds like an unsupervised Skyrim alchemist. Throat lozenges with numbing agents, intense menthol, or hidden stimulants might seem harmless, but they can absolutely wreck your system. Combine them recklessly, and you might end up chatting with the ghost of your liver while waiting for your heart to reboot.

The F-Up Itself:

So I got the flu. Classic stuff, sore throat, fever, headache, the works. Naturally, I turned to lozenges to help the pain.

That quickly escalated into me taking:

4 numbing throat lozenges (with lidocaine—the ‘throat go silent’ type)

4 ultra-strong menthol lozenges (the kind that feel like VapoRub punched you)

...and a 9th one, because logic left the room

At that point, my throat went fully offline. Like, it just stopped sending status updates. But then came the side effects, headache spike, floaty brain, slowed heart rate, and the weirdest sense of euphoria mixed with dread. Not quite high, not quite dying. Somewhere in between.

And then I thought, “You know what would really spice this up?”

Parasinus.

That’s paracetamol + pseudoephedrine, aka “let’s boost your heart rate and punch your liver one more time.”

Suddenly I’m lying on my bed at exactly 70°, because it’s the only angle where I can breathe and not feel like my soul is trying to escape through my sinuses.

My heart? Weirdly quiet. Like, “I’m just gonna vibe in the background while you rethink your life.” My brain? Giggly, numb, and ticking like a suspicious microwave. At one point, I felt a little ear pressure pop, and immediately assumed I’d unlocked the tutorial for summoning Satan.

Couldn’t sleep, obviously. So I started talking to ChatGPT to stay sane. That somehow turned into us building a Medication Summon Tier List, where:

Benadryl spawns the Hat Man

Strepsils Intensiv opens a portal to mint-flavored hell

Parasinus is Satan in a blister pack

VapoRub just calls your grandma to tuck you in

I’m now stable… I think. Either I’ll sleep soon, or I’ll vibrate into the void. One of those.

TL;DR: Got the flu, took 9 different lozenges like they were candy, then a Parasinus on top. Accidentally created a minty death cocktail. Ended up laying in bed at a 70° angle, heart rate slowed, brain felt floaty, couldn’t sleep, talked to ChatGPT while waiting to either pass out or meet Satan. Don’t do this.

Moral of the story? Count your meds. Lozenges are not candy. Don’t mix cold medicine like you’re crafting a boss fight. And if you feel like you’re high, floating, or spiritually sideways, call someone. Don’t meme through it like me. Or do. But be really funny about it.

UPDATE:

I just woke up, I am fine, I don't know at what time I fell asleep, everything was weird that night. Anyway, Thank you everyone for the support! I understand the worry and how serious the situation might have been but I am alright now! Never ever gonna do that, I will probably avoid meds today at all.

EDIT: Please don’t mess around with meds like I did. I was lucky, but luck isn’t a guarantee. I’ve removed product names from this post to avoid giving anyone bad ideas. Stay safe.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/onlyzarina on 2025-05-18 14:02:03+00:00.

This happened yesterday and I still wanna melt into the sidewalk

I was walking home from work and it was hot as hell. My boxers were basically glued to me and every step felt like punishment. I was doing that awkward stiff walk trying to fix it without actually reaching back like some stealthy wedgie ninja

I get to a red light and I’m standing there waiting. Only one other person nearby, some lady across the street. I think alright cool now’s the moment. So I go for it. Quick lil yank to fix the situation

Except it wasn’t quick or subtle. My hand got stuck on my belt loop or something and I ended up fully yanking my pants up like I was giving myself an atomic wedgie in broad daylight

And the worst part… I look up mid-adjust and make eye contact with the lady. She looked straight-up traumatized. Like I’d just done something illegal

We just stood there like that. Me holding my waistband. Her frozen with horror. Then the light changed and I basically ran across the street like I was fleeing a crime scene

Haven’t walked that way since. Might never again

TLDR tried to fix a wedgie in public and ended up assaulting my dignity and a stranger’s eyeballs all at once

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/zombaweii on 2025-05-18 06:19:58+00:00.

True to the title, this literally happened 10 minutes ago.

Some backstory; I have an outing planned for tomorrow with some of my friends. It's very informal, maybe getting some lunch before we go thrifting for cute outfits for an upcoming event, but it's very rare for me to go out and do things for myself between my busy schedule as a parent and my general social anxiety. I was very much looking forward to this outing, and I decided to do a little TLC to get ready for tomorrow. Hair curlers, shaving, and then maybe even face masks if I had time.

Well, after I got the curlers in, I remembered I had recently purchased a can something called "Magic Shaving Powder", a powder that when you mix with water, works similar to Nair. I remember using it all the time back in 2020, had zero issues, worked beautifully, and the only reason I stopped using it was simply I found myself not needing to shave enough to justify getting more. But I wanted to try using it again.

Well, my memory isn't the best, so I don't remember whether I would use this on my face or not, but this stuff was literally intended for mens beards, so I figured thered be no harm. I started slathering this stuff all over me. I had gotten my face and one of my legs done before I finally had the thought, "Oh yeah, I use to wear gloves while doing this" before I felt the searing pain of the chemicals eating away at a particularly dry patch of skin on my finger.

I didn't waste time in rinsing off my hands, but then my face also started burning. So I quickly rinsed the off too. I found myself with one hairy leg, one slightly dissolved finger, and an angry red face. Thankfully my leg wasn't hurt, so I figured I might as well commit, and slathered up my other leg with a makeshift spatula I made from a disposable cup.

At this point, my face and finger was seriously hurting, so I started looking for antibiotic cream or literally anything that could help me. No luck on my side of the house, which meant I needed to venture to my mother's side of the house. At midnight. With one leg covered in white cream. Wearing hair curlers. Did I forget to mention I was also ass- naked? But I was desperate for relief.

So off I trecked. Hair curlers in, pussy out. Across a pitch dark house at midnight. I blindly manage to get to the guest bathroom. Theres no cream. Why the hell don't we have any cream?! A question for tomorrow. I take a bandaid and make my walk of shame back to my side. But God decided to give me one last final fuck you as I stubbed my toe on a large box in the middle of my path, which caused me to slam my shoulder into the Very Large bookcase my mother has filled with Very Breakable family photos and knick-knacks. I hear a lot of things tumbling, but luckily nothing falling or breaking. I know my mother has also heard. I quickly escape before I'm discovered.

My face still hurts but the bandaid seems to be helping my finger. I have since put on clothes. I wish I hadnt quit smoking because I could really use a cigarette right about now. I know I have some explaining to do in the morning.

TL;DR: I applied a hair removal product without gloves and gave myself chemical burns on my finger and face. I also tripped and fell into a bookcase on my way back from getting first aid.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ninjajoker007 on 2025-05-18 02:30:10+00:00.

Today I was asked to move a large branch to clear a path for the neighbors since it was in the way. There had been a dust storm the day before, causing a bunch of debris on the roads. I, was the only one capable of doing the job, since everyone else in the household is sick. When I went out there, I saw the behemoth and like the tough man I am, I began manhandling it... before I knew it, it had decided to strike back at me with one of its shorter branches... and right into my eye it went, causing a cornea abrasion. I did try avoiding going to the doctor but ended up having to go anyways. They were able to numb my eye and see the abrasion. So all I can say is, make sure to wear goggles when going to clean debris off the sidewalks... P.S. my wife wrote this for me because I can't really open my eyes too well 😅

TL;DR moved a branch, branch poked eye

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Polymathy1 on 2025-05-18 01:50:50+00:00.

So I was working on my car and needed to finish it up last night so I could go get the steering aligned today. I started after work and had all the parts I needed. One side went really easily and the other side was tougher because my "puller" kept slipping off and I could not find the strut nut that holds the strut together. I looked all through all the packaging and tried the one from the old parts but the thread spacing was wrong.

So I about 3am, I decide to close my garage door, make 2 more laps around the garage and then go to sleep so I could go buy one this morning. Still can't find it and I start cursing the supplier that sold it to me because this means the last 3 times I ordered from them I got a part with a component missing.

So I think maybe I can just bike over to the auto parts store down the street. I find my helmet easily, but I haven't ridden that bike in a couple years, so my bike tires are flat and my air pump is broken.

Anyway, I pay 3 dollars for a bus pass, go to the auto parts store and they don't have it. Try the home improvement store nearby and they don't have it either.

Start calling around and a hardware store has it, but it's an hour by bus each way... Pay for a Lyft over there and then ask my friend for a ride back because the bus and a Lyft will be 20 minutes before they get to me. Wait around a while... He can't find his keys, so I ask my ex.

Finally got a ride from my ex for the price of lunch, and I make it home. I've got everything assembled and start cleaning up with my garage open and see one of the 2 (just in case) new nuts I bought on the ground outside the garage. That's weird because I'm pretty sure I left the spare in my backpack... And then I realize that the nut I was missing was only lost because my garage door was closed.

TLDR: A critical nut rolled 2 feet out my garage door and I lost it because I closed the garage door. I spent several hours and about 40 bucks getting another one only to find it when I was finished.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TreHHHHHAdN on 2025-05-17 19:21:22+00:00.

My 7yo girls loves arts. She's in dance (ballet and tap dance) since 3yo. Today I took her to dance class, like I've done many times before.

The dance studio is kinda big and has 2 different waiting room for the parents. The one next to her class was full, and I went to the other one to find a chair. I was reading on my Kindle during most of the hour she was in class. In the last 15 minutes of her class, I pulled my phone and put my earbuds on to watch the F1 race qualifying highlights. I did this on purpose, to avoid watching the entire thing home in the morning so I can dedicate more time to my kiddos.

Unfortunately, TIFU. The teacher went calling the parents for us to watch the kids doing a practice rehearsal of their live performance next month. And I did not hear because I had my earbuds on.

As always, 5 minutes before the class ended I went to wait by her classroom and I saw all the parents inside and the kids dancing. I immediately knew I had f'd up. I was the only parent not in there. I could immediately tell my daughter was crushed, but was still performing.

I missed 2 out of the 3 songs they danced. When the practice was over, my daughter came to me crying and said said she wanted to go home. She's so crushed she said she doesn't want to do dance anymore. I know she'll remember this bad feeling for a long time.

What frustrates me the most is that I'm actively trying to spend less time connected to my phone. I won't do social media (Reddit is the only one), and I've been reading more instead of spending time connected. I swear to God, the only 15 minutes I did during her class got me to mess up.

Anyway, I don't have anyone to blame and I have no excuses, TIFU !

TL;DR: I missed my daughter's rehearsal because I had my headphones on and didn't hear the teacher calling all the parents! Now my daughter is crushed and I'm a total ah!

Edit: spelling

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Emotional-Bug8094 on 2025-05-17 07:42:00+00:00.

Technically this was not today, but recently. As a quick backstory, I (24F) have been diagnosed with PCOS, and was told that I may still be able to have children but that it would be harder due to the irregular cycle I have. There are tests and medication the doctors have offered but in this economy and the health care prices, I get so angry that I have to jump through all of these expensive hoops, so I have not continued the fertility testing/treatment process.

To put it simply, I have been wanting children since the day I turned 18, and if all worked properly I would have. So I am pretty positive it will be a process for me to get pregnant, but until I can fully afford the testing, without having to put the rest of my life on pause, I just track my cycle and test periodically for ovulation and pregnancy.

Basically, my period could come 2x a month or skip 7 months with no warning and that is completely normal for me. Because of this, I never really think I’m pregnant but if I haven’t had my period in more than a month, I’ll randomly take pregnancy tests when I think about it. These tests are never planned, I just always have tests in my bathroom.

Anyway, to the day in question. My boyfriend (29M) and I were running errands on a Saturday morning. We had been out and about from 10-2pm and I didn’t once stop to use a restroom. On the way home, I started needing to pee, and I was cool with waiting to get home. Once we got home, we had to take out the groceries away and take the dogs outside. Taking the dogs out took about 15 minutes since we live in an apartment. By the time we made it back inside I could barely hold it. I walked into the restroom and randomly thought of how I had not had my period in like 3 months and I could take a test right then. For a split second I debated but thought I would forget to take one if I didn’t do it right then.

So I start searching for my box of tests. I look under the sink. It’s not there. I look in the cabinet behind the toilet. Nope. Finally I check in the closet, and I find it. I struggle to open the test and prep the test. - This test is the small test strip type that you dip in the pee? I hope that makes sense - I’m opening the package and everything while barely holding onto my pee. Finally, I waddle over to the toilet and go to sit down.

Instead of feeling the relief of releasing my badder I felt the worst pain I’ve ever felt shoot through my entire back and hips and because of the way I sat down, the pain didn’t seem to want to go away until I got up. So the entire time I was peeing the pain was shooting through me to the point where I was bawling tears before I finished peeing. When I finished, I went to stand back up and couldn’t fully due to the pain. I had to walk from the toilet to my bed bent over in horrible pain with my pants/underwear at my knees.

When I got to the bed, I thought I would be fine and I could just lay down. Nope, I couldn’t even get ON the bed because I couldn’t move my back without the pain getting worse. So I yelled to my boyfriend because all I could do was cry in pain with my chest laying on the bed while I was stuck bent over. He came running in to find me with my ass out, sobbing, saying unintelligible words. I finally tell him that my back hurts and I can’t move &’ he helps me climb onto the bed and lay down. However the entire time I am just screaming through pain because no matter which way I moved, if I put any pressure on my lower back it made the pain worse. AND since I was so worked up I was shaking and using more of my core, which just continued to make the pain worse.

I started going into a full blown panic/meltdown. I called my dad &’ he told me to go to urgent care if I needed to. I then called my best friend who had recently gone through similar back pain and had gone to have an MRI done. She gave me some tips on how to lay down to have the least pressure and hopefully calm the pain. Finally after getting off the phone, I was still crying in pain. My boyfriend offered to call the ambulance &’ I said no because we live in America, be fr. Then he said he’d take me, but when I tried to get up to walk to the car I couldn’t.

I ended up laying there crying in pain for 2 hours, simply because I couldn’t handle trying to walk because of how bad it hurt. Finally after 2 hours, it has calmed enough for me to walk to the car, and into the hospital. I get checked out, which was a HUGE waste of time and money because by the time we left, all they had told me is I did not have a uti, and I wasn’t….. pregnant. They couldn’t at all tell me why my back did that or if it would be a problem. They offered PT and sent me home. I later received bills totaling in about $2000 out of pocket(1850 deductible) for almost nothing.

After 2 days, the pain finally fully went away and luckily I have not had that happen again. However, it probably wouldn’t have happened if I just left the pregnancy test alone.

TL;DR: I held my pee too long and still tried to take a pregnancy test when using the restroom, which caused hours of unbearable pain leading to a hospital visit, $2000 in medical bills, and still no positive pregnancy.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SonalBoiiACC on 2025-05-16 22:30:48+00:00.

So I have a cat. His name is Charlie. He’s playful, energetic, chaotic, and honestly acts like a cracked-out tiger with commitment issues. He flops on my bed every night, belly up, paws in the air, looking all cuddly like he wants affection. I fall for it. I rub his belly. Then he bites me like I just insulted his ancestors. Every. Time.

So I started jokingly suplexing him onto the bed or the couch during our play sessions. And I mean gently—I fully support his back, land him on soft surfaces, and only do it when he’s clearly in play mode (like chasing lasers, attacking pillows, or initiating cat jiu-jitsu on me). It became kind of our thing. Weird bonding, but it works.

Now here’s where I messed up.

We have a second cat named Momo. He’s the total opposite of Charlie—introverted, stoic, basically a loaf with legs. You could pick him up, flip him upside down, and he’d just blink like a sad philosopher. He never reacts to anything.

One day, Charlie and Momo were napping together on the couch. Everything was calm. I, being the fool I am, decided it would be funny to suplex Charlie mid-snuggle. He lands like a champ (as usual), but then— Momo. Freaking. Snaps.

This quiet little background character suddenly growls menacingly (for the first time in his LIFE), jumps up, and starts beating the hell out of Charlie after he just watched his blood brother get folded. He chased Charlie down to the basement while I stood there wheezing and wondering what dark spirit I had awakened.

TLDR; TIFU by suplexing my cat and accidentally triggering a silent-cat revenge arc that might’ve been building for years.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/onlyzarina on 2025-05-16 17:09:19+00:00.

This was last weekend and I still feel like absolute trash

We were hanging out at my buddy’s place for his birthday. Just a regular chill night with drinks pizza and games. One of our old high school friends came by too, I’ll call him Jake. Hadn’t seen him in a while but it was good to catch up

So back in high school Jake’s dad was kinda a running joke. Dude was always bailing on stuff and Jake himself used to clown on him more than any of us. Not a bad guy just super unreliable

Anyway we’re sitting around roasting each other like we always do and I go “at least my dad showed up to graduation… unlike Jake’s” thinking it was just a dumb throwback joke

And the whole room just goes quiet

Jake looks down and goes “yeah he passed away last week”

I wanted to disappear. I felt my whole body shut down. I started apologizing immediately and he said it was fine but you could tell it hit him. He dipped early and the mood never really came back after that

Texted him the next day and he said it was okay but I still feel like an asshole. I didn’t know. If I did I never would’ve said it

Still feel sick about it honestly

TL;DR made a joke about my friend’s unreliable dad and turns out his dad had just died. ruined the vibe and probably the whole night

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Wise_Needleworker790 on 2025-05-16 16:06:34+00:00.

This happened last night and I still can't decide if I should've said something different instead or if it's my cousin's fault

So I was at a big family dinner like cousins, aunts, grandparents the whole lineup. At some point my uncle asks what I’ve been up to lately, and I (as a joke) said, “Well, I made more money this week than I did in the last two months so it's been going great”. They know I'm doing good cuz I just bought a truck a month ago and I'm only 21.

Everyone congratulated me until my grandma asked me for details. I told her that I've been working very hard and have gotten lucky and I gave them a slight smirk which I totally regret (I got some freelancing projects but I couldn't go into every single detail lol). Then my cousin jumped in and said: 'he's probably doing drugs'. I immediately told them that it's not true, but some of them literally believed my cousin which is fucking crazy

Now some members of my family think I'm doing sketchy stuff which is not true at all but I guess the way that I said it can make people think of the opposite. I'm even thinking of confronting my cousin cuz why would he even say stuff like that. He is currently unemployed so maybe it's because of that I dont know

TL;DR: tifu my making my family think I'm drug dealing