Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Background_Tax7115 on 2025-05-22 13:21:56+00:00.

I don’t do edibles often, but when I do, I apparently become a corporate caterer.

Took a gummy with my roommate on a chill Saturday night. 45 minutes in, I felt like I had to have McDonald’s nuggets. Like a spiritual craving.

I opened the app and thought, “I’ll order 50. That should be enough.”

Problem: I didn’t realize I selected 10-piece and changed the quantity to 50.

So… 500. Nuggets. what the h…

It cost $187. I didn’t notice until they showed up in three massive bags and the Dasher asked if we were hosting a party.

We were not.

We did, however, accidentally feed our whole apartment complex. One guy brought hot sauce. It kinda ruled.

TL;DR: Took an edible. Accidentally ordered 500 chicken nuggets. Threw an impromptu block party.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Gold_Platform_8781 on 2025-05-22 13:18:32+00:00.

I was leaving work and saw a woman walking a dog that looked exactly like my wife’s from the back. Same leash, same coat, even had the little pink bandana.

I was in my car pulling out of the lot and thought it would be cute to surprise her, so I rolled down the window and yelled:

“Hey sexy! I love you, baby!”

The woman turned around… and it wasn’t my wife. It was her boss. The dog? Similar. Not the same.

The woman? Mortified. She recognized me.

She works in the same building. My wife now has to explain why her husband shouted “I love you, baby” to her supervisor in the parking lot like we’re in a low-budget romcom.

TL;DR: Thought I saw my wife walking our dog. Shouted “I love you” from the car. It was her boss. Now I’m banned from pickup duty.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Comfortable_Age3800 on 2025-05-22 13:08:36+00:00.

Hello Reddit, this is awkward to post, but I don’t know who to tell and I want to share this to someone else.

Went in for my annual physical. I’m already awkward at the doctor’s office, so I nervously babble or do the whole nod-and-smile thing.

Anyway, the doctor walks in, chats a bit, and says, “Okay, take your pants off and lie on the table.”

And my dumb ass, instinctively, says: “You too.”

There was a long pause. He blinked. I blinked. We both knew what I said, and yet neither of us addressed it.

He just moved on like a champ. Professionalism of the highest order.

I lay on the table in complete silence, fully understanding that I’ll never emotionally recover from this.

TL;DR: Doctor told me to take my pants off. I said “you too.” I want to die.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DesperateStory5949 on 2025-05-22 13:00:28+00:00.

I recently moved into my first apartment and was feeling kinda lonely, so I bought a very realistic taxidermy-style raccoon plush from Etsy. It was supposed to be funny. I named him "Ricky." Ricky lives on my couch.

Last weekend, my mom came to visit unannounced while I was at work. She let herself in with the spare key I stupidly gave her.

Apparently, Ricky was facing the door. On the couch. Like he was waiting.

My mom thought it was a real raccoon. She screamed, dropped her phone, and called 911 from the neighbor’s house.

By the time I got the frantic voicemail (“THERE IS A RACCOON IN YOUR HOUSE OH MY GOD”), two cops had already entered and “neutralized” Ricky by throwing a laundry basket over him.

I now have to pick up my raccoon plush from the police station.

TL;DR: Bought a realistic raccoon plush. My mom thought it was real. Cops got involved. My emotional support raccoon is now in custody.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Traditional_Track219 on 2025-05-22 01:34:03+00:00.

I (M, 25) started a new job recently. One of my coworkers, let’s call him Dan, is in his early 40s and super chill. We were at a casual company picnic, and I met a woman who was sitting next to him. I assumed she was his mom, since she looked quite a bit older than him and had gray hair.

So I said, “It’s so sweet of your mom to come support you!”

She looked confused. Dan looked horrified.

That’s when he introduced her as his wife.

Turns out she’s 39 and just went gray early. She’s literally younger than Dan. She was so nice about it, but I’ve never wanted the ground to swallow me more in my life.

Every time I see her now, I die a little inside. And yes, my coworkers call me “Oedipus” behind my back now.

TL;DR: I met my coworker’s wife and assumed she was his mom. She’s not. She’s his younger wife. I have not known peace since.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Suspicious-King4880 on 2025-05-22 01:26:04+00:00.

I’ve been constipated for four days. Painfully so. My girlfriend (bless her) has been checking in like she’s my personal bowel coach.

This morning, I finally had my moment of glory. I wanted to share my victory with her, so I sent a very enthusiastic text saying:

“IT’S DONE. I POOPED. GOD HIMSELF COULD NOT HAVE STOPPED ME.”

Then I attached a triumphant Bitmoji of myself riding a unicorn. Problem: I didn’t send it to my girlfriend. I sent it to the group chat labeled “Fam ❤️”, which includes my parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, and my 83-year-old grandmother.

Silence for an hour. Then my cousin replied, “Proud of you, king 👑”

TL;DR: Meant to text my girlfriend about finally pooping after four days. Sent it to my entire extended family instead. Now I’m the poop guy forever.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/my-peony-bud on 2025-05-21 22:25:10+00:00.

So, this happened earlier today, around 1/2am.

I am 5 months pregnant, and I've started sleeping with a pregnancy pillow. It's the best thing since sliced bread. I'm actually able to sleep comfortably through the night most nights now, especially as I've gotten bigger. But, I'm still kind of restless some nights. Like last night.

I was tossing and turning a lot last night, and just couldn't get comfortable. My husband stayed late in the living room, and I fell asleep in bed alone around 11PM, in my pregnancy pillow cocoon.

Now, around 1/2am, I remember barely coming to and feeling the need to turn again. All I remember before The Incident™ was sitting up in bed, barely conscious. As I turned over, I swung over my right arm towards my left side to brace myself....and I braced myself bringing my hand down onto the poor, innocent cheek of my darling sleeping husband. I immediately woke up the second my hand made contact with his cheek, and all I could say was "huh?"

He headed back to the living room for a few hours of slap-free sleep, before rejoining me at sunrise.

Sometime last year, he accidentally sleep-slapped me in the face. He sometimes has wild, involuntary movements when he sleeps, including flailing his arms. He fell asleep while we were cuddling, and he flailed his hand right into my face.

At least we're even now.

tl;dr: I accidentally slapped my husband in the face at 1am this morning, trying to turn my pregnant-ass around in bed.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ferdous12345 on 2025-05-21 21:26:43+00:00.

Every time I have moved out of an apartment it’s been sufficient to email the office my leaving notice. The current lease at my old place said “notice must be submitted in writing” under a section called “lease termination.” Perfect, so I sent the email, and moved out. I didn’t get a response but I actually didn’t get a response at my old place either so I figured they just made note of it.

Today—10 days before lease end—I get an email charging me for next month’s rent. $2000. Surely a mistake, I email the office and try calling but no answer.

I double checked the lease and—in a separate section titled “notice”—it said that all notices must be sent by mail. So we never technically terminated the lease, and now we’re on the much higher month-to-month plan for June. Because I told my roommates I’d take care of terminating the lease, I’m gonna have to solely pay for it since it’s not their fault they trusted my dumbass.

Obviously my fault and it’s a huge learning moment for me. Now I’m going to be out $2000. That’s on top of my already nearly $1000 lease at my new place. So my limited savings are now drained.

Fml

TLDR—didn’t read the lease closely and I’ll have to pay $2000 for a month of rent there, and nearly $1000 for rent at my new place.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Parajurist on 2025-05-21 19:40:03+00:00.

I'm a white short french speaking canadian. Went to Los Angeles with a few colleagues for work. Stayed in a crappy Super 8 motel near Inglewood for 3 days, then bouncing somewhere in Arizona.

First it was sunny and breazy, the flight was a pain so I went for a jog right after dropping my luggage in my room. No phone, no wallet, only my room key and 5$ for a Gatorade or something.

I DID NOT KNOW the reputation of Inglewood prior to that jog. I did saw poverty, probably mental illness, beggars, a few tents here and there. It did not cross my mind that I could be in any danger.

Some people looked at me like a was an alien or out of place, but when I nodded, they nodded, when I said have a nice day they answered politely.

I did a 5k, stopped and walk until I found a convenience store. The clerk was behind a 6 inches bullerproof window and looked worried. He asked where I was from and i f I needed a taxi. Said nope, I'm just visiting and start walking back.

Then... a guy stopped me. He look distressed, was wearing a long short, no t-shirt, had scars all over and a few tattoos. He clearly had a gun tuck between his hips and short.

Not feeling too comfortable, but he's polite. Ask if I got money, said I got change and gave it to him. He looked a bit disappointed since it was less than 2$. I said thanks 'cause I hate running with coins in my pocket. We kinda started talking about hockey. We walked and talked a bit. Told him where I was staying. He did ask me if I had some friends there (I said yes). We fistbumped and he left.

I walk back to my hotel and found my colleague in panic. They were looking for me, tried to call (left my phone in my room). They ask what I did and I told them... well what I did, even the conversation 'cause I was curious about the gun rules, open carry etc etc. The look of horror of my colleagues. I PUT THEM IN DANGER. We're now a target and must absolutely change hotel. They're convince the guy is going to comeback to rob us. They freaking convince the accounting department and we did have to change hotel the same evening.

I kinda feel this reaction came out of, well, pure racism, but since I have been looking about Inglewood criminality and... it's not looking good for me.

TL;DR as a tourist I gave my place of stay to a poor guy with a gun, colleagues panicked and we had to change hotel.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/nnhuyhuy on 2025-05-21 19:00:51+00:00.

So, I'm Vietnamese, but I've been in the US since I was six. Just got back to Nam, feeling all nostalgic and shit. Decided to grab a milk coffee from a street vendor. Looked innocent enough, big plastic cup, tasted pretty good. Big fucking mistake.

I drank the whole thing. Every last drop. Now, I've smoked weed, I've even hit thuốc lào (Vietnamese pipe tobacco) – thought I was tough. But this coffee? This shit was on another level. My heart started doing a goddamn drum solo. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. I swear I was seeing sounds and hearing colors. It felt like I'd mainlined pure anxiety.

Ended up in the hospital, looking like a total dumbass. Pretty sure the doctors just laughed at the Americanized kid who couldn't handle his coffee. They hooked me up to an IV and told me to chill the fuck out.

Seriously, Vietnamese coffee ain't coffee; it's a goddamn recreational drug. Never again. My heart's still trying to escape my chest. Vietnamese coffee is fucked.

TL;DR: chugged street coffee, hospitalized by caffeine overdose.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/This-Newt6102 on 2025-05-21 16:20:50+00:00.

This was dumb of me. I am aware. Was having a conversation with a relatively new friend of mine and recently we’ve been into talking hypotheticals. What would you do if you were kidnapped by Dwayne Johnson? What would you do if you had eight million dollars and could only spend it on food? Random stuff like that.

Today we got on the topic of future kids somehow and she asked “What would you do if in the future your kid came home with a tattoo and they weren’t eighteen yet?”

I argued that if it was something meaningful I would be okay with it. I’d be upset they didn’t ask but I would get over it. But she said she would never let them get away with it under any circumstances and they’d have to be punished.

This happens often, we almost always disagree on what we would do and we have a fun lighthearted debate over it. This is just our personalities, it’s never an actual argument or anything of course, it’s just for jokes.

So I said “not even if it was super meaningful to them, like a tribute tattoo or something?”

And she said “nope, nobody under eighteen needs any tattoos”

Now I respect that opinion, but I’m just trying to see if I can make her budge at all, because that’s part of this little game after all.

So I (quite stupidly) said “really? What if their grandma died really tragically and they want to memorialize her? Like imagine your mom died, you’d be devastated”

….

There is an awkward silence and she just goes “my mom died of cancer last year 😐”

I honestly couldn’t tell if she was just making a bad joke but it became evident she was definitely not. So yeah. My bad. I shouldn’t have assumed that she still had her mom I guess, but she’s only nineteen and it didn’t cross my mind that her mom might have died so early.

TL;DR: we were talking and she said she’d never let her kid get a tattoo under any circumstances before 18. I stupidly countered that with “what if it’s a memorial tattoo? Imagine if your mom died or something” and… well… her mom is dead

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/07bag_of_bones on 2025-05-21 07:05:10+00:00.

So this morning, I accidentally cut my finger on the bus while heading to school. Nothing major, just a small cut, but I was wearing light jeans and didn’t want to get blood on them. Naturally, I started digging through my bag for a tissue or something to stop the bleeding. Unfortunately, I didn’t find any tissues. What I did find, however… was a pad.

In a mild panic and with no better options, I wiped the blood off my finger onto the pad. I didn’t want to just throw it in my bag all gross and bloody, but there was no trash can nearby, and I wasn’t putting it in my pocket. So, I gently placed it back into my bag, thinking that was the end of it.

It was not.

I get to class, and since I’m not early, I have to sit near the front. I open my bag — and the cursed pad launches out. Like, not a quiet “plop.” No. It gracefully ARCS through the air in slow motion, as if mocking me. Then this stupid freaking pad doesnt even land on the floor or my desk-NO it had to land on ANOTHER persons desk.

Everyone’s watching. I have no choice but to walk over, grab the blood-smudged pad, and stuff it back in my bag while trying to act like im not absoulutely mortified.

So yeah TL;DR . Now my entire class probably thinks I just carry used pads around like pocket change. I want to melt into the floor. School is pain. Im already a shy and quiet person in school so this means im cooked forever.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/joyful_arts on 2025-05-20 17:18:14+00:00.

I (70 year old male) made a terrible mistake after telling my new 67-year-old wife that her gray hairs were showing as she was leaving for a work team meeting where she is a supervisor of 9-10 other women. As my new wife slammed the house front door, she stated “We’re going to have a talk when I get home about why you think I shouldn’t have any gray hair”!

I had been married to ex-wife for 33 years, and she would get very angry whenever I did NOT tell her or warn her that her hair was turning gray. More than once after a dinner party or dinner date my ex-wife would see herself in the mirror and spot her gray roots showing and would yell at me for NOT telling her that the gray roots where showing.

I’m at a loss for what to say or do. I can’t seem to think of anything besides inventing a time machine and going back to prevent this from happening.

Does anyone have any constructive suggestions? What can I possibly do to repair my relationship with my new wife?

I think I should have simply kept my mouth shut and not comment about my new wife's gray roots.

My ex-wife and new wife are totally different people and I need to stop assuming women are relatively similar. Each are totally different people, I am discovering.

TL;DR told my new wife her gray roots were showing

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/PalmitoylCoA on 2025-05-20 18:35:50+00:00.

So it's midnight and I can't sleep because my brain decided it's the perfect time to replay every embarrassing moment of my life, and this one's been eating away at me.

Obligatory: This actually happened over a year ago.

I matched with this guy on Bumble. He was cute, had a very adorable cat, and invited me over to “chill” and play with said cat. We got drinks and started playing one of those adult card games.

One of the cards asked, “What’s something innocent that turns you on?” to which his answer was “When girls tie their hair up into a ponytail.” Cool. I've heard that one before. We move on.

A while later, I noticed it was getting hot and I was starting to sweat. I pulled a rubberband from my purse and tried to tie my hair into a bun. It didn’t stay. So I let it down. Then I tried a ponytail. Still not right. I saw my reflection in the mirror behind him and realized my hair looked like I had a bad case of lumpy ponytail syndrome. So I again undid it and started gathering my hair properly.

By now, I’ve tied and untied my hair multiple times, and right as I’m smoothing it back for a final attempt, I look over and see him watching me... totally weirded out. That’s when it hit me. This man thinks I’m doing some weird mating ritual where I keep seductively tying and retying my hair because he said he finds ponytails sexy. I looked absolutely unhinged. But we continued with the game lol

Oh, and during that same night, he randomly mentioned that he thinks girls with short bob cuts are super cute. Fast forward a week: I’m trimming my waist-length hair after a shower (I always cut it myself to save money), and I mess up. It’s so uneven that the only way to fix it is to go shorter. Much shorter. I end up giving myself a shoulder-length bob.

A few days later, I showed up at his place with food. He opened the door, saw my new short bob, and said with an awkward smile, “You got a haircut,” clearly trying to hide how creeped out he was. That’s when I remembered HE TOLD ME HE LIKES SHORT BOBS.

This man 100% thinks I repeatedly tied my hair to turn him on and then went home and chopped it off to give myself his dream girl haircut.

Anyway… we never met again.

TLDR: Accidentally did a full hair striptease for a guy who’s into ponytails, then showed up days later with his dream haircut thanks to a botched trim. Totally creeped him out and we never talked again.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ScooterAndBeans on 2025-05-20 20:03:46+00:00.

So first off. Apple, what the fuck? Why the hell does an iPad get text messages on it? Apparently I’m a 40 year old dumbass who didn’t know that was a thing. (I’m new to Apple’s echo system).

I got a new iPad a few weeks ago and signed in with my apple account. I rarely use it. I learned shortly after getting it that I hate tablets and prefer a laptop. So my kids watch Netflix and stuff on it.

My wife and I are in our early 40’s and been married 20 years this July. We have three kids, 12, 10, 8. Oldest is a girl the other two boys. They’re out of school for summer and we’re apparently watching my iPad this morning. My wife works from home.

Today I’m at work and thinking about her and so I sent a message joking but also not joking: “hey, let’s do some fucking tonight.”

She responded with a laughing face and said ok. But that was it, I wasn’t finished with the conversation.

Me: “I’m gonna wreck that p*ssy. This has been a long day. So get ready”

Her: “Sure, big talker. You’ll probably fall asleep early again. 😂🤣😂”

Me: “not tonight, tonight is a good night for fucking and sucking.” (Norm McDonals reference)

That was pretty much it. Now I don’t normally talk like this. I was just trying to be funny and risqué. My kids have certainly never heard me say any of those words. But a few minutes later.

Her: “uhh, did you know the kids are on your iPad? And did you know your texts are going to the iPad? Cause they just read those messages.”

I have no idea how to look them in the eyes when I get home. My precious 12 year old daughter thinks I’m a degenerate. All three of them will be telling their spouses about this someday. It’s like I just created a lifelong memory just like we all have certain memories from our childhood we don’t want to have.

TL;DR: I sent my wife some racy sexual text messages and my kids were on my iPad. The texts were being delivered to the iPad and they saw all of them. They’ll never unsee them.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/WallInternational103 on 2025-05-20 18:43:37+00:00.

My girlfriend and I were at Home Depot picking out a new shower head. We were joking around, pretending to “roleplay” as boring suburban homeowners.

I said something like, “I just want to build a life with you and maybe tile a backsplash someday.”

She laughed and said, “Wow, that almost sounded like a proposal.”

So I, being a dramatic idiot, got down on one knee in the plumbing aisle with a washer ring and said, “Will you marry me, babe?”

We were laughing, until she said yes.

Dead serious. Eyes misty. Voice shaking. “Yes. Oh my God, yes.”

I froze. I panicked. I was not proposing. I was pretending.

And I just… went with it. We’re “engaged” now. Our families know. There’s a group chat.

I still haven’t told her it wasn’t real.

TL;DR: Pretended to propose at Home Depot. She thought it was real. Said yes. Now we’re accidentally engaged and I’m too scared to explain.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Suitable-Teaching781 on 2025-05-20 18:36:00+00:00.

My therapist and I have been working together for two years. She’s amazing. Super chill. Zero judgment. Which makes this 10x worse.

I started doing virtual sessions from home, and last week I was running late. I threw on a hoodie, logged onto Zoom, and figured I’d just stay off camera until I had pants on.

Well. I forgot Zoom defaults to video ON.

I stood up halfway through the session to grab my notebook. Fully Winnie the Pooh-ing it. No pants. Just bare thighs and regret.

She went silent.

I realized a full two seconds too late, shrieked, and body slammed my laptop shut.

She texted later: “We all have vulnerable moments. Would you like to continue next week?”

I now overthink every outfit, every movement, and every session.

TL;DR: Forgot I wasn’t wearing pants during a virtual therapy session. Stood up on camera. Flashed my therapist.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/EngineerBright5720 on 2025-05-20 18:26:31+00:00.

So I’d been planning to break up with my situationship for weeks. It was casual, messy, and honestly just emotionally exhausting. I finally worked up the nerve, wrote out a whole heartfelt message about “wanting to grow on my own” and “needing space to figure things out.”

I copied it from my Notes app and pasted it into what I thought was his chat.

I even added, “Please don’t contact me anymore. I wish you the best, but I need this for my peace.”

I sent it. Felt free. Liberated. Finally standing up for myself.

And then my mom texts back:

“Sweetie?? Are you okay?? What’s going on???”

Turns out I had pasted that entire breakup message into my mom’s text thread. She had literally just texted “do you want leftovers?” and I ghosted her with a breakup monologue. She called me crying because she thought I was cutting her off or that something terrible happened.

I had to awkwardly explain I was trying to ghost a man, not my own mother. Now she tells everyone I “emotionally dumped” her over lasagna.

TL;DR: Tried to break up with a situationship, accidentally sent the message to my mom instead. She thought I was disowning her. It was over lasagna.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Restinpeep2017 on 2025-05-20 17:02:22+00:00.

This happened yesterday so technically it's a YIFU.. but whatever.

So here’s the deal: my mom’s a kindergarten teacher who’s never touched drugs, alcohol, or anything—ever. Then her boyfriend got her into smoking weed. Yeah, hilarious, right? The saint of ABCs and snack time is suddenly a stoner.

Yesterday, while she was at work, her boyfriend asked me to drive him to this vape shop (his car was in the shop). They don’t legally sell THC yet, but they do have some strong Delta-8 stuff. He grabs some buds, gummies, and other edibles. I’m not a smoker—used to try it as a teen, but anxiety hijacked my brain with insults like, “You forgot how to breathe,” and then, “You forgot how to walk, dumbass—now everyone’s staring at you.” So yeah, I steer clear.

Back home, he’s like, “Wanna smoke?” I say no, freaks me out. Then he says the gummies are “weak enough for beginners.” Cool, I think. Maybe I’ll chill and finally sleep through the night.

BIG MISTAKE.

I open the bag, dump a handful in my hand, and pop about 3 gummies at once—no reading labels, no “how much should I take?” Just chew and swallow. Like an hour later, nada. So I eat about 2 or 3 more that were left from the handful. Turns out these were 100mg Delta-8 gummies each. “Weak,” he said. Total. Lies.

Then, BOOM. I'm guessing the 3 I first took hit me because I’m in bed, completely unable to move. I want to scratch my face but can’t. I desperately need to pee. Can’t get up. Then the other 2 or 3 add to my already extreme high and I end up peeing myself, which I originally thought was shit because I farted and that's when I peed myself (thank God it wasn't #2).

At this point, I am so thirsty like Sahara Desert mouth thirsty.. & I want to cry but realize crying will make me more thirsty. My brain’s doing the absolute worst, throwing absurd thoughts like: “Your mom’s gonna come home and start a fight,” “Your boss will call and make you work,” “You’re about to be the first person to OD on gummies or your heart is about to explode.”

I prayed to God, promising if I survived this nightmare, I’d never touch drugs again—legal or not.

Then Mom comes home and wants to go out for Grandma’s birthday dinner. I start hyperventilating like a disaster; drooling and completely incoherent. Luckily, her boyfriend explains what happened so my mom doesn’t freak. They tell the family I’m “sick,” and couldn't make it. Thank God for that mercy.

After a couple hours, which felt like an eternity, of battling my brain’s war against myself, I finally fall asleep for 12 hours straight.

TL;DR: Gave Delta-8 gummies a shot after being told they were “beginner friendly.” Ate 5 or 6. They were not beginner friendly. They were the most potent the shop had. Spent the night paralyzed, panicking, peeing myself, and hallucinating my own downfall. Missed Grandma’s birthday. 0/10, do not recommend.

Moral of the story? Don’t trust “weak” gummies. READ THE DIRECTIONS. Especially don’t eat a handful at once. And if you do, maybe skip the I-farted-so-I-thought-I-shit-myself-but-really-peed-myself part.

TIFU indeed.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/bigbull_4896_ on 2025-05-20 14:15:16+00:00.

So during sex, I thought it’d be funny to mess around and moan like a girl—high-pitched, full anime-style “ahh~ senpai~” kinda stuff. Just trolling. But instead of laughing or telling me to stop, she locked eyes with me, said “Do that again,” and pulled me closer. I doubled down, moaned harder, and suddenly she’s calling me her “good little kitten” and going feral. We ended up roleplaying half the night—me moaning like a hentai character, her fully committed to the bit. Not even gonna lie, I kinda enjoyed it… and now I don’t know if I unlocked a new kink or just need therapy. Haven’t looked her in the eye since.

TL;DR:

I jokingly moaned like a hentai girl during sex, but instead of laughing, she was really into it. Ended up roleplaying as her “little kitten” for the rest of the night.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/OT_Odyssey on 2025-05-20 07:47:10+00:00.

So today I managed to embarrass myself in a way that feels straight out of a sitcom n this was not how i planned my day...

One of my bra somehow flew out the window and landed right on the tin roof of the house next door.. already embarrassing but i thought i could just get it back since it was costly.. I had these long pvc pipes at home (the ones used for water tanks) and thought I could use one to pull the pad closer to my window and gently nudge it back! Spoiler: I leaned out of the window with the pipe, aimed it at the bra like some sort of Mission Impossible retrieval operation… and then the pipe slipped and fell too. So now, on my neighbor’s roof, there is: a single bra, a long white PVC pipe and my dignity, somewhere in between.. haven’t gone to ask them yet because i want to disappear into the earth. i feel so stupid.

that’s it. that’s the post... -_-

TL;DR: Bra escaped, pipe betrayed me, neighbor’s roof is now a weird art installation!!!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Mimichi08 on 2025-05-20 05:23:11+00:00.

Hiiii. Well, it wasn't today, but I still messed up and it is pretty funny I think.

For simplification sake, Epipen = EP

So I was in Rome on a trip with some of my friends. We were four sleeping in the same room and it was early in the morning. One of the four was already off to get breakfast so it was just me and two other friends at this point in time. One was in the bathroom for like 10 minutes and this story happened in those 10 minutes and that friend saw NOTHING.

So I am allergic to peanuts, and those who have allergies know that having an EP in any foreign country is very important, but you would also know that most people with EPs are VERY careless with the EPs. So the day before, my friend asked me to put their crackers in my purse since they didn't have space for them and I agreed. Forward to the day of the story, I forget they are there. I open my purse to find the crackers and crumbs everywhere in my purse. So I proceed to empty it of everything, or I think. Thing is, my purse has like more discreet compartments where I had put my EPS, so I didn't really notice them being there. Being the smart and intelligent being that I am, I decide to shake my purse out the window to get rid of the crumbs. Oops, what's that? Oh no is that my EPs falling? But of course! However they did not fall all the way down. The hotel we were at had like small ledges on the outside walls. so the EPs were like lying on the ledge between my window and the one below. The window had an iron railing covering the bottom half, so I couldn't get to them.

Once again, I am a very smart and competent being, so I of course decide to climb out the window. Luckily, the only friend that was in the same room as me came up to me like: Ummmmm what? So I explained it to her. She told me to grab a blanket and go in the street. So I did! I get to the street, right beneath where my window is. My friend's phone is attached to a rope so she can carry it around her neck and stuff. She lowers her phone THROUGH the railing with the rope and proceeds to push the EPs off the ledge with the phone, as I hold the blanket like I'm a firefighter. I thought the EPs would land gracefully into the blanket, but I learned about gravity that day and got hit straight in the face through the blanket. One of the EPs even bounced off and fell to the concrete floor with a snap.

I return to my room, with both my EPs and my friend who was in the bathroom comes out and I tell them everything. They are still laughing to this day, and honestly I get it. Mind you, we were halfway through the trip and I still had like a week and a half to go, not knowing if my EPs would work or not. I was told after the trip that I could've just went to a pharmacy and got new ones, but the thought didn't occur to me at the time.

TL;DR: I dropped my Epipens off a three story building, tried to climb out of a window to get them, decided against it and went firefighter mode, which failed. Also too stupid to problem solve.

Thank you. *bows*

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ness644 on 2025-05-20 04:59:05+00:00.

As I am trying to fix my relationship with food and also eat healthier I found that fruits and vegetables with a little season and sauce can help replace a lot of the junk food I have been consuming.

Tonight was nothing out of the ordinary. Same dinner with lots of vegetables, lean protein, etc. Well after making a nice meal (chicken, veggies, rice) I wanted dessert.

Now prior to this diet change I’d usually chow down on a pint of ice cream or eat some out of a quart container, but not today. I looked in the fridge and saw some apples that were getting a bit past their prime so I immediately thought of ways I could jazz them up and eat them. So I cut up the four apples, put some Carmel on top and sprinkled a bit of salt. They were so good! Before I knew it the four apples were no more and I was happy and satisfied!

Well fast forward to about 30 minutes ago and I’m not so happy or satisfied.. if you don’t already know eaten in large quantities apples can have a slight laxative effect… I learned that the hard way.. or shall I say EXPLOSIVE WAY😭😭 first it started off subtle with just the feeling of having to go number two which I did just fine with no issues. Then about 15 minutes after the initial bowel movement I get a stronger wave of stomach cramps and what felt like an over flowing blender in my stomach. My cheeks immediately clenched harder then they have before and it was a race to the toilet which I thankfully got 1st place 🤝 what followed was nothing short of machine gun fire out of my butt :( I thought it was over so I took a shower and went to bed. Let’s just say that was not the end of the torment.. as soon as I closed my eyes I just knew.. BOOM queue me jumping out of bed, clenched cheeks “sprinting” to the toilet then follow with another machine gun Vietnam front lines firestorm :( as things died down I sat there regretting my dietary choices the hours prior hoping this was the end.

Thankfully after I washed off (again :/ ) I felt empty in a good way. I’m now in bed hoping there are no more surprises tonight.. 🤞

TL;DR Too many apples = explosive diarrhea :(

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/JDMplsmarryme on 2025-05-19 14:23:38+00:00.

I was refereeing a soccer game yesterday, as I had been all weekend, and I am finally on my last game, It was the 10th game of the weekend, and I was extremely tired, Some kid touches the ball, I blow my whistle, and I call out (pretty loudly mind you, decent sized field) "Hand!".

Well, now imagine my complete mortification, when I look at this child, and he does not, in fact, have a hand on the arm he hit it with. And to make matters even better, my dad, and sister were already there, and laughing their asses off about it.

When I woke up this morning, and got downstairs, I see my siblings sitting at the counter, and when they saw me, they started laughing, and my sister that was there said "Hand".

TL;DR: I called a handball on a kid missing a hand, and my family is never going to let my live it down.

Edit: Yes, I know that is the call, only 1 of the 3 siblings play soccer and she doesn't care to back me up, My siblings bring up things from 10+ years ago, I am not going to live this down

Edit number 2: The kid found it funny, was joking with friends and the coach, I apologized for my families laughter anyways, and the kid just laughed and said my reaction was funny. If the kid took it badly I would have told my family to shut up, or asked them to leave

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/External-Response-25 on 2025-05-20 02:50:22+00:00.

So I’ve been going to therapy for a while. It’s going okay. I cry less when someone says “we need to talk,” so... progress?

Anyway, last night I was feeling bold. Decided to message my ex something lighthearted to break the ice. Found this perfect meme of a skeleton sitting in a therapist’s chair saying: “It’s not that deep, Susan. I’m literally dead.”

Classic. Passive-aggressive. Emotionally immature. Just my style.

Except I didn’t send it to my ex.

I sent it to my actual therapist.

At 11:47 PM.

With the caption: “Haha remember when you said I have abandonment issues???”

No reply. For hours. I went to bed thinking, “Okay, maybe she’ll laugh. She gets my humor.”

She did not.

Today in session, she printed the meme. Handed it to me. And just said: “Let’s unpack this.”

I spent 45 minutes analyzing a meme I meant to send out of pettiness. She said it was “deeply revealing.” I said it was “deeply unfortunate.” We both cried, for very different reasons.

TL;DR: Tried to roast my ex. Roasted my soul instead. Therapy now costs more emotionally than financially.