Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Fluid-Interaction-80 on 2025-06-01 07:17:48+00:00.

Had a pretty embarrassing moment on a date and it’s been eating at me. I was out with this girl I just met, and while turning left to park, I clipped the bumper of a parked car. It was totally my fault. I came in too fast and just wasn’t paying enough attention. I think I was nervous because of the date and it threw me off.

I’ve never been in an accident before, not even a small one, so this really shook me. The damage wasn’t terrible, just a scratch, but I still left a note with my info. What’s really bothering me is how much it ruined my confidence. I tried to act like it didn’t phase me, but I was clearly thrown off for the rest of the night.

I keep replaying it in my head and wondering if she now thinks I’m some kind of idiot. I know stuff happens, but it sucks that my first real impression was this awkward, flustered version of myself. Just one of those nights where nothing goes how you hoped.

TL;DR: Nervous on a first date, scratched a parked car while trying to park. Left a note but felt super embarrassed and it killed my vibe for the night.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ParamedicDelicious82 on 2025-06-01 18:48:44+00:00.

My roommate and I both work from home. We sit in separate rooms, mind our own business, and generally co-exist well. Today, I had an hour-long lunch break and decided to, uh... take care of myself in my bedroom. Headphones in, volume up, brain off.

At one point, I noticed the sound quality was a little echo-y. Weird.

And then, I hear a knock at my door followed by, “Dude. Your laptop speakers are on.”

I froze.

I had been playing very NSFW content at full volume through my MacBook speakers. Not my AirPods.

The walls are thin. The kitchen is right next to my room. And apparently, my roommate had a client on Zoom when it started blasting.

He just said, “I muted real fast. But I swear to God, never again.”

I may never eat in that kitchen again. I may never live anywhere again.

TL;DR: Thought my AirPods were connected, watched porn, it blasted through my laptop speakers during my roommate’s work call. We are no longer making eye contact.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Crafty_Worker_5508 on 2025-06-01 18:38:03+00:00.

So last weekend, my sister dropped off my 6-year-old niece for a little “Uncle-Niece bonding day.” We did the usual, Disney+, popcorn, ice cream for lunch. I decided to be The Fun Uncle and let her pick a movie. She pointed to a thumbnail on Disney+ and said “That one! The deer!”

Without looking, I hit play.

It was Bambi. No big deal, right?

WRONG.

I forgot entirely how that movie starts. Ten minutes in, her little hand is in the popcorn, all smiles, and then, boom. Gunshot. Bambi’s mom is gone. My niece just froze. Then the tears started. Then came the most heartbreaking, whispered, “Where did she go?”

I panicked. I’m not a parent. I have no emotional script for this! So I tried to improvise and told her Bambi’s mom “went to live on a magical deer farm where all deer go when they get sleepy.”

She paused. Thoughtful. Then asked, “So Grandpa’s on a people farm?”

Guess who had to explain death while texting my sister “PLEASE COME BACK” in all caps?

TL;DR: Let my niece watch Bambi, forgot the traumatic death scene, made it worse by trying to lie, and now she thinks Grandpa lives on a people farm.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/platonicshroom on 2025-06-01 15:08:01+00:00.

So today is day 5 in the hospital post op and I'm slowly crawling back life, well enough to make this post.

Last sunday I felt a "slight uncomfortable tightning sensation" in my abdomen, and honestly it was easy enough to ignore. I didnt think much of it.

The next day it got a little worse but honestly still totally manageable. Didnt bother me one bit.

Tueseday, it was the same until the evening... I became suddenly very nauseous with a slight fever and I threw up, once, and honestly almost instantly felt better..... we did call the night doctor and they advised us to take some paracetamol (tylenol for the Americans)and call them back in an hour. an I felt good enough to go back go sleep, fever had settled mostly, they did advise us to call our own family doctor in the morning.

In hindsight all the signals were there, and as I'm typing this out ... Reddit.. I know...

The next day I awoke to find my pain mostly gone. I only had a pulling sensation on the right side of my stomach...... I got suspicious at this point and did call our family doctor.

I was asked to come in and she ran an array of tests, some blood tests and some light stretching movements to test for pain, no fever, which I could all do without issue. Supposedly one of the symptoms is pain, I had none. The only saving grace was a slight elevation in my blood's infection value. She called the surgical doctor at a local hospital who wanted me to come immediatly.

Arriving at the hospital, I was made to wait in the ER while blood tests were being done. They came in shortly and showed a wide array of problematic results. I was lead to do an ultrasound after. A kind technician dr there did a scan and quickly stopped with an "oh"...

"Sir... Your appendix is quite inflamed and you will have to be operated on with a degree of urgency".

And so it happened. I was brought up to surgery prep and a few hours later they operated on me... The kicker... It had already mostly necrosed!! All kinds of bacteria had leaked into surrounding tissue.

What could have been a quick surgery and a near instant discharge has now become a (already) 5 day recovery (and counting) with horse dosages of antibiotics.

In the last days I havent slept at all. Had near constant 39C (102F) fever and overal really did not like life.

I'm a little better, fever now has set down to 38C (100F). I feel so sick from all the antibiotics, I miss my wife, I miss my baby, I miss my bed. Man... If only I knew... I mean it really didnt hurt all that much... I might be in here for few more days and there's a fair chance I'm developing some additional complications... FML.. well at least I'm alive.

If you read this... Please don't be like me... Do better.

TLDR; ignored all the tell-tale signs of appendicitus... Went in when it was too late and now I have to dosed with endless antbiotics and feel crap for weeks

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Whole-Football5455 on 2025-06-01 09:53:48+00:00.

Yes, it’s as bad as it sounds.

I (26F) just moved into a new apartment. It’s a nice place, small but cute, and the landlord (50s? M) has been super chill. We’ve texted a few times, mostly stuff like “Is the heater working?” or “I’m stopping by to drop off your parking pass.”

Anyway, I’ve also been casually seeing this guy. We were flirting over text, and I was trying to be bold. I sent a spicy message, think “Can’t wait to feel your hands on me” type energy and immediately got a “?” back.

That’s when I realized I had sent it… to my landlord.

I. Died. On. The. Spot.

I replied something like, “OH MY GOD I am so sorry that message wasn’t meant for you I’m mortified please ignore.”

He didn’t reply for two hours.

Then he sent, “No worries. Just glad it wasn’t about a maintenance emergency.”

TL;DR: Tried to flirt with my guy, accidentally sexted my landlord. Now I pay rent in shame.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Logical_Delivery2231 on 2025-06-01 09:46:39+00:00.

So my sister just had her first baby, and I (24M) wanted to do something special. She mentioned her husband was giving her a “push present,” and I, having never heard this term, Googled it.

I thought it was like a quirky gag gift for giving birth. You know, like something to “push” through the pain, some joke gift to make her laugh and lighten the mood.

So… I got her a glittery purple stress ball. The packaging said “SQUISH ME WHEN LIFE HURTS,” which I thought was hilarious.

I show up at the hospital, give her the little gift bag with a grin. She opens it. Silence. Her husband just stares at me.

Then my mom goes, “That’s what you got her? For all that work?!”

Turns out a “push present” is supposed to be something sentimental or valuable, like a necklace, ring, or something meaningful. Not a $3 rubber orb.

She laughed eventually, but now everyone in the family refers to me as “Stress Ball Santa.” Her real push present came later, a diamond pendant.

TL;DR: Thought a “push present” was a joke gift. Gave my sister a stress ball after childbirth. Now I’m the clown of the family.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/family-soup on 2025-06-01 01:36:56+00:00.

Obligatory not today, but it keeps me awake at night at least once a week.

Years ago, I was dating this guy who, around the time we broke up, tested positive for chlamydia and accused me of giving it to him. I did not experience the same symptoms as him, so I decided to go get checked to clear my name.

As soon as I'm in the doctor's office, they ask me all kinds of health questions. I explain that I've never had an STD before and my partner tested positive. Once all the testing is done, they bring me a very large box of condoms and tell me to take whatever I want. The results have NOT come back yet.

I look through this box, pick out a couple of condoms, and find flavored condoms. I said "I never understood why they have flavors, I'm not going to taste it when I have sex." AND LAUGHED.

It wasn't until I was driving home that I realized people use flavored condoms for safe oral sex. I ended up testing negative for all STDs and embarassed myself regardless in the process.

TL;DR got tested for an STD because my then boyfriend tested positive for chlamydia and blamed it on (he got it from cheating on me and attempted to blame his status on me as an excuse to break up with me) then embarassed myself at the doctor's by not knowing what flavored condoms were used for and possibly reinforcing their idea that I do it raw frequently.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/FoSheepish on 2025-05-31 00:23:55+00:00.

Oh, the irony. Today I did a obstacle training course for my first Spartan race on Sunday. We were outside practicing on the obstacles and walking the course for over 6 hours. Good news is I feel much more confident about the obstacles. Bad news is I got a horrible sunburn. Yes, I wore sunscreen. Yes, I reapplied. I'm super pale. Don't know what to tell you.

To make matters worse, my boyfriend and I are running it together. It's his fourth race and he's really excited about us running it together. I don't want to ruin it for us, but I also don't want to risk skin cancer (family history), body blisters, etc by running in the heat of the day in less than 48 hours. I also don't know if I will have the energy/stamina. Haven't had a bad sunburn in years but I remember it taking it out of me.

TLDR:Can I still run a Spartan race (outdoor 5K race with obstacles) on Sunday when I got a horrible sunburn today (it is Friday)?

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Training-Tomorrow449 on 2025-05-31 23:22:02+00:00.

I had a job in a pub for a while. Serving drinks that sort of thing. It was quite busy one day. As I was making some drinks I hear this noise. It was this sort off owl sounding hooting. I had to pause a couple of times to confirm I wasn't going mad. I asked my Co worker "can you hear that?". They said what? I said it sounds like an owl. Then I start asking everyone very vocally can anybody hear that? Is there an owl outside?

Turns out behind the pillar next to the bar (not visible to me) was a critically disabled child in a wheelchair maybe 12 years old, making a series of groaning and hooting noises. It was obvious immediately how severe his disability was and I just had to look away and pretend I hadn't confused him with a bird of prey.

TL;DR: I thought a Critically disabled child was an owl and proceeded to demand from the whole pub vocally if they could here an owl too. This was done while the child's family were being seated.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NoSchool3969 on 2025-05-31 20:23:07+00:00.

Ok so. I have a friend who is quite rich. Recently we spoke about things, work, moving house, etc. and he mentioned how much money he got off his work. Another friend made a joke how he could buy out houses.

My rich friend seemed confused at this. And we explained how much we make, how much we spend, etc. and he seemed shook. Legit now feeling ashamed of himself. He went to call someone, maybe an assistant, or something.

We all assumed he was joking, turns out he wasn’t and he found out how much others make. He seemed genuinely shocked and ashamed of himself. Now panicking and feeling as if he fucked up our friendship. He thinks he’s an asshole. Ignorant. Etc. And was panicking. We tried to help but getting him to play video games with us but he seems to not be able to keep his mind off it.

No one believes it. No one thinks less of him. We all care for him but he Just can’t stop worrying about it all. He feels he offended us and is now freaking out.

I feel that… it may also be my fault. When I first heard how much he made I was shocked, I knew he was rich but still, I made comments on how much I had a month, what I used it for, etc. which seemed to worsen his realization. Maybe if I had stopped the conversation before hand, maybe he wouldn’t be in such a state.

TL;DR: rich friend realized he was ignorant of how his other friends lived and is freaking out worried he ruined the friendship. We all told him no, but he is still freaking out.

I feel maybe if I was more gentle and took it mroe seriously at the start I could have stopped it before he started panicking and descending

(Good news is friends are talking to him but I admit I worry.)

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No_Obligation4496 on 2025-05-31 19:21:03+00:00.

"Why the fuck is there woman's pajamas in my luggage?"

That's what I asked myself after I spent 25 minutes going through 655 combinations on the in-built luggage lock in this Sydney hotel.

"Oh shit... Maybe this isn't my luggage at all?"

At first I thought the customs people had just locked it after an inspection, because it had luggage tag with my name on it.

That's when I remembered, when I did a self transfer in Tokyo, I had taken off a previous set of luggage tags. I search through my jacket to see if I kept it... Yep. That's not my name.

I start panicking. That bag had a lot of momentos in it from trip.

I call the airlines, no help, this was my fault and not their mixup... They say they'll notify me if someone contacts them about missing luggage.

Then a LinkedIn message.

"Hi. Did you lose your luggage in Tokyo?"

Why... Yes I did.

"Yes. I have it."

We discuss options. Shipping both through normal carriers would cost thousands of dollars.

I look for tickets a few days out. Less than thousands of dollars.

Fine. I guess I'll take a trip back to Tokyo.

I endure a day of having to wear a set of costume clothes I had storage in my backpack... And eventually make it to Tokyo.

We exchange the bags, take a few commemorative pictures so people would believe us when we tell this story, and part ways. I get a nice flower vase and bottle of Japanese Umeshu for my error.

And people asking me, why didn't you guys date? Every time I tell the story.

It's because she came to pick up the bag with her boyfriend, duh.

TL;DR: I had to take a trip from Sydney to Tokyo in the middle of my vacation to retrieve my switched suitcase because I made a mistake.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CantSpeakKorean on 2025-05-31 17:54:25+00:00.

In French, there is a preposition with àn accented a. It looks like this: à

I downloaded a French keyboard, but the letters are in really fucky places: Á is where Q is, and M is where L is, for example

I found that to be àn annoying quirk, so I decided to use my normal English keyboard

Never mind the fact that A is one of the top ten most common words in English, and I have typed it hundreds of thousands of times, it only took one French lesson for my iPhone to have àn epiphany: THIS is how the letter A is meant to be written

Now, when I swipe an, it gets accented: àn. It often happens with the letter à, too, but not as consistently. I can’t find out why.

For whatever fucking brilliant UX design principle that is beyond my comprehension, you are not actually able to tell your iPhone dictionary to forget à particular text replacement. It’s just not an option. You want to do that, you have to reset your entire fucking keyboard to factory settings.

I asked ChatGPT if there’s anything else I could do, as I really don’t want to do that, and it suggested that Apple used machine learning to learn your typing habits and figure out what you mean to say when you interact with the keyboard in certain ways. As such, since your keyboard has learned à bad habit, you can just unteach it: type à and àn à bunch of times and manually click a and an in the suggested options, and your phone will learn that, when you are typing in English, you do not want to use this letter then literally doesnt fuckinng exist in English

So I tried

An An An An

I did that shit for thirty minutes

You know what?

Àn

Putain

TL;DR learn French at your own risk

AhaowbwaipaoqbqgzusooqnagysiqoqnabYoqlqnsg ydiekqnVzywiqkqbsgzuwiq

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Gazzo69 on 2025-05-31 17:27:13+00:00.

it took me 10 months to get behind it. Last year some time I recognized my google maps sometimes giving me really strange route suggestions but I thought maybe google really knows the best efficient way without really questioning it. As I am really bad geography I just drove what google said. Sometimes the ride was so long that I used Apple Maps or Waze. And often did I ride and thought jeez, how is this highway closed again or has so much traffic that it is taking me on another route. Background, last July i was on a motorbike trip and wanted more beautiful chilled routes.

Tl;dr 10 month did I take much longer routes google maps routes because I turned off highways before a motorbike trip. I suspected that google a) knows better or that the highway is shut or has a lot of traffic (again). Only today did I realise😹

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/supercoach on 2025-05-31 03:11:58+00:00.

I made some roast pork the other day using my air fryer. It came out lovely and cripsy and after finishing the meat, I put some vegies I had on hand in to roast with the pan juices and what was left of the marinade I'd made. Now, me being a terrible planner, I only had some potatoes, an onion (possibly two) and probably 2/3 of one of those bags of peeled garlic that I threw in there with a little extra oil and some seasoning.

Aaanyway, about ten minutes into roasting it was taking forever so I decided to see if I could "parboil" them using the pressure cooker feature on my air fryer and speed things up a bit. I popped in the pressure cooking lid, changed the setting from roast to pressure cook and set it for 5 minutes.

A few minutes later and I had a lovely brown mush as it had all pretty much disintegrated. Only the largest lumps of potato persisted; the rest was what I'm going to call a confit of sorts. It became a sort of potato-and-garlic based gravy instead of lovely roasted vegies.

Growing up poor, I learned to never waste anything, so it all got eaten. I had that "gravy" with the roast pork for my next couple of main meals and it was fucking delicious. Possibly a bit sweet, but still delightful, nonetheless.

That was yesterday.

Today my apartment is slowly turning into a gas chamber and the cat is looking for places to hide. I think I might crack a few windows and possibly ease back on the garlic next time.

TL;DR: Thought I was cooking roast vegetables, but instead I turned my intestines into a garlic-infused chemical weapon. I also may have killed my cat.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/throwaway_acc299 on 2025-05-30 18:25:13+00:00.

I was at school and there was this fat fly that would not leave me alone, just kept on flying around my head, disturbing my work. The teacher stepped out to get something from the printer and I just got sick of the fly. I picked up my laptop and started swinging at the it,I guess I was hoping to knock it out or sm or just to get it to go away. What I didn’t know was that my teacher had brought her 4-6 years old son in ,who was sat very VERY quietly at the back of the classroom, because she couldn’t find anyone to look after him. I was still swinging trying to hit the fly.. and her kid came up behind me, I spun around and accidentally whacked the kid across the head.. he fell to the floor and stared up at me, the fly landed on the boys head and just crawled around as he just stared. The teacher walked back in, saw me standing over her kid with a bruise starting to form on the side of his face, he just screamed. I got sent to the principals office but during lunch the teacher came to see me and understood it was an accident but still had to give me a detention.

TL;DR: a fly was annoying me so I tried to hit it with my laptop, teachers 4-6 year old son came up behind me and I accidentally whacked him on the head and got a detention..

Edit: yes I know throwing a laptop around is a dumb idea ☹️ my school is cheap and bought them for £50 they kept the price stickers on them 🙏 and there was nothing else I could use to attack the fly my hand wasn’t doing anything, it was either the laptop or a chair lmao

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/nowhereman136 on 2025-05-30 16:55:17+00:00.

This happened a few months ago and im still dealing with it. I bought a van from a government auction site without a title. I figured id fix it up, get a new title, and be good to go. Nope.

After a few months of work, ive finally fixed it up. Unfortunately, i cant do shit with it without a title. To get a new title, i had to fight with the previous owner to go to the dmv to get me the old title. Now the DMV is telling me to get a new title, i need the old vehicle registration, which they didnt tell me about before. Both the DMV and previous owner are being very snippy with me about "oh, you shouldve known" or "then you shouldnt have bought it". Hindsight is 20/20 and i definitely regret buying it now. I dont wanna have to go to the previous owner again because they are likely gonna say no and its just very frustrating. I dont even want the vehicle anymore but i dont think i can even sell it at this point. the is probably the most expensive fuck up ive ever done. anyone have any suggestions or words of kindness? (im in NJ, btw)

TL;DR I bought a vehicle without a title and now i feel screwed

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Traditional_Award286 on 2025-05-30 10:01:48+00:00.

Hi all! I saw a post on here about someone accidentally getting some icy hot by their junk and it reminded me of my own fuckup.

Once upon a time I was down with baths. I LOVED baths. A few years ago we had a hot summer and i was crispy sunburnt.

Previously I was gifted some bath oils and thought it would be a GREAT idea to use PEPPERMINT OIL in the bath, to cool down my skin.. “Peppermint make sunburn feel cool!” Big brain thought. Big brain is stupid and actually little. I wasn’t careful and dropped the bottle in the tub.

It was pure torture. Like fuck dude.

The peppermint latched onto all of my skin after spreading in the water and would burn/freeze it into an icy blast of pain if i sat still in the water. But if i moved, the hot/warm water felt like FIRE because of the oil! There was no middle ground, no relief. I tried to sit through it thinking it would just sting for a moment oh but i was so wrong.

I never imagined i could suffer pure torture while smelling like a peppermint patty bliss. I couldn’t take it anymore, after draining the tub i had to shower it off.

🥲 that was a bigger betterer brain idea. (Aka no, no it wasn’t.)

I could only get cold water because I used up the hot water for the bath. My sunburn made it hard to get the oil off, and my nerves were overwhelmed and I could barely touch my skin. It felt like it was all going to slough off me any moment, every touch sent shock waves i could feel buzz through my teeth.

I was huffing and puffing like i ran a marathon and crying through it all, and i was thankful that the one braincell who wasn’t still on vacation hung back to give me the foresight to no touch my face and eyes to wipe away the tears.

I couldn’t use a towel. I refused to touch anything else.. i committed myself to just air drying and laying down on the bed and not moving at all for a bit….to RECOVER.

I think the braincell took a coffee break, to make this a margarita of a wound…I hobbled out of the bathroom….into a room blasting ac.

After being immersed in peppermint oil water.

With a sunburn akin to Larry the Lobster.

TLDR; While sunburnt, I took a bath and dropped peppermint oil in the tub. It turned me into a peppermint patty of pain. Followed up by being freeze dried by the ac.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Individual-Reason798 on 2025-05-30 09:49:02+00:00.

Yesterday I was cleaning up my little greenhouse. A while back I put a rather sorry looking Euphorbia Leuconeura there (plant lovers will know where this is going already).

I decided to take the plant out of its pot and put it on the compost pile and so I did. In the process I got a lot of sap on my hand. I know the sap is supposed to be highly irritant although I never had any issues even though I have owned these plants for years. I decided it would be smart to rinse it all off though and do I did.

About 4 hours later I was at the cinema with the wife and kids. I noticed a slight burning sensation on my balls. I didn't think much of it but it got more and more intense as the movie progressed.

After the movie we had a dinner reservation. When we entered the restaurant I went to the toilet where I was greeted by balls that were bright red on one side. A bit worried i decided to keep my predicament to myself but as time progressed not only did the intensity of the pain increase, the affected area also grew and now included a neighbouring body part.

At a moment where the kids were occupied I quickly told my wife who said jokingly accused my of having an STD. We somewhat hastily left the restaurant and the pain still kept increasing. The first thing I did after coming home was take a Diclofenac I had left over. I generally don't take pain medication unless I'm truly in a pickle. In the meantime my wife was suggesting I go and visit the emergency room.

After getting the kids to bed we had a chat about what could possibly cause this. Then it hit me, the Euphorbia! After rinsing my hands I continued to move stuff around in the greenhouse. I must have gotten more sap on my hands and when taking a wee I must have transferred some right onto the affected area.

Knowing the cause was a bit of a relief and i decided to see what a cold shower would do. It worked wonders! The cold made the pain disappear almost completely. So I spent the next 3 hours on the sofa alternating between a variety of very cold ice packs. When it was time to go to bed I still couldn't go without cooling and my wife, after some googling suggested anti histamine and cortizon. I happily obliged and I actually had a good sleep.

This morning things were still very sore but much more manageable. Both my dick and my balls are covered in blisters though. 1/10 would not recommend.

Tldr: got Euphorbia sap on my balls and I'm probably not getting lucky this weekend.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Immediate-Court4726 on 2025-05-29 23:47:38+00:00.

Today I was in a Teams meeting with about a dozen executives and other higher ups. My role in this call is to be the Tom Smykowski from Office Space (I talk to the customers so the engineers don’t have to. I have people skills.) We are all discussing a replication outage on our SQL servers. Our SQL boxes are all named numerically like SEA01-VM123, SEA01-VM25, SEA01-VM69, etc.

We’re talking about how each of these boxes are doing and I’m giving reports on each of them. We refer to the box by its number, because who wants to keep saying “SEA01-VM” like 50 times. We start with our most used machines and eventually get to SEA01-VM69, and I’m all, “how popular is sixty nine?” Instant head smack. 12 year old me is chuckling while 40 year old me is panicking. Awkward silence for a few agonizing seconds. Several people on the call go on mute. Thankfully, someone chimes in that it’s only used for limited purposes. My confidence is completely shot and I’m trying not to say anything else stupid. But it gets worse.

MS Teams has these asinine emojis that can get attached to other people’s comments. Another person in the meeting added a comment and I tried to copy it from the chat. Of course, the instant that I clicked on the text bubble to copy it, the emoji menu pops up and I accidentally clicked on the damn lol emoji. I am now super panicking and I am desperate to “undo” that lol emoji. I end up just making things worse by clicking on the “thumbs up” emoji as well.

Anyway so that’s how it’s going for me, how about you?

TL;DR TIFU by saying, “how popular is sixty nine” in a big meeting. Followed that up by adding the lol emoji to some guy’s comment. Made it worse by also adding the thumbs up. I, in fact, do not have people skills.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Persimmony on 2025-05-29 23:19:28+00:00.

So whenever I do buy fur I travel to Canada and buy from a man that gets furs from roadkill and uses the money to feed his family. I make sure to respect the furs and handle them with care when I craft with them. Well my boyfriend wanted to learn how to craft as well and bought some leftover fur scrapes for his LARP projects. He went online and saw an advertisement for some fur scrapes thinking it was just small cuts of leftover furs. Well, the box arrived and he excitedly opened it. He had me pull them out one by one since he was a little scared it was dirty. ( He has a phobia of things that can potentially be dirty.) Well when I opened up the box I pulled the first scrap out and it was a little paw which I thought was neat. After that all the scraps just ended up being beaver faces. I kept pulling them out one by one and his expression was becoming more horrified each time. He started to cry and I had to comfort him though I thought it was kind of funny.

TL;DR: Boyfriend accidently bought a box of beaver faces.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SpreadIllustrious558 on 2025-05-29 21:32:45+00:00.

I live in a townhouse with very thin walls. My neighbor’s dog barks at everything, so I wear noise-canceling headphones when I clean. Today I was deep-cleaning the kitchen and had music blasting. Like, obnoxiously loud Britney Spears kind of blasting.

Midway through scrubbing the stove, I smelled smoke.

I turned and saw a faint haze, the kitchen towel I had tossed too close to the stove (which apparently I’d accidentally turned on) was smoldering. I freak out, rip off the headphones, toss the towel in the sink, run water. It’s out. I’m relieved. Crisis averted.

Then I hear the banging.

Apparently, the smoke set off my alarm, I didn’t hear it, and my neighbor, thinking I’d died in a fire, called the fire department. So now I’m explaining to literal firefighters that the emergency was “just a towel” while covered in soapy water and wearing fuzzy pink socks that say “Hot Mess.”

They were kind. My dignity was not.

TL;DR: Noise-canceling headphones stopped me from hearing a fire alarm. Neighbor called the fire department. I met them in Britney mode.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AblePrinter72 on 2025-05-29 18:35:22+00:00.

Okay to start, I just want to clarify I’m not a pervert.

I’ve been in the Army for 8 years and have routinely participated in random drug screenings, both as a participant and “observer”. An observer is someone that makes sure the person testing isn’t doing anything weird or that can compromise their specimen. You have to “see the specimen leaving the body” of the participant (no one ever gets that close you pretty much just watch them).

Well I’m getting out of the military. Today I had my first non-military pre employment drug screening. I went into my normal routine. Got the cup, opened the door, listened to her instructions. Proceeded to unzip and I hear a “Uhh sir can you can close the door please?”

Oh shit! I didn’t know that was allowed. I thought it was weird I had a female observer.

Super awkward hand off.

TLDR: I don’t need to use the bathroom with the door open anymore.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/big_guyforyou on 2025-05-29 16:20:15+00:00.

Believe it or not, it doesn't wind up in my ass.

Obligatory "this did not actually happen today" comment. It happened a while back when I was still in high school. I was sitting in my German class. I had just gotten back from lunch and I was one of the only kids in the room. I noticed a toy horn sitting atop a nearby cabinet.

This horn had a ball on the end of it, and when you squeezed it, it made a loud noise. For whatever reason, I wound up squeezing it when the horn was pressed against my hand. This changed the pitch.

All of a sudden, I was fascinated. Like I was a scientist who had just encountered a fascinating phenomenon. I needed to conduct more experiments. So I placed the horn against my forehead and squeezed. Different pitch! Fascinating! I tried my cheek. Yet another pitch! Remarkable!

Then I pressed it against my ear.

Oops.

Turns out blowing a horn directly into your ear, even if it's a toy one, is a really bad idea. That shit was the loudest thing I ever heard. So loud it made me deaf in one ear.

This story has a happy ending, though. The deafness was only temporary. But I was scared shitless the whole time because I was convinced I'd never get it back.

Now I know some of you are thinking about putting a toy horn up your ass. DON'T. Not because I've done it, but because it's obviously a bad idea.

TL;DR my fascination with a toy horn made me temporarily deaf in one ear.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/threat024 on 2025-05-29 15:19:16+00:00.

This happened a few months ago. I had been dating this woman for about a month. I travel a lot for my job so we had only had one formal date but had spent a lot of time facetiming and on the phone. I finally was back in town and she planned a date night at her place.

We had an amazing date night at her house. She absolutely killed it. She made steak, shrimp, and baked potato as well as brownies for dessert. We had some drinks and played UNO with a fun amount of trash talk. The chemistry was off the charts. After all that we hit the bedroom and the chemistry there was even better.

Then in the middle of the night I had to go pee. She had a bathroom attached to her bedroom that was only separated by a curtain. I didn't want to wake her so to avoid turning the light on. just felt my away around until I found the toilet. I started peeing and the sound of the stream hitting the water was pretty loud so I adjusted to hit the side of the bowl. it was much quieter so mission accomplished. I finished up, closed the bowl, washed my hands and went back to bed.

The next morning I am woke up by her screaming "WHAT THE F**K, YOU PISSED ON MY FLOOR". Apparently as I adjusted to piss on the side of the bowl I turned a wee bit too far and pissed directly on her carpet. As she went to use the bathroom it was still soaking and the smell was strong. I tried apologzing but she kicked me out and blocked my number.

TL;DR I took a piss at a woman's house and missed the toilet and pissed on her floor.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/thewuzfuz on 2025-05-29 12:44:56+00:00.

This happened a few years back, and it still haunts me. I went to a local bar/grill. As the hostess seated me, she asked if she could get me a drink. I said yes, and she asked for my ID. This is where I effed up.

I should note, I'm 6'6, and a big guy with a beard. She was a petite 21 year-old.

I pulled out my ID. It was a horrid Pic- I have on an orange shirt, and I was too tall for the cera, so I'm looking down at a weird angle. I looked like a creeper, and in the orange shirt, a convict. So as I had her my ID I say "Laugh it up, it makes me look like a serial predator."

In good humor she says "Well, mine makes me look like a 14-year old girl.

'Well, that's perfect," I say, "They'll have pictures to use for both of us when you go missing." One of those moments where I was trying to be funny, but as soon as the words were out of my mouth I instantly wanted them back.

She gave a very awkward laugh and I never saw her again. Didn't get that drink I ordered, either.

TL;DR: Trying to be funny when asked for my ID, ended up being creepy and implying I had a thing for 14 year-old girls instead.