Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SessionForeign6346 on 2025-06-13 18:00:23+00:00.

UPDATE showed my friend this post and she was dying with laughter !!! She told me she can’t stand asymmetric bobs and I said that was a good payback ( I have one ) we said we will be laughing about this for years to come !!

This happened yesterday and I’m still cringing.

We were all hanging out, me, my husband, and one of my close friends and her husband. Casual evening, wine flowing, conversation meandering from work drama to random pet peeves.

At some point, I started venting (okay, maybe passionately ranting) about how I cannot stand when men dye their hair. I don’t even know what set me off, maybe it was something we saw on TV, but I just went off about how it always looks weird or artificial and how I wish men would just embrace the gray and age gracefully.

Mid-rant, I notice my friend has gone really quiet. I stop and look at her, and she gives me this deadpan expression before saying, “I make my husband dye his hair.”

Cue the longest silence ever.

Apparently, she prefers the darker look and asks him to touch it up regularly. He kind of just smiled and nodded like, “yep, that’s my life.”

I wanted the couch to eat me alive. My husband slowly sipped his drink, eyes locked on the ceiling like he was trying to astral project out of the room.

I immediately backtracked and said, “Oh but some guys can totally pull it off!” which honestly made it worse.

TL;DR: Went on a passionate rant about how much I hate when men dye their hair… right in front of a friend whose husband does exactly that because she asked him to.

UPDATE: Well I did say I FU and apparently everyone else on Reddit agrees! I have been reading all Your comments.

For the record I don’t dye my hair.

I should not have been judgmental! I agree! I just think people don’t realize how beautiful being natural can be as well. There is no shame with the signs of aging. Gray hair is beautiful but so are all colors ! I don’t care what anyone does anymore !! I learned my lesson the hard way !

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Serious-Pilot-2700 on 2025-06-14 22:40:25+00:00.

After all these years, finally I feel that today I have fucked sufficiently far up that I see no other option but to post to this fine sub. I sit here, about 12 hours post, still actively cringing about as hard as I ever have, and hoping that externalising this may bring me some peace.

To set the scene, my dear wife (35F) and I (34M) are currently attending antenatal classes, preparing for the arrival of our first child this summer. There are 7 other couples, all of similar age to us, and we have been looking forward to potentially making some new friends out of these classes who will have similar age children to us, and live nearby, in a very nice neighbourhood. So far everything has been going great. There's good camaraderie between everyone; the guys lament hospital parking, the ladies compare aches, and all of us seem to get along and have good chats between couples and across the group in spare moments in the sessions.

I am not a natural extrovert, and don't feel the most at home in groups like this, but I'm doing my best to seem like a real person, and fit in. Naturally, in an unfamiliar social situation, like many others might, I'm cracking the occasional joke along the way; to break the ice, to keep the mood light, generally to grease the wheels of social interaction and portray myself as a fun, normal guy to be around.

Half way through today's class, there's some down time between activities, we're all sat in a broad circle, and people are sharing funny conversations that have come up with people they know, when they have announced or mentioned their pregnancies. As usual the tone is jovial and casual. People mentioning inappropriate or odd questions they get asked, others responding that they've had similar or worse asked. At one point one of the ladies who is sat near us says that someone once came up and asked her "oh wow, so was this an accident or on purpose?" and comments what a mad thing that is to ask when that person knew she was happily married. This gets a good response and a general chuckle around the room. This is where I step in. And by step in, I mean step into my whole mouth, with both feet.

In my head, in the moment, I think, ho ho, yes, what a humourous situation, what an impertinent thing to say to someone who is clearly and happily married. So I think, yes, I will add to the conversation by suggesting something equally hilariously inappropriate someone might say in that situation. So in her wake, I pipe up "Ha, yeah, or if they'd asked 'oh so is it 's?'" There was a slightly awkward titter in response to this, she responded "well thankfully noone's gone quite so far." The topic of conversation swiftly but naturally moves on, and in my head I think, well that didn't reallly land, but hey ho.

A minute later, I get a text from my wife sat next to me: "Fucking hell, there was no need to make that joke", and I sit there for a moment. Yeah, thinking about it, the whole room did sort of awkwardly go quiet there for a moment. Hmm, yeah, that wasn't entirely clearly just a light hearted contribution to the conversation. Now that I think about it, wow, that was an incredibly insensitive, inappropriate and dumb thing to say, especially to someone who is on this emotional rollercoaster we call pregnancy. Wow, fuck, shit, I am a fucking moron. I am the World's Stupidest Idiot. I have made myself look like the biggest tool in the room, and likely everyone thinks I am an incredibly weird douchebag for that.

Obviously no mention of it is made, but I spend the rest of the class, and the day, in a sort of haze of embarrassment. The cherry on top, earlier in the class, as an ice breaker, we had each been asked to name one attribute we would like the baby to pick up from our partner. My wife easily replied, with a smile on her face and looking lovingly at me, "I'd love if they got your wit and sense of humour."

So there we are. I don't know if I should reach out to either the husband or wife at whom I directed this idiotic comment and apologise, or just leave it be, or just leave the country, or perhaps the entire solar system.

TL;DR: Tried to make a fun add on to someone else's light hearted anecdote about inappropriate pregnancy related questions, instead made a really crude, inappropriate and fairly offensive remark.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SessionForeign6346 on 2025-06-14 18:01:39+00:00.

So I posted yesterday about how I passionately ranted about how much I hate when men dye their hair right in front of my friend whose husband dyes his hair because she prefers it that way. Yeah. That one.

In case you missed it: I basically went off about how unnatural it looks, how men should embrace their grays, blah blah, aging is beautiful, etc.and then my friend hit me with, “I make my husband dye his hair.” I wanted to evaporate on the spot.

WELL.

After reading all the comments on my post (thank you, Reddit, for dragging me with grace), I decided to show my friend. I figured, why not? I’d already humiliated myself in real life might as well complete the cycle online.

So the next day, I sent her the post. And she LOST it.

Like, I have never seen someone laugh that hard in my life. Full-on wheezing. Tears. She texted back, “I’m dying. You’re an idiot. But an adorable idiot.”

For a moment, I thought I’d been forgiven. Maybe even redeemed.

I was wrong.

We met for coffee later that afternoon, and she comes in with this sly little grin like she’s up to something. We sit down, and she goes, “So since we’re sharing brutally honest, slightly unsolicited opinions… I’ve always hated your asymmetric bob.”

I blinked. “Wait, what?”

She sips her drink like a Bond villain and goes, “You know, it’s just one of those haircuts that screams ‘I own crystals and yell at customer service.’”

EXCUSE ME?

I’ve had this haircut for like four years. I love my asymmetric bob. It’s my “quirky cool aunt” look. It’s me. And now she’s just casually telling me it’s been giving off chaotic divorced energy this whole time?

She kept going. “I mean, it’s a strong choice. But kind of intense. Like you might start a small cult or sue a Whole Foods.”

I was both speechless and wildly impressed by the specificity of the insult.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Because I love you, and I know you love it. But then you called my husband’s hair fake in front of everyone, so… consider this my revenge.”

Touché.

It’s fair. I deserved it.

Honestly, it was kind of a perfect response. No drama, no argument, just a softly delivered truth bomb that absolutely took me out. I haven’t looked at my reflection the same way since. Now every time I catch a glimpse of my haircut, I wonder if I give off “CEO of Etsy shop that only sells sage bundles” energy.

Also, her husband? Still dying his hair. Still looking great. I fully support him now. I’ve become a changed woman. Personal growth, courtesy of public humiliation.

TL;DR: Showed my friend the Reddit post where I trashed hair dye—she laughed hysterically, then calmly told me she’s always hated my haircut. We’re even now. I think.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Kitchen_Jellyfish492 on 2025-06-14 16:57:25+00:00.

(English isn't my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes.)

This all started yesterday evening when my brother (21) took our car to meet some friends. Next morning I woke up and as I walked downstair, I saw a random man (probably 18-19) laying on his stomach on our couch. Since I couldn't see his face and he had similar clothes I thought he was my brother. However based off of his hairstyle and -color I realized it wasn't him. The next logical step was to assume he was just my brothers friend he brought with him and so I didn't think much of it. I talked to our parents about it and they both agreed, thinking it was odd.

Well since I thought it'd be awkward I didn't really wanna be there when he woke up so I decided to join my dad as he went to te store. We talked about the guy and how it was weird my brother brought him over to our place instead of taking him straight to his home. Anyways once we came back he was still asleep and I went back upstairs.

At some point I heard him waking up. My mom spoke to him, still assuming he was my brothers friend, asking his name etc. He said his name was Anthony (fake name) and with that my mom decided to go and wake my brother up. She told him that Anthony was downstairs and that he should get up and make him some coffee since he didn't seem to feel too good.

Well at that point my brother got that much more confused when he told he didn't know anyone named Anthony. With that he goes downstairs and sure enough the guy on our couch was a complete stranger. I was still upstairs so I wasn't there to witness the situation but basically my brother told him that "he probably had the wrong house" and he should leave. The guy was still somewhat drunk and he quickly left our place.

For some background we live in Northern Europe in a really stereotypical suburban area and so, we sometimes forget to lock our doors (and why we took the situation this casually and lightly). With that the guy most likely thought in his drunken state that it was his home and so stumbled in and went to sleep. Later on I also heard he left without his shoes and as I went out to take the trash I saw a shoe around 10m away from our front door, with the other one another 5m back from the first one. The shoes were facing our front door so this guy had taken them off one by one on our yard before walking in. Next morning he also somehow managed to walk past them, not picking them up and wandering off only with his socks. I mostly feel bad for him and hope he somehow finds his way back home.

TL;DR: today we fucked up by assuming the best and letting a complete stranger sleep on our couch.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Otherwise_Baseball99 on 2025-06-14 06:49:59+00:00.

Happened yesterday, damage = 98 % emotional, 2 % career-related.

I was riding the bus home after a long Monday when a teammate—let’s call her Lucy—sent a group email full of last-minute changes for a project that already felt cursed. Subject line: “Final FINAL assets – please review tonight.” 🙄

I opened it on my phone, saw three glaring typos and a wrong deadline date, rolled my eyes, and decided to vent to my work buddy, Tom. I screenshotted the email, wrote “Lucy strikes again 😂” across the image with the markup tool, and meant to DM it to Tom on Slack.

Two problems:

1. Gmail mobile kept the email thread open in the background.
2. “Share → Gmail” sits right above “Share → Slack” in the Android menu.

So instead of DM’ing Tom, I replied-all—complete with my doodled screenshot and sarcastic caption—to Lucy, our manager, and two external vendors.

Realized it three stops later when Lucy simply replied, “Hey, I can still see this.” My stomach tried to exit the bus without me.

Immediate triage: • Sent a groveling apology to the thread. • Messaged my manager explaining it was meant as a private gripe, totally unprofessional, etc. • Called Lucy, who (bless her) laughed and said, “At least you caught the typos.”

Fallout so far: Manager told me to “use this as a learning moment” and reminded the team to proofread before hitting send—so no formal write-up. Lucy changed her Slack status to “🚨 Email police 🚨” and keeps sending me random screenshots with my name misspelled.

Could’ve been worse, but I’ve turned off “Share via Gmail” in my phone settings forever.

TL;DR: Tried to screenshot-snark about a coworker’s sloppy email, accidentally reply-all’d the screenshot to the entire project list, spent the rest of the day tasting my own foot.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/xivleslie on 2025-06-14 10:36:32+00:00.

We’re traveling right now and yesterday had taken a toll on the both of us. We were in a severely crowded space and on our feet all day. I had a panic attack at one point and it sucked the energy out of the room.

Today though, my best friend had a meet and greet with one of her favorite artists and she asked me to record. Previous to this moment, we were in yet another crowded space and I was feeling very overwhelmed by the noises, lights, and people. I was not running on full cylinders, so I just took her phone without thinking and aimed it at them since she had already pressed record. Their interaction was very sweet and I was grinning at them the whole time. They had their moment and my best friend comes back to me only to realize I had stopped recording at some point.

She plays back the video and it looked like when she handed me her phone, my finger had accidentally pressed stop, so she didn’t get a single second of the meet and greet. She was understandably devastated.

I felt so bad and apologized profusely, and she kept saying it was fine, but would make comments jabbing at the situation. I wracked my brain to come up with a solution, but it wasn’t like we could just get a do-over. Now, things between us are stilted.

TL;DR I accidentally didn’t record my best friend meeting her favorite artist and now she won’t talk to me

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Last-Type375 on 2025-06-14 05:04:20+00:00.

Laying in bed with my husband tonight, he's playing a game. I wanted to initiate sex and I thought I came up with a brilliant line i was so confident this would work. So, I turn to him and say "You wanna wrestle?" He laughs, I laugh then he goes back to playing his game. I thought okay he's just going to finish his game, I can wait. I'm thinking he definitely picked up what I was putting down. I waited awhile, still nothing. I decide to read my book while I wait, still nothing. I switch to scrolling on my phone, a little less confident, still nothing. At this point it's been about an hour since I used my top tier line. I give a kiss goodnight thinking maybe now he'll make his move, still nothing. So I say there, definitely not sleeping, waiting and hoping. Another hour and a half later and he's finished with his game, he kisses me goodnight and I tell him "I love you." So he would know there's still time to wrestle. He says it back but still nothing. Instead, to fall asleep, he puts something on the TV. What is it? Wrestling, of course. That's irony for you. Now I let awake writing this unsatisfied and disappointed. But I'm not giving up, I'm using this line again until it works!

TL;DR I asked my husband if he wants to wrestle to initiate sex. Instead, he watches wrestling.

Edit To be clear, if I want sex that bad then yes I just say it or make a move. This is basically for shits and giggles to see if it would work, and I will continue to try it until it works. But in the mean time I will be direct when I want it, don't worry!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Closeted_bisexual04 on 2025-06-13 11:21:45+00:00.

So this isn't today, but about a month ago a couple of my(f20) neighbor kids(f 7-8) came running up to me in my driveway and asked if I wanted to look at their gems. I said sure and they ran off to go get them. They had a bunch of little polished rocks in a tote and asked if I wanted to buy them. I didn't want to say no cause they're just little kids so I bought them, they were charging $1 for 2 rocks so I took the change out of my cup holder in my car and payed them the dollar and thought that was the end of it. Now these girls come up to me everyday when I get home and ask for rocks. They've probably made like $30 off me now and I dont know what to do. They're just kids so I feel bad and every time they come with this sob story about how im they're only customer. My boyfriend thinks they know what they're doing but I dont know they're like 7. I live paycheck to paycheck so I really can't keep this going.

TL;DR TIFU by buying rocks from little kids and now they won't stop asking me and im running out of change.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/askthrowaway2024 on 2025-06-13 22:19:26+00:00.

Throwaway because I am legitimately so embarrassed lol.

Important background fact: I call my cat White Boy as a nickname. It’s a long story about how that came about, but the end result is we lovingly refer to him as White Boy when he enters a room.

So, I have to pick up a prescription at Costco, but I’m not feeling well and wanted to double check that my partner could just go straight into the pharmacy and pick it up for me without my Costco card since they’re doing the scanning machines now and decided to call our specific club just to make sure - better safe than sorry.

I live in a pretty small state with one real city, so most of the time when I call a place I’m on hold for a good bit since everyone kinda flocks to the city for everything - so I was expecting it to ring for a couple minutes before an attendant picked up (My mistake. I’ve never had to call Costco before and didn’t realize their team is fucking On It).

So, I’m mentally prepped to basically have my phone on standby for a bit when my cat jumps on the bed. As always, I very excitedly greet him with “Hi, White Boy!” as the call rings one singular time and the attendant picks up. He immediately in a semi-horrified, semi-confused voice answers “Hello…?” and I was so mortified that I couldn’t bring myself to clarify and simply barreled through with my question and was promptly transferred to the appropriate department.

TL;DR greeted my cat in a way that was very likely received as racially insensitive by a Costco employee while on a call. Received great customer service.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Critical-Gur1141 on 2025-06-13 17:52:04+00:00.

This actually happened years ago but I never really found the space it belonged in, hopefully here is right. I don’t use Reddit or social media much so please forgive my poor formatting.

I (23f then) had just came home with some groceries and put them away, before going into our basement, step up to be an entertainment space, and started watching a movie with my then 3 year old. I was just beginning to sink into the black hole that is TikTok, when my roommate, Chelsea (32f) came down.

Chelsea was panicked but instantly relieved to see my son sitting next to me. She then started telling me about how she saw a car drive by and shout “Hey! That’s child abuse!” But was blocked by the neighbors house and could not actually see what the driver was shouting about. My neighbors only have adult children and no grandchildren though, so her first thought was that my toddler had maybe escaped and was loose, it had never happened before but that doesn’t mean it can’t happen. If you’re a parent or some sort of child handler, like a teacher, you know what I mean.

As Chelsea was finishing telling me she heard a noise upstairs, I honestly didn’t hear anything, but I told my toddler to “Stay in this room with the door locked till I come back”. I went up the stairs first, I’m much bigger and to put it bluntly just have more experience with fights then Chelsea. I truly expected to find nothing, maybe the wind blowing a bedroom door closed at best, and maybe a nosey neighbor also investigating the claims at worst, we are very close to many of them and my neighborhood is cozy and quiet.

Nothing in this world could prepare me for what I saw as I turned the corner to my entryway. Reddit, there was a spilt moment where I genuinely thought ‘This isn’t real I must be seeing things’ maybe a gas leak? Towering above me was a man, tall, pale with beached hair, and to my dismay he was completely nude aside from a small chain and an “I heart boobies” bracelet. It was ALL out there! I put on my scariest most ‘dad’ voice I could and yelled at him to ‘get the f out of my house’! My roommate assures me that my yelling was intimidating but this guy was not phased.

He turned to look at me and just said “are you my friend?” In a voice unnervingly calm. So I yelled back “No, I don’t fn know you! You need to go!” He just asked again “are you my friend?” In the same cadence. It was at this point that I started to make observations and started drawing some conclusions.

1. This guy was having a serious episode/medical emergency or was on something
2. He wasn’t getting aggressive
3. He was young. Don’t get me wrong he looked old enough to drink and I shudder at the thought of a kid that desensitized to being intimidated, but He had no tattoos, no scars, no sun damage, no muscle.

I switched to a much softer, caring, some would say more normal, tone and asked him if he was okay? If he need any help and if I could call someone for him. I opened my door and reached out for his arm, but he met my hand and held it for a while as he stared at me for what felt like forever. I wear one of those spiny anxiety rings and he was fidgeting with it before answering “no one can help me now.” In the same monotone voice.

That was enough for me, because what in the horror movie, so I shoved him out and locked the door. My roommate had called the police almost immediately when we saw him, and by the time I locked my door, all he could do was rip my mailbox down before the police came.

I couldn’t watch after that, I went to check my whole house for more “friends”, there wasn’t any, but I’ve since seen the Ring video of the incident, it’s seriously an episode of cops. Some key moments for you guys: At first only one cop rolls up and you can tell on his face he’s already over this call. Naked guy listens to him to begin with, sitting down and sort of answering the cops questions. “What’s your name?” “Harry” “Harry? Harry what?” “Harry Balls!” Sort of things. Then ‘Harry’ realizes ‘that’s the cops I should run’. So ‘Harry’ gets up to run but decides rather try fighting. Which Harry lost and then asked for a hug. Which gave my house our second favorite phrase of that day “NO! I don’t hug sweaty naked guys!” Second only to the cop that showed up next who just said ‘wtf’ so exasperated when he pulled up and saw an ACTUAL naked guy because YEAH DUDE SAME! He was in my living room.

In the end he was arrested and took a guilty plea, he ended up being only 15, so a lot of details were kept from being public, unless one of you IS Harry, we probably never will have his version of things unfortunately. As for the what the child abuse was about, Harry tried to go into my neighbors house first and I guess my Neighbor stopped him very physically and the driver likely thought it was a parent and child fighting in the yard and not a random teen breaking into houses, and like fair. The weird part is he wasn’t naked until after and no one knows when or where he took them off. Oh and my normally clingy and inquisitive toddler? Stayed locked in that room for three hours until I came back, I’m still so proud of him for that. He’s now 6 and has NO IDEA about “The Naked Guy Incident” as we call it in my circle, but when he turns 15 I’ll have one hell of a story for him.

TL;DR TIFU By forgetting to lock my door, which let a Naked Guy into my house.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Money-Pirate887 on 2025-06-13 16:09:49+00:00.

I was playing cs last night and somehow clutched a ridiculous 1v5. It was for the tie (12-12 for those who know) and I was literally sweating cuz I really didn't want to lose this game because we made this huge comeback on ct side (there's t side and ct side in this game) and I jumped up like I’d just won a major completely forgetting that my coffee mug was sitting right next to my keyboard. I instantly spilled it all over my keyboard which I bought literally 3 weeks ago or so and it cost me 135 bucks. I was telling my teammates in discord and they thought that I was trolling them. Anyways, rest in peace to my logitech keyboard. I'll have to start looking up some other keyboard lol

TL;DR: I was celebrating my win and I spilled my coffee all over my keyboard

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Hyung256 on 2025-06-13 12:12:31+00:00.

Hi reddit.

I (24M) have been having a great internship experience at my place of work and all's been going well, except today morning.

Imagine my surprise when I finished my "business" only to realize the toilet paper was done. Yes, I wanted to end me. So I'm currently sitted in there wondering and typing on my phone for any ideas on how to work around this situation cause I've never encountered this. Never did I see myself falling victim either.

10minutes later I manage to swap stalls with the next immediate one after mine and guess what! No the roll was also done in this too. Same goes for every other stall I tried except the one. The only stall that was still preoccupied.

Mind you, I'm taking turns between people having to leave and exit the facility/Washroom . My thoughts racing, Will they come out soon, or not? And once done I dash out. Surprise Surprise, just this one time they're just standing there at the hand wash area and there i stand behind him pants down. Dashed into his stall, and used whatever little he left on that cardboard roll.

TLDR: Always check your stall/toilet for some tissues before you do the deed.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Chesu on 2025-06-13 09:25:44+00:00.

Just to get ahead of things here... no, they weren't those kind of gummies.

Last week, I was preparing my weekend bag for a trip, and noticed a couple things left over from last time... including two sandwich bags of melatonin gummies, one of them a high dose, the other a low dose. It made sense that I would've taken both with me, in case I had trouble sleeping in an unfamiliar place, but I had no idea why I would've separated them. The high dose is a dark purple and the low dose is a light orange, so it's not like I would mix them up. I shrugged, dumped them both into the same bag, and went about my day.

Tonight, I realized that it was nearly bed time, and I wasn't at all tired, so decided to take a low dose of melatonin. The gummies seemed a bit more stiff than usual, but I didn't think anything of it; again, they had been in a Ziplock bag in my backpack rather than their proper container, so it wouldn't be weird if they had changed a little.

It is now after 5:00 a.m., I'm lying awake in bed, and I just figured out what happened. I hadn't arbitrarily put melatonin in two separate bags a couple months ago. One bag was my high dose of melatonin... and the other was a pre-workout creatine and caffeine gummy, packed because I was staying at a hotel that had a gym. For reference, here are the low dose melatonin and the caffeine gummies side-by-side.

https://imgur.com/a/zCzLSyp

TLDR, I meant to take a sleep aid, and instead took some very similar-looking caffeine

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/iTalk2Pineapples on 2025-06-13 06:42:36+00:00.

Today I Effed up.

I decided to charge my phone at work, and I left. By the time I noticed Id left my phone the building was locked up and the alarm was set. But one of our front doors has a shitty lock. If you dont know how to lock it right it will unlock itself with one jiggle of the door.

Someone didnt lock it right. Tried the door once and saw the bar that connects it to the other door just plummet. Now the building is unlocked.

So I go in, grab my phone and run up front to lock it correctly. By now the alarm system is going crazy and I dont have numbers for the alarm code because I am a lowly peasant.

I head out the back which is my only option if I want to leave the building more secure than I found it. That door locks behind me. My saving grace.

Got home and texted my boss, he said he was aware that the building had been broken into. I told him everything because i wanted to get ahead of that train. We have cameras everywhere. I was on all cameras. Thankfully I'm not fired. I hope the person responsible for making sure the doors are locked isnt fired. Because it was "locked" ...sort of. Hes very new. He probably wasnt told that this particular door needs an extra bit of oomph to lock it correctly.

Take note this is at like 130am because its a restaurant. Upper corporate is informed. The police were informed.

I got in my car and left the property before police showed up, guns drawn. I should've just had a night with no phone. I should've remembered my phone. I shouldn't have found a known weakness in our security just go get my phone. I'm not fired. I feel bad. I really fucked up today.

TL;DR I left my phone at work charging, realized after hours, remembered a possible way in, it was way easy, alarms went off, corporate upper folks involved, I'm not fired. I hope nobody else is fired. I have regrets.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/One-Can3752 on 2025-06-11 22:28:43+00:00.

So a few weeks ago was a holiday weekend here and my partner and I wanted to get away so decided to head west to the wild Atlantic coast. We booked a remote cottage far away from everything.

Out first day, we'd just arrived. The weather was beautiful, around 22 degrees so we sat out on the patio and opened a bottle of wine and took in the stunning view of the ocean.

One thing lead to another and we started getting amorous. Then my BF started giving me a "treat". I was enjoying myself when I heard a noise and turned around to see an elderly woman quickly scurrying away. Mortified, we quickly made ourselves decent. The patio was visible from the front of the cottage but we hadn't seen a single soul or house around previously. We looked around but couldn't see the old woman.

The next day, we went for a ramble around and discovered that there was a house just over a hill, probably less than a km away. We figured the woman was probably our Airbnb host coming through welcome us. In any case we never saw her again (or anyone, except for a few walkers/ hikers) but played it safe and kept out amorous activities to indoors. I hope we didn't shock her too much.

TL;DR I think my BF and I shocked an elderly woman into never leaving her house again (or renting her cottage).

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AmusingChoosing on 2025-06-12 21:45:08+00:00.

This morning I woke up and ate one of the Fiber One brownies I recently purchased since a 70 calorie brownie sounded great. Well it was in fact so great that I continued eating them and ending up finishing the whole box before 10am. I then left for work and on the drive there, I started feeling a bit crampy and was letting out the most vile, bubbly farts ever. Like each fart lasting for a solid 20-30 seconds (not including the aftershocks). I got to work, and the pressure inside my stomach was only getting worse.

I work as a vet tech and today I was monitoring surgery so it was literally just me and a veterinarian in a small OR for almost 5 hours straight. I was in PAIN holding in the farts and my stomach was cramping like crazy. I excused myself once to go to the restroom and released a symphony of farts concluding with only one tiny poop. I survived the day secretly releasing farts as quietly as I could, and then clocked out like 10 minutes early saying that something had come up at home. On the drive home, I couldn't manage to hold the farts in any longer and I felt like I was going to shit myself. Some of my farts were wet, leaving a bit of *residue*, so I had to trash the underwear as soon as I got home.

Now I'm at home, sitting on the toilet, with my butthole making the most vile sounds I've ever heard, hoping that my body clears out all of this gas and shit by the time I have to go to work tomorrow. I've already dispensed one behemoth of a turd, but I can feel more bubbling away inside my guts. Any and all advice appreciated.

TL;DR: I ate an excessive amount of Fiber One Brownies and now my intestines are paying the price.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Fox_Hound101 on 2025-06-12 11:29:02+00:00.

Let me preface this by saying that I've (M31) been regularly going to group therapy sessions for over half a year to help with anxiety and heal from past traumatic events in my life. I've since noticed my self confidence improve massively just by being encouraged to talk openly to others, albeit in a safe space.

On several occasions, whilst waiting at the bus stop to go to town, I saw this cute girl (F2?). She glanced at me several times, but seemed shy. I smiled at her, debate to myself about starting a convo, but the bus would always arrive soon after she did. Thought nothing of it.

On another occasion, 1 week later, I'm walking through town and turn a corner - she's right there. We walk past each other, locking eyes briefly. Then both walk our separate ways.

On the days I stop off in town to go to therapy, I start to frequent a local coffee shop. My heart skips a beat when I notice that she's sat in the corner, on her laptop. I notice her glance up at me when I order a coffee, we lock eyes. I look away, but when I look back she's still staring.

This would routinely happen, every time I went in to order a coffee. She would watch me quietly from the corner. I took this for a sign that she was somewhat interested. On one occasion, after I'd ordered my coffee, I noticed her go up to the bar straight after I was leaving. She began chatting to the barista/bartender, catching my eye whilst she did so. I begin to think she could be asking her for my name, as I had exchanged a voucher card for a free drink (you get your name written on the voucher).

One day, I'm in a particularly chatty mood. Going to coffee shops has been good as exposure therapy, but I feel a need to challenge myself by talking to strangers. So I greet the bartender serving me, and engage in polite conversation with the person next to me in the queue. Emboldened by these positive interactions, I decide to attempt to talk to this cute girl in the corner, who has noticed me by now.

She's sitting next to a friend, both on laptops. I greet her friend (we've talked before several times) who is happy to engage in a short conversation.

I then walk over to her, but she doesn't look up from her laptop screen. I should have thought more about what I was going to say. But before I have a chance to think, I blurt out "Hey, I think i've seen you around by the bus stop I get on at? *names bus stop*?" She doesn't move, continuing to stare at her screen. I feel a rising panic in me, feel blood rushing to my cheeks, my heart starts to race. She continues to ignore me. Then, an older man (M5?) comes over and tells me "she can't talk now, she's working". I'm really panicking now, and my fight or flight response is kicking in. I look up at him, back at her, back at her friend, back at her. "Uhh.... Ok" I say, and grab my coffee cup and walk quickly out, looking down at my phonescreen the entire time. I'm sure plenty of other people in there all saw the interaction. Awkward af.

It only occurred to me afterwards the implication of what I had said. I essentially publicly doxxed her, and what I chose to open the conversation with could even be seen as a little stalkerish, or generally creepy. But I stupidly thought it would be a good way to break the ice. My ears went hot, my brain clouded over, and I stammered like an idiot before i made a quick exit. Now, 1 day later, it's constantly running through my mind. I feel utterly humiliated. I'm not sure if I can bare to set foot in that coffee shop again.

"TL:DR: See this cute girl at my bus stop several times, then as a regular in this coffee shop I start to go to. I finally work up the courage to say hi, but start convo by telling her I've seen her around by my bus stop. She ignores me, stares at laptop. Older man comes over and tells me she's working. I say uhh ok and awkwardly walk away. Utterly humiliating."

*EDIT* To add some clarity; The bus stop meetings happened over a few days due to me going into town at a different time for those days. The time I met her in town we were both coming round a corner, so it wasn't like I was crossing over the road to get close to her or anything.

Oh, and there was another time when we walked past each other in city centre whilst I was walking with another girl (just a friend), but I see how that could have looked?!?

• I don't think she was on a video call. I glanced briefly at her screen and it was a word doc open. Wouldn't she get a small pop-up window if she was a call? Also not wearing any headphones

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/LoneRainger on 2025-06-12 17:22:06+00:00.

So I just remembered this story today, and it still makes me cringe 8 or so years later.

This was back when I worked an evening shift at a gas station. I was just getting out of my teens, and I had a habit of making up weird greetings that I'd say for a month or two, then drop for the next. Needless to say, this event had me drop this greeting really quick.

My 2 overnight coworkers were having dinner together before starting their shift, and went to a local restaurant (Applebee's I think). Both of the coworkers were female, about in their mid 30s. They were enjoying their meal when they noticed a guy a table or two over who was staring at them. He didn't have food left, but continued to sit and watch them while they ate.

My coworkers, unnerved at this point, finished eating and paid. They noticed the guy got up when they did, and when they drove away in their car, this dude followed in his truck.

Obviously freaking out a bit, they drove over to the gas station we worked at and managed to lose the guy by doing a loop around the building and pulling up behind the car wash (a seperate building) while out of his sight. They watched closely and managed to see his truck leave after a few minutes, at which point they sighed in relief and made their way inside to start their shift

Cue my dumb ass, sitting at the front counter. When they walked in, I greeted them with a hearty "Hey! You survived! Way to go!"

The look on their faces is one I will remember.

Tldr: coworkers stalked from a restaurant got to hear me congratulate them on surviving immediately after escaping the creep

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/One_Bodybuilder_4797 on 2025-06-12 16:11:42+00:00.

Today I fucked but by accidentally letting in an intruder inside my work and I'm so mad and ashamed of myself, thankfully no one is hurt.

I work at a personal care home, it's a large facility, there are lots workers that I've never seen before. The last few months the facility has been getting upgrads so there has been lots of construction workers, I thought I was letting in a construction worker. I found out an hour after, my boss brought me into her office and told me the guy was trying to rob the place. They got him out and then he smashed someone's car window.

What get me frustrated is how calm and nonchalantly she told me all of this. She then told me "don't worry about it, what done is done, and be very careful next time". I am a very anxious person, so maybe she is just trying to make sure I don't freak out, or maybe she knows that me over thinking this would be punishment enough. It's hard to believe that she isn't pissed about this. I of course apologize profusely, and now I know what's done it is done, I don't know what else to do with this. Obviously I'm going to be way more carful, but the anger and the shame I have right now is very heavy...

Tldr: I let in an intruder into my work thinking he was a construction worker, he tried to rob the place.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Senior-Coconut-106 on 2025-06-12 06:30:52+00:00.

My gut's still making whale sounds while I type this. So yesterday I decided I'm saving cash and being healthy because TikTok said kombucha fixes your chakras or whatever, then my friend Jake dared me to drink half a gallon in one day for 150 bucks. Obviously I said yes because I'm an idiot and broke. I got this SCOBY in a 1-gallon jar, brewing it peach-ginger. Chugged part of it during a work call, boss asked if I'm boozing at 9am, I laughed, kept drinking.

3am I woke up because something inside me learned how to punch. Sprinted to the toilet, burped so hard the mirror fogged, nothing else happened. Cursed silence. Woke up again around 8ish, Googled later and saw "max 8 ounces a day" meanwhile I'm sitting on 64 ounces in 24 hours. Oops.

Ten minutes later hell opened. I exploded peach lava, it splashed the underside of the seat like Jackson Pollock with vinegar, knees shaking, toilet wheezing. Thought I was done but no, round two hit so fast, my zolt app thought i was having a stress episode. Every fart now is Russian roulette. Woke up the next morning 2 lbs lighter. perfect bc im in a cut anyways lol

Now I'm basically hugging a bottle of Pedialyte like it's my mom.

tl;dr replaced water with homemade kombucha, brewed a volcano in my intestines, bathroom looks like a crime scene, send prayers

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/The_Merchant- on 2025-06-12 04:00:47+00:00.

Probably not where you think this is going, lol.

I (23 F) and my mom (50’s F) were down in our basement when the family cat started freaking out and wanting to get in the cold cellar. He’s never wanted to go in there before so we thought that was weird. The 3 of us (cat included) opened the door to see if anything was in there. I was literally standing there with a baseball bat, prepared to protect my mother at all costs. Nothing was there.

My cat then wanted to get into the adjacent storage room (this is normal, he loves exploring that room), so we let him in. When my mom turned the light to the room on, I immediately saw my long-lost Charmander plushie that I haven’t been able to find for ages.

I let out the most insane, deep gasp of shock. My mom, still freaked out from the cat acting weird, thought something was behind her and ran out of the room, knocking me clean over. In the process she elbowed me right in my nose which hurt obviously. Then without concern for my own physical well being I ran towards my Charmander and scooped him into my arms as if I were a soldier coming home to his wife from a long war.

My mom realized why I had gasped, looked at me and said “you shit.” with the most hilarious expression of disbelief on her face.

Maybe not a big fuck up but, still pretty funny. I can promise yall that if you saw the look on my mother’s face you’d remember it forever and laugh until you cried.

TLDR; I accidentally scared my mom and got a bruised nose in return lol

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/rufireproof3d on 2025-06-12 02:08:18+00:00.

So, I have plantar fasciitis. I went to physical therapy, but insurance only paid for 5 sessions. I, being an enterprising soul, paid attention to what they did. When my time was up, I 3d printed a tool, and taught my loving wife how to scrape my heel and calf. She used olive oil to lubricate so the tool would slide over my skin. She filled a small jar with said olive oil, and set it on the headboard shelf of our bed.

The fuck up: I set an iPad on the shelf to charge, but it didn't fit well, so I set it on edge, leaning against the back of the shelf. As I lay down to wait for my wife to come in and scrape my heel, I bumped the bed. The pricariously stacked iPad fell, and knocked the glass jar off, right on my head. I felt a hard impact from the glass jar on the top of my head. It hurt. I felt the top of my head, and my hand came away wet with a viscous fluid, that, in my daze, I thought was blood. I yelled. Loudly. My family came running as I stumbled blindly out of the room in my underwear. My eyes were closed due to the olive oil in them. I managed to stumble to the shower, and get the olive oil washed off.

TL;DR: Self anointed with olive oil and traumatized my children as they watched their overweight father stumble around in his underwear.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ViniciusFromBcn on 2025-06-11 20:44:34+00:00.

This happened back in 2022 during a small-town festival at a friend’s village. It was one of those summer nights full of booze, loud music, and questionable decisions.

Around 3 a.m., after bouncing between a few party spots and getting pretty hammered, I started flirting with this girl. About 25, slim, pretty face, solid 9/10 by incel screen standards. She was with a friend, who was from the town and the one hosting her for the night.

After about 90 minutes of drunken flirting and heavy petting, we start making out. I'm already pretty gone at this point, and she starts worrying about her friend, saying she doesn’t want to leave her alone or make her mad. I tell her, “Why don’t we all hang out together?” Basically throwing a Hail Mary from midfield.

Somehow, it works. We go back to her friend, who’s sitting alone on a bench, clearly as drunk as we are.

Me: “What are you doing here all alone? Come hang with us.” Her: “I don’t wanna ruin your vibe.” Me: “What vibe? Come, it’ll be even more fun.” She laughs and comes along.

We chill for another 30 minutes, then the local girl says she wants to go home. I suggest we go with her and have “one last drink” at her place. Classic move if you’re trying to stretch the night. She agrees.

At her place, we pour another drink, and I go back to kissing the original girl while the other watches. Suddenly, the host girl goes, “Should I grab popcorn or something?” I say, “Or you can grab something else. Come join us.” I take her hand, pull her in, and kiss her too. The first girl is a bit shocked, but doesn’t stop me.

This is it. I’m 31, and it’s finally happening. The sacred male dream. A voluntary threesome. What could go wrong?

Everything.

Girl #1 pulls down her panties, and it hits me. A toxic mix of stale piss and sun-roasted shrimp box. An absolute war crime of a smell. Like she’d been squatting all night in alleyways and hadn’t heard of wet wipes in a decade. My brain throws up a red flag immediately.

Then, girl #2 takes off her shoes… and sweet mother of fungus. The stench of defeat. Sweaty gym sock turned biohazard. At that point, I’m in a closed room with two walking olfactory nukes. The air turned into a damp, heated gas chamber of regret.

I’m trying to hold it together, my mind says “power through” but my body says “we're done here.” I lose my erection, almost gag twice, and eventually sneak out and pass out in my car instead of fulfilling the dream.

So yeah. Porn lied. Life stinks. Sometimes literally.

TL;DR: Got invited into a spontaneous threesome during a drunk village party. Dream turned into a nightmare when both girls smelled like fermented seafood and gym socks. Lost my boner, almost puked, ended up sleeping in my car.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Prin16 on 2025-06-11 19:01:09+00:00.

TIFU I woke up this morning with the worst hayfever, it was in my throat, nose, eyes everywhere it was awful, I took a hayfever tablets but the ones I buy at never strong enough, the other day I found a packet of tiny blue pills (addressed to me) and Google searched what they were for, results confirms "hayfever/ allergy tablets" so I popped them in my bag for work incase of emergencies / the ones I've had don't work, about an hour into my work my eyes, nose were streaming and my throat itched like a btch, so I decided to take the blue hay-fever pills!

Within 40 mins they started to work, but my brain went foggy I was fighting to stay awake and I was zoning out so bad, my manger kept asking me if I wanted to go home but I said no as I recently got promoted I didn't want that to be the view of me, I did everything I could to stay awake drink energy drink, eat food, stand in the cold, I got home and researched the pills even more turns out... They're for insomnia aswell... I've been taking mild sedatives all day, it's been like 12hrs and I've still not fully recovered.

Tldr: I accidentally took a sleeping tablet instead of a hay-fever tablet at work because Google told me It was a hayfever tablet and spent the whole day fighting to stay awake.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BookkeeperLeft on 2025-06-11 17:54:59+00:00.

Yeah pretty self explanatory from the title, I'm homeless and pretty desperate for some money I don't have a job so I do odd things for folks to make some money to survive. Well last night a dude offered me some money to watch him and his bro get high. And I thought you know maybe do like shrooms or acid, you know something you'd need a babysitter type guy for. Well here I am know sitting in a abandoned house looking at two passed out dope heads and I just feel so god damn worthless and I don't even know what the fuck to do. Since they'd pay me after they wake up and they have the cash. So I don't doubt they'll pay me I'm just concerned about myself since I just feel so fucking empty looking at these two degenerates just slumped over passed out. TL;DR: I'm a dumbass and I feel bad for my stupidity.