Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/PhilosopherDue6504 on 2025-06-21 02:29:08+00:00.

Last month I helped a friend move into a new apartment. I carried boxes, helped assemble furniture, ran errands, the whole deal. She kept thanking me and asking what she could do in return, and I kept saying: “Don’t worry about it. I’m just happy to help.”

A week later, I got sick. Like, properly out-of-it sick. I didn’t tell anyone because, again, I’m the “don’t worry about it” guy.

No one checked in. No texts. No soup deliveries. No “do you need anything?” I lay in bed for two days, genuinely wondering if anyone would notice if I disappeared for a while.

Eventually, I did bring it up to a close friend and he just shrugged and said, “You always say you’re fine. I figured you’d tell us if you needed anything.”

And that’s when it hit me. I taught the people around me not to worry about me and they listened.

So yeah, I’ve started rephrasing. Now it’s more like, “I’ve got it, but I’d appreciate the help.” Still learning how to ask. Still unlearning the idea that needing things makes me a burden.

TL;DR: Told people “don’t worry about it” too many times. They stopped worrying. Felt invisible. Learning to actually let people show up for me now

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BubbleWrap027 on 2025-06-21 02:08:16+00:00.

I drove for 6 plus hours today in my car. It was very overcast and rained a lot. The temperature was also cooler than normal summer temperatures. I completely forgot to use sunscreen. My face, neck, and arms are now bright red with sunburn. The sunburn is bad, not 2nd degree bad, but bad enough. My nose looks like Rudolf and my whole face is so red that it reminds me of Red Skull from The Avengers.

I put a thick coat of aloe on the burn to help with the redness and skin damage. My nose hurts so much that I can't use my glasses. I am such an idiot. I wear sunscreen all the time, all year round. I was in such a rush today that I missed a step in my morning routine. Now I get to pay the price. Ugh!

TL;DR I forgot to use sunscreen on a long car drive and got a bad sunburn.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Grouchy_Tap_8264 on 2025-06-21 00:16:34+00:00.

Right now my head is a mess and I'm so stressed that I can barely look past the next day, but I have a good community at the neighborhood bar who have helped with so many things, and are the closest thing I have to a local family (think like Cheers). I felt like the biggest jerk that I'd somehow forgotten that it was my friend "Devon's" (not real name) birthday, and that it was a FB notification that alerted me.

So I rushed out and bought him a cake and a card, and also left a message on his FB page "Happy Birthday, Sexy Koala!" (a joking pet name I have for him). When he came in, he was baffled but grateful for the cake and card. With everything going on I had tunnel vision and completely forgot celebrating his birthday earlier this year. I went to show him that FB had lied to me, and realized I hadn't looked at the last name; it was my old married, Mormon boss, "Devon", and who is currently on the road. I didn't realize we were even FB friends any longer (I left job 13 years ago).

Apparently, you also cannot delete Birthday Posts, so I had to edit and apologize.

TL; DR: TIFU by posting "Happy Birthday, Sexy Koala!" on an old boss's FB profile thinking it was a friend's.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/hypnonewt on 2025-06-20 12:54:28+00:00.

So I took my daughter to the zoo this morning as I work evenings and her mum works days and kindergarten is closed. Beautiful day for a trip to the zoo, only I decided to treat my kid and myself to a different zoo, one in the Netherlands, one we have never gone to before. So everything is going great we enter the zoo see a few animals mainly birds, a few reptiles etc and then we hear a noise in the distance, a loud bellowing noise. I start hyping up the sound thinking it was monkeys or some form of ape. Until we are literally around the corner from where the ruckus is emanating. My kid was excited to see some boysterous monkeys and I matched her excitement by saying things like "ooh I think they might be getting fed" or "do you think we will see some baby monkeys?"

We were walking around the corner big smile on my face, me holding my kid and bouncing her a little chanting "monkeys monkeys monkeys" only to be confronted with a disabled adult day trip. There were multiple adults in wheelchairs with varying degrees of disabilities and their carers all enjoying the sight of the wallabies. The noises we heard were made by a few of the disabled adults. I felt like absolute shit and I just froze and felt myself tear up from embarrassment. I told myself I was speaking English the entire time so maybe nobody paid attention. But deep down I know that the carers at least likely speak English and heard me.

TL:DR Went to the Zoo without checking the map and mistook the noises of a group of disabled adults as animal noises, resulting in insulting them massively.

This will probably get asked, I live in Germany but am English my kid is multilingual.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/serenologic on 2025-06-20 11:37:43+00:00.

so i (26m) hate giving my real name at starbucks. it’s not even that weird of a name, but they always mess it up or call out something totally wrong. so i’ve started using fake names just for fun.

a few days ago, i decided to go with “derek.” no real reason, just felt like a derek kind of day.

i place the order, they say “thanks, derek.” and i sit down to wait. about 3 minutes later, the barista yells out: “iced vanilla latte for derek!”

i don’t move.

he calls again, louder: “DEREK!”

i’m just sitting there like “where the hell is this derek guy?”

then another customer turns to me and goes, “hey man, aren’t you derek?”

i just stared at him. full mental blank.

“OH SH*T. I’M DEREK.”

i scrambled up to get the drink, muttered something like “long day,” and walked out with the most embarrassed sip of my life.

i don’t even like vanilla lattes. i panicked and picked the first thing on the menu.

tl;dr: gave a fake name at starbucks, forgot i was that person, sat there confused until someone reminded me i’m the idiot who made up “derek.”

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Icy_Department_6193 on 2025-06-20 03:01:22+00:00.

Had a long day and accidentally forgot to add water to my microwavable ramen. Basically, it was the kind that comes in a cardboard bowl and you just have to add water and put in the microwave for 4 minutes. So yeah, I basically put cardboard and uncooked noodles in the microwave for 4 minutes.

To make things worse, I use a plastic microwave cover lid (highly recommend by the way) which is supposed to prevent your food from splattering on the walls of the microwave. Mine ended up melting a fusing unto my ramen bowl. I'm gonna add pictures of this on my profile cause it's hard to explain lol

I don't think an actual fire happened, it just was so hot the plastic melted. To make things worse, this was the last ramen left so I'm going to bed hungry.

TL;DR: almost set my house on fire because I didn't add water to my ramen.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SocialJusticeAsFuck on 2025-06-20 01:16:34+00:00.

So today I flew out for a trip and, in an effort to save money, I packed everything into one checked bag to dodge those ridiculous luggage fees. I mean, I sat on this thing to get it zipped. It was a masterpiece of overpacking.

Well. Apparently, the zipper didn’t appreciate the pressure, because when my bag came down the baggage claim carousel, it had given up on life. One of the pockets had burst open. And its contents? Spread out right next to my suitcase like a sad little display of personal hygiene and… other priorities.

There, proudly rotating around the carousel for all to see:

🧴 Shampoo

🧴 Conditioner

🪮 A comb

🍆 A veiny, vibrating dildo with balls.

Just chilling. Right next to families, businessmen, probably someone’s grandma. I froze. A child pointed. I died inside.

Needless to say, I retrieved everything with the grace of a raccoon caught in the act and fled the airport.

TL;DR: Tried to save money on baggage fees, overstuffed my suitcase, zipper broke, and my dildo made a public appearance at baggage claim.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/me21200 on 2025-06-20 00:51:22+00:00.

My family and i moved into a new house in a predominantly white neighborhood in the southern US. A while after we moved in, the vacant house next door finally got filled by a family! Now, we all have adhd and just time blindness in general, so 2 months have gone by since they moved in and we just thought to bring over flowers and a fruit tray to welcome them. We all went over to say hi, and noticed the father (the only one to come to the door) was laughing uncomfortably the whole time. A few hours later, I realized today is Juneteenth. The new neighbors are a black family. We are painfully white. There's no way they think we chose this day at random to bring them a fruit platter and flowers.

TL;DR: My white ass family likely alienated our black neighbors by choosing Juneteenth to welcome them to the neighborhood.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Dunwall on 2025-06-19 21:32:16+00:00.

So there I was, standing in Buc-ee’s snack aisle—America’s Mecca of beef, beavers, and bad decisions—when my lizard brain whispered, “Hey champ, ghost pepper jerky can’t be that spicy.”

Fast-forward to 10 p.m. I’m annihilating said jerky when I start getting this uneasy warm feeling in my stomach. Cue the Metamucil. But why stick to the recommended single scoop when you can double-fist fiber like an overachieving geriatric? I felt like I needed triple the dose to calm my poor stomach.

Midnight strikes. My stomach starts sounding like it's microwaving quarters, at the same time my intestines file a hostile work environment complaint. I race to the toilet because if I had waited even a second longer I would have turned my sheets into a cursed Jackson Pollock painting. Friends, God’s cruelest joke isn’t mosquitoes, stubbed toes, or Nickelback, it’s the brilliant idea to install capsaicin receptors in the human anus. It felt like Satan himself was pressure-washing my colon with boiling mud, every blast echoing like a shotgun through a tunnel made of hamburger meat. That’s the scene. I’m gripping the towel rack like a Titanic survivor, sweating out every life choice since 1998, and praying the smoke alarm doesn’t misinterpret the situation.

Somewhere between my third round of Ring of Fire karaoke and bargaining with the universe, I accepted my fate. After all was said and done it felt like my anus got fucked by a fist covered in sand paper.

TL;DR—Ate an entire bag of Buc-ee’s ghost pepper jerky, washed it down with three times the recommended dose metamucil. Learned that capsaicin receptors in the exit hatch are a thing.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Bonniebonsxo on 2025-06-19 19:44:44+00:00.

Got sucked into those “hybrid athlete” reels, dudes who lift heavy and ran marathons while casually smoke weed like it’s performance-enhancing. I’ve been hitting the gym for quite a while and I barely drink or smoke, but curiosity won. Bought a THC pen, took a few hits before my session, felt chill. It hadn’t hit much, so I stepped outside, puffed again, then went back in. The gym was packed, peak hours, every bench and mirror taken.

Went and started my life on the smith machine for some incline press and Mid-set, the high hit like a truck. Forgot how to count reps (and I was only supposed to be counting till 8). Arms went numb. I just laid there, pinned under the bar, spaced out and surrounded by people. Too high and too embarrassed to call for help. Luckily, a guy noticed me frozen and quietly asked, “You need help?” I nodded, he lifted the bar, I muttered thanks, grabbed my flask, and dipped without looking back. After that experience, I’m honestly baffled how those guys perform while high. One thing’s for sure, this hybrid athlete life ain’t for me.

TL;DR: Got high in a packed gym trying to be a “hybrid athlete,” forgot how to count, got stuck under the smith machine, had to be rescued. Never again.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Mindless_Abalone8740 on 2025-06-19 18:13:15+00:00.

Today I was cleaning, answering messages like doing all these stuff at the same time and somewhere in the middle of it I threw something in the oven and then completely forgot. Left the house for what I thought would be a quick errand and got totally lost. In the middle of it I remembered that I left my oven on and rushed to my apartment, but unfortunately it was too late.

I came back to a congratulations steak and I had to open every window in my apartment. The worst part is that the errand wasn’t even essential cuz I could’ve easily done it another time, I just got in a spontaneous mood and thought why not do it now. Anyways lesson learned, don't ever go out before the oven gives you the done beep

TLDR; I forgot my oven on and went out

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Realistic_Method9896 on 2025-06-19 15:38:26+00:00.

I (25M) am currently working on my masters thesis in a company ~1hour away from my home. I always travel by train. Today I was sitting there and a very pretty and fasionable girl took a seat in front of me, facing me. She seemed a little stressed to take her seat and almost let her phone slip and fall to the ground while nestling on her bag - I caught it, then smiled and did not think much. While I am very comfortable around woman, I never happened to be in a situation where I would ever start talking with one in a train out of nowhere, or any starting Point for small talk. Over the course of the train ride, we made eye contact several times and always had to smile (in a more than just polite way). As I said: I CAN talk to women - or more, people in general - very well, but only if I have got aaaannnyyy objective reason to do so; to find a start. Something like "You like XYZ?" because they wear a shirt with something printed on it for example. But this girl was just pretty and looked very cute in her not particularly branded clothes. My head was just empty and I felt nervous. Doesn't happen so often that a girl I know for 5 minutes starts flirting with eye contact with me... She even took out her Airpods and sat there doing nothing particularly, as if she was waiting for me to talk to her. Then I started to think if I was misinterpreting things... Then I felt dumb. I was think forth and back the whole train ride, while sometimes our eyes met again - followed by a smile.

Then she started talking to me suddenly. I was visibly wearing my company keykard on my belt. Where I was working, what I was doing, etc, she asked. Instantly, any form of insecurity vanished and I was able to talk. Even though I doubt that I was talking things of high value. But we talked!

Too bad the next train station was mine and staying in the train for her would have taken >1hrs more to get home. Sooo... I said I was sorry and had to go. I was thinking for a split second I could just ask her for her Number, but I was too much of a pussy. I could only tell her that I ride this train almost daily at this time - packed in a way that expressed I wanted to see her again without direcly saying it. Yeah... I don't know if she reciprocates that. BUT she answered me that she rides this train at this time, too. Hmmm.

I feel dumb, and annoyed by myself. Also I feel like a coward because I made her talk to me, instead of making a move. Not because she is a woman, but because I do not want to be like that in general.

TL;DR: I met a lovely girl in my train, we had chemistry but I was not confident enough to talk to her. Then she had the balls to start talking to me, I think that was working well. And merely 3 minutes later my destination was there and I had to leave.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Maleficent_Young_355 on 2025-06-19 08:27:52+00:00.

(Before anyone panics, THE CATS ARE OKAY!)

It’s late afternoon and I get a text “How are the kitties?” and my stomach DROPS, I am immediately filled with dread and guilt because I 100% completely fucking forgot that I had agreed to cat-sit for some family friends, starting TWO DAYS AGO. The cats had been alone without food for two and a half days. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I dropped what I was doing and immediately drove over there to feed them, and thank GOD they were okay, luckily they still had plenty of water and didn’t show any obvious signs of ill health, though I’ll be watching them VERY closely over the next few days for any symptoms that could be a sign of something serious. I gave them a little extra food and a lot of extra love and I am just so so fucking thankful that they were okay. I felt like I was going to throw up I was so anxious.

The thing is, I have NEVER forgotten this kind of thing before. I’m a very forgetful person in general but I’ve cat-sit for these family friends MULTIPLE times before without any issue, as well as many other pets over the years, and I never fucking forgot until this time. I don’t know what happened, how this happened, but holy shit I have learned my lesson, this can never happen again, I will be taking EXTRA steps in the future to ensure I never forget when I’m pet-sitting again.

But the scariest part is that this could’ve been much, much worse. Because I COMPLETELY forgot, so I absolutely would not have remembered if I hadn’t received that text today. I am currently responsible for these living animals that I know and love and I almost fucking killed them, were it not for that text. I intend to tell the owners when they return, unless I have to take any of the cats to the vet, in which case I will notify them immediately. But I’m going to insist they not pay me this time, because I REALLY fucked up. This is completely unacceptable and I am LUCKY that I was reminded before any serious harm was done but holy fucking shit I am so, so sorry, kitties. I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t be surprised if they never ask me to cat-sit again but I have to tell them when they get back because I cannot accept payment after this. I can’t.

TL;DR: I forgot I was cat-sitting for TWO DAYS. Thankfully, the cats were okay! I feel immense guilt anyway.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Surtock on 2025-06-19 02:06:24+00:00.

Just happened a few hours ago. My colleague was telling me how he woke up this morning at 3am, and was unable to fall back asleep. I told him that this happened to me often enough, and that throwing on a random audiobook that I have no interest in can sometimes help. The random audio book simply due to the fact I'd it's something I wasn't to listen too, I'll force myself to pay attention, thus robbing me of further sleep.

Our exchange, like always, is through either pen and paper or texting in a note file on our phones, because he's deaf.

TL;DR Were good friends so we both just laughed it off. He, with a grin, mimed putting on headphones. I turned multiple shades of red from my mistake and embarrassment.

No one ever said I was clever.

For the auto-mods. I'm not much of a writer, so the above text didn't meet the minimum character count. I need to continue babbling until that it's reached. Its too bad there's not a character count so I didn't need to keep guessing.....,.......,.......,.......

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/idcheresastupidname on 2025-06-19 01:15:47+00:00.

So I’ve been interning with a magazine since the beginning of the year and they’re starting a podcast. My boss asked if I’d like to come on as part of their team officially to help with social media stuff. I’ve been unemployed and trying to work my way into the industry (photography not social media) so I figured something is better than nothing. This was my mistake.

I’ve always told myself I don’t want to do social media stuff. I don’t really like it, I’m not good at it and I don’t care about analytics. But a job is a job and I’m getting paid a bit. It’s $300/month for what sounded like would be maybe 1-3 days of work a month. Well this week was launch week and the past 2 days have made me feel like shit. I feel like I’ve been working on posts all day. (Sorry, it gets a little ranty here) I hate watching the same clips over and over of people I don’t care about. I hate navigating all the sites and their glitches. I can’t write a caption for shit and I hate using Ai for just about everything. I’m exhausted because my boss insisted everything be posted at 6am and I couldn’t schedule post everything.

I just hate this. I’ll stick it out for a few weeks, but all I can think about is how I’m going to tell them I simply can’t do this. On the bright side, I know how to start a podcast, so I guess that’s cool.

TL;DR I accepted a social media “job” I kind of knew I’d hate and surprise! I hate it

Edit: to clarify and for everyone saying I’m being taken advantage of; yes I know. At most I’m not being payed enough, unfortunately that’s just the entertainment industry. People starting out are taken advantage of because often that’s the only way to make connections. Really the amount of work I’m doing isn’t that much, there was just a bit of a learning curve for me and the past 2 days were rather overwhelming. I feel better after writing this post and I hope it brought some amusement to someone :)

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Zyncon on 2025-06-18 22:21:10+00:00.

TIFU by eating music festival alligtor

My girlfriend and I finally got the chance to go to Warped Tour. We both have always wanted to go but never got the chance to. We saw it was heading to Washington, DC so we bought tickets and make it happen.

Sunday morning, we ran in at open and went straight for food before the first act. The options were pretty standard except one, "Alligator on a stick". I've never had alligator. I've never even thought about it before. But something about the energy of Warped made me think "Why not? Lets try something new". If I liked it, cool. If not, lesson learned.

It wasn't awful. It had a fun texture, tasted different, I didn't hate it. I finished the whole stick and we moved on with our day at the festival. We had a blast. After the show, we grabbed McDonalds and headed back to the hotel. I ate some nuggets and drank some sweet tea and passed out around 11PM.

Then 12:45 AM hit

I woke up shaking, sweating, and freezing all at the same time. My chest was super tight and nearly felt like it was pulsating. My vision was shot, everything was spinning, and I stumbled to the bathroom and immediately started throwing up. Nugget chunks, acid, and alligator meat ricocheted off the hotel trash can like it was trying to escape back to wildlife. I was crying, snot flying everywhere. It was terrible.

I thought it was done, but that was only wave one.

Round two hit and it came from the other end. It was so violent it nearly had enough pressure to lift me off the toilet bowl. I didn't even have to try. No pushing was involved at all. It was just straight hose level consistency and wouldn't stop.

This went on all night. No sleep, no breaks, every 5-10 minutes back to back in the bathroom. Everytime I opened my mouth, a thick grayish brown liquid came spewing out. I haven't thrown up in years before this so I was freaking out feeling like I was going to drown myself. Anything i gasped for air it would trigger my gag even more and start it all over again.

Checkout was at noon. By 11 AM, I was still fighting the gator, hunched over the bin and praying for it all to stop. I called front desk, barely able to get words out without gagging, and had them extend our stay another night. I couldn't walk, let alone drive 3 hours home. Even if my girlfriend drove, I would've destroyed that car within 15 minutes.

Of course I only packed clothes for the original trip. My "drive home" outfit was wrecked. Vomit, spit, tears, and the rest. My girlfriend drove to Walmart and grabbed me clean clothes and meds, thank god.

After all this was finally seeming to die down, the dehydration hit.

I couldn't drink water without it coming right back up x3. I couldn't see straight, standing felt like tryign to balance on a beam a mile up, everything was fuzzy and cloudy. Every time I dozed off, I had the same dream. There was a floating marble obelisk watching over me. It was start swaying. Slowly, then faster, then harder, until it eventually slammed horizontally. When it slammed down sideways, I would instantly wake up and rush to the bathroom ready to explode once more. This went on for what felt like ages.

So if you ever go to a music festival, please don't get the "Alligator on a stick" from a random popup tent. It's not worth it. There's nothing in the world that would make it worth it. I lost 15 pounds in two days, I'm still recovering, and I'm not scared to eat meat. The thought of chewing anything close to meat makes my stomach flip.

TLDR: Tried "Alligator on a stick" at Warped Tour in DC to be adventurous. Regretted it deeply. by midnight, I was violently puking and shitting my soul out every 5-10 minutes. Had to extend our hotel stay because I wouldn't walk, drove, or exist for more than 5 minutes at a time. Got so dehydrated I couldn't walk straight anymore and starting dreaming of floating marble obelisks that watched over me and woke me up when it was time to die in the bathroom again. Also lost 15 pounds in 2 days. Don't eat mystery gator at music festivals.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ZombAnTomb on 2025-06-18 00:16:59+00:00.

This morning I was woken up an hour before my alarm went off by something itchy on my arm. I scratch and find some mosquito bites forming. I don't know how a mosquito managed to find its way into my apartment when I haven't opened a window in months, but clearly one moved in sometime last night. I rolled over to ignore it and start scrolling around on my phone, hoping i can get some more sleep before I actually have to get up. A few minutes later i see, what i assume, is the same mosquito fly by my phone screen. I try to take it out with a smack and swat, but no luck. I then realize my other arm now has bites. Im the person who gets huge welts when i get bitten by mosquitos, so i'm already annoyed. The bites will swell up bigger than dollar coins and get red hot and itchy beyond belief in minutes. I’m not looking to end up with any more than i already have, but I also don't want to get up out of bed yet to try and hunt this bug down. I decide my best bet is to wrap myself up like a burrito with the only my nose and a bit of my mouth peaking out so that i can breath still. As i'm starting to fall back sleep i feel a little tickle by my face and open my eyes to see that fucking mosquito flying around my tiny bit of exposed face! I try to grab it or crush it or something but I definitely miss. I sit up and i can already start to feel the tiniest itch forming on my upper lip. Now i am PISSED because I have a date in a few days and i'm sure this will will still be swollen by then. I get up and lock that skeeter in my room and go lie on my couch. I'm starting to feel my lip blow up and get numb, so i grab an ice cube to put on it and try to convince myself it won't get TOO bad. By the time I head off to work an hour and a half layer, i look like I’ve had too much lip filler only injected into half of my upper lip.

I finally decide to go to urgent care shortly after I get into the office because now i can't close my mouth properly anymore. I end up getting a steroid shot for $100 and end up with a nearly normal lip again by the end of the day.

TLDR; tried to ignore a mosquito in my room, it bit me on the lip, ended up with a concerningly fat lip, had to pay for a shot to stop it from turning me into a botched Kardashian.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Interesting_Sky_2605 on 2025-06-17 18:50:28+00:00.

Our office does this monthly bake sale thing to raise money for different charities and everyone's supposed to bring homemade stuff. I usually make brownies or whatever but this month has been crazy busy with deadlines and I completely forgot until this morning. Stopped at the grocery store on my way to work and grabbed some fancy looking cookies from the bakery section. They were in a clear container so I dumped them onto a paper plate and brought them in. Figured nobody would notice since they looked pretty professional.

Everything was fine until my coworker Linda asked for the recipe because they were so good. I panicked and said it was my grandmother's secret recipe that I couldn't share. She seemed disappointed but dropped it. Then another person asked about them and I gave the same excuse. But then our office manager Sarah was organizing the sale and asked everyone to write down their item and ingredients for allergy purposes. I wrote "grandma's chocolate chip cookies" and listed basic cookie ingredients hoping that would be enough.

Here's where it got really bad. Linda brought her mom to the office to meet everyone and specifically wanted her to try my "family recipe" cookies. Her mom takes one bite and immediately says these taste exactly like the cookies from Kroger bakery because she buys them all the time. Everyone heard and now they all know I lied about making them myself. Linda looked so hurt and embarrassed in front of her mom. Sarah made some comment about the importance of honesty even for small things. I wanted to crawl under my desk and disappear. TL;DR I know I should have just been upfront about buying them but now I look like a liar over something so stupid.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SelenaDaSmol on 2025-06-17 18:43:13+00:00.

Not today but this happened last spring after I went out of town for three days. I left my cat at home with her automatic feeder and asked my neighbor to check in regularly. She’s an indoor-outdoor cat, usually comes home by night. But while I was away, she must’ve gone on some flea-infested forest adventure.

When I got back, I was absolutely wiped. I ordered takeout, smoked way too much weed, scarfed down my food, and crashed in bed without even unpacking. I felt a bit of itching around my legs, but I was too high and too numb to care. I knocked out instantly like a brick.

Next morning, I wake up covered in bites. Arms, legs, everything itching like hell. My bed looked like a horror movie. Fleas everywhere, bouncing on the sheets like possessed popcorn.

The kicker? My cat didn’t even sleep in my room that night. She chose the sofa, knowing that my bed was a warzone.

Spent the rest of the day deep cleaning everything and treating her for fleas.

TL;DR: Left town, came back, got way too high, didn’t notice my cat brought home a flea infestation. Woke up covered in bites while my cat smugly avoided the chaos.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AsleepAtTheWh3el on 2025-06-17 13:15:16+00:00.

This story is actual about my husband, not me.

My husband Jake comes from a family where if you don't look completely average, there must be something wrong with you. For example: when we were first dating, I was fond of covering half my face with my hair, only exposing one eye. For years, his siblings thought it might be because I had two different colored eyes, or was all together missing the other one, and was self-conscious.

That being said, Jake definitely isn't as bad about making assumptions as the rest of his family, however he couldn't help but think something was up, when a new guy was hired at their shop, we'll call him Ron.

Jake would notice Ron walking in every morning with a thick black hoodie, completely covering his face. He would call out to Ron, "You're not hot??" Ron would just shrug. We live in south Texas, and it was summer time, so even in the mornings it was already 80-85°F. The bay they worked in wasn't air conditioned either.

Once inside Ron would shed his hoodie, revealing a long sleeve black shirt, and skin so pale, you could see his veins in his face and hands. He also never ate lunch, instead, during his lunch break he'd just sit quietly until his break was over.

These are all things Jake would relay to me when he'd get home from work. "I swear he must be a vampire!"

I just told him to leave Ron alone. People are all different. Maybe he has a skin condition, maybe allergic to the sun, has a special diet, or just likes being pale. It doesn't matter and it's not Jake's place to assume something so aggressive toward someone he barely knows.

During the next month Jake and Ron did start being social. One Friday they ended up joking around between jobs. Stupidly, Jake took the leap and made a joke about Ron being a vampire. Ron stopped laughing and, if his face could go more pale, it would have. He had a look like he'd been caught or something. Jake realized he made Ron uncomfortable, so he apologized and changed the subject.

Jake thought all was good, but the next week when he went in, he was informed Ron had quit suddenly.

Now he's even more convinced that Ron really was a vampire.

TL;DR: husband made a joke about an employee and he was so upset he quit.

Add on: it was a daytime job

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/candidengineer on 2025-06-17 02:33:54+00:00.

This didn't happen today, it happened a couple months ago. I quit my well paying job in MA to move back to NJ to take care of my mother (she has osteoarthritis) and be close to family/friends.

Paid an arm and leg to move back, and within 2 weeks I was miraculously able to get a written offer for a Senior Electronics Engineer job at a well known Japanese medical instrumentation manufacturer with an on-site US-based office 10 mins away. I was set to start in two weeks and needed to simply pass the drug employment screening.

Around the same time, I was taking care of my mom as she has osteoarthritis. She currently takes meds but they don't help much with nerve pain. So I did some research and some folks sweared by CBD.

Disclaimer: I take non-THC CBD time to time, it helps me sleep/relax and is non-psychoactive. The full spectrum oil has < 0.03% amount of THC and the company that makes it is HIGHLY reputable and FDA approved. I don't smoke weed nor take anything with THC, I've been sober off that stuff for over 6 years.

So it turns out this same CBD company makes a CBD cream for muscle/joint pain - so I figured I'd order some and try administering it to my mom's knee to see if it helps.

The cream arrives, and for all 5 days before the drug test, I applied the cream on my mom's knee with my hands. It helped her a little, but overall I didn't think much of it.

Fast forward to after the drug test. It's about a week before I'm due to start the new job - I get a call from the lab that I had marijuana/THC in my system.

I'm like "What.....the.....f****?!!!!!!!!!!" How!?

Turns out this cream, that is advertised as a CBD cream (no mention of THC anywhere) had some THC in it, and it transdermally passed through my skin as I was the one applying it on my mom's knee. I looked up the lab summary data on the company's website and the cream does have enough THC to be reported.

I explained to the company everything, showed them the lab summary of the cream and everything. They initially sympathized were allowing a re-take. I spend a whole week doing cardio and eating clean to detox it out of my system. But eventually they decided to rescinded the offer after "further investigation".

I resumed job hunting and now I'm headed to Austin to join another company because aside from this role, New Jersey is f***ing barren in the type of engineering work I do.

EDIT: I'm getting a two bedroom apartment in Austin, my parents will be living with me occasionally on and off. They're retired and still have this place in NJ, and since we have relatives in NJ, they'd like the option to move back and forth.

TL;DR: I transdermally got THC into my system by physically applying a "CBD cream" on my mother's knee and subsequently failed a drug test and lost the job offer.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/thejomjohns on 2025-06-17 01:10:09+00:00.

For context I live in North Seattle, on a good day it can take anywhere from 1-3 hours to get from my house to the airport (Sea-Tac), through TSA, and to the gate. Sea-Tac is notorious for insane lines at times, and today is the first day of summer break for UW and most of the colleges. I always leave extra early just in case anyway. I had a 10:12am flight to Cincinnati for a work conference this week, and I woke up early enough to attempt taking the light rail to the airport. It takes almost twice as long on rail but an Uber or even Taxi from my apartment is no cheaper than $90, with tip it’s over $100.

Everything was going smoothly, I even got a seat on the rail, I was going to make it in plenty of time for my Sea Spot saver appointment at 8:15 (free quick pass through TSA at Sea-Tac) and I’m 2 stops away from the airport when it suddenly occurred to me: I forgot to grab my passport. Yes I’m a dumbass and haven’t upgraded to a real ID yet, but I’m normally really on top of these things and have no issues just using my passport. I forgot to grab it because I spent all weekend doing chores in prep for 3 weeks on the road and just threw together my pack for today and out the door. My backpack goes with me everywhere and has 95% of what I use on a daily basis, so for flights I take out any sharp objects and pack a separate bag just for clothes and I’m set.

So I looked and I could book an Uber back up to my apartment, grab my passport, Uber this time instead of the rail to the airport (by then traffic had gotten worse but it’s still quicker to drive) and still make it in time for my flight. I have 2 students traveling with me and the only thing I could think of is I didn’t want to ruin their days by missing my flight. So I booked it without even looking at the price.

I get back to my apartment, begged the Uber driver to wait up to 10 minutes instead of the usual 5, and jet upstairs. Open my safe and my heart sank: my passport wasn’t in its usual spot. I check my lockbox, no dice. I check every place it could feasibly be and then it finally dawned on me: I hadn’t taken it out of my backpack’s since my last trip back in March. I had my passport with me the entire time by sheer accident. If I had actually forgotten it at least I’d have been my own hero by leaving early enough to cover such a faux pas, but if I’d taken 5 seconds to check I’d have realized I was fine and saved myself the unnecessary trip back to my apartment and the $220 it cost to Uber.

To make matters worse, one of my students mentioned she had actually forgotten her passport just a few weeks prior for another trip and the TSA is allowing a “grace” period since the Real ID change in May. I could have tried with just my driver’s license anyway. It also occurred to me I’ve just been walking around with my passport every day for 3 months.

The good news: Made it back to the airport, through TSA, and got to the gate with plenty of time.

The bad news: I unnecessarily gave myself a minor cardiac event and wasted $220 on a completely unnecessary Uber because I remembered I hadn’t grabbed my passport this morning only when I had already gotten to the airport, but forgot that I had never taken it out of my backpack since my last flight anyways.

TL:DR I got all the way to the airport before I realized I forgot to grab an ID acceptable for flying, did a whirlwind trip back to my apartment to grab it, only then realizing I had actually had it with me the entire time on accident.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Spare-Plum4897 on 2025-06-17 00:41:02+00:00.

My (f18) niece is 3 (4 next month so SHE KNOWS) and she likes to hit, bite, scratch, head butt, you name it. I’ve told my sister time and time again you have to get her out of that, when she goes to school, kids WILL hit her back, maybe even an adult (doesn’t make it right) that’s why she has to correct it before somebody else does because everybody won’t tolerate your child like you do.

ANYWAY, I was sitting on the couch with my sister and my niece was just playing around. In the middle of us talking she literally slapped fire out of me, i’m talking she slapped THEE FUCK out of me… I instantly slapped back, not even hard but just reflex. I said sorry immediately and tried to hug her but she hates me now… my sister acts like she hates me too but i’m like… I know that was fucked up but i honestly did not go out my way to slap my niece like wtf. I’m not excusing what I did but she has to stop hitting people.

tl:dr slapped my niece back after she slapped the taste out of my mouth and now my family hates me

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/CooknWithWalterWhite on 2025-06-16 21:20:58+00:00.

My AirPods were low on battery but I thought they had enough to make it through a company wide call. There are about 500 people on this call and today they had guests from different companies speaking about our industry. Well, my talkative coworker came over to my desk and started talking to me about random stuff. As we were talking, my AirPods ran out of battery but I kept talking, thinking I’ll just turn up the volume on my computer when he leaves. The conversation had turned to hairstyle and how I style mine with gel and sometimes have to use a blow dryer (we are both dudes).

Well it turns out when my AirPods ran out of battery, the computer had switched my audio and mic settings to the built in computer software. This also caused me to become unmuted in the call but my computer speaker was muted since I always have volume at 0, so I didn’t realize. As I told my coworker all the feminine strategies I use to style my hair as a guy, all 500 people were listening. Supposedly the CEO was freaking out because he couldn’t figure out how to mute me and it lasted like 20 seconds until I turned around to see my boss had messaged me to mute myself. This was all happening during the guest speaker presentations. I can’t stop thinking about it and now I’m being made fun of (in a joking way), this is all so embarrassing.

TLDR; AirPods disconnected on a firm wide call, computer switched to the unmuted internal mic and everyone listened to how much effort I put into styling my hair as a guy, including blow drying, special shampoo, hair spray etc. and now I’m being made fun of

Also FYI, there is a Zoom setting to auto mute indefinitely when joining a call that I wasn’t aware of in case any of you now have a fear of this happening.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Warm-Combination5818 on 2025-06-16 15:04:12+00:00.

This morning we had our usual Monday team meeting. I was running on like 4 hours of sleep because I slept during the day yesterday and I just couldn't sleep during the night and when the morning came up I was feeling extremely tired. I joined the call and I figured I could get through it if I just kept my camera off and stayed muted.

Well, after 10 minutes or so I leaned back in my chair and I fell asleep. I woke up 45 minutes later to a Slack message from my manager saying, “Hey, were you having connection issues? I was calling your name during the meeting, but you didn't respond' The worst part is that I had a speaking part toward the end of the meeting and I completely missed it (that's probably when my manager called my name). Now I have to pretend I had some kind of technical problem or emergency nap disorder or something. Lesson learned: do not trust yourself with “just resting your eyes” during a Zoom call.

TL;DR: I fell asleep during the weekly meeting since I was very tired from the night before