Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/HWASDOLL on 2025-06-22 11:30:31+00:00.

Typical "not today" but whatever. I am 21, to start this post off. Not a big adult, but an adult nonetheless. I've been through high school, and no one has told me until now that I'm saying it wrong.

For background, as a child I was mostly raised by my mother. I had a father with a strenuous 9 to 5, with a stay at home mom. I'm autistic, and was pretty slow to speaking or proper annunciation. Apparently when I was about four I learnt the word "Episode". However, I would constantly say "Efisode". My mom thought it was so cute, she decided to never correct me. So she would say it back to me and continued to do so through my teenage years. However, this was also re-enforced by my father's accent, who also says a very soft "p" that Almost sounds like an "f". Fast forward to preschool/primary school and I was incredibly high achieving in English. I was 10 years ahead in reading and joining high school level writing contests at nine years old. This meant I never really questioned my own English in comparison to my peers, because I knew I was ahead of the curve at least on paper.

My best friend (20) moved in with me shortly before my mom moved out and started doing the switch between mom and dad's house to help me support my little brother in the new living arrangement. We were at mom's and we were trying to figure out where we were at on One Piece (of course). I said I was on "Efisode 207" while he, as far as I remembered, was on "Efisode 199". He went quiet, then looked at me almost bemused. He goes, "What did you say?" I repeated myself, as my friend doesn't have great hearing so I assumed it was that, and he just smiles at me and pointedly says "EPisodes." I didn't catch what point he was making, so I said "Efisodes." He grins at me. "Efisodes?" I suddenly feel very meek, and say in a little voice. "Efisodes?"

He starts explaining that its "EPisodes", and I start saying "Isn't it pronounced like "E-phi-sodes?"" Because English is so incredibly disrespectful as a language, I never questioned "p" being pronounced as "f" or "ph". There are stupid words like "through" that have made the idea of the word Episode being pronounced with an F, or PH, not even worth a blink.

I am now very upset (not really) and I said my parents also said Efisode, and so does my older brother, so how does that come across? My best friend started doubting himself if my whole family really says it. Well, my mom walks in, and my best friend brings up our dilemma. She starts laughing. Full on laughing. She tells me that she intentionally reinforced it, and that she thought it was way too cute to correct. So in the past years of me regularly using this word not only in the context of casual conversations of TV shows, but also in the context of psychological situations (i.e. "I'm having a bad mental health Efisode) NO ONE has corrected me.

Turns out my older brother has not said efisode, I just misheard him. I went and told him about all of this and he laughed, kind of endearingly, and said I was just a "silly boy".

TL:DR: mom told me episode was pronounced "efisode" and no one corrected me

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SPWM_Anon on 2025-06-22 07:03:54+00:00.

Obligatory not today, but two weeks ago ish.

So. I have a lot of difficulty eating healthy. The only way I've found to get myself to eat berries/fruits/vegetables before they go bad is by eating them frozen. And honestly they taste better that way. And, well, the whole strawberries are too hard to chew all at once when they're frozen. So I get them sliced.

Two weeks ago I was happily chowing down on some frozen strawberries when I guess one ended up too far back in my mouth and I just... reflexively swallowed it. Whole. Now, I've swallowed some things that weren't chewed enough before, as I'm sure we all have. It hurts to swallow it, but it goes down. Either that or you choke and die I guess. But no!

It hurt to swallow it all right, but I could feel it stuck in my chest for ages afterwords. Not in my throat, but in my chest. Definitely not my trachea, thank god, so I could breathe normally. So I start looking up symptoms and tips and stuff. Drink both water and carbonated drinks, soft foods, etc etc etc. 24 hours go by. I nibble on some food at work and swallowing starts hurting BAD. I'm talking my entire chest is on fire. So I call my stepmom and ask for a ride to the ER/Urgent Care before work the next day. Because yes, I still intended to go to work. Your guy's got loans to pay.

It takes like 3 hours to get seen since I'm fine except the pain, which is only when I swallow. Medical staff is a little surprised I have no other typical symptoms. Point is, I miss my shift. My bosses are chill though. The ER doc eventually goes "yeah this could be that the strawberry is stuck OR it's just an abrasion." My gut says it's the strawberry still in there, so I insist on a scan. Still not sure what's up afterward, but she recommends I stay until the morning when they can do an endoscopy. Fine, whatever.

The morning comes. They tell me they won't do the endoscopy because now it's the weekend and the GI Lab isn't open and they won't call people in unless it's an emergency and I'm breathing fine. They put me on a liquid diet, which was hell on Earth, and the IV placement sucked. But I lived to have the operation on Monday!

Before the operation, the new doc says he'll talk to me before they send me back to my hospital room just to discuss what exactly it was. Sick! I'm curious as hell.

But. The next thing I remember is waking up in my hospital bed. I'm sure he probably talked to me post-op, but I don't remember it! I STILL DON'T KNOW IF IT WAS AN ABRASION FROM THE STRAWBERRY OR IF IT WAS STUCK IN THERE

Anyway now I'm on meds for 8+ weeks. I'm sure they'll tell me what was up at my check-up but I AM lowkey still suffering because it hurts to swallow still sometimes. But it's a different kind of hurt so I guess I'm fine! And I can still sing so that's all I care about. My coworkers have a go at me when I nibble on the strawberries we have at work, which is fun. It was a hilarious experience.

TL;DR chew your food

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/AgoraphobicWandrlust on 2025-06-22 05:59:27+00:00.

Today, my husband's mom died.

As a bit of a background: my husband is deployed. Due to this, I was the person notified of his mom's death instead of him. We also have a chihuahua (Gilligan) whose health is declining (relevant).

It was morning for me when I was informed of my MIL'S passing (she died in her sleep), but due to time differences, it was the middle of the night for my DH. I messaged DH to give me a call as soon as he was able. Several hours later, he calls.

I will be honest: I had no idea how to tell him. They werent close; we were soft no contact with her. But she was still his mom so telling him was more difficult than I anticipated.

DH picked up on the energy and asked me, "Did Gilligan die or something?"

And I blurted out, "No, but your mom did."

I feel so bad about it. But he is doing alright. He is processing her death well and already over his siblings squabbling over her assets (not sure if she had a will). He finds the humor in it but will definitely use this to dig me in my ribs about when he gets home 🫠

TLDR: I informed my husband of his mom's death by responding to his question of if our dog died with "no, but your mom did."

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/gandubazaar on 2025-06-22 05:06:26+00:00.

Being bad with names sort of runs in my family. My dad is notoriously bad with them, so it's only fair it was passed on to me, his first born daughter.

For context, It is currently finals season here at University. And i had a pretty bad thermodynamics paper going on today. Out of sheer overconfidence and my love for procrastination, i pushed studying for this thinking my biology subjects demanded more efforts. Bad, bad idea, as i now had a day and a half to cover 5 units filled with nothing but differential equation after differential equation.

My best friend here majors in comp science. So i know quite a few of their friends and vibe with them. For some reason, we never actually exchanged names for a while as our conversations were pretty lighthearted, and knowing each other's name just didn't strike to us as relevant information. Names were eventually exchanged, tho.

So an hour prior to the exam, feeling quite like Schrodinger's orange cat ( i didn't know if I'd flunk the paper or ace it until i saw it, and orange because not one braincell was working in my favor at that moment), i ran into my mutual friends.

Of course i forgot their names. I was keeping conversation, begging my mind to retrieve their names, and it just wasn't working out. Apparently this was very visible on my face, and their next question was-

'Do you know our names?'

I internally died at that moment. Tried to come up with a coherent sentance and the only thing coming out of my mouth was confused noises. My best friend had gone to grab a bite to eat prior to the exam so no way i could use his help either. I just stood there, blank. They laughed their lungs out, and told me it's okay. I profusely apologised and went to write my final, halfway through which i remembered their names. (horrible exam, btw).

I told this to my friend- he laughed until he cried. Might not be that major of a fuck up, but i quite nearlt wanted to emulate an ostrich bury my head in the floor.

TLDR: forgot names of not one, but a group of people who I've interacted with for a while. Stood there silent for a good amount of time while questioned. Was very embarrassing.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/johndoe1625 on 2025-06-22 01:22:06+00:00.

So this happened a couple days ago, and I’m still dying inside from the secondhand embarrassment I gave myself.

I live in a neighborhood with annoying parking rules. Every other week it feels like there’s street cleaning, construction, or some other reason I can’t park in front of my house. That day, I came home exhausted from work and ended up parking a couple blocks over on a side street. No big deal… or so I thought.

The next morning, I end up waking up late and super disoriented, grab my keys, and head outside to leave for work. My car is GONE. I’m instantly in panic mode. I pace the street. I check up and down the block like 5 times, as if it might magically appear. I even ask my neighbor if they saw anything (shoutout to Lisa, who definitely thinks I’m insane now). After spiraling for 20 minutes, I call the police to report it stolen.

Fast-forward a couple hours: I get a call from the officer I spoke with.

“Sir… we found your vehicle.” “Oh my God, where?!” “Exactly where you parked it. By the corner store on Maple.” (Literally a 4 minute walk)

At that point I’m torn between relief and wanting the earth to open up and swallow me whole. Yep. I had completely forgotten I parked it there the night before. And now I got to pay the impound fee because they towed it as part of processing the report.

So yeah, TIFU by creating my own car theft situation. Cost me $200 and probably put me on the local PD’s “guy who cries wolf” list.

⸻

TL;DR:

Parked my car down the street, forgot, thought it was stolen, reported it. Cops “found” it where I left it. Had to pay the impound. Still cringing.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Embarrassed-Milk1320 on 2025-06-21 20:27:07+00:00.

About 4 years into our marriage I (32m) began to be more aware of some of the signs of autism and or ADHD.

I would see random tik toks or posts on Reddit that would make me think hmm. Maybe that’s why she struggles with this. Or that would explain why she reacted this way.

One simple example is how difficult it was for her when plans changed. She just didn’t do well when they were changed for whatever reason.

Anyway I thought about this for a year or so before sharing with her.

She did NOT take it well. Her only grid for autism at the time was her cousin we can call him John. John was nonverbal and basically needed 24/7 care.

So without a grid for it, she thought I was saying hey you are basically like John…

In hindsight it would have been so much better to get some relatable tik toks and watch them with her or something.

TL:DR I told my wife I thought she might be autistic and she thought I was comparing her to someone who is nonverbal and needs 24/7 care

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/but_its_dez on 2025-06-20 02:50:54+00:00.

Today I fucked up, although this was a couple of months ago now. For some context, I am an Australian who a couple of months ago went on a trip to the USA with a friend. Both of us being aussies, we are inexperienced with tipping so went with the advice of "always tip at least 15%"

One night during the trip we decided to go to a steakhouse. The two of us went all out, an appetiser each, big fat steak, cocktails throughout the meal. The food was great however the service wasn't anything special so we decided on the standard tip of 15%. The waiter came around for payment and handed me an ipad-like device to pay on. I swipe my card to pay and a tip screen comes up and, thinking I'm doing the right thing, I type in 15 (on this screen there was no indication that what I was typing was dollars, cents or percentage), signed and handed the ipad back to the waiter. The ipad had a receipt printer on it so the waiter printed the receipt, looked at it and then handed it to me with a huff and walked off. I looked at my friend with a look on my face thinking "that was rude" but thought nothing of it and walked out.

It wasn't until we both got back to our hotel rooms when I noticed that instead of tipping 15 percent as I had previously thought, I had accidentally tipped 15 CENTS on an order that was above $200. Usually I would have gone back and apologised, but by the time we were back at the hotel it was well past closing time of the restuaunt and we were leaving early the next morning, so there was no chance to apologise or fix my mistake.

I took this as a learning experience to ALWAYS double check how much I am tipping and check the receipt before I leave resuraunts

TL;DR: I accidentally tipped 15 cents on a 200 order at a steakhouse and looked my waiter in the eyes as he gave me the reciept, didn't realise until it was too late to apologise or fix my mistake

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Kradara_ on 2025-06-21 15:15:39+00:00.

I was driving home from work, exhausted, wearing my usual hoodie and jeans, when I got pulled over for a busted taillight. Cop walks up, normal stuff, asks for license and registration. Here’s where the spiral begins.

First, I fumble the glovebox and a half-empty bag of trail mix explodes all over the passenger seat. Then I realize my wallet is not in my pocket. Cue me patting down every inch of my jacket and pants like I’m holding contraband. I finally find it… under my seat. I reach down, come up fast, and the cop visibly tenses up.

Then I nervously say, “It’s cool, I’m just getting my license” like I’m trying to convince myself I’m not a threat. My voice cracks. I’m sweating. I suddenly forget how to operate my own hands and hand him my Costco card instead of my license. He looks at it, then at me, and says, “Sir, this is… a membership card.”

I finally get him the right info. He goes back to his car. I sit there completely still like I’ve got a kilo of cocaine in the trunk, even though I have nothing illegal, not even a speeding ticket. My heart’s pounding. I don’t even know why. He comes back and says, “I’m just giving you a warning, but… you good, man?” I say, “Yeah! Great! Love the law!” like a damn narc.

He walks off shaking his head. I drive away with trail mix stuck to my ass.

TL;DR: Got pulled over for a minor issue and panicked so hard I made myself look like a drug mule with no drugs.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Lamprophonia on 2025-06-21 11:50:38+00:00.

This one is silly.

The other night my 7 year old son and I were hanging out at the kitchen table after eating dinner just talking, scrolling through tiktoks of silly animals, and somehow the subject of world records came up. He wanted to see some world records being broken, so I searched for them and started scrolling through the results. Most videos were swimmers or Usain Bolt, but every now and then something weird would pop up (there is, apparently, a world record for setting upright and knocking over books).

The silliest, and our collective favorite, was a guy breaking the record for the number of bras unclipped in 60 seconds. The setup: two rows of people, mostly women, lined up facing away from the middle. The women were wearing shirts with the backs cut out so the clip on their bras were accessible. This was all very official, with a crowd and everything. When the timer started, the guy went rapidly down one side, unclipping bras at impressive speed, then back up the other side, with a team behind him re-clipping the bras so he could just go up and down as often as possible within the time limit. ...MOST of the bra-wearers were women. Every now and then one of the bra-wearers was just a guy, shirtless, wearing a bra. My son is seven, so when he saw 4 men in a row wearing bras, he laughed hysterically. I have the maturity of a 12 year old so of course I was also laughing. I couldn't stop imagining the whole process of volunteering to help with a world record, being asked to take your shirt off and put on a bra, then stand there in front of a crowd waiting. It was very funny. Everyone seemed like they were having a good time. We laughed then moved on.

The FU comes from my failure to tell my wife about the video, because that night at bed time our son very enthusiastically told her about "the video dad showed me of a guy taking off bras!" The little booger could not have possibly worded it more suspiciously. She came and asked me about the "bra videos" that I showed our son. I had to quickly explain the context of the video to her, trying not to burst out laughing again. Luckily for me, she realized long ago that I'm just an idiot and not a sleezeball.

TL;DR, showed my kid a video of bra-removal world record, kid told his mom about 'the bra video', wife almost looked like she was about to choke me

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ApprehensiveCount597 on 2025-06-21 06:12:42+00:00.

I made butternut squash mac n cheese, but to be lazy I used butternut squash soup instead of going completely from scratch.

It ended up too liquidy for my preference. Im moving in a few days so im down to scraps in the kitchen- the only thing I had to thicken it with was a pack of powdered mashed potatoes.

We can all guess where this is going.

A creamy, thick, delicious bowl of butternut squash mac and cheese.

But I didnt measure the mashed potato powder.

I put enough to soak up about a cup of water- but it was maybe a quarter cup at most that needed to get soaked up.

Well, apparently when you eat powdered mashed potatoes that aren't sufficiently moistened, you get thirsty. And then when you drink, it soaks it up and expands.

TL;DR: if you know how to make the under-moistened powdered mashed potato touches go away pls help 😭

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Early_Operation1625 on 2025-06-21 06:51:34+00:00.

Kill me.

So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a while and we’ve been sending flirtier texts lately. Yesterday, he sent something flirty and I decided to one-up him. Nothing graphic, but I replied with: “If you don’t behave, I’m gonna have to punish you tonight 😏💦.”

Only I didn’t send it to him.

I sent it to my boss.

My 58-year-old, married, very Catholic boss who ends every meeting with “Let’s all be kind to each other.”

The realization didn’t hit until he replied with, “I’m assuming this wasn’t for me.” I died. I wanted to throw my phone across the freeway. I immediately apologized, said it was a mistake, and to his credit, he was very professional and said not to worry, “these things happen.”

But now I can never say the word “punish” again. Ever. Anywhere. Not even in board games.

TL;DR: Tried to sext my boyfriend, accidentally sexted my boss. I'm never going to work again.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/PhilosopherDue6504 on 2025-06-21 02:29:08+00:00.

Last month I helped a friend move into a new apartment. I carried boxes, helped assemble furniture, ran errands, the whole deal. She kept thanking me and asking what she could do in return, and I kept saying: “Don’t worry about it. I’m just happy to help.”

A week later, I got sick. Like, properly out-of-it sick. I didn’t tell anyone because, again, I’m the “don’t worry about it” guy.

No one checked in. No texts. No soup deliveries. No “do you need anything?” I lay in bed for two days, genuinely wondering if anyone would notice if I disappeared for a while.

Eventually, I did bring it up to a close friend and he just shrugged and said, “You always say you’re fine. I figured you’d tell us if you needed anything.”

And that’s when it hit me. I taught the people around me not to worry about me and they listened.

So yeah, I’ve started rephrasing. Now it’s more like, “I’ve got it, but I’d appreciate the help.” Still learning how to ask. Still unlearning the idea that needing things makes me a burden.

TL;DR: Told people “don’t worry about it” too many times. They stopped worrying. Felt invisible. Learning to actually let people show up for me now

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BubbleWrap027 on 2025-06-21 02:08:16+00:00.

I drove for 6 plus hours today in my car. It was very overcast and rained a lot. The temperature was also cooler than normal summer temperatures. I completely forgot to use sunscreen. My face, neck, and arms are now bright red with sunburn. The sunburn is bad, not 2nd degree bad, but bad enough. My nose looks like Rudolf and my whole face is so red that it reminds me of Red Skull from The Avengers.

I put a thick coat of aloe on the burn to help with the redness and skin damage. My nose hurts so much that I can't use my glasses. I am such an idiot. I wear sunscreen all the time, all year round. I was in such a rush today that I missed a step in my morning routine. Now I get to pay the price. Ugh!

TL;DR I forgot to use sunscreen on a long car drive and got a bad sunburn.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Grouchy_Tap_8264 on 2025-06-21 00:16:34+00:00.

Right now my head is a mess and I'm so stressed that I can barely look past the next day, but I have a good community at the neighborhood bar who have helped with so many things, and are the closest thing I have to a local family (think like Cheers). I felt like the biggest jerk that I'd somehow forgotten that it was my friend "Devon's" (not real name) birthday, and that it was a FB notification that alerted me.

So I rushed out and bought him a cake and a card, and also left a message on his FB page "Happy Birthday, Sexy Koala!" (a joking pet name I have for him). When he came in, he was baffled but grateful for the cake and card. With everything going on I had tunnel vision and completely forgot celebrating his birthday earlier this year. I went to show him that FB had lied to me, and realized I hadn't looked at the last name; it was my old married, Mormon boss, "Devon", and who is currently on the road. I didn't realize we were even FB friends any longer (I left job 13 years ago).

Apparently, you also cannot delete Birthday Posts, so I had to edit and apologize.

TL; DR: TIFU by posting "Happy Birthday, Sexy Koala!" on an old boss's FB profile thinking it was a friend's.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/hypnonewt on 2025-06-20 12:54:28+00:00.

So I took my daughter to the zoo this morning as I work evenings and her mum works days and kindergarten is closed. Beautiful day for a trip to the zoo, only I decided to treat my kid and myself to a different zoo, one in the Netherlands, one we have never gone to before. So everything is going great we enter the zoo see a few animals mainly birds, a few reptiles etc and then we hear a noise in the distance, a loud bellowing noise. I start hyping up the sound thinking it was monkeys or some form of ape. Until we are literally around the corner from where the ruckus is emanating. My kid was excited to see some boysterous monkeys and I matched her excitement by saying things like "ooh I think they might be getting fed" or "do you think we will see some baby monkeys?"

We were walking around the corner big smile on my face, me holding my kid and bouncing her a little chanting "monkeys monkeys monkeys" only to be confronted with a disabled adult day trip. There were multiple adults in wheelchairs with varying degrees of disabilities and their carers all enjoying the sight of the wallabies. The noises we heard were made by a few of the disabled adults. I felt like absolute shit and I just froze and felt myself tear up from embarrassment. I told myself I was speaking English the entire time so maybe nobody paid attention. But deep down I know that the carers at least likely speak English and heard me.

TL:DR Went to the Zoo without checking the map and mistook the noises of a group of disabled adults as animal noises, resulting in insulting them massively.

This will probably get asked, I live in Germany but am English my kid is multilingual.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/serenologic on 2025-06-20 11:37:43+00:00.

so i (26m) hate giving my real name at starbucks. it’s not even that weird of a name, but they always mess it up or call out something totally wrong. so i’ve started using fake names just for fun.

a few days ago, i decided to go with “derek.” no real reason, just felt like a derek kind of day.

i place the order, they say “thanks, derek.” and i sit down to wait. about 3 minutes later, the barista yells out: “iced vanilla latte for derek!”

i don’t move.

he calls again, louder: “DEREK!”

i’m just sitting there like “where the hell is this derek guy?”

then another customer turns to me and goes, “hey man, aren’t you derek?”

i just stared at him. full mental blank.

“OH SH*T. I’M DEREK.”

i scrambled up to get the drink, muttered something like “long day,” and walked out with the most embarrassed sip of my life.

i don’t even like vanilla lattes. i panicked and picked the first thing on the menu.

tl;dr: gave a fake name at starbucks, forgot i was that person, sat there confused until someone reminded me i’m the idiot who made up “derek.”

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Icy_Department_6193 on 2025-06-20 03:01:22+00:00.

Had a long day and accidentally forgot to add water to my microwavable ramen. Basically, it was the kind that comes in a cardboard bowl and you just have to add water and put in the microwave for 4 minutes. So yeah, I basically put cardboard and uncooked noodles in the microwave for 4 minutes.

To make things worse, I use a plastic microwave cover lid (highly recommend by the way) which is supposed to prevent your food from splattering on the walls of the microwave. Mine ended up melting a fusing unto my ramen bowl. I'm gonna add pictures of this on my profile cause it's hard to explain lol

I don't think an actual fire happened, it just was so hot the plastic melted. To make things worse, this was the last ramen left so I'm going to bed hungry.

TL;DR: almost set my house on fire because I didn't add water to my ramen.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SocialJusticeAsFuck on 2025-06-20 01:16:34+00:00.

So today I flew out for a trip and, in an effort to save money, I packed everything into one checked bag to dodge those ridiculous luggage fees. I mean, I sat on this thing to get it zipped. It was a masterpiece of overpacking.

Well. Apparently, the zipper didn’t appreciate the pressure, because when my bag came down the baggage claim carousel, it had given up on life. One of the pockets had burst open. And its contents? Spread out right next to my suitcase like a sad little display of personal hygiene and… other priorities.

There, proudly rotating around the carousel for all to see:

🧴 Shampoo

🧴 Conditioner

🪮 A comb

🍆 A veiny, vibrating dildo with balls.

Just chilling. Right next to families, businessmen, probably someone’s grandma. I froze. A child pointed. I died inside.

Needless to say, I retrieved everything with the grace of a raccoon caught in the act and fled the airport.

TL;DR: Tried to save money on baggage fees, overstuffed my suitcase, zipper broke, and my dildo made a public appearance at baggage claim.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/me21200 on 2025-06-20 00:51:22+00:00.

My family and i moved into a new house in a predominantly white neighborhood in the southern US. A while after we moved in, the vacant house next door finally got filled by a family! Now, we all have adhd and just time blindness in general, so 2 months have gone by since they moved in and we just thought to bring over flowers and a fruit tray to welcome them. We all went over to say hi, and noticed the father (the only one to come to the door) was laughing uncomfortably the whole time. A few hours later, I realized today is Juneteenth. The new neighbors are a black family. We are painfully white. There's no way they think we chose this day at random to bring them a fruit platter and flowers.

TL;DR: My white ass family likely alienated our black neighbors by choosing Juneteenth to welcome them to the neighborhood.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Dunwall on 2025-06-19 21:32:16+00:00.

So there I was, standing in Buc-ee’s snack aisle—America’s Mecca of beef, beavers, and bad decisions—when my lizard brain whispered, “Hey champ, ghost pepper jerky can’t be that spicy.”

Fast-forward to 10 p.m. I’m annihilating said jerky when I start getting this uneasy warm feeling in my stomach. Cue the Metamucil. But why stick to the recommended single scoop when you can double-fist fiber like an overachieving geriatric? I felt like I needed triple the dose to calm my poor stomach.

Midnight strikes. My stomach starts sounding like it's microwaving quarters, at the same time my intestines file a hostile work environment complaint. I race to the toilet because if I had waited even a second longer I would have turned my sheets into a cursed Jackson Pollock painting. Friends, God’s cruelest joke isn’t mosquitoes, stubbed toes, or Nickelback, it’s the brilliant idea to install capsaicin receptors in the human anus. It felt like Satan himself was pressure-washing my colon with boiling mud, every blast echoing like a shotgun through a tunnel made of hamburger meat. That’s the scene. I’m gripping the towel rack like a Titanic survivor, sweating out every life choice since 1998, and praying the smoke alarm doesn’t misinterpret the situation.

Somewhere between my third round of Ring of Fire karaoke and bargaining with the universe, I accepted my fate. After all was said and done it felt like my anus got fucked by a fist covered in sand paper.

TL;DR—Ate an entire bag of Buc-ee’s ghost pepper jerky, washed it down with three times the recommended dose metamucil. Learned that capsaicin receptors in the exit hatch are a thing.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Bonniebonsxo on 2025-06-19 19:44:44+00:00.

Got sucked into those “hybrid athlete” reels, dudes who lift heavy and ran marathons while casually smoke weed like it’s performance-enhancing. I’ve been hitting the gym for quite a while and I barely drink or smoke, but curiosity won. Bought a THC pen, took a few hits before my session, felt chill. It hadn’t hit much, so I stepped outside, puffed again, then went back in. The gym was packed, peak hours, every bench and mirror taken.

Went and started my life on the smith machine for some incline press and Mid-set, the high hit like a truck. Forgot how to count reps (and I was only supposed to be counting till 8). Arms went numb. I just laid there, pinned under the bar, spaced out and surrounded by people. Too high and too embarrassed to call for help. Luckily, a guy noticed me frozen and quietly asked, “You need help?” I nodded, he lifted the bar, I muttered thanks, grabbed my flask, and dipped without looking back. After that experience, I’m honestly baffled how those guys perform while high. One thing’s for sure, this hybrid athlete life ain’t for me.

TL;DR: Got high in a packed gym trying to be a “hybrid athlete,” forgot how to count, got stuck under the smith machine, had to be rescued. Never again.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Mindless_Abalone8740 on 2025-06-19 18:13:15+00:00.

Today I was cleaning, answering messages like doing all these stuff at the same time and somewhere in the middle of it I threw something in the oven and then completely forgot. Left the house for what I thought would be a quick errand and got totally lost. In the middle of it I remembered that I left my oven on and rushed to my apartment, but unfortunately it was too late.

I came back to a congratulations steak and I had to open every window in my apartment. The worst part is that the errand wasn’t even essential cuz I could’ve easily done it another time, I just got in a spontaneous mood and thought why not do it now. Anyways lesson learned, don't ever go out before the oven gives you the done beep

TLDR; I forgot my oven on and went out

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Realistic_Method9896 on 2025-06-19 15:38:26+00:00.

I (25M) am currently working on my masters thesis in a company ~1hour away from my home. I always travel by train. Today I was sitting there and a very pretty and fasionable girl took a seat in front of me, facing me. She seemed a little stressed to take her seat and almost let her phone slip and fall to the ground while nestling on her bag - I caught it, then smiled and did not think much. While I am very comfortable around woman, I never happened to be in a situation where I would ever start talking with one in a train out of nowhere, or any starting Point for small talk. Over the course of the train ride, we made eye contact several times and always had to smile (in a more than just polite way). As I said: I CAN talk to women - or more, people in general - very well, but only if I have got aaaannnyyy objective reason to do so; to find a start. Something like "You like XYZ?" because they wear a shirt with something printed on it for example. But this girl was just pretty and looked very cute in her not particularly branded clothes. My head was just empty and I felt nervous. Doesn't happen so often that a girl I know for 5 minutes starts flirting with eye contact with me... She even took out her Airpods and sat there doing nothing particularly, as if she was waiting for me to talk to her. Then I started to think if I was misinterpreting things... Then I felt dumb. I was think forth and back the whole train ride, while sometimes our eyes met again - followed by a smile.

Then she started talking to me suddenly. I was visibly wearing my company keykard on my belt. Where I was working, what I was doing, etc, she asked. Instantly, any form of insecurity vanished and I was able to talk. Even though I doubt that I was talking things of high value. But we talked!

Too bad the next train station was mine and staying in the train for her would have taken >1hrs more to get home. Sooo... I said I was sorry and had to go. I was thinking for a split second I could just ask her for her Number, but I was too much of a pussy. I could only tell her that I ride this train almost daily at this time - packed in a way that expressed I wanted to see her again without direcly saying it. Yeah... I don't know if she reciprocates that. BUT she answered me that she rides this train at this time, too. Hmmm.

I feel dumb, and annoyed by myself. Also I feel like a coward because I made her talk to me, instead of making a move. Not because she is a woman, but because I do not want to be like that in general.

TL;DR: I met a lovely girl in my train, we had chemistry but I was not confident enough to talk to her. Then she had the balls to start talking to me, I think that was working well. And merely 3 minutes later my destination was there and I had to leave.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Maleficent_Young_355 on 2025-06-19 08:27:52+00:00.

(Before anyone panics, THE CATS ARE OKAY!)

It’s late afternoon and I get a text “How are the kitties?” and my stomach DROPS, I am immediately filled with dread and guilt because I 100% completely fucking forgot that I had agreed to cat-sit for some family friends, starting TWO DAYS AGO. The cats had been alone without food for two and a half days. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I dropped what I was doing and immediately drove over there to feed them, and thank GOD they were okay, luckily they still had plenty of water and didn’t show any obvious signs of ill health, though I’ll be watching them VERY closely over the next few days for any symptoms that could be a sign of something serious. I gave them a little extra food and a lot of extra love and I am just so so fucking thankful that they were okay. I felt like I was going to throw up I was so anxious.

The thing is, I have NEVER forgotten this kind of thing before. I’m a very forgetful person in general but I’ve cat-sit for these family friends MULTIPLE times before without any issue, as well as many other pets over the years, and I never fucking forgot until this time. I don’t know what happened, how this happened, but holy shit I have learned my lesson, this can never happen again, I will be taking EXTRA steps in the future to ensure I never forget when I’m pet-sitting again.

But the scariest part is that this could’ve been much, much worse. Because I COMPLETELY forgot, so I absolutely would not have remembered if I hadn’t received that text today. I am currently responsible for these living animals that I know and love and I almost fucking killed them, were it not for that text. I intend to tell the owners when they return, unless I have to take any of the cats to the vet, in which case I will notify them immediately. But I’m going to insist they not pay me this time, because I REALLY fucked up. This is completely unacceptable and I am LUCKY that I was reminded before any serious harm was done but holy fucking shit I am so, so sorry, kitties. I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t be surprised if they never ask me to cat-sit again but I have to tell them when they get back because I cannot accept payment after this. I can’t.

TL;DR: I forgot I was cat-sitting for TWO DAYS. Thankfully, the cats were okay! I feel immense guilt anyway.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Surtock on 2025-06-19 02:06:24+00:00.

Just happened a few hours ago. My colleague was telling me how he woke up this morning at 3am, and was unable to fall back asleep. I told him that this happened to me often enough, and that throwing on a random audiobook that I have no interest in can sometimes help. The random audio book simply due to the fact I'd it's something I wasn't to listen too, I'll force myself to pay attention, thus robbing me of further sleep.

Our exchange, like always, is through either pen and paper or texting in a note file on our phones, because he's deaf.

TL;DR Were good friends so we both just laughed it off. He, with a grin, mimed putting on headphones. I turned multiple shades of red from my mistake and embarrassment.

No one ever said I was clever.

For the auto-mods. I'm not much of a writer, so the above text didn't meet the minimum character count. I need to continue babbling until that it's reached. Its too bad there's not a character count so I didn't need to keep guessing.....,.......,.......,.......