Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/firakti on 2025-06-24 19:12:14+00:00.

So this happened two days ago, and I’ve barely slept since.

I’ve been working at my current company for almost five years, and I recently got an offer from another place with better pay and remote work. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I decided to take it. I wrote up a polite, professional resignation letter, attached it to an email, and meant to send it to my direct manager and HR.

Except I didn’t.

Instead of typing in my manager’s name, I clicked “All Staff” which, for some reason, is not only still an active mailing list, but also includes everyone in the company worldwide, including executives, people I’ve never met, interns, and the literal founder.

So I sent it. Subject line: “My Resignation”

Body: “Hi [Manager], attached is my formal resignation letter. Thank you for the opportunity, and I wish you and the team all the best moving forward.”

Thirty seconds later, I start getting pings.

Not from my manager.

From… everyone.

Coworkers I haven’t spoken to in years messaging me “???” One person just replied with “congrats???” Someone from IT in Singapore asked, “Is this a phishing test?” A guy from Finance I’ve never met replied-all with “Best of luck!” which then triggered 15 more reply-alls. At one point someone replied-all with just “UNSUBSCRIBE” in all caps.

Then my manager messaged me: “Hey, did you mean to send that to literally everyone?”

I wanted to crawl inside my laptop and die. The CEO didn’t respond, but I know he saw it because someone on his team forwarded it to him thinking it was a comms issue.

HR called me that afternoon. They weren’t mad, just very confused. Then they told me this now counts as my “official notice,” and I had basically started my resignation timer a week earlier than I’d intended.

So now I’m scrambling to wrap things up sooner, coworkers I haven’t spoken to in months are asking where I’m going, and I’ve accidentally created the impression that I rage-quit publicly, even though my actual letter was the most vanilla, polite exit email ever written.

TL,DR: Meant to send my resignation letter to my manager, sent it to the entire global company instead, caused a reply-all chain, HR confusion, and now I’m leaving a week early while half the company thinks I rage quit.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Accomplished-Fix1204 on 2025-06-24 19:00:39+00:00.

For reference we had an indoor cabin. So no balcony to let the room air out. I was on a cruise with my partner and we were both super excited to go to the buffet for lunch (and admittedly a snack and dinner later. I gained like 7lbs in a week). I ended up trying a ton of new foods and eating a lot of red meat. For dinner I think I got fries, mashed potatoes, a minute steak, a hamburger, some Asian dish I don’t remember the name of, and multiple dairy based deserts. I’m not personally lactose intolerant but my boyfriend is, still a lot of dairy can upset my stomach a bit. Between that and the unlimited pizza restaurant let’s just say we didn’t exactly make the smartest food choices for two people staying in a small room with no windows.

We went to bed and I forgot what time it was exactly but the room smelled so bad for a second I was concerned there was some short of issue on the ship. The air was dense…. Like almost chewable. I heard what’s gotta be the longest fart I’d ever heard come from under the covers, it was quiet and disturbingly warm since I was the big spoon. I realized he had been farting away under there. My own stomach felt pretty full as well so I can only assume I was partly to blame for the smell. Me waking up woke him up and he started gagging a bit. We quickly threw on some clothes and decided a late night walk might be a good idea lol. I ended up telling him it was all him because I have never farted infront of him before. We both took some gas X and waited to head back until our stomachs were feeling better. The rest of the days I tried to cut back on the overeating and we made sure to pack him some lactaid!

TL:DR We ate a ton of food at the buffet, caused bad gas that woke us up. We had to let the room air out because it was an inside cabin

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok-Soft-1418 on 2025-06-24 18:25:13+00:00.

I was out delivering furniture today like everyday until I got to this one building and the client was my first elementary school teacher. I recognized her pretty fast even that she got older but I don't think she knew me tho.

She was one of the few teachers who was kind to me maybe because I was good at math, and that she lectured. When I saw her today, it caught me off guard and I just froze and didn't tell her who I was. Not because I don't work hard or do a honest job but it felt like telling her who I was would maybe disappoint her because she had big hopes for me.

I just kept my mouth shut and helped bring in the furniture, said thank you, and left. Maybe she would’ve been proud to see me working and doing something honest. She probably would even know my name.

TL;DR: Delivered furniture to my first elementary school teacher but didn’t tell her who I was because I didn’t want to disappoint her and her big hopes of me.

It's been eating me wondering if I should have said something.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/YoMamaSoooooo on 2025-06-24 16:53:40+00:00.

I am sitting in the optometrist chair, opposite to them. It’s been a year or so and all I want is to get an updated prescription.

Everything is going just fine, they are about to dilate my eyes.

Then the question comes, while their face is a mere foot away and they are looking deep into my eyes.

“Are you lactating?”

Silence for a moment to process that.

“Um, no.”

Silence.

Now I’ve never been asked that in my 21 years of life - and I’m about to collapse dead from the effort it is taking to not laugh, but he is a foot away from my face and still very intently staring into my eyes.

I summoned every shred of energy to keep a straight face, but I could feel my face slipping.

He replies while looking me straight in the eyes, again a FOOT away from my face.

“Good.”

The silence stretched out but inside my soul is now battling every single natural impulse to burst out in laughter. Good? GOOD??

At this point he can see it on my face, and promptly misreads my inner tension.

“I didn’t mean good like- that you’re not lactating. Just- good to know.”

PAINFULLY long empty silence.

I felt myself tearing up from my stifled laughter, but managed to just nod and swallow it down.

Anyway he was very nice the rest of the time and I’m pretty sure I inadvertently made him think he made me cry by saying something insensitive, but I was actually trying not to die in the chair.

The entire car ride home I lost it thinking about the situation, but I feel so bad for the guy!

After asking my mom and aunt both of them said they have never been asked that before getting while their eyes checked and that they would have laughed.

Apparently it can have an impact on your eyes but he never told me that!

TL;DR: I started crying because I was trying not to laugh at my optometrist.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/jinzo_the_machine on 2025-06-24 03:56:04+00:00.

So this happened over the weekend and I was really considering posting it, but to hell with it. Maybe sharing this with y’all can help with me coping.

So I matched with this amazing girl on Bumble - PhD student, speaks three languages. Way too good for me, but somehow she agreed to dinner at this nice Thai place I'd been wanting to try.

Everything's going perfectly. We're laughing, connecting, great chemistry honestly. I'm feeling extra confident because I had a few shots (pre-first date ritual of mine) of this Chinese whiskey my buddy got me as a birthday gift, before leaving my apartment to "calm my nerves". It was the only alcohol I had in my apartment (I don’t usually drink whisky), but beggars can’t be choosers.

The waiter introduced their menu and mentions their "authentic spice challenge" - a traditional dish that's supposedly "restaurant's hottest." Now, I just got back from Phuket last month where I was crushing street food like a champ. The 4 swigs were hitting at this point, so my alcohol-fueled brain thinks this is the perfect opportunity to casually mention my travels and spice tolerance.

"I'll take the challenge level," I announce confidently, adding "I just got back from Thailand, so I think I can handle it." She orders something sensible. The waiter probably noticed that I was a little buzzed and actually asks if I'm sure with a smirk. I double down.

The dish arrives looking innocent enough. First bite - manageable. Second bite - getting warm. Third bite - my mouth is officially on fire, but I'm committed to the bit. I'm nodding enthusiastically while sweat starts pouring down my face like I'm in a sauna.

Then it happens.. the combination of spice and pre-date whiskey hits my stomach like a chemical weapon. I excuse myself to the bathroom, thinking I just need a moment to collect myself. Boy was I fucking wrong.

What followed was 38 minutes of the most violent, explosive food poisoning of my life (I was certain it was 38 minutes because I kept looking at my phone while liquids were coming out of both of my orifices, and didn’t want to keep her waiting). I felt like fucking death. My anus felt like someone grinding sandpaper on the poor thing. The bathroom acoustics in this Thai joint were also apparently conveniently designed to amplify every horrific sound. I'm talking full surround sound digestive devastation while she's sitting 20 feet away.

I finally come out, looking like I've been through war, to find she's already paid the check and is calling an Uber. She hands me a to-go container with my barely touched murder-dish and pats my shoulder sympathetically.

"Maybe next time order mild," which crushed any shred of self-assurance I had..

She unmatched me yesterday.

TL;DR: Tried to impress cultured Bumble date with spice tolerance, spent 38 minutes destroying restaurant bathroom while she listened

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TrippinNL on 2025-06-24 15:31:42+00:00.

So for context, my neighbours went to a sunny place for a few months for his work, and recently returned from this trip.

We run into each other and strike up our friendly neighbourly conversation aboutan hour ago. She comments about us looking healthy and suggesting that the weather in the sunny place wasn't that sunny. I pick up on the que, and say she indeed looks rather pale for someone staying in place know for the sun shining a lot. She laughs it off, and starts about the trip having a little dark edge. Apparently she was about 6 weeks pregnant when starting the trip, but the pregnancy termanted naturally shortly after. And the reason she was looking pale, well that was because she just had surgery to remove the still birth fetus.

So yeah, that was not really tactful of me.

TL;DR: neighbour was not pale because of the lack of sun like i commented, but a still born fetus operation.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok_Bad8802 on 2025-06-24 15:10:56+00:00.

So today I was cleaning my bath room when I went to clean the toilet. I used zep acid toilet bowl cleaner and I put it away to let it sit some. Then when I came back I did not want to get it out so I grabbed the clorox toilet bowl cleaner from the counter (yes I had two different toilet bowl cleaners on the counter) and I mixed them. Almost immediately my nose felt weird and it smell weird. So I left the bathroom to google search what I just created and it said I created toxic chlorine gas. So I have the bathroom airing out. Any suggestions I will say I should be ok. And my pets will be fine. I will say I asked a friend and he said it will be ok im worried if I could get in trouble for releasing the gas in the air.

(TL;DR) I mixed toilet bowl cleaners and made chlorine gas.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Alarming_Willow_7364 on 2025-06-24 12:22:01+00:00.

I was getting a filling done, and my dentist (who’s always been super nice) was chatting away, trying to keep me calm. I’m not great with dental work, and I get really tense. At one point, she says, “You’re doing amazing, just a little more,” while gently patting my shoulder.

And in a weird, semi-conscious panic response, I just mumbled through the mouth guard:

“Ah luh yoo.”

She paused. I realized what I just said, and tried to backtrack by saying “THANK YOU,” but with my mouth full of dental gear, it came out like:

“BLUH GOO.”

She patted me again, said “Okay,” and didn’t speak for the rest of the visit. I’ve replayed that moment 400 times since. I told my wife later and she laughed so hard she cried.

TL;DR by confessing my love to a woman holding a drill to my face.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No_Bandicoot_1356 on 2025-06-24 12:15:30+00:00.

We were on a Zoom call with the leadership team, and I was presenting a slide deck to my very serious, very no-nonsense boss. I was already nervous, fumbling with my words, and as I transitioned slides, he asked:

“Can you go back one?”

And I, in the most confident tone, replied:

“Sure thing, Dad, I mean, DAN! DAN.”

Silence. Someone snorted. Another person muted their mic suspiciously fast.

Dan stared blankly for a moment, then said, “Let’s… move on.” Deep inside, I wanted to kill my self because of the embarrassment. Like tf, why did I say that.

I’ve never been more mortified. The nickname stuck, too. Now I get messages like “Ask Dad if it’s approved” and “Did Dad sign off?”

TL;DR revealing my deepest Freudian slip in front of the C-suite.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Lilly-J-why on 2025-06-24 05:51:18+00:00.

For context I am a 15F, and in middle school was forever forgetting deodorant. I was made fun of for smelling like BO and cigarettes (my parents smoke). Now because of this I am very aware of how I smell, and have made a habit of always putting perfume before I leave the house. Last thursday I had a few surgeries in my nasal and throat area. I have always had trouble breathing along with other issuses, one of them being I had a bad sense of smell.

Now for what happened, my brother is over at my house. When hes over he likes to play with my makeup. We were in my room he was doing his thing when I wanted to show him my perfume. I sparyed it on my wrist when it hit me, one spary and I was dying. I got incredibly nauseous, and threw up (made it to the toilet).

That would be no big deal other then the fact, I have healing cauterized wounds in the back of my throat. 10 minutes later I am sitting and can taste blood, I belive I opened my cuts. Yet all I can think about is wondering how bad I smelled. I mean I would spary at 5 to 10, how were people not nauseated being near me. I also love me perfume and don't wanna give it up, but don't wanna throw up everytime I leave.

TL;DR:I haven't been able to smell in years, got nasal and throat surgery. Sparyed my perfume and throw up and I think it opened my wounds.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Agreeable-Echidna333 on 2025-06-24 09:10:18+00:00.

Today I ran a painting activity with my kindergarten students. They had a blast but by the end of it I had over 20 three and four year old covered in paint. I told them to go wash their hands in the toilets, an instruction that I never thought twice about and have given many times. Normally the kids will go into the toilet and wash their hands in the sinks. But this year I have an autistic student, I hear his little voice ring out from the toilet block as I’m wiping tables, “NO! She said IN THE TOILETS!!!” I dropped everything and ran into the toilets to see most of the children with their hands in the now multicoloured toilet bowls! My assistant was incapacitated because she was laughing so hard!

We got the children and the toilets all cleaned up properly but I’m going to be very careful about my word choices from now on.

TL;DR My poor word choices resulted in over 20 kindergarteners washing their hands with toilet water.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/drugsandsocks on 2025-06-24 04:50:34+00:00.

This actually did happen today and I keep switching between total mortification and fits of laughter.

As I was leaving work this evening, I decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator, for a few reasons: The elevator looks straight out of a horror movie, and it takes significantly longer than the stairs despite being three flights up. I was rushing to leave because I stayed late to finish a few things, so stairs seemed like the best option at the time.

Because I worked late, I ran into a coworker that I normally never see, also making the healthy choice and taking the stairs. I’ve talked to him maybe twice.

I’m walking down the stairs slightly ahead of him by a few steps, and he’s a pretty quiet guy so there wasn’t any small talk. All you can hear is the loud thunking of my shoes and my slightly winded breathing. And I’m thinking, you know, maybe I should make an effort to talk to him, get to know the people I’m working with, right?

We’re getting onto the last flight down to the first floor, and in the spirit of camaraderie (and making a joke of my out-of-shape-ness) I turn and say:

“These things are way easier down than up, am I right?”

But before I can even finish the last word, my shoe got caught on the lip of the top step, and my leg just folded. I proceeded to slide down the entire flight of stairs on my shins like I’m sliding across a dance floor, and land haphazardly at the bottom.

I was carrying a tote bag, so all of the contents spilled out in a trail of office-supply bread crumbs down the steps behind me. During my hellish descent, I was trying to grab as many of my things as I possibly could - I imagine I looked like a flailing bird sliding down an icy roof. I’m saying this to really stress how excruciatingly embarrassing it was. There was not an ounce of grace or poise, just pure clumsiness and fumbling.

After it was all said and done I kept trying to crack jokes, like “I guess it’s not easier down than up,” in some attempt to save face. But dude was probably more embarrassed than I was. He helped grab my things and BOOKED IT out of there.

I would be a thousand times more humiliated if that sequence of events didn’t happen the way it did. “Easier down than up”, and proceeding to get obliterated by this fucking staircase? I mean, c’mon, the joke writes itself.

I’m currently icing my shins but my dignity was bruised more than anything else. If anyone has any embarrassing work stories please feel free to comment or message me some, or give me a funny line to say the next time I see him.

TLDR: I walked down the stairs of my office building with a coworker I barely know, made a joke about how it’s easier going down the steps than up them, and proceeded to fall down the entire flight in the process.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/mejakola on 2025-06-24 03:12:47+00:00.

I saw all the videos in health class in middle school and high school, but I don't think it quite prepares you for the actual.... Moment.

Also side note, hate me in the comments if you want, most newborns look like little wicked aliens to me until after the first few days. They're cute, but not immediately.

After hours of excruciating labor and complications with the medicine and dilation, the decision was made to go ahead and do a C-section. They took my wife to prep her in the OR. A nurse got me all gowned up and escorted me in. I sat at the head of the table comforting my wife while the doctors worked on the other side of the curtain.

Finally it was time... The doctor asked, "Dad do you want to stand up and see your son?" I was so excited and naively unprepared for what I was about to witness...

I stood and the next 5 seconds were the longest of my life. They still had the big mouth bass fish ring opening her stomach. My eyes followed around my wife's intestines until I realized it was the umbilical cord, with a color and veins I can't describe. Then I saw my son. My baby boy was all grayish blue, still covered and dripping in amniotic "cheese."

First words out of my mouth?? "IT'S A GREMLIN!!!"

The whole O.R. busts out laughing except the charge nurse. She got little man all cleaned off and brought him to Mom and set him on her chest while saying, "You're definitely going to be a mama's boy. She knows you're a sweet baby not a evil gremlin."

TL;DR took one look at my son after C-section and screamed "it's a gremlin!" In the middle of an O.R. full of doctors. And yes, wife divorced me a year and a half later.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Repulsive_Golf810 on 2025-06-24 02:20:39+00:00.

today i fucked up by trying to pick up my 6'2" boyfriend. i have an absolutely awful back and a 6'2" 185 lbs boyfriend (i am 5'1" and 110 lbs). we were messing around and he lifted me into the air to put me in "air jail" for being mean. once i was released from imprisonment, i immediately attempted to do the same. i squatted and lifted him off the ground! however, in his surprise he moved to try and stabilize us and i fell to the ground and TOTALLY messed up my back. like, i could not move and he could see my spine not line up. he took me to the ER and it turns out i displaced a disk in my back!! i know have to do several weeks of PT and was considering seeing a chiropractor regularly. my boyfriend successfully broke my back, just not the way he wanted.

TL;DR: i tried to air jail very tall boyfriend, displaced a disk in my back and ended up in the emergency room.

EDIT: fixed a awful wording, doctor did NOT recommend chiro and i WILL NOT be going! thank you reddit <3

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Old-Court-6295 on 2025-06-24 02:11:16+00:00.

I got through 7 rounds of interviews to get my job and I was super excited to start. On my first day of work, I was introduced to my team and a couple of others from top management. They were rearranging cubicles so I was sitting away from my team.

My company is very much a startup culture and most people they hire are converted from co-ops to full time so they all know each other. I was already feeling a little out of place. Throughout the day, I tried to introduce myself to everyone I met. Maintaining good rapport with everybody is important in startups.

In the afternoon, I saw this man walking around the office talking to people. He comes to my cubicle asks me my name and what I’m working on. I answer his questions and say “you are?” He told me his name and walked away. Two days later one of my teammates told me he is our CEO.

I lost it 🤯 I am so stupid. I didn’t look up what my CEO looks like. I was soo embarrassed. My colleagues still use it as ammunition to make fun of me!!! In a weird way it brought us closer together. I felt part of the team.

CEO now seems to like me and we talk often but I’ll never forget my first day. Even if I want to forget, my team won’t let me!

Is it just me or does everyone screw up on their first day?

Edit: My teammates are the best. Everybody is super young so we’re all goofy and silly with each other which is why I said it brought us closer together. Made me feel included!

TLDR: On my first day of work, I asked my CEO who he was and my colleagues will not let me live it down!!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/NotThatJoel on 2025-06-24 01:30:48+00:00.

I 40m, have a young daughter in elementary school who met a friend during Halloween. Trick-or-treating has kind of slowed down in our area, and we only got a handful of trick-or-treaters. My daughter recognized one that went to her school. Turns out they live right down the street. We set up a play date. The dad, we’ll call him Frank, was trick-or-treating with her, so I gave him my number and I got his.

The first few play dates Frank and I hung out and seemed to get along pretty well. One time while the girls played at our house and my wife was watching them, my son and I took Frank to the driving range. It was nice, because he said he doesn’t do things like that or get out that often. After a couple of playdates, the girls wanted to have a sleepover at the friend’s house. We were totally fine with that. Frank‘s wife, Fran (again names are changed but selected for a reason), greeted me when I dropped off my daughter. I told her that if my daughter needed anything to call or text me and that Frank has my number. She sent me a text and I saved her in my phone.

The sleepover went great, we ended up having a couple more playdates, but with school and other activities, overtime the playdates kind of fizzled out . One day driving home, my daughter asked if she could see her friend again, as it had been a while. I told her that it was a good idea. As we pull into our driveway and I’m waiting for the garage door to open, I quickly compose a text message to Frank so I won’t forget. I also thought it would be nice to maybe go to the driving range again.

This is the message. “Hey! We need to do another playdate. Not you and me, the girls. But if you want to do something just me and you as well, that would be fine 😉” The garage door opens. I pull in and don’t give it another thought for a few hours. My daughter then asks if they have said anything. I said I don’t think so, but I’ll check. I then look at my phone and see that I sent Fran a text message. Fran! FRAN! Not Frank! FRAN!

My heart sinks into my chest. I start to panic as I open the message I sent to Fran. I reread it, and it now has a whole different meaning. The message sent to my daughter‘s friends, Mom, FRANK’S WIFE says, “Hey! We need to do another play date. Not you and me, the girls. But if you want to do something just me and you as well, that would be fine 😉” WINKY FACE!?!?!?!?

I start losing it. I immediately text them that it was a mistake. I meant to send that to Frank. I was trying to be funny sending it to him. Trying to hint that we could hit up the driving range again.

I have always worried about being misunderstood through text messages. So I am overexplaining a ton. They have Android, and it doesn’t tell me if they’ve read the messages. I call her and him, mostly him. He finally answers. I explained to him what happened and he says, “Oh, I’m sure it’s fine. She’s visiting with some friends.” My wife says I need to stop and let them make the next move. I am so embarrassed. I feel like I’m in an episode of Seinfeld. Did I just ruin one of my daughter‘s friendships?

Edit- Made paragraphs for easier reading.

TL;DR I accidentally sent a text to my buddy’s wife (whose name is very similar to his name) that was supposed to be a harmless joke for him but turned out to be very, very suggestive when sent to her..

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Big-Pick-8254 on 2025-06-23 22:59:13+00:00.

Today I had lunch with a friend from work. I have to preface this story with two things; I have POTS, so standing up quickly can make me pass out and I'm currently on my period, which since it can be quite heavy, I use both a diva cup and period shorts. I don't know this friend outside of work, so they didn't know any of that. The restaurant was extraordinarily quiet for the day, only two other tables were seated. One of said tables was a girl who seemed to be about nine with her presumable father, and the other had two older dudes. Midway through the meal, I ended up getting up from the table in order to empty my diva cup, as it had been a while. Got to the bathroom and sat on the edge of the toilet to take it out. This restaurant's bathrooms were the kind in which the door starts two feet off the ground, you can practically see inside of the stalls. Anyways, I stood up rather quickly to empty the cup into the toilet and before I knew it, passed out and dropped it onto the floor. Thank the lord I was wearing a long skirt so I wasn't exposed publicly. I can't tell you exactly how long I was out before that nine-ish year old walked in, but it couldn't have been long considering how long I'm normally unconscious for. She walked in to see through the gap under the stall door me sprawled on the floor surrounded in blood, holding a cup that I guess she couldn't recognize. I was slowly coming back to my senses when I realized someone was screaming like they just witnessed a murder. Her dad came running in and upon seeing me holding a cupon the ground while still a bit disoriented, shouted, "OH GOD! OH GOD! ITS AN OVERDOSE!", which of course made my work friend come over confused as heck. The little girl ran out panicking, and the man literally grabbed my hand and dragged me out from the stall. By that point I was no longer holding the cup for obvious reasons. I freaked, because what in the world is going on, he freaked because I apparently already felt cold, and my friend freaked because they just walked into this mess with zero context. It took a good three minutes for everyone to get on the same page as to what happened. Once the blood was cleaned up and I paid for my part of the bill, I got out of there so quick. My clothes still had blood on them when I had to walk home. The girl stared and looked absolutely traumatized as I left and her father looked almost as embarrassed as I did, if that's even possible. Considering quitting my job atp 😭😭😭

TL;DR: Passed out into a pool of my own blood in public, traumatized a few people.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/lisbethborden on 2025-06-23 18:19:08+00:00.

(Note: I already told the Cliff Notes version of this story in a comment last week, but I'm bored so today I'm gonna tell the whole story.)

Obligatory not Today, but a Friday in June 2021, doldrums of Covid--not a time you wanted to be near a hospital. I was eating a lovely granola bar at my desk at work. As I unwrapped it, I noticed an especially large, glistening whole almond on the bar. I noted, "Hmm, that's as big as my thumb."

Eating while typing, my mouth got distracted. Suddenly that giant almond had slipped unchewed to the back of my throat, and I thoughtlessly swallowed. I had no idea the gravity of what I had done. I mean, everybody knows that nut pieces can end up...undigested, but I had never swallowed a nut so large, not by a longshot.

I awoke Saturday morning feeling...funny. I had a very small pain just under my stomach area, but no worries yet. I proceeded to drink two big coffees and eat my cereal as normal. This was another mistake. After an hour or so, I was rocked with pain and unbelievable pressure in that spot just below my stomach. Soon I began vomiting. Rolling in pain and strain-vomiting. Then I remembered the almond.

We headed to the E/R, and when checking in I did say I thought I had an intestinal blockage, but true to form, no healthcare worker actually believed me until they reluctantly did a CT scan. My small intestine was not just blocked, it had started telescoping upon itself, which risks cutting off blood flow to the organ. I was quickly taken quite seriously and was whisked back to a surgery prep area.

The next thing I knew, I was in a room with a soft-spoken nurse who is telling me they have to place a gastric tube before my surgery. I was in no condition to really appreciate what that meant, and just then a bull of a nurse entered the room. In a hospital, it seems there's always an employee they know they can call when they need to really hurt a patient to help them - an employee who can hurt people without flinching. This was that nurse.

She approached me with the tube, explained they have to feed it through my nose down into my stomach to constantly suction out my stomach secretions, so my surgery site could heal without disturbance for a few days. The bull nurse drew her fist back and basically punched me with the tube square in the left nostril. My nose exploded with blood like fireworks and would not yield, so they decided that tube was too large in diameter. They had to try again with a smaller tube in the only non-destroyed nostril I had left... So she punched me again in the nose with the second tube while I was frantically guzzling water to keep my windpipe closed, and she successfully shoved the tube all the way down until it reached my stomach.

The surgery was uneventful, to me at least. They had installed a urinary catheter while I was out, which felt a little creepy to me. I mean, it was medically necessary, but it's still weird to find out someone was poking in your genitals while you're under anesthesia.

I spent the next five days in the hospital, the first three with that tube in my nose/down my throat. My surgeon would visit every day, and I had to recount every fart I had after the surgery. When I was eventually compelled to have a (watery) bowel movement, the nurses had to observe my shit, make notes, and report to the doctor all about it. Basically they needed to know my digestive system was still working and not bleeding, and the first time it was reported I had had any bowel movement, the surgeon whistled, "Whew!" ---And with that 'whew,' I suddenly realized the gravity of all that could have gone wrong with the surgery.

When they finally slid the tube up my throat and out of my face, I was on a liquid diet the first two days, then given a slightly more complex diet to follow for awhile at home. I was discharged after 5 days.

But it wasn't over. Two days home, I was chilling on the couch with some jello in my surgical dressing and abdominal binder, when my incision EXPLODED with about a half-pint of sticky brown liquid...scentless thank god. My clothes soaked in disgustingness, we rushed back to the hospital, and I was given IV antibiotics for the infection. And another night in the hospital for observation.

Please please chew your food, or learn to make yourself vomit if you ever happen to swallow a giant whole almond. The total price for that one almond was over $150,000 before insurance. With a hearty helping of public fart & shit analysis, and a bit of medical PTSD on the side.

(TL;DR: Swallowed a whole almond on accident, ended up with a six-figure hospital bill.)

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Evansweet69 on 2025-06-23 14:04:42+00:00.

Today I fucked up by thinking I could outrun my Akita. 🐕‍🦺

We were playing tag at the park — the classic “run away and let the dog chase me” game. It was all fun and laughs until my 90-pound Akita decided to go full NFL linebacker on me 🙂

He charged straight into the back of my legs at top speed. I didn’t stand a chance. I flew like a cartoon character and landed with all my weight on my right hand.

The result? A fractured fifth metacarpal.☠️ Yes, I literally got factured by my own dog.

While I was groaning in pain, he was standing next to me, tongue out, tail wagging, looking extremely proud of himself — like, “That was amazing! Want to go again?”

Now I'm typing this with one hand and a lot of regret. He, on the other hand, is sleeping peacefully, probably dreaming about round two.

Moral of the story: don’t play tag with a dog that outweighs your self-preservation instinct.🤕

TL;DR: Played tag with my 90-pound Akita. He tackled me at full speed, I fell and broke my hand. He thinks he won. He did.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/BothCommittee2315 on 2025-06-23 11:38:40+00:00.

My wife and I (both 31) are expecting our first baby. Very exciting. Very emotional.

We went in for the 12-week scan. Everyone’s in a good mood, the tech is sweet, and everything looks great. Then she says, “Let’s check for a heartbeat.” She puts the wand over my wife’s belly, and the room goes quiet. Then: Lub dub. Lub dub.

Without thinking, I blurt out, “Sounds like a tiny rave in there.”

No one laughs. Not the tech. Not my wife. The tech just says flatly, “It’s a heart, not a party.” My wife, God bless her, gives me that “please stop breathing for a second” look.

For the rest of the appointment, I stayed silent. Then later that night, my wife texts me from the other room: “Tiny rave. Really?”

We’re naming the baby Oliver, but I know the real nickname will be DJ Heartbeat.

TL;DR: Tried to be funny during my wife’s ultrasound by comparing our baby’s heartbeat to rave music. Crashed the vibe. Permanently banned from speaking during future appointments.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Additional_Check_702 on 2025-06-23 11:34:51+00:00.

I was wrapping up a client Zoom meeting and messaging my girlfriend on the side. She had just sent me the sweetest text ever, and my heart was soft.

So when I ended the call, I unmuted and said: “Thanks everyone, great progress today! Okay, love you, bye!”

Immediate silence. Then a few chuckles. Then one guy said, “Love you too, man.”

I wanted to die. I fumbled through a recovery like, “I was uh, talking to my dog… who is in my lap…” (There was no dog.)

The worst part? This was a new client. First big meeting. My boss later Slacked me, “Well, at least they know we care deeply about deliverables.”

I now double-check my windows, tabs, and entire soul before speaking.

TL;DR: Meant to text “I love you” to my girlfriend, said it aloud in a corporate Zoom meeting. My boss will never let it go.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Debstar76 on 2025-06-23 07:46:14+00:00.

My friend Chloe and I love instagram reels, we don’t see each other that often as she’s got a busy career, lifts weights a lot, is an extrovert with a busy social life - and I have kids and am super busy with all that, and am also an introvert.

But we love nothing more than a running joke on instagram reels, if either of us come across the “yeet yeet skrrrt” reel with Pete Davidson, that’s being sent, or “turning the freaking frogs gay” by whoever that loony is. Duck videos, cute little dawgs and weird existential cartoons.

Anyway, I was driving in town and saw her walking - she is tall, with many many tattoos, piercings and always in gym gear. I’m delighted!! This is my time to shine. I roll down the windows and as I approach, shout “THEYRE TURNING THE FREAKING FROGS GAY!”

She looks up, we lock eyes, and I realise too late that even though Chloe has a really specific look, it appears there is another woman in my small town who looks the same as Chloe from the back.

I pause briefly. The woman looks scared. I know that nothing I can say will explain or excuse me just screaming at her about gay frogs 🐸. I cannot reassure her without further fucking up. I smile awkwardly and drive off. Chloe thought it was hilarious when I told her, but I was MORTIFIED. I’m so sorry, Chloe doppelgänger. I hope you’re doing ok.

Tl;dr - I yelled “they’re turning the freaking frogs gay” at an innocent woman who resembled my friend Chloe, as it’s a running insta reel we send each other. Mortification ensued.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/sataychickie on 2025-06-22 22:39:35+00:00.

It was 6 years ago now but I still think about it often. My husband (then boyfriend) and I were playing a game on our phones and this particular round you had to list as many names starting with W as you can. My best friends middle name starts with W so I entered that and I got no points for it. (It is an uncommon name). My boyfriend, who was pretty bored with the game, started entering random words, one of which was "cum". He got zero points for it. I had the bright idea to screenshot the game screen and text it to my best friend Carlie, saying "haha your middle name is as real as Cum for a name". (In hindsight, not even a funny joke). Only I didnt text it to Carlie. I texted it to Claire, my boyfriends very religious spinster aunty. Panic mode set in. Head in my hands I told my boyfriend what I did. He offered no help other than "she probably doesn't even know what cum means."

All I could think to do was say "I am so sorry, that was meant for my friend Carlie" which whe responded a very short "okay." I immediately changed Claire's name in my phone to Aunty Claire so it never happens again. Prior to this happening, aunty claire would bake cakes for me to take into work quite often. Never got a cake again after that.

TL;DR: my boyfriends Aunts name is an anagram of my best friends name and I texted the word "cum" to her instead of my friend. Now I dont get cakes :(

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/la-booty-bandito on 2025-06-22 17:25:39+00:00.

So this event took place around 2007, I was 11-12 years old. I had a fascination with all things butts, buttholes, and poop related things. One day I was sitting on toilet doing my business and I noticed some marbles my brother would play with in the bath. I thought wow those are perfectly round and smooth, I bet i could find another use for those... I picked up one of the small ones and touched it to my butthole, and then with little to no force, it was gone. I sat for a minute and thought about what I just did, and then I tried to retrieve it. I dug around a little bit and then dug some more, but nothing, I couldn't find it. I pushed and pushed I tried everything my newly pubescent brain could think of, and the panic sank in. Dread overcame my body as I realized I needed some.. professional help. I slowly walked into my father's room, tears in my eyes and said I needed to goto the hospital because I have a glass ball lodged somewhere in my rectum. My father was not a nice man to put it kindly, his rage exploded immediately and demanded i explain how and why this happened. I tried to say the marble was somehow perfectly balanced on the edge of the toilet seat when I sat down, he obviously didn't buy the story. I thought back the Jackass movie and toy car in Ryan Dunns butt, I had found my scapegoat, blame it on Jackass. And it worked like a charm!

Once we got the hospital I had to explain the story to a doctor, and then another, and another... after a round of x-rays the decided the best way to remove it would be naturally. They rolled me to my side and started the enima, but nothing happened, so they gave me another, and another... finally they gave what looked like a spaghetti strainer and told to sift my shit. I shit for what seemed like hours but no marble was found, they sent me home and told me I need to use something like a fork or potatoe masher to dig through my feces until I find the marble. I mashed my turds for about a month before giving up, it's been almost 20 years and I still wonder if that turd covered marble is still rolling around my belly or if it ended up in a sewer somewhere.

TLDR: I put a glass marble in my ass as a kid, blamed it on Jackass the movie, went to hospital and had to mash my turds with a potato masher for a month. The marble was never found and 20 years later may still be in my intestinal tract.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/HWASDOLL on 2025-06-22 11:30:31+00:00.

Typical "not today" but whatever. I am 21, to start this post off. Not a big adult, but an adult nonetheless. I've been through high school, and no one has told me until now that I'm saying it wrong.

For background, as a child I was mostly raised by my mother. I had a father with a strenuous 9 to 5, with a stay at home mom. I'm autistic, and was pretty slow to speaking or proper annunciation. Apparently when I was about four I learnt the word "Episode". However, I would constantly say "Efisode". My mom thought it was so cute, she decided to never correct me. So she would say it back to me and continued to do so through my teenage years. However, this was also re-enforced by my father's accent, who also says a very soft "p" that Almost sounds like an "f". Fast forward to preschool/primary school and I was incredibly high achieving in English. I was 10 years ahead in reading and joining high school level writing contests at nine years old. This meant I never really questioned my own English in comparison to my peers, because I knew I was ahead of the curve at least on paper.

My best friend (20) moved in with me shortly before my mom moved out and started doing the switch between mom and dad's house to help me support my little brother in the new living arrangement. We were at mom's and we were trying to figure out where we were at on One Piece (of course). I said I was on "Efisode 207" while he, as far as I remembered, was on "Efisode 199". He went quiet, then looked at me almost bemused. He goes, "What did you say?" I repeated myself, as my friend doesn't have great hearing so I assumed it was that, and he just smiles at me and pointedly says "EPisodes." I didn't catch what point he was making, so I said "Efisodes." He grins at me. "Efisodes?" I suddenly feel very meek, and say in a little voice. "Efisodes?"

He starts explaining that its "EPisodes", and I start saying "Isn't it pronounced like "E-phi-sodes?"" Because English is so incredibly disrespectful as a language, I never questioned "p" being pronounced as "f" or "ph". There are stupid words like "through" that have made the idea of the word Episode being pronounced with an F, or PH, not even worth a blink.

I am now very upset (not really) and I said my parents also said Efisode, and so does my older brother, so how does that come across? My best friend started doubting himself if my whole family really says it. Well, my mom walks in, and my best friend brings up our dilemma. She starts laughing. Full on laughing. She tells me that she intentionally reinforced it, and that she thought it was way too cute to correct. So in the past years of me regularly using this word not only in the context of casual conversations of TV shows, but also in the context of psychological situations (i.e. "I'm having a bad mental health Efisode) NO ONE has corrected me.

Turns out my older brother has not said efisode, I just misheard him. I went and told him about all of this and he laughed, kind of endearingly, and said I was just a "silly boy".

TL:DR: mom told me episode was pronounced "efisode" and no one corrected me