Today I Fucked Up

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok_Morning7934 on 2025-07-05 01:00:21+00:00.

So today I was out shopping in a Walmart for general necessities when out of the corner of my eye I see a smart watch with a cute design for kids age 4+. It didn’t cost much and I was thinking about getting my niece a present. I’m looking at this watch and it seems like a normal smart watch but with a lot less functionality. As a near 30 year old single guy with a terrible track records for gifts, I wasn’t too confident in how much she would like it. When shopping around a see a dad with a girl that looked around the same age as my niece. I walk up keeping my space and ask him if a girl around 9 would like this type of gift. He says they would and I walk away with a bit more confidence in my gift. But, after a bit more I feel I should’ve asked maybe a mom. So I approach a young lady with a kid. Her back is turned to me so I don’t really approach close to her. I softly say excuse me ma’am until they turn around. I ask if I can get their opinion on something. The young lady let out an “ok” and I asked them both would this watch be a good gift. I make eye contact with the younger girl and she reels back and looks absolutely horrified. I can see it on her face. She lets out a really soft “yea”. At this point I feel horrible and realize the young lady wasn’t a young lady and is also a young girl. She also looks terrified. I quickly take a few steps back from them, say thank you very much, and walk away as fast as possible. When checking out I see the two young girls also checking out and we made eye contact and I felt horrible. I told my best friend about it. He then proceeded to break down how I actually look. When I was younger I was a very skinny and short guy. I was very non threatening to anybody. I was very muscular but my weight really hid my muscles. As I’ve grown older I felt like a became a bit chubbier but this isn’t the case. My friend told me that I have gained a good amount of weight and my weight has really made me look very muscular. Also, where I live is going through a heat wave so my clothes were really light and made me look even bigger. Let’s not even talk about my resting bitch face. Just a very jarring and embarrassing experience.

TL;DR- I approached two strangers without much thought and scared the crap out of them.

TLTL;DR- Stranger Danger

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/LongAd4250 on 2025-07-04 20:42:50+00:00.

This happened yesterday and I still feel sick about it. My sister Emma (26F) and her boyfriend Jake had been together for 3 years. We all knew a proposal was coming. At our mom’s birthday dinner, Jake stood up and started a heartfelt speech. Emma looked emotional, clearly realizing what was about to happen.

He pulled out the ring, got down on one knee, and in that moment, my dumbass yelled, “FINALLY!” Way louder than I meant to. The entire restaurant went silent. Emma’s face turned bright red. Jake fumbled the ring and dropped it. Total chaos.

Emma said yes, but she was clearly upset. Later she told me I ruined the moment and made it about myself. I was honestly just excited and thought I was being funny, but I see now how selfish and inappropriate it was.

My whole family is mad at me, and Emma won’t return my texts. I’ve been replaying it constantly, wishing I could take it back. I didn’t mean to steal her spotlight, but I did.

TL;DR: I yelled during my sister’s proposal and completely embarrassed her, ruining what was supposed to be one of the happiest moments of her life.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/boredthing_69 on 2025-07-04 17:01:28+00:00.

So ive had a crush on this guy for ages but ive got a seizure condition. My seizures are usually caused by stressful and getting overly nervous. Obviously, this goes amazing with having anxiety lol.

So basically me and my crush are js on a walk and im thinking that it's going well and he feels the same abt me. Im also freaking out internally bc this could be the day we have our first kiss which is terrifying but in a good way (idk if that makes sense).

After like an hour or so we're at the top of some hill, js talking abt random stuff and he jokingly says 'this would be a great place to kiss.' This kinda stuff gets me really nervous and red and i start laughing awkwardly then i half jokingly lean in to kiss him. Big mistake lol.

He leans in as well, literally pulling me in to kiss him, so im fcking terrified of whats happening but also super happy abt it bc i wanna kiss him. Then js before we can actually kiss everything goes blank and when it's not blank, we're sitting on the ground and hes js making sure im okay. He starts explaining that i had a seizure and hes really sorry abt it, still obviously checking if im okay and asking if he should call anyone. Im like 'nahhh it's all good'.

After all this happened he asks 'ik this is probably a really awkward time to say but i still think this is a good place to kiss.' I agree w that and kiss him, so now we're dating lol.

TL;DR: i had a seizure trying to kiss my crush but we're dating now

Quick edit: i know its not exactly a fuck up but it started with a fuck up and ended rlly well lol

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Successful_Foot7697 on 2025-07-04 07:55:46+00:00.

It was nice and warm out today and felt like doing my school work at a cafe. I get my drink, then set up outside on their patio, laptop on the table, purse under the table. I had been there a for a while when I heard a car slam on their breaks. I look up and see a beautiful husky derping about without a care in the world. well, of course I try to help. With a little convincing and my best cute dog calling voice, he trots over to me and lets me look at his collar. There's a number on the tag which I call, tell them where I am and I sit on the sidewalk with the doggo and wait for the owners to come pick him up. About 20 minutes later the owner picks up their dog. I'm feeling super wholesome until I'm feeling super stupid that I just left my stuff completely unattended at the table. Literally just as that thought goes through my head I can see my purse is knocked over. My laptop was still on the table, but my wallet was snatched.

Joke's on them though; I didn't have any cash, and I turned of my debit card immediately so they just got a cheap wallet full of useless plastic lol

TL;DR: Saw a cute dog in the street, forgot I had stuff at my table, came back to find my wallet stolen.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TangerineLily on 2025-07-03 18:54:17+00:00.

So I'm a lazy and a procrastinator, and when my car registration came, I figured I'd get around to it eventually. I though that as long as I never get pulled over, no one would know, because we don't put registration stickers on our license plates anymore.

Well, today I got pulled over just for that! The cop asked the usual "Do you know why I pulled you over?" and I thought I was going too slow on the highway because I'd had to really slow down for a merging car. Nope. He said my registration was expired. I played dumb of course, and just took the ticket. I didn't know cops just randomly checked that stuff if they were behind you in traffic.

Now I have to pay a $244 ticket for being lazy.

TL;DR: Didn't renew my car's registration, got caught and now have to pay for a ticket.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MarmyFlamOfficial on 2025-07-03 17:54:35+00:00.

I was completely exhausted and half-asleep, just trying to make it through the day. Without thinking, I walked into what I thought was the men's restroom. My mind was foggy, and I didn’t even bother checking the sign on the door. I went in, washed my face, and leaned against the sink trying to wake up. A minute later, a group of girls walked in, and I stared at them in confusion. Still convinced I was in the right place, I told them, “Uh… you’re in the wrong restroom.” One of them looked at me and replied, “No, you are.” That’s when everything hit me. I looked around, noticed the lack of urinals, and realized I had just walked into the women’s restroom by mistake. I froze, completely embarrassed, and rushed out.

TL;DR: I was super tired and accidentally walked into the women’s restroom without realizing. When a group of girls came in, I told them they were in the wrong place turns out, I was the one who messed up. Total embarrassment.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Immediate-Cherry-195 on 2025-07-03 16:59:12+00:00.

I was helping my parents clean out their attic and found my old pokemon collection from when I was like 8 and the cards looked pretty rough so I threw them in the trash right away thinking they're pretty much worthless.

My dad saw them later on (at the garbage can) and told me to check in case they're worth something so I pulled them back out and decided to check them out on ebay in case they're worth something. I found out I had a first edition Charizard that was apparently worth some nice money. After checking out all the cards (I had to check pretty deep cuz some of them were pretty much destroyed so they weren't worth anything) I ended up selling the Charizard one for 3.2k and the rest of the collection for another 1.2k. I almost threw away literally over four grand because I assumed they were trash. Thank you dad!!

TL;DR: I put away my old pokemon cards thinking that they're aren't worth anything, turns out they're worth over 4k

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Difficult_Warning301 on 2025-07-02 23:30:01+00:00.

This isn’t a HUGE F*ck up but enough that I feel bad enough to post.

I ordered sushi and sushi to go bar.

The person who person who ordered after me got their box. The next box was put up and the number “79” called. I took the box.

I walked out but it didn’t feel like the right amount of food in the box. It felt heavy for a sushi roll. So I opened it and looked. It was not the right food. I walked right back in and handed it back and apologized. I then pulled out my receipt and noticed the number “77” on it 🤦‍♀️. They made the other person’s food again since they couldn’t give him that one since I technically left with it. I felt awful.

My order came up soon.

TL;DR I didn’t realize my receipt had an order number and took the wrong food order.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Odd-Appeal-6740 on 2025-07-03 13:05:57+00:00.

I pulled a muscle at the gym yesterday and remembered I had an old tube of pain relief cream, like that deep-heating menthol stuff. I applied it generously to my lower back, then plopped on the couch in my shorts, scrolling TikTok.

What I forgot is that I didn’t wash my hands.

Ten minutes later, I scratch an itch. You know the kind. The kind.

Within seconds, I felt the gates of hell open between my legs. My bits were on fire. Like someone dipped my downstairs in ghost pepper oil. I leapt off the couch, tore off my clothes, and ran to the bathroom.

I tried cold water. Made it worse. Tried baby wipes. So much worse. I was doing full lunges around the house, moaning like I was being exorcised.

Ended up using a bag of frozen peas and Googling “how to neutralize menthol burn on genitals.” Reddit came through, ironically.

Girlfriend came home to find me naked, panting, and cradling peas like I was breastfeeding them.

TL;DR: Didn’t wash my hands after applying muscle cream. Touched myself. Spent the next 45 minutes regretting every decision I’ve ever made.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/SwaggedUp06 on 2025-07-03 12:12:07+00:00.

This all happened 2 days ago, but I decided to post it here anyway.

I (M18), was at my grandparents place for a weekend. I had been dealing with some minor gum issues and had notified my grandma about it, as I knew she had battled gum issues in the past. She gave me a bottle of pure tea tree oil, suggested 3 drops in 150ml of water to rinse and spit out. IMPORTANTLY: SPIT OUT.

I told her that I dont really taste anything so she told me to try 10 drops. After rinsing and spitting out, she decided to let me take the bottle home. The following night at home, I was doing the rinse and spit, when I got the clever thought that "Oh! Since its tea tree, safe to use for your mouth, (or so I thought), Im sure there are some health benefits of swallowing it".

I ended up drinking 10 drops of pure tea tree oil dilluded with just 150ml of water, with the idea that it was a goo idea cause I am a very dehydrated person anyway.

In bed, right before putting the phone down, I decided to look up tea tree oil to see how healthy my choice had been. Upon googling it I was told to rush to the hospital immediately.

After walking to the hospital (its a 5 or 6 minute walk) I ended up being strapped down in a chair and being poked with needles. Then they rolled the chair in the back of an ambulance and we were headed for the city. They checked my blood pressure, heart rate and regularity, and blood sugar levels, all of which they said were textbook perfect.

I was made to stay in a crowded fluorescent hospital hallway for 6 hours from 1-7am, and then I had to wait in a car for 30 minutes as we drove back to town where I could finally catch 5 hours of probably the worst sleep of my life. I luckily walked off fine though, with no lasting symptoms or anything.

Also, concerning little extra. Some of my doctors had to use chatgtp to understand what tea tree oil was.

TL;DR, drank 10 drops pure tea tree oil and ended up in the hospital.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok_Sound_6440 on 2025-07-03 06:21:03+00:00.

I just found out I missed my FSA claim deadline and basically gave my company back about $400 for nothing.

I thought the cutoff was later, but it was actually June 30 — now it’s July and too late.

I did this last year too with a wellness perk I never bothered to finish claiming. I always think I’ll get to it “next week” and then forget.

I hate paperwork — my brain just shuts down when I see fine print or extra forms, so I end up wasting money like an idiot.

I know it’s my fault, but it still feels so stupid that I work for this money, then just hand it back because I couldn’t do a basic form.

Not looking for pity — just needed to rant. Anyone else ever done this? How do you keep from missing stuff like this?

TL;DR: I forgot to claim my FSA benefit by the June 30 deadline, so I lost $400 for no reason.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Cultural-Jackfruit44 on 2025-07-03 03:58:06+00:00.

Okay. So this happened last month, but I’m still recovering from the emotional damage.

There’s this girl at my uni I’ve had a crush on forever. Let’s call her Camila. She’s Colombian, smart, funny, and bilingual. I thought, hey, maybe if I show off my amazing (read: Duolingo owl-given) Spanish skills, she’ll finally see me as more than just “that guy who always forgets his pen in stats class.”

So one day I overhear her talking about needing help with a Spanish literature assignment. I seize my moment.

I slide over like a budget Casanova and go, “¿Necesitas ayuda con tu tarea?” (thank you, Duolingo). She looks impressed. I think. She starts speaking at full Colombian speed, and I’m just standing there smiling like an idiot, nodding, sweating.

Instead of admitting I only understood about four words, I double down. I tell her I’m half Spanish (I’m not), my grandma taught me (she didn’t), and I love Gabriel García Márquez (never read a word).

Next thing I know, she invites me over to help with the essay. I frantically binge YouTube videos and ChatGPT translations for two days straight, and somehow manage to not totally embarrass myself. We even bond a bit. I think it’s working.

Fast forward a week—she texts me out of the blue and says she’s going to a family event and would love if I came along. She says it'll be good Spanish practice. I'm thinking BBQ, music, maybe dancing. I say yes.

I show up… in jeans and a hoodie… to a funeral.

Like, a real, emotional, tears and black clothes funeral.

Apparently, her great-aunt had passed, and she’d mentioned it in her voice note but I only heard "celebración de la vida" and thought it meant party. So here I am, smiling like an idiot, holding flowers I bought from Tesco, and someone mistakes me for the priest’s assistant.

Camila is too nice to call me out. She just quietly explains the situation (in Spanish, of course) to her entire family, and I sit in the corner for two hours, clutching my coat like it’s a life raft while people cry around me.

The kicker? Her abuela comes up to me afterward, grabs my hands, and says something so fast and emotional that I just go, “Sí… gracias…” and try not to cry from embarrassment.

Needless to say, I haven't made eye contact with Camila since. But hey, my Spanish vocab has definitely improved.

TL;DR: Pretended to be fluent in Spanish to impress a girl, ended up crashing her great-aunt’s funeral thinking it was a party.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Sorceress683 on 2025-07-02 00:17:30+00:00.

Obligatory not today, however recent. I decided that since for once it was an unseasonably cool day meaning around high 60s till 70s,

I was going to go out and take a nice walk. now, when I get going I really get going. So, I sunscreen to my face and arms even got my back and my neck where my t-shirt would pull away got my arms and what not. Put on a hat full brim even and I was wearing t-shirt, capris, socks and sneakers. Packed everything I thought I needed like multiple large bottles of water snacks and a camera. One thing I didn't pack was the bottle of sunscreen.

No this is a beautiful cool day however there were no clouds and no cloud cover. Started around 10:00 in the morning heading west for almost three hours. That's right, the sun was behind me the whole way. Round 12:30 or 1:00, I turned back and headed east for 3 hours. So in total around 6 hours of walking with the Sun behind me or directly above me the whole way. And I have fair skin and red hair.

So I'm kind of thrown to sunburn. Also, even though it was cool, there was no cloud cover and no shade. When I got home, back to my legs look like a cherry tomato. Kind of my legs didn't look like much. Still slightly pink though, and now, a week later, I have a dark brown band around my lower leg stretching from mid calf to ankles and the rest of my legs are white.

TLDR: am prone to sunburn. Walked for 6 hours with the sun directly behind me having not sunscreened my legs. Got a stupid looking tan band.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/PerfectFlower8267 on 2025-07-03 00:52:59+00:00.

me and my friend were cleaning my mom's house when on the TV, came an ad about something I wasn't really paying attention to. my friend, bea, turned to me and said "sometimes I really get jesus." now, bea (fake name), is an atheist. we've had talks about the existence of a God and all that so I thought we were gonna start talking about it again. I turn to her in full confidence and say, 'yeah i mean dying on the cross for everyone's sins was pretty hype 🤙" followed by "i really think it was chill but also lowkey his dad set him up for failure." at this point I was js kidding around. but after a beat of silence, bea turns to me and says, "so can I tell you something?" me, a fool, thinking she was gonna say something about God, gleefully turns back to her and asks what.

"i was talking about cheezits."

the ad I wasn't paying attention to was an ad about cheezits. I'm a fool. a clown even. I burst into a fit of embarrassed laughter, followed by tears. bea told me she was confused about if cheezits discontinued. cheezits were in fact not discontinued or put on a cross for our sins.

TL;DR cheezits and Jesus sound very similar at 2am.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/throwawayjustsayhay on 2025-07-02 23:30:45+00:00.

TIFU by trying to brush a crumb off my co-workers face

I (25f) tried to brush a crumb off my (27m) co-workers face. I am kinda new to this job and we have to wear masks at work so I’ve never seen this co-workers full face before. Our supervisor planned a going away party for someone so all of us had to be at this restaurant to participate in the celebration. It was at one of those nice restaurants that’s kinda dim inside and they serve you fresh bread while you wait. So everyone is eating bread making crumbs and small talk and since I’m the newer person I’m just doing my best to be friendly and not a statue or on my phone. My second mistake. My first one was showing up to this on my off hours I should’ve lied and said I was sick or my car broke literally anything but no I just had to go be sociable. Anyways I start talking to a co-worker that is the alternative shift for the same thing I do and he’s pretty laidback. And I don’t know what got into me if it was the fact that my most recent social interactions have been with family and friends or how I typically have a “mom vibe” but I told this man “hey you got some crumbs on your face…” (he tries to brush them off nothing) “ it’s still there..do you want me to get it?” He’s says yes. YALL. I go to pick the big crumb off like this 🤏 but last second I decide to go for a sweeping hand motion instead. AND THANK GOD BECAUSE IT WAS NOT A CRUMB BUT A MOLE!! COULD YOU IMAGINE. I 🤏 OOPS SORRY GOT YOUR MOLE!! I THOUGHT I WAS A CRUMB BUT IT WAS YOUR MOLE AND I PULLED IT OFF. Which I definitely would have attempted if I didn’t try to brush it off last second. I would have turned to dust and blown away infinity war style. Anyway he simply goes “didja get it?” “Yup sure did.” Luckily only one other person saw this lil event unfold but I’m not sure if she knew the full extent of my fuck up. Anyways yall I went to hide in the bathroom until the food showed up. Thank goodness he’s alternate shift I can not face this guy again. I feel like he knows I thought his mole was a crumb.

TL;DR: Was at a work dinner. Thought my coworkers mole was a bread crumb and went to brush it off. Was not a crumb in fact there were no crumbs. Went to hide in bathroom till food came.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/tek9cb on 2025-07-02 15:54:36+00:00.

I had been going to a local dentist for years, and was getting increasingly dissatisfied with the level of care. Like, having to return multiple times for incorrectly done fillings, having to fight to get the excess compound removed from between my teeth and from where it was impacting my bite, temperature sensitivity that only appeared after fillings were done, etc. And on top of all that, they stopped accepting my insurance.

So when I moved, I was more than happy to switch dentists and got a great recommendation from a coworker. New dentist uncovers just how badly the old one screwed me.

There was some other stuff, but the worst example was a filling drilled deeper than it should have been and the cavity not adequately cleaned out before the compound was applied, which was causing the temperature sensitivity I had been complaining about. She drilled the old filling out, took some photos of the nastiness under the filling, cleaned me up and refilled, but said long term solution was unfortunately going to be a root canal.

I say unfortunate because it kills the tooth and makes it very prone to cracking or worse down the line, and I'm pretty young to need one (31). She was very open about the risks but still said it was the best option and got the paperwork going for a pre-authorization while I made up my mind.

Skip forward about 5 months of just putting up with the temperature sensitivity as my new normal. Suddenly about a week and a half ago, temperature sensitivity upgrades to constant pain. I start slamming advil, and a tube of orajel is my best friend. It doesn't get better for long enough that I call the dentist and make an emergency appointment, but between calling and actually seeing the doctor, my cheek starts looking suspiciously puffy.

Sure enough, root canal is now critical and I've got an infection. The words "drain" and "abscess" were used.

Well. I was 31 years old when I found out that having an infection makes local anaesthetic less effective.... The area being more acidic than normal messes with the function, apparently. Dentist didn't want to wait for the infection to clear before operating because I was in so much pain.

Topical benzocaine and 3 shots of lidocaine latter, I could still feel a lot of the drilling going on. The feeling of the nerve getting cleaned out is probably the worst pain I've ever experienced in my life. My legs were shaking the whole time and my cheek swelled up to the size of a tennis ball after. It's still (slightly less) swollen two days later and I'm on mega antibiotics for another week.

So yeah, when the insurance company actually agrees with your dentist that something is medically necessary, you should probably just do it.

TL;DR: I needed a root canal but didn't want one, ended up really really needing it 5 months later and having to get it basically without anesthesia :(

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Mysterious_Buy7255 on 2025-07-02 18:37:20+00:00.

I (23F) live with two roommates and we share laundry duties. I've been trying to be more eco friendly lately so I bought these wool dryer balls instead of using dryer sheets. They're supposed to reduce drying time and make clothes softer naturally.

My roommate Chloe had a load of dark clothes in the washer so I moved them to the dryer and added my wool balls like usual. Didn't think anything of it until she comes storming out of her room asking what I did to her favorite black dress.

Turns out one of the wool balls had some white fuzz on it from previous loads. Her black dress now has these white fuzzy spots all over it that won't come off. It was this expensive dress she got for job interviews and now it's ruined. She's starting her job hunt next week and she's freaking out.

I tried everything to fix it. Lint roller, tape, even looked up YouTube videos. Nothing works. The dress is basically unwearable now. Chloe is being pretty cool about it but I know she's upset. She paid like $150 for that dress.

I offered to pay for a replacement but she says they don't make that style anymore.

TL;DR: Used wool dryer balls to be eco friendly, accidentally covered roommate's expensive interview dress with white fuzz, now she can't wear it for job hunting.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Positive_Seaweed532 on 2025-07-02 18:13:00+00:00.

My girlfriend Emma (22F) and I (24M) have been dating for 6 months. Her parents invited me over for dinner last Sunday and I really wanted to make a good impression. Emma warned me her dad is super into food and cooking, like he watches cooking shows religiously.

I thought I'd be clever and offer to make dessert. Found this fancy chocolate soufflé recipe online and practiced once. It turned out okay so I figured I could nail it again. Big mistake.

Sunday comes and I'm in their kitchen trying to make this soufflé. Everything that could go wrong did. I forgot to separate the eggs properly, the chocolate seized up, and when I finally got it in the oven it deflated completely. The kitchen looked like a war zone with chocolate everywhere.

Her dad comes in and sees me frantically trying to salvage this disaster. He doesn't say anything mean but I can see him trying not to laugh. Emma's mom keeps offering to help which makes it worse. We ended up ordering ice cream from DoorDash for dessert.

Emma says it's fine and her parents liked me anyway, but I know her dad thinks I'm an idiot who can't even follow a recipe.

TL;DR: Tried to impress girlfriend's foodie parents by making fancy dessert, created kitchen disaster instead and had to order DoorDash ice cream.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Murky_Geologist_7402 on 2025-07-02 16:18:31+00:00.

Today was my first day at a new job. I showed up extra early suited up and ready to make a great impression. The parking lot was pretty full, but I managed to squeeze into a tight spot. As I was reversing to adjust I hit the car that was behind me.

I’d clipped the bumper. It didn’t look too bad but still pretty obvious. I took a deep breath, left a note with my info and headed inside trying to pretend I wasn’t already sweating through my shirt. Guess who walks into the office 15 minutes later holding my note? The guy who had just introduced himself as my boss. The same guy who’s supposed to mentor me. To his credit, he laughed it off and said, “well at least you didn’t ghost it.” But I could feel the second hand cringe from everyone who overheard us talking. Day one and I already fucked up. I know this shit sounds fake as fuck, but it literally happened today like I just don't know what are the odds of shit like this happening

TL;DR: I reversed my car into my boss's car on the first day of the job

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Wambo_Jambo on 2025-07-02 15:54:53+00:00.

I'll preface this by saying I have a lot of microphones because I am a stickler for sound quality. I used to do voice over work, so I have a professional grade mic, in addition to my laptop mic and a headset mic. It's a lot to keep track of, as I have now learned from experience.

I work in IT and work from home frequently. My friends got me into a new game recently and I stay in the discord chat to listen in on what they have going on and chime in occasionally. It makes working from home less isolating.

So, I am having a teams meeting and have to occasionally chime in with some questions about some software we adopted. In my infinite wisdom, I placed my headset on the arm of my swivel mic, not realizing that my headset had the discord chat still going and all my mics became unmuted when I unmuted myself on teams.

I am chatting away, talking about form fields when I get a teams message from a co-worker, "Lol, you're not muted, bro."

I think to myself, "No shit, Sherlock. I'm talking."

I get another message from another coworker, "Sir, what herbs you got?"

I am wrapping up, and am confused. Everyone on the call is now asking questions like, "What is that? What kind of herbs are they talking about? That cannabis?". Then I see that I have been muted by the meeting organizer. As the realization dawns on me, I look over and do, in fact, hear the distant conversation of my friends in my headset, which is in an oh-so-close proximity to my mic.

I ask my coworker in chat, "What did they say? What the hell did they say?"

"Hahah, I couldn't hear it all, but I did enjoy the part where he asked 'What kind of herbs you got for me, daddy?'"

Dead inside. My bosses, owners of the company, on the call. Staring blankly at the screen. Have more meetings today with the bosses.

TL;DR : Incidentally let my discord friends in on a work meeting, calling each other daddy and talking about herbs. Head honchos all present.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Lazylavender53 on 2025-07-01 22:20:11+00:00.

As the title said I (16F) accidently poisoned my mom's plants. So I am someone who LOVES plants. After my Grandma died i have used them as a way to cope. I personally have at least 70ish plants that I have either bought from online or from stores. My mom treats me like our households plant expert and gotten herself into gardening as well but she is growing more edible foods, lemon seedlings, some type of pepper, tomatoe starters a friend gave her and a 1 year old avocado plant. I have helped her out with this and I as well as her are happy to see this plants. We keep them indoors and my mom was planning on putting them outside on a vertical garden she just brought. The problem is that I don't grow edible plants. I grow houseplants that are meant to look pretty. So I have been using a product that you sprinkle over the soil and it kills gnats or any bug living in there. That's what I thought I failed to understand is that this product works by being absorbed into the plant so that if a pest attacks it the plant can kill it on its own. And I have already mixed it I to the soil and even sprinkled some on the top of the soil due to increased number of gnats. Only after seeing a tiktok about how one shouldn't use this on edible plants did I do research (I could have SWORN that I did already research it any Google told me it was fine to use.) Did i see how i truly fucked up. So to people who still don't know why i fucked up if we eat it it will most likely kill us if not fuck us up somehow... Im an asshole and im going to buy my mom new plants and somehow tell her that the old ones died or something. If my mom magically has reddit or this story comes up this is for her: Mom I'm sorry I fucked up badly and I'll fix it i swear. Hell I'll use the money in my piggy bank to get you more of whatever you want.

TL;DR: I but a product commonly used for houseplants (meant to look pretty) on my mom's edible plants. The product works by absorbing into the plant to help it with pest I could have sworn I researched this already but I guess I didn't. Now I feel like shit and I'm planning on buying my mom new plants and somehow going to lie about here old ones dying. And if mom is reading this or hears this, im sorry I fucked up and I'll fix it with my own money.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok-Pomegranate8772 on 2025-07-02 03:17:42+00:00.

The other day, I went to Bath & Body Works with my boyfriend's mom. We went specifically so she could check out their Semi-Annual Sale. We were walking around the store, smelling candles and soaps, and generally having a good time. This was one of the first times I've hung out with just his mom without my boyfriend in tow. Towards the end, she asked if there was anything I wanted. I asked if she was sure, because I didn't want to take advantage of her. She said yes, so I looked around again. I found a candle I liked, and thought it was a part of their $11 candle sale, as the sign was next to the candle. We checked out and went back to their place with no issues. That is, until I got home and facetimed my boyfriend before I went to bed. He laughed and said that I had 'expensive taste'. I asked him what he meant, and he said that his mother had said that because of the candle I picked out. I was thoroughly confused, so I asked him to explain further. He said that his mother told him the candle I picked out had rung up for full price; almost $30. I turned bright red, and asked him if he was being serious. I was MORTIFIED. I began apologizing profusely, telling him that if I had known it wasn't actually a part of their sale, I would not have even picked up that candle. He was laughing his ass off as I begged him to tell his mom I was unaware of the price. He did, and I'm planning to buy her a gift card to make up for it.

TL;DR: Thought I was having my boyfriend's mom buy me a candle on sale, turned out to be 30$

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Mysterious-Fruit-870 on 2025-07-02 01:08:05+00:00.

So at the start of the year, I felt super unproductive and ADHD had my brain all over the place. So I bought the Refine Days time blocking planner to try to get productive again. Every morning I sit down, open the planner, and map out my day by making a to do list and giving each task a dedicated time in my schedule. It has been working amazingly and I am much more productive than I used to be.

But after doing this routine for a few weeks, I noticed something else … I’d always have to poop right after. I figured it was just excitement to get things done or the coffee kicking in. But now it’s become a thing. I finish planning, and boom! My stomach’s like, “It’s go time.”

What’s worse is that on weekends, I don’t use the planner, and I don’t poop. I just walk around feeling bloated and sluggish like I missed a meeting with my digestive system. But on Monday? Planner’s open and the floodgates are back.

It’s gotten to the point where i don’t even get to write down all my tasks in the planner and my gut start shifting. I’ve unintentionally trained myself like a dog. A very organized, slightly constipated dog.

Tldr: I used a planner to fix my productivity. Accidentally fixed my bowel schedule too. Now I can’t poop without planning .

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/DrawingCold1309 on 2025-06-30 14:29:38+00:00.

This is my first post on Reddit so bear with me.

So my grandparents are in town visiting from across the country, and we heard there was a brand new Mexican restaurant opening nearby that was supposed to have live mariachi music. Naturally, we figured it’d be a fun night out and brought the whole family.

We walk in and the place is insanely loud—like full-on fiesta chaos. The mariachi band is doing their thing just a few feet from our table, and it’s basically a sonic assault. As we were sitting down I discreetly asked the hostess if there was any chance they could turn it down a little bit because grandma has sensitive ears. (She doesn’t and loves live music) She says she’ll do her best and manages to get the band to tone it down a notch (bless her), but it’s still loud.

Here’s where I fucked up: the staff, being amazing, comes over to check in with my grandma—the one I claimed had sensitive ears—and she, totally unaware of what I said, just goes, “Oh no, I’m fine! I love live music!”

Cue manager #1 coming over five minutes later to let us know they’re seating a large party next to us, and it’ll probably be even louder, but different loud where people are talking. My grandma, still confused and clearly vibing, goes, “Yes, of course, we don’t mind!” The manager looks puzzled and gently says, “Well, I just wasn’t sure because of your, uh… sensitive ears?” My grandma’s like, “What? Oh no, it’s great!”

They must’ve just thought she was being polite because next thing we know, they reroute the big party to the other side of the restaurant, and the waitress swings by again to double check if the music’s too much. Again, my grandma—clueless to my little lie—is like, “Nope, I’m loving this!” I already feel so guilty for lying about this, and having the amazing restaurant staff try to accommodate her.

Eventually the mariachi band packs up… but then enters band #2. I don’t know what kind of sound system they brought, but it was like being front row at a Metallica concert in a cement box. My Apple Watch literally popped up with a hearing warning—it was over 90 decibels. I also wanna say I think this band did good. It was just way too loud for the size of this building with the equipment they had they should’ve been outside. I have a video, I will link it below. I shortened it so it is just the band because I want to keep my family private.

At this point, no one can hear anything. My brother was two chairs away from me screaming and I had no idea. The manager runs over again, clearly mortified, apologizing for the volume. Grandma? “Oh I love it!” I’m dying inside.

A poor busboy even tried to tell my boyfriend that the band wasn’t permanent—it was just for the grand opening—but he couldn’t hear him. So the guy turns to me. It took him THREE tries for me to make out, “It’s just for tonight…”

So yeah. I lied about my grandma’s ears… and an entire restaurant staff desperately tried to cater to a woman who is completely unbothered and absolutely thriving in the middle of a Mexican rave.

TL;DR: Lied and said my grandma had sensitive ears so the restaurant would lower their live music. She then repeatedly told the staff how much she loved it, confusing everyone and making them bend over backwards for nothing. Then a new band came in and nearly ruptured our eardrums, but grandma was still having the time of her life.

I can’t figure out how to link a video, any advice?

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Alternative_Cause186 on 2025-07-01 18:48:43+00:00.

The other day I made broccoli salad. The kind with raw broccoli, cheese, bacon, etc. I used one big crown of broccoli. It filled a big Tupperware container.

On Sunday, I ate half of it for lunch. I had been outside all morning and it was so good and refreshing. “This is the perfect summer lunch,” I thought.

Yesterday I ate some more for lunch. Again, it was just so good. I ate it straight from the container, so happy that I had thought to make this delicious lunch.

Last night, I had broccoli orzo with dinner.

Today…I am fighting for my life in the bathroom. I’m so bloated, I look 6 months pregnant. Earlier, I was sure my entire digestive tract was going to burst out of my body.

I eat a pretty high fiber diet, so I didn’t even think twice about eating that much broccoli.

But now? Idk if I ever want to eat it again.

TL;DR I got overzealous with broccoli and my digestive system is getting it’s revenge.