Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Optimal_Walrus5727 on 2025-07-09 12:46:53+00:00.

I was coming home from work and called an Uber. The driver pulls up and I get in but he starts driving in the opposite direction from my house. At first I thought maybe he was just taking a different route but after like 10 minutes I started getting really paranoid. I kept checking the app and it looked like we were going completely the wrong way. I started thinking about all those true crime podcasts I listen to and convinced myself this guy was trying to fucking kidnap me. I was texting my friends my location and everything and I was so close to calling the police, but I finally worked up the courage to ask him where we were going and he said he was just following the gps to the address I gave him. Turns out my dumbass self had put in my old address from like 2 years ago by mistake. I felt so stupid and awkward for the rest of the ride. The poor guy was probably wondering why his passenger looked terrified the whole time. I gave him 5 stars and a good tip but I still cringe thinking about it.

TL;DR: got an uber and thought that he's kidnapping me

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Slight-Address-8238 on 2025-07-09 12:59:56+00:00.

I was scrolling through Instagram (like 2 am or something) and somehow ended up on my ex's profile (guilty I know). We broke up like 8 months ago and I've been trying to move on but I guess I was curious about what she's been up to. I was looking at her recent posts and then started scrolling back through older ones. I guess I was deeper than I thought because I accidentally double tapped on a photo from like 2 years ago when we were still together (not a pic of us two, but a pic of her that was done through my iphone). I tried to unlike it right away but the damage was done. She texted me an hour later asking why I was stalking her profile and I said that I miss her (I truly do). I almost fainted when she said to me that she misses me to and now we're gonna go out this weekend. I did fuck up by liking her pic, but I guess sometimes fucking up will bring a good thing next haha

TL;DR: I liked my ex's instagram post and now we have a date set for this weekend

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/zain_zia7x on 2025-07-09 12:29:37+00:00.

Okay so it’s a funny F up but had me laughing to no end. So the backstory: This happened last week, my wife (30F) moved to my country from the USA almost a year ago and the 4th of July was coming and I (27m) wanted to do something special for it. I ordered a few decorations to set up and kept it well hidden so on the day before, I got the balloons out and after finishing up with work, i started blowing them up and hiding them all around the house (like in closets and wardrobes).

Now here’s where the fuck up happened. Whilst I was blowing up a balloon, I could hear my wife walking quickly down the hallway towards the bedroom so my first instinct was to let the air out whilst coughing loudly and expectedly, the air coming out sounded like an absolute heinous fart and the cough itself didn’t help! I slowly slipped out the room and my wife was there and asked: “Did you just fart??” I’m unable to hold my laughter but at the same time trying to look guilty and answer her: “Yes 🤣🤣”

She gives me the most disgusted look ever and I’m just in front of her laughing, trying to look semi ashamed. So I left and went back and messaged her sister explaining what happened and she could not stop laughing either. For the rest of the day I was getting weird looks from my wife. (Keep in mind, farting is normal but when it sounded like that balloon, she was right to be concerned haha)

Fast forward to next day when I revealed the surprise, we both laughed so hard when I finally revealed to her that it wasn’t a fart but rather the balloon.

TL;DR: wanted to surprise wife with 4th of July decor, whilst blowing up balloons, I ended up making her think I did the most diabolical fart.

Thanks for reading!

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/LastMuffinOnEarth on 2025-07-08 22:46:24+00:00.

I promise there’s context and this is completely SFW.

So my sibling’s gf is a super sweet person. Last night she decided she’d come over to our place today and bring some of her old clothes that she wanted to be rid of with her so that I could try them on and see what I like and want to keep. These were the clothes she’d already gone through that didn’t fit my sibling; K (name substitute for sibling’s gf) and I wear an XS whereas my sibling wears a M iirc. So as you could imagine, there were a lot of clothes that she brought in a laundry basket stuffed to the brim because most of what she wanted to get rid of didn’t fit my sibling.

For some additional context, K is basically the only feminine person I’m close with. I absolutely love having a feminine girl in my life for once because she’ll help me pick clothes and give me opinions on the nails I make and such which is something I lacked before having mostly guy friends. She really is like a sister to me. So since I take fashion advice from her and really trust her opinion, every now and then as I went through the basket of clothes, if I felt uncertain of an outfit or clothing item, I’d put it on and go out to the family room to ask for opinions from my sibling and K.

Anyways, I’m getting to the very bottom of the laundry basket and I see a super cute top. Black and lacy with thin straps. I’m immediately in love and it does occur to me that it looks sort of like a bra, but K tends to like to ‘dress like a slut’ (her words, not mine) and I’d seen her wear something like it before as a top, so I just assumed it was a top. Plus, why would she give me a bra? I hadn’t seen any others in the laundry basket up until that point.

So I put it on, adjust it, and check myself out in the mirror. It was definitely super cute, but I wasn’t super sure if it suited me well. So I went out into the family room and said, “Hey, K, how does this look on me?” She nodded and said, “It looks cute. But… it’s not a top. That’s a bralette.” My sibling was in the kitchen making mac & cheese bites and they glanced over, sort of giving me a judgmental look but agreeing that it looked fine on me. I just gave a nod, laughed it off, and went back to the master bedroom to continue sorting through clothes.

Very anticlimactic, I know. But I was quite horrified by the fact that I just walked into the family room to ask K how her bra looked on me. As it turns out, there was even a second bra in the basket which I should’ve taken as another clue that she would give me a bra, so… I guess I’m just very blind. But in my defense, it was at the bottom.

TL;DR: My sibling’s girlfriend gave me some clothes to try on. I saw a bra in the basket, thought it was an actual top, and went out into the living room to ask her and my sibling how it looks on me.

Update: The mac & cheese bites were ridiculously good.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/delawarept on 2025-07-09 00:57:42+00:00.

This happened just this morning. I’m currently training for a December marathon. It was one of those brutally hot mornings where your long run turns into a series of increasingly poor decisions.

I was around mile 16, completely spent. My water was gone, my energy gels were gone, and my coordination was… also gone. I tripped on a slight downhill, scraped my knee and elbow, and just sat down on the edge of some random person’s lawn to collect myself.

After a minute, the homeowner came outside, clearly concerned. I was drenched in sweat, bleeding from the knee, and muttering something about electrolytes like a sun-stroked zombie. And what did I say to this kind stranger?

“Sorry for bleeding on your sidewalk.”

Not “can I have some water” or “I just need a minute” — just… an apology for being gross in public.

He gave me a bottle of water and a very long, silent stare. I limped home, proud of the run but questioning some of my life choices.

Marathon training, folks. Highly recommend. 💀

TL;DR: Went for a long run, fell, bled on a stranger’s sidewalk, and instead of asking for help, I apologized for bleeding.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/MattCW1701 on 2025-07-08 17:17:13+00:00.

I (35M ~225lbs) have been a caffeine drinker my whole life, mostly soda, but also daily tea and occasional coffee. Caffeine has never bothered me before other than I need to cut it off a few hours before bed. I'm a much heavier soda drinker than anything, when I moved out on my own, a 24 pack of Coca-Cola would barely last me a week, on top of a big Coca-Cola at lunch and anywhere I went out to eat. (I've since cut way back, just before corona a 12 pack would last me two weeks, post corona [went to WFH] a 24 pack lasts me just under two weeks, but it's still less total consumption). I could drink coffee drinks with no problems or noticeable effects. However, I never realized just how little caffeine was actually in these (yes, I said little).

I'm also a Scout leader and there are plenty of jokes about Scoutmasters and coffee. Scouting events definitely account for most of my yearly coffee consumption. In the past few years, I've become pretty sensitive to hot weather especially when trying to sleep. We had a campout planned for the spring. Figuring I wouldn't sleep well, I decided to try out the higher caffeine Death Wish Instant Coffee I had heard about to make sure I would be alert during the day for the Scouts.

Here's the FU as you might have gleaned from the title. I didn't know exactly how much caffeine this stuff had beyond "a lot." Nor did I have any awareness whatsoever how that related to my normal caffeine consumption. Here's the real FU though. I wanted to try it before I went on the campout so I decided to make a cup at home. I have a large insulated travel mug. So I figured I should use two packets of the Death Wish Instant Coffee. My Keurig machine (which I basically use for instant hot water, I rarely use a disposable pod) has three cup size options: 6, 8, and 10oz. I didn't realize that the highest it went was only 10oz, I thought it was more like 12 or 14. So I put two packets of Death Wish Instant Coffee (designed for 8oz each) into 10oz of hot water.

Now, so you'll know how much caffeine is in everything. A 12oz can of Coca-Cola has about 34mg. So a 32oz gas station/large fast food cup would have around 90mg. A cup of coffee has between 100 and 200mg. A packet of Death Wish Instant...contains around 300mg of caffeine...and I used two. Y'all...it was the first time I ever had the caffeine shakes. My heart was racing and pounding while I was sitting still. Not enough for me to go to the ER, but a new experience for me. My hands were absolutely shaking for a while. It tapered off and I slept ok that night, but that was definitely a never again. I've drank a SINGLE packet of the stuff many times since, including on the campout I got them for, without issue.

TL;DR: I didn't realize I hadn't actually been drinking a lot of caffeine in my life, and then I tried a coffee with 600mg of caffeine at one time which gave me my first ever caffeine shakes.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ssg_partners on 2025-07-08 09:07:57+00:00.

Splashed some hot oil on my hand while cooking. I was talking to mom and asked her if i could use ice on it. She said yes, immediately put ice on it. Hurt like hell, for 20 minutes until it was numb.

Later, i looked online and it said 'never put ice on your burns'. Great!

Now it has blistered (1inch long) and hurts like hell. I'm putting a burn ointment on it. Hopefully, i didn't cause lasting nerve damage to it.

At first i was mad at mom for giving me dangerous advice. Then, i realized it is my fault that i listened to her without fact-checking her advice online. She also told me to use toothpaste, which i did. Then i read online that one shouldn't do it.

TL;DR: Froze my 2nd degree burn with ice and later found out i should've not done this

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Useful_Bread6268 on 2025-07-08 07:04:53+00:00.

Pretty straightforward story. There's a hot tub place I have gone to for years. I visited back in March and wanted to go again and figured I'd bring a date this time. Packed my swim trunks and went off to have a relaxing evening. Get there, pay, there's a little locker room type room where you can shower and change clothes and I'm in there getting ready while date is waiting on the hot tub. I strip down to slide on my swim trunks and they won't go over my thighs. Same trunks I wore back in March and they were always a little tight but not this bad. There was no squeezing into the shorts- I looked like I was trying to wear a child's clothes. After a few minutes of struggling, I accepted that it's time to retire the shorts. This is how I learned I need to lay off the pizza for a while.

Ended up hot tubbing in my boxers. Still a good date. But maybe future dates will consist of me trying on clothes ahead of time to ensure they fit.

TL;DR I got too fat to wear my swim trunks.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/jjbannerr on 2025-07-08 09:42:15+00:00.

I hung out with bestie a couple days ago, we were just walking around and saw that there's like a craft workshop open in the town hall right? So we were like cool lets go. So we found the hall and found some formal dressed people but it didn't seem right, it was mostly chairs, no tables, and then I noticed a pamphlet stand. An older lady came up to greet us, nice lady, asking how our day was, how the traffic is terrible. While we were engaging small talk, I read 'in loving memory of so and so'. I asked if this was indeed the hall, then she was like well there is a crafting thing going on in the hall a block over. I apologized profusely, thankfully she was like "it's okay dear" and we left. She was like I wonder what was going on, the couple in there looked nice. I was like dude it was a funeral and she goes omg thank goodness I didn't say 'congratulations, I thought it was a little wedding.' Thank. The. Fucking. Higher. Power.

TL;DR: we almost crashed an old man's funeral for not knowing there's two halls in the small ass town.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/lustpleaser on 2025-07-07 21:35:35+00:00.

Had this interview at 11am for a pretty decent part-time gig like nothing crazy but would've been perfect for covering rent while I finish my game design degree. I started working on this blender assignment around 8pm last night like I had to model a 3D grenade and I though this would take like 30 mins max. After spending like 2-3 hours deep working on it the app froze, and it completely crashed loosing all the progress I've made. 5am in the morning and I'm still hunched over my laptop trying to make this thing look like an actual explosive device instead of some cursed potato with a stick coming out of it. I went to sleep shortly after and I set my alarm for 9am thinking I'm some kind of superhuman who can function on 4 hours of sleep.

Woke up at 1:30pm to my phone absolutely going OFF with missed calls and I had to call the company back and explain why I didn't show up for the interview and couldn't answer the phone call. I finally made an excuse that I couldn't show up because due to some health issues because what was I supposed to tell them like I was up til 5am modeling a granade for my uni project? My grenade still looks like hot garbage and my professor's gonna take one look at this abomination and question my entire career path, so now I'm unemployed AND my project is trash.

Anyone else completely fumble this hard over the most preventable stuff or am i just built different?

TLDR I stayed up all night on a Blender assignment that crashed, made me miss my job interview, and now I’m unemployed with a trashed project

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/snitchduck on 2025-07-07 14:13:45+00:00.

so this happened like 2 days ago and I’m still dying inside lol

for context, I (m24) just started a new job last month. things have been going well, everyone’s cool, and my manager (f30s) is super friendly. maybe a little too friendly? she laughs at my jokes, compliments my outfits, brings me snacks sometimes?? idk I started thinking maybe she was lowkey into me

so on Monday she comes by my desk and goes “you always smell so nice, what cologne is that?” and I kinda panic-flirted and said “well I’m glad you noticed, it’s called ‘desperation’”

immediately I realized what I said. she just blinked and went “…ok then” and walked away

later I got a Slack from her that just said “please be mindful of professional boundaries” and I swear I ascended out of my body

I’ve spent the past 48 hours rethinking every single interaction we’ve had. I might actually die of cringe

TL;DR: thought my boss was flirting, tried to flirt back with a dumb cologne joke, now I’m probably on an HR watchlist

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/No_Writing2298 on 2025-07-07 14:01:36+00:00.

Today I was feeling extremely tired even though I slept a lot like 10 years or so and I figured I’d take a little edible to smooth things out not even a full dose, but just enough to take the edge off while I worked from home. Usually our HOA meetings are on Tuesday nights so I thought I was in the clear. But apparently they’d moved it to Monday (today) at 9am and sent an email about it last week that I totally missed.

I joined the meeting (pretty high) when the Zoom notification popped up: “HOA Monthly Budget Meeting - starting now.” I joined late and I was already sweating and hoping to coast with my camera off (I had it off the whole time), but unfortunately I got called on to give an update on landscaping expenses. I clicked the unmute button and literally forgot how to fucking talk. This continued I think for like 10-15 seconds and the silence was so painful. My camera was on by then and I could literally see someone squinting at me like I was buffering in real life.

Pretty sure half the board thinks I had a stroke and the other half thinks I start the week with a dose lmao

TL;DR: hit an edible before the hoa meeting and froze when my turn came to talk

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/S_Laughter_Party on 2025-07-07 11:13:14+00:00.

Obligatory not today, but recent.

So, the other week, my parents went on an anniversary trip to a hot air balloon festival, as Dad has promised Mom a hot air balloon ride for a few years but things got in the way (broken bones, illness, dying cat, etc.).

They had a great time and while out there, Mom decided to visit a touristy antique shop by their hotel.

Mom finds some uranium glass on display and buys me a small bowl.

Its STUNNING. I love it so much, and couldn't contain my excitement, especially when Dad pulled out the black light flashlight he just had laying around.

And thats where I fucked up.

The thing is, Mom historically does not gift very well. Everything isnthought out, and there is a logic to most of her gifts, but they're almost always just a bit off the mark.

For example: I collect and regularly wear funky earrings, so she gets me some very elegant silver ones from Iceland with volcanic rock. Lovely, and definitely great for a special event, but not my usual Shinbari Torso, Where the Wild Things are, Rotary Phone, Silver Ax (weapon, not body spray), or Sour Night Crawlers vibe.

When they were road tripping she also got me some indigenous beaded jewelry. A set of massive pink starfish (I have a /known/ repulsion to most sea creatures, especially ones with tentacles) and a hand beaded pop socket in the shape of an alien head, which she forgot to take the tag off of ($50+). I don't use pop sockets, but do like space/aliens/celestial shtuff.

She also got me a very delicate hand made Christmas ornament from Germany. We're ALL Jewish (my partner included).

I'm not trying to brag about their funds, my parents are in their early 70s, retired, and like travel now that they aren't supporting us. My Dad budgets tightly and they are extremely frugal the rest of the year.

When they've given me these things in the past, I've done the obligatory "Oh thanks, that's lovey!". Showing my appreciation for the thought, effort, amd cost behind the gifts, if not the actual gift itself, as is polite.

The problem is, I literally could not hide how much I liked this little green bowl.

Now she knows the other gifts were not as appreciated and I'm pretty sure I hurt her feelings, as she hasn't talked to me since (we usually chat/check in every few days).

I know I will probably have to approach it eventually, but its an awkward situation, especially with her wounded pride.

TLDR: Mom got me a really cool gift, I enthusiastically showed my appreciation, which directly contrasts how much I didn't really like previous gifts, where I was appreciative for the sake of politeness.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/superfunniguy on 2025-07-07 10:17:19+00:00.

Today while scrolling TikTok I found out about how Nickelodeon cancelled a show called "Tiny Chef". I had never heard of it previously but I saw how it got cancelled by Nickelodeon and nothing else.

Later, however, I begun getting official animations from the channel on YT shorts that they've been making showing the tiny chef himself finding out about the cancellation and other videos of him being sad about the cancellation.

I never thought seeing a fluffy tiny chef crying about his show getting cancelled would be a thing that would make me cry, but you somehow feel bad, so bad about it. Idk why but my god I'm wrecked.

Hopefully they either raise enough money from the fundraiser they're doing or the fans petitioning for it to be uncancelled to Nickelodeon make it happen because it not I don't think I can take seeing another vid of Cheffy being depressed

TLDR; I cried because I saw a video talking about the cancellation of a show I'd never watched and now I feel sad

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/loco-burn on 2025-07-07 08:17:59+00:00.

Adding another injury on my throwaway account. This time, 2 giant bruises on the back of my thighs.

On the North Shore of Oahu, HI there is a 20 to 40 jumping rock in Waimea Bay. I've jumped it years ago, but I was chicken shit back then and climbed to a lower ledge to jump. Today with the friend pressure and trying to be a fearless example for me kids, I climbed back up. And this time, I was doing the full height.

I sat on top of the rock for 20 minutes. Contemplating the life choices that brought me to the rock. Being mad at myself for thinking it would be easy because I did it all those years ago. Mad at my husband for joking he was gonna push me. All the while dudes are doing back flips, and all sorts of kids jumping off only to immediately climb back up and do it again.

When I finally convinced myself to jump, I hesitated. Do I plug my nose to stop the water? Do I cannon ball? Do I put my arms at my side to be a stiff pencil? What if I belly flop? Are my kids even watching? All these things in a span of less than 2 seconds.

My body decided to kick my legs out into a seated position. The slap of 140lbs hitting the water, ass first, was heard by the entire beach&. Pretty sure the ocean gave me a small enema. My thighs were immediately tender, but I didn't let it ruin my day. It wasn't until we left and we finally saw the beginnings of welts. It hurts to do anything that involves sitting or laying on back. I now have 2 ice packs on the back of my purple and black legs. Lessons were learned. I now I know how to jump, but I doubt I will ever try to again

Tl;dr. Jumped off a 30ft rock into the ocean, hit the water ass first. It now hurts to sit.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/hpfan1516 on 2025-07-06 19:52:31+00:00.

So, today I found the fuck-up that I did in January.

So I am fond of Bath and Body Works Wallflowers. They are nice to have especially in the holiday season, as I do not like to have to keep an eye on a flaming candle. Easier and much safer, right?

Well, I've had a few misadventures with the damn things. Unplugged, they are easy to knock over. I've returned to my place after hours of being gone, only to be assaulted with the pungent smell of colored, scented oil across my countertop--usually soaked into the sacrificial kitchen towel that likely knocked it over in the first place.

But this incident, indeed, was much more insidious than a sticky, smelly spill. No. This took over the entire pantry closet.

In January, as the holidays ended, I gathered up the Christmas nightlights, including two wallflowers. One empty, one with the Christmas scent still plugged in. I'd long since lost the cap to that one, so I left it in the wall plug, and carefully stored it sitting upright, and put the box away in the pantry with all the other extra random bits and bobs from the kitchen.

In the months that followed, I started noticing that more and more of my pantry items were sticky. I chalked it up to getting something on them while shopping, and continued on with my life.

Fast forward to July. I've long-forgotten that one still had the scent plugged in, and decided it's time to clear out the pantry. Remove everything expired, reorganize with new shelves and drawers and bins from that one section in Target. Makes it exciting!

As I pull out and organize cans, I start to notice that there are globs of stickiness, and a pungent cinnamon scent that rolls into my sinuses and kicks back in a chair. There to stay as I tally up cans of pinto beans and pasta sauce. It gets on my hands, permeates the entire stock as I am wondering what on earth might have spilled. I don't keep brown sugar, molasses, or even spices in here. I shrug it off and keep going. But there are no spills to be found. Just an odd stickiness like someone sprayed juice into the closet.

I started at the top shelf and moved down, finally reaching the bottom, where the infamous night lights sat, in the open-topped bin. At the bottom? The culprit. A now-empty wallflower scent bottle, attached to its plug. Next to it? Another night light coated in a thin film of brown, cinnamoney sheen.

I don't know how, but in the months since being sat there, the scented oil had evaporated in the pantry closet and had solidified in the cans above, as well as ruining two nightlights, and leaving a syrupy stickiness over all the plastic storage bags.

TL;DR: I stored a wallflower with an uncapped scent screwed in, and the oil evaporated and solidified onto the entire contents of my pantry. At least it smelled nice. My sinuses still have it stuck there despite a nasal rinse. It's everywhere. Send help XD

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Scary_Comfort_1002 on 2025-07-06 13:28:33+00:00.

Hi so i’m a little stupid and sent out nudes and the person is making their entire profile the photos. Their profile picture is my face (lewd) and their showcase art is the nudes. What do i do? I’m very freaked out.

I’m aware it was a stupid idea to send them, especially with my face in it, i’ve never done that before so i don’t know why i did it now. You can only report once and i’m afraid steam support won’t do anything.

This is on steam but I don't want to give the username as I don't need more people seeing my photos, I just need help of what to do next. He's in Canada and I'm in the UK so the police won't be the best help. His username on IG is @bae.bodhi. He's also been harassing me on discord (making different accounts with my face as the pfp) and I deactivated my account after blocking the accounts he had already requested using. Please help because I don't know what to do.

TL;DR: I sent someone photos of me and he's now put them on his public profile.

Edit: Thank you all for your support. It's only been a few hours but it means a lot how kind and understanding you have been. I wanted to talk about a few things that have been repeated (I have read every comment and thank you for all your advice.) First of all, the first thing I did was contact steam support and he took all the photos off his steam account!!!! I am still worried as they're in his possession but as of right now they're no longer public. A redditor mentioned to me that his name he gave me could be fake which I wouldn't be surprised about, so going to the police likely wouldn't work. I will still try though as anythings better than nothing. Also to those calling me an idiot for doing this: I know. It was a stupid mistake that I wish I could take back however I can't and I regret it. I'm only young and I truly thought he was a nice guy. Now I know not to trust so quickly. I will update further if anything else happens, thank you for reading :)

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Additional-Sleep200 on 2025-07-06 18:41:47+00:00.

Hi redit, it’s been a while since I was last on here but listening to the smosh redit stories recently has inspired me to post my god awful experience here and hopefully give a few of you a laugh. I will give a little context in saying this wasn’t today but it wasn’t like years ago. It was back in the beginning of may (posting in july 2025) So without further ado, today I fucked up by throwing up in my boyfriend’s grandma’s bathroom.

To start this off I’ll say my boyfriend (20m) and I (19f) had been dating for 3-4 months at this time. He’s always been super patient and understanding with any sort of issues I’ve had medically. I have orthostatic hypotension (basically POTS but different) as well as my antidepressants messing with my stomach when not taken with food. (Yes both of those are important to know for this). We had left my house in the suburbs of chicago around noon the previous day having woken up late and made the 5 1/2 hour drive to his grandma’s house in Ohio. Now, I always take my meds in the morning, however I had been so focused while leaving on getting everything in the car and not forgetting anything in the process that i had forgotten to not only eat, but also take them. Missing them for one day will not significantly impact my mood seeing as they build over time in my system so emotionally I was fine and didn’t even notice. We eventually got to the house and settled into the guest room, went out for pizza with his grandma, and fell asleep knowing we had some things planned for the following night at one of his friends houses. However at about 5:30 in the morning i shot up in a panic realizing i never took my meds the previous day. I tried to lay down and wait for my boyfriend to wake up so we could get food and I could take them but he sleeps till noon if given the option. So after laying there debating for a while i took them at about 8:30am. Did i know i would need food in the next half hour before i felt disgusting? Yes. Did i still have some insane belief that i would be fine? Absolutely. And well my friends, it only took half an hour to begin to feel a little nauseous. As the feeling sets in i turned to my boyfriend and tried my best to wake him, now he’s a very light sleeper, but he’s also very exhausted when waking up and falls back asleep in an instant if i don’t physically get him out of the bed. So long story short, we didn’t end up loading into the car till 9:45 to go get food for me because nothing in the house sounded appealing at the moment.

Eventually we are able to get to the starbucks drive through about 10 minutes away. I am practically sweating through my clothes at this point and staring out the window keeping my mouth shut tight trying not to make a mess in his car. He hands me my chocolate croissant and my coffee and the feeling only gets worse. I tell him to drive back to the house as fast as he can without getting us pulled over and he does meanwhile i’m gripping my seat and the door like it’s gonna magically stop me from feeling like everything i HAVENT eaten in the last 12 hours is coming back up. Meanwhile my boyfriend is in the drivers seat trying his best to console me. When we finally get to his grandma’s house once again i lay down in the bedroom and stare at the ceiling trying to keep the world from spinning, he sets my coffee in the fridge knowing i probably won’t drink it for a while, and runs his fingers through my hair trying to get me back to normal. That only works for about 10 minutes before i shoot out of the bed and into the bathroom. My hand is over my mouth trying to keep everything in till i can reach the toilet but i fall short about 3 feet. i end up dropping to my knees and crawling to the toilet gripping the edges and praying for it to be over. Now some of you might be wondering, why isn’t he helping you? where’s him pulling your hair out of your face? and you would be correct. he stayed in the bedroom because he knows if he helps me he will be in even worse shape than me and no one wants that. I’m in there for about 15 minutes before my boyfriend texts me asking if he should come help and risk it, and i told him not to since i didn’t want him to throw up as well. However, about 30 seconds after sending that text a final large wave of nausea came and i threw up everything left in my body, my abs felt like they were on fire and my stomach was squeezing in on itself so hard…i shat. Yes that’s right, i shat myself while throwing up in his grandmother’s bathroom while sobbing and trying to wipe up the parts that missed the toilet. Even worse, his grandma had removable little carpet pieces in the bathroom covering majority of the tile, not only was there now vomit in that, but also a large shit stain from the liquid, YES LIQUID! That had just shot out of my ass. I kinda just sat there quietly for a minute trying to contemplate what was happening but i ended up just taking the pants and underwear all the way off and setting it to the side before curling up in the corner and texting my boyfriend to come help because i had no idea what to do. Luckily he’s a trooper and he sprung into action washing my pants and bringing me my toiletries so i could shower. I hop in the shower and immediately my heart starts beating uncontrollably fast to the point of where i thought i was going to die. I end up collapsing in the shower because of the heat and almost passing out because my orthostatic hypotension tends to make me dizzy and light headed when in extreme heat, and i unfortunately like to basically boil myself in my showers. So obviously that didn’t quite end up making things any better. I end up taking a whole 2 hours trying to get back into the bedroom and from there on my boyfriend would not stop talking about it and making jokes. We did end up going to our plans later that night but not until after he made me get a smoothie down and telling all his friends about the story. Also now his grandma thinks i have severe bowel issues of which she would not stop checking in on the entire trip which was even more embarrassing.

TL;DR today i fucked up by throwing up and shitting on my boyfriend’s grandma’s carpet, and now everyone knows and won’t stop making jokes.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/TinyRascalSaurus on 2025-07-06 12:56:10+00:00.

Hello, I'm your not so typical Chronically Ill chick who doesn't think before she does stuff at the worst times.

I have Ulcerative Colitis (among other fun party favors) and I literally had ulcers so bad that when I went in to have them cauterized, I woke up in quarantine because the specialist had never seen ulcers so bad without C Diff being involved. It thankfully had nothing to do with C Diff and I was started on IV infusions of powerful medication.

So, after the first infusion, I start feeling better, good, right?

Now, I work at a church. A good one that's pro LGBT and actually has charities to help the community. One of our charities is a partnership with the Red Cross where we hold blood drives every two months. This charity project is one of my responsibilities.

We normally have a pretty good turnout and the Red Cross says we're one of their best drives. But this time around, our numbers were low, and some of our regular donors got deferred for low hemoglobin.

So, I decided that, since my insides aren't hemorrhaging anymore, I'll donate a pint to help out. So I go over and get hooked up and give my donation.

I get off the table feeling okay and am immediately called over to the registration desk because the church volunteers need some supplies. So I head off to get them.

Suddenly, I feel lightheaded and I'm floating sideways. Then I just remember waking up laughing at the realization I passed out. I'm on the floor, and my volunteers who are mostly in their 70s to 90s are crowded around me almost in tears.

The Red Cross techs get me up on a table, give me a juice and crackers, and tell me to lie there and rest. The whole time I'm kinds laughing at how stupid I was.

Long story short, I recovered, and one of our regular donors walked me back to my office to eat something.

But poor Mrs Jody and Mrs June were really upset. They're the sweetest elderly ladies and they almost cried when it happened. And I felt like a total dickasaurus Rex for scaring them.

My mom chewed me out. My sibling who lives half the USA away chewed me our. My gastroenterologist read me the absolute riot act.

In short, I am really really dumb.

But my blood saved a life in Bacon County. So somebody benefitted.

TLDR: Gave blood with a condition that causes blood loss and nearly scared two sweet elderly ladies half to death when I passed out and hit my head.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/kintaco on 2025-07-06 07:03:36+00:00.

This just happened a few minutes ago. I was coming down my stairs to the living room after shower Ming when my dog started growling and barking. I figured once he saw it was me he would stop barking. But he kept on barking. I stopped and just looked at him for about 30 seconds to see if he would finally realized it was me. I then decided to run towards the sofa, which had him right in my path. He ran away crying and whimpering. I then sat down on the sofa and called him. He came to me finally realizing who I was, then as I comforted him I smelled a nasty smell. My wife thought I had made him pee himself, however it smelled worse than just pee. I turned on the lights higher and sure enough I had made him pee and crap himself. Not just crap, but diarrhea. It stuck up the living room pretty bad. I felt bad after that, I won’t be scaring him again.

TL;DR: My dog didn’t recognize me so I scared him by running toward him and he peed and crapped all over the living room.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/undercover_union145 on 2025-07-05 20:03:29+00:00.

I just got home and I genuinely don’t know how to process what just happened. Currently debating if I should move to the mountain by myself.

So here’s what just happened:

My wife’s out of town for the week and since I’ve been working crazy hours (an overnight shift straight into a morning one). I asked my mom to stop by the house, let the dog out, feed him, and keep him company until I could get myself home.

Now here’s where it gets mortifying.

When my wife is away for extended periods, I have a personal “toy” it’s blue, hourglass shaped and let’s say ergonomically designed. My wife is fully aware and even jokingly nicknamed it my Kong.

Anyway, before I went to bed after my last shift, I washed it and left it on the dish rack in the kitchen. Usually I put it away immediately, but I guess I was overworked and I passed out without thinking twice.

So fast forward to today. I come home after 16 hours of nonstop work. I’m exhausted, dead on my feet, and just ready to fall into bed. I walk in and there’s my mom on the couch, happily playing with the dog.

And in his mouth?

The KONG

Covered.

In peanut butter.

I freeze. Just completely short circuit. She gets up to greet me and goes, “He just LOVES his Kong!” Immediately she can tell something up and asked “Is everything ok sweetie?” I mumbled something like, “Yeah just along day,” and stumbled off before I could burst into flames on the spot.

She didn’t stay long, thank God just left me a plate of food and went home. As soon as the door closed, I sprinted around the house trying to catch my dog, finally wrestled the “Kong” from him and chucked it in the trash like it was radioactive.

Now I’m lying in bed, sleep-deprived and emotionally destroyed, trying to decide if I’ll ever be able to look my mother in the eye again. Or if I should tell my wife. Or if I should just disappear.

TL;DR: Left my sex toy on the drying rack. Mom mistook it for a dog toy, filled it with peanut butter, and gave it to my dog.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Elusive_owl589 on 2025-07-05 15:03:34+00:00.

So my extended family is staying together for the Fourth of July and because of ✨ reasons ✨ the baby changing station is in my parents' bedroom. For the most part this works out fine; however, last night I needed to change my baby after my dad had already gone to bed.

No big deal, he's a pretty hard sleeper and there was enough light from the window. I've done it before, quietly in, change diaper, quietly out. But last night when I was mid-change my baby boy looked at me with the sweetest smile I've ever seen. My heart instantly melted and I unconsciously said, "why hello, you" in that sweet momma voice reserved for adorable baby moments.

I did NOT expect my dad to respond, "not tonight hon, I'm too tired," and roll over before starting to snore again. Ew. so apparently to my sleeping father I sound like my mom when she's...in the mood. And what a line.

Now I can't talk to my baby without imagining my mom coming on to my dad. I'm practically grumbling at my son and he's doing all the cute things he can to get me to say something sweetly. But my dad is here and I just can't 😬

TL;DR: I said something cute to my baby and learned what my mom's "sexy voice" sounds like

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Rain_3679 on 2025-07-05 05:46:47+00:00.

So, today my coworker came up to me during a slow time and started telling me that she found out today that 'Amy' has kidney disease. Lately she has been telling me about her cat, who is really old and having health trouble lately. I couldn't remember the name, but I knew it was a normal human name, so I figured she must be talking about the cat. She was upset, of course, and I offered her my condolences. I asked, "Does the vet think it can be treated or is it too severe for a cat her age? They don't want to put her down, do they?"

My coworker looked really confused, then surprised, then she corrected me. Amy is her sister. The cat is Fiona. I was embarrassed (and a little frustrated to be honest- couldn't see have just said, "My sister, Amy"?!) at the mix up and apologized profusely. The good news is that the condition her sister has is pretty mild and was caught early. Doctors are hopeful that they can treat it and prevent the condition from worsening. But, yeah, it was embarrassing.

TL;DR: I confused a human's name with a cat's name and asked it the human was going to have to be euthanized by a veterinarian.

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/filthythedog on 2025-07-05 01:28:48+00:00.

This happened just an hour ago and I'm still dealing with the base cause.

Of late, my tolerance for restaurant or takeaway food has dropped alarmingly to the point where, within an hour of eating, I'm rushing to the toilet to pepper spray the bowl with the contents of my lower intestines.

I had a buffalo chicken pita for lunch, from a famous Canadian pita chain. Trying to be healthy, I stuffed it with salad items. This may or may not have some bearing on subsequent events.

Bang on schedule, I found myself rapidly strolling to a nearby public convenience where 'the kids were dropped off at the pool'. Thinking that would be it, I carried on with my afternoon of work and at 5.15pm, packed up and started the 45 minute drive home.

15 minutes in, the first cramps hit. Ok, I thought, Just get to the next fast food establishment, run in and take a McShit. Then the cramps subsided and I thought Well, I may as well wait until I get home.

There is a stretch of road on the way, where for a good twenty minutes, there's nothing but residential buildings before I get to my place. Of course, my intestines decided to make their presence known once more at this stage.

Proceeding a little faster than the speed limit, I thankfully had the traffic light gods smiling on me and I made it home without decorating the inside of my boxers. Running inside, I got to the lav and issued forth the next stream of rusty water. Surely, there was nothing left after that.

Now, to put things in context, my landlords live in the adjacent apartment. I live with my son and we have the larger area including a good size bathroom. My landlords have a small, half bathroom with a shower and this is next to the laundry room that I have access to.

Alas, my bowels had decided that they were not quite done with draining me of any liquids present within them and gravity started to rapidly pull what was left in my system towards my suffering anus.

My son was in our bathroom, taking a shower, so quickly opening the door to the laundry room, I dashed in, backed into my landlord's little bathroom (quickly checking they weren't in there, obvs), and dropped my strides and...

I knew that something wasn't right when I went to wipe and the back of my hand had more 'residue' on it than the toilet paper. Gingerly mopping my shit-splashed arse cheeks, I shuffled forward.

Turning around, I was confronted with an horrific sight. My explosive rectum had clearly gone off before I'd hit the seat, spraying not only the toilet, but the walls behind and to the sides and to some height too. The toilet brush was covered in brown slime and the metal shelving unit that sat astride the cistern looked like it had a bad case of corrosion.

The whole spectacle looked like someone had just tossed a bucket of disgusting brown slop against the bathroom walls. Jackson Pollock's No.2, if you will.

Desperately, I started the clean up, still with my kecks around my ankles. It didn't help that this happened in a very tight space and I'm a big guy.

To cut a sad story short, once my son was out of our bathroom, I rushed upstairs and showered, making sure my shite encrusted buttocks were 'debris free', got dressed, grabbed a load of cleaning products and headed back downstairs.

Well, dear reader. Let me tell you, that no amount of wiping and scrubbing is returning the nice white grouting on the tiled section of wall to being exactly that. Now there are just disgusting, suspiciously beige lines between the tiles. I've managed to get the toilet looking normal and as far as I can tell, the metal shelving passes as clean. A quick rinse in the sink sorted the toilet brush out.

Now there's just the stench...

Hopefully the landlords don't need the toilet in the next few hours and if they do, they don't examine the walls.

TL;DR Due to demonic forces taking control of my lower digestive system, I projectile shat all over a bathroom I shouldn't really be using. And it didn't clean up very well.

This is an automated archive made by the Lemmit Bot.

The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/Ok_Morning7934 on 2025-07-05 01:00:21+00:00.

So today I was out shopping in a Walmart for general necessities when out of the corner of my eye I see a smart watch with a cute design for kids age 4+. It didn’t cost much and I was thinking about getting my niece a present. I’m looking at this watch and it seems like a normal smart watch but with a lot less functionality. As a near 30 year old single guy with a terrible track records for gifts, I wasn’t too confident in how much she would like it. When shopping around a see a dad with a girl that looked around the same age as my niece. I walk up keeping my space and ask him if a girl around 9 would like this type of gift. He says they would and I walk away with a bit more confidence in my gift. But, after a bit more I feel I should’ve asked maybe a mom. So I approach a young lady with a kid. Her back is turned to me so I don’t really approach close to her. I softly say excuse me ma’am until they turn around. I ask if I can get their opinion on something. The young lady let out an “ok” and I asked them both would this watch be a good gift. I make eye contact with the younger girl and she reels back and looks absolutely horrified. I can see it on her face. She lets out a really soft “yea”. At this point I feel horrible and realize the young lady wasn’t a young lady and is also a young girl. She also looks terrified. I quickly take a few steps back from them, say thank you very much, and walk away as fast as possible. When checking out I see the two young girls also checking out and we made eye contact and I felt horrible. I told my best friend about it. He then proceeded to break down how I actually look. When I was younger I was a very skinny and short guy. I was very non threatening to anybody. I was very muscular but my weight really hid my muscles. As I’ve grown older I felt like a became a bit chubbier but this isn’t the case. My friend told me that I have gained a good amount of weight and my weight has really made me look very muscular. Also, where I live is going through a heat wave so my clothes were really light and made me look even bigger. Let’s not even talk about my resting bitch face. Just a very jarring and embarrassing experience.

TL;DR- I approached two strangers without much thought and scared the crap out of them.

TLTL;DR- Stranger Danger