The Onion

Santa Clara, CA — In a move that's already sending shockwaves through the tech industry, Nvidia announced today that it will be rebranding to "Nvidai" to better reflect its integral role in the artificial intelligence (AI) revolution.

"We've been at the forefront of AI development for years," said Jensen Huang, CEO of the newly christened Nvidai, in a press conference that featured holographic projections of the company’s latest AI models. "It's only fitting that our name reflects our commitment to this groundbreaking technology. Plus, it sounds cooler."

The change comes as Nvidai continues to dominate the AI hardware market with its state-of-the-art GPUs, which have become essential for training and deploying complex machine learning models. "Frankly, we're tired of people thinking our name is just a clever abbreviation for 'Nifty Video Interface, Duh,'" Huang quipped. "It's time to set the record straight."

Reactions from the tech community have been mixed. Elon Musk, CEO of Tesla and SpaceX, tweeted, "Great move by Nvidai. Now they just need to change 'GeForce' to 'AIForce' and they'll be set. #brandinggenius." Meanwhile, Intel's CEO was reportedly seen scribbling potential new names for his company, including "IntellAI" and "InteLLigence."

Despite the excitement, the rebranding effort has not been without its challenges. Early reports indicate that the transition has caused some confusion among consumers. One Twitter user lamented, "Just bought a brand new 'Nvidai' graphics card, and now my rig won't stop trying to pass the Turing Test. Send help."

However, Huang remains optimistic. "This is just the beginning," he said, hinting at future product lines that will feature AI-enhanced everything—from gaming experiences that adapt in real-time to your skill level, to AI-powered GPUs that can predict the stock market. "We're not just Nvidia anymore. We're NvidAI. The future is here, and it's got a neural network."

As the company embarks on this new chapter, tech enthusiasts worldwide are left to ponder one pressing question: how do you even pronounce "Nvidai"?

In a completely unsurprising story out of Manhattan, NY, the words “money isn’t everything” were just spoken at brunch by someone who, conveniently, has lots of it.

WASHINGTON – Members of John Fetterman’s staff confirmed today that the Pennsylvania senator has successfully completed a total re-speccing of his entire character, including his personality, policies, and collection of ill-fitted gym shorts.

“It was just time to try something new,” one junior staffer said. “You play one way for a while then all of sudden you want something a little more aggressive, a little more range-y. Go heavy on the bombs.”

The changes have been abrupt, showing DC politics allows for almost complete ground up rebuilds mid-game.

“You pick a character thinking it’s one thing, but it might completely change,” one voter said. “It’s exciting but I think it breaks the game. What’s the point of choosing if they can just change it all later?”

Fetterman was defiant in his decision.

“I’m no longer a progressive,” Fetterman said. “I also don’t use a 2-handed mace anymore. Doing a whole different thing – watched a bunch of YouTube videos to get the strongest build. No Woke Mind Virus or infect spell casts at all really.”

As of press time Fetterman staff confirmed that although the senator would be wiping all of his progressive skilltree to rebuild, he was unable to change his Ogre race.

In local news, a man’s reaction to his six-year-old son’s excitement over catching a six-inch bluegill has raised eyebrows in the community. Despite the child’s genuine joy and enthusiasm at reeling in his first catch, the father expressed disappointment, considering it a “pathetic” accomplishment.

Sources close to the situation reported that the father muttered, “Big deal, anyone can catch a bluegill. They’re practically brain-dead and will bite anything you throw at them, even a bare hook. It’s not like he caught a trophy bass or anything worth bragging about.”

Read the rest of the satire news article on TattletaleTimes.com