The Onion

“I don’t often say this as a medical professional, but we’ve really got dementia on our side here,” explains Dr. Arthur Anderson of the Calgary Alzheimers Research Alliance.

Dr. Anderson elaborates, “Given how much of the campaign President Trump spent rambling to Joe Rogan and jerking off microphones, the prognosis indicates that by January he won’t be able to find a bathroom unassisted, let alone Canada.”

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Trump Begins War on Elites by Giving Them Powerful Government Appointments (theshovel.com.au)

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Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing 'B.A. In Communications' On Résumé | ONN (youtu.be)

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I can't believe my eyes (thejoyo.com)

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Opinion: Bluesky is a dangerous echo chamber because no one wants to hear from me, specifically (www.thebeaverton.com)

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Registered Sex Offender Forced to Go Door to Door to Inform Neighbors He’s in Trump’s Cabinet (thehardtimes.net)

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Nancy Mace Introduces Bill That Would Ban Trans Colleagues From Congressional Gymnastics Team (theonion.com)

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Trump Admits Entire Political Career Has Been WWE Storyline To Set Up Match With Cody Rhodes (theonion.com)

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The Election Fallout Continues: This Woman Is Refusing To Sleep With Her Husband Because He Is Donald Trump (clickhole.com)

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DNC Chair: It’s Not A Waste Of Money If It Makes You Happy (theonion.com)

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ICC issuing arrest warrant for Netanyahu clear proof of court's bias against genocidal maniacs (www.thebeaverton.com)

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Matt Gaetz Tells Girlfriend He Can Attend Quinceañera After All (thehardtimes.net)

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TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Former Florida representative Matt Gaetz informed his girlfriend Valentina he will be able to go to her 15th birthday party after ending his bid for Attorney General, sources who attend Rickards High School confirm.

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Trump Boys Get Weird Feeling After Uncle Elon Shows Them Busty Anime Cat Girl (theonion.com)

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“Confidence is the key to success” claim wealthy, attractive people (www.thebeaverton.com)

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