The Onion

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The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

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Billionaire known for stealing people’s ideas debuts totally new, original salute (www.thebeaverton.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Trump signs executive order to provide all men with podcasts mics – The Chaser (chaser.com.au)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Journalist does everything possible to avoid calling this what it clearly is (chaser.com.au)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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TikTok Ban Lasts Slightly Longer Than Average User’s Attention Span (hard-drive.net)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Felon Seen Trying to Enter White House (theshovel.com.au)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Elon Musk Holds Up AI Girlfriend App So She Can See (theonion.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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JD Vance Sworn In On Stack Of Printed 4chan Greentexts (theonion.com)
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'Midwest' Discovered Between East, West Coasts (theonion.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Naive Man Puts Money Into 401(k) as if Future Exists (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Zuckerberg Calls Bathroom Breaks 'Virtue Signaling,' Installs VR Toilets (isglitch.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Meta's new "Always-On" policy aims to eliminate wasteful trips to actual restrooms

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Nestlé Scrambles to Bottle LA’s Remaining Water Before Firefighters Give It All Away for Free | The Needling (theneedling.com)
submitted 6 months ago* (last edited 6 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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U.S. Blows Itself Up So China Can’t Have It (theonion.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Every Book on Elon Musk's Shelf Just False Lever That Reveals Yet Another Katana Room (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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IDF Soldier Haunted By Images of Palestinian Children Playing in Town Square (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Pros And Cons Of Buying Greenland (theonion.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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President-elect Donald Trump has expressed his interest in buying Greenland, an idea he first floated back in 2019. The Onion examines the pros and cons of the U.S. acquiring the country.

PRO: New Indigenous people to wrong

CON: Feels immoral to do anything that makes the Danes richer

PRO: Would increase domestic supply of ice caps to melt

CON: Full of foreigners

PRO: Would make Alaska jealous

CON: The Great American Melting Pot is still adjusting to the Scots-Irish

PRO: Can finally sate America’s appetite for pickled fish

CON: 51 stars is a little gaudy, don’t you think?

PRO: Immigrant camps have to go somewhere

CON: Vacation to Greenland no longer considered exotic

PRO: USA! USA! USA!

CON: Björk from Iceland

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Don't Worry, this Will Mever Happen Again (youtu.be)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Everything is going to be all right.

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LAPD Arrests Everyone Who Lost Home In Fire (theonion.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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NYPD Unveils AI Surveillance Program to Help Them Arrest Wrong Guy 70% Faster (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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REPORT: Insurance to Stop Covering Things That Could Potentially Happen (reductress.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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‘You are really shit at cooking’ insists smoke alarm (newsthump.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Target Losing Market Share As More Americans Opt To Forgo All Earthly Possessions (theonion.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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Greenland renames itself "Russia" to avoid hostilities from Trump Government (chaser.com.au)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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JD Vance Begins To Suspect There Another Group Chat (theonion.com)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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TikTok users excited to hear Americans will be banned from the app (chaser.com.au)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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“Companies need more masculine energy” says CEO lacking ‘human energy’ (chaser.com.au)
submitted 6 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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