Parenting

Dad here. I love putting my kid to bed. For nearly a year she only wanted mommy to do it. But she asks for me mostly now, and I've been soaking it up. I love reading books. I love singing her to sleep. I love the little tired conversations.

I don't love all the attempts to delay bedtime... but we've got a decent routine that's taken most of the fights out of it.

I just wanted to share while I'm still feeling the glow of a successful putdown.

I hope y'all feel that joy when you can. Stay safe out there.

New dad of a 3wk old.

I always figured I'd have a kid(s) because...that's what you do right? My wife pushed me for years and wanted 5 kids. I always said we should start with 1, so here we are. I never truly wanted to have a kid for a whole list of reasons including climate change, growing instability, feeling like I already don't have time to do the things I want to do, not feeling like I have my shit together (on paper I do, but I don't feel like that), not understanding what it means to be "happy"...stuff like that.

During pregnancy, I took on essentially all household chores and made her hot breakfast before she left for work every morning at 5am. I never felt some primal compulsion to do all of this but she was struggling and I wanted to do what I could. I kept saying to myself that the paternal instinct would kick in at some point and banked on that.

When the kid was born and I held him for the first time, I felt nothing. Figured it would happen in time. 3 weeks in, I'm still on overdrive, doing essentially all chores, changing/feeding him through the night, and still feeling nothing besides growing resentment. I'm not a monster so I won't shake the kid or anything but I just feel no desire to do any of this. I always hated the sound of kids crying and wanted this kid to be different in that respect but I still hate it and my blood starts to boil the longer he cries (again, I'm not going to hurt this kid. I'm not a violent person).

The only pressure I feel to keep going is to not get arrested for neglect, and so my family/friends/colleagues dont think im a giant piece of shit. I feel no compulsion out of love for this child. I've had no "my whole world changed and I'd die for this kid" moment other than the fact that people would be real upset with me if I didn't die for him.

My wife has been struggling and I'm trying to get her to seek additional help (already sees therapist every 2 weeks) but she frequently spirals into a place where she feels like she can't do it or feels like a failure for not doing enough or direct breast feeding because he wouldn't stay awake while feeding (she's pumping like a champ. Our freezer has a gallon of milk already and im constantly playing up her wins). I keep doing what I can to calm her fears and anxieties which aren't specifically new but now have new context. I feel like if I break down at all, she won't be able to handle it and I have to constantly keep the mood/morale up because if I don't, everything will go to even deeper shit. She's the one who wanted 5 kids and I'm now the one holding it together for us. I feel like the TikTok/Instagram virus tricked her into thinking that motherhood was all beautiful flowers and spending quality time with her perfect baby but it's a lot of gross shit and hard work from recovery to breast feeding/pumping and diapers (although I'm changing 90% of the diapers). I was not nieve to any of this. I knew what it entailed.

Anyway, I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever feel any compulsion to keep going like I am aside from legal and societal pressure. I can figure it out if it will never happen, but it would make things a whole lot easier if it did. I really want to love this kid and being a dad but at this point it's a job and I hate my job even though I'm killing it in the effort game. Literally the only good thing so far is that my mom is over the moon about the kid and it's the first time I've seen her happy since my dad died 2 yrs ago.

https://archive.is/DlV71

Thought this up yesterday.

The only thing flipped more often is USB-A.

(Translation: A nappy is a diaper)

As the school year wraps up, many children are keen for summer break. Summer means sunshine, and hopefully popsicles and lots of playtime. But for many families, summer also brings a combination of excitement and uncertainty.

In the aftermath of the COVID-19 pandemic, this transition may feel particularly challenging. In recent years, children across age groups have faced significant disruptions to their social and emotional development. Both parents and education experts say lockdowns and ongoing pandemic disruptions left lingering impacts, with some children still struggling with anxiety, emotional regulation, social skills and difficulties focusing in school.

As summer kicks off, an effective tool for parents and caregivers is kindness. In early childhood development, kindness serves as a foundation for empathy and strong relationships, both of which are essential for social-emotional learning (SEL).

I though that Cocomelon videos are just dumb videos to keep children distracted, but I didn't know that they are purposefully designed to keep children hooked. What's your stance on their videos?

I can't decide the best way to secure our front loading washing machine.

We have twins. They're fascinated by the washing machine. Lights, beeps, action... everything. One twin getting inside and their erstwhile companion starting the cycle is absolutely possible.

Obviously we keep the laundry door closed but in a way you just build up the appeal. One of them has figured out how to open doors by standing on his trike.

I could put some kind of stick-on toddler lock on the door but I worry it would be tough to establish the habit of closing the door and putting that lock on. Besides which surely it's nice to leave the door open to dry out between loads anyway?

The washing machine does have a toddler lock but that's only to prevent someone changing the settings during a cycle, it doesn't prevent starting a cycle.

My best idea thus far is a timer on the power outlet. So you turn on the power and set the timer to turn it off after however long the load takes.

The problem with this is that I haven't been able to find a count-down style timer that allows you to set periods longer than 2 hours. Most power outlet timer thingies do schedules, not count-down.

I know this maybe sounds like an easily solvable problem - just turn the power off when it's done - but that's just not how things roll in our house.

I’m looking for any hints on how to go on enjoyable and relaxing vacations with two small children. The kids are 4 and 10months and the four year old is very energetic. Somehow so far everything we tried wasn’t in a way that both parents enjoyed it too much. So we’re happy to learn from your experience. Bonus if it’s not too expensive.

Good time to start a meth habit

My partner just hit her third trimester and we are getting everything ready for when our first baby arrives. When our baby arrives we want to use one of those baby tracking apps that allow you to log when the baby was fed, when they pooped etc. I want to make sure whatever my partner and I use doesn't sell our data.

We will need something that we both can use on our own phones and want it simple and easy to use. What did everyone use? Did you like it? Did it feel useful and safe?

My daughter (6) is aggressive abusive to her shoes. Trainers seem to last about 6 weeks before the toe is destroyed and the sole delaminating. Sketchers, or boots seem to last a bit longer, maybe 2-3 months before being annihilated.

Has anyone found a brand or range that actually holds up to the abuses a small child can throw at them? I've reach the point where I'm eyeing up composite toed builders trainers. That seems overkill however, and she doesn't like the designs available in her size (UK size 2/3).

Has anyone else ran into this problem and found a viable solution? It's getting both expensive and embarrassing. Oh, and before it's suggested, my wife has vetoed the boots from a suit of armour.

My daughter is a little over two, and through well meaning family and friends we have more toys than we know what to do with.

My wife keeps buying what are essentially (fancy looking) big boxes and just dumping everything in them. Love my wife, but that's not working, it's just hiding some of the mess in a box.

We end up with these hardly ever opened boxes full of unorganized piles of toys that we end up having to dig through to find anything specific, and the toys that my daughter is actively using just end up scattered around the floor so they don't disappear into the box dimension.

Every once in a while my daughter opens and digs through the boxes and dumps half the contents on the floor anyway (not like she can see specific things to grab what she wants) and then we just kind of arbitrarily choose some of it to put back in the box and a new combination of mess to leave out.

Unfortunately we have another baby on the way, so I'm probably not getting my wife to let us toss any of it right now.

I'm leaning towards cubby shelves with individual bins for different "types" of toys like her daycare does, but I wanted to hear what strategies other parents tried, and what has and hasn't worked.

I woke up to my alarm, checked the weather, and atop the page in bold red: Breaking- trump targets (school in my area). I've already seen my town listed in another article last week because my state has sanctuary cities, I didn't even know we were one. My son's school is mostly Spanish speaking folks.

That headline had me in a panic. Especially because the article just said "targeted". Targeted how? Cutting funding for one town? Sending ICE? Wtf does that mean.

I check my States subreddit (the only place I still lurk) and nothing. I was afraid to send him to school this morning.

Not to mention the shootings that can happen, that's always in the back of my head, but now this too? I can't wait until this year is over, and I cannot believe I am beginning to consider homeschooling from fear something could happen to my son in school :(

Hello all,

My 19 month old has had 3 separate events that sort of resemble night terrors, and I'm looking for some insight.

The wife and I decided sleep training was the way around a year old, and generally he sleeps through the night fully now - but three times in the last few weeks, this event set will happen:

He will wake up standing in his crib screaming as if he's being hurt, when we go to check on him he's inconsolable so after checking him for bodily harm, I bring him to bed with us with a bottle screaming the whole way. After a few minutes of thrashing about, he sits up and looks around, seemingly confused about his surroundings and he's fine; he gets his bottle and back off to sleep within a minute or two.

The confusing part for me is he is very aware my wife and I are in the room during these fits, when during a night terror they're supposedly in almost a trance-like state. The "waking up" motions he does is also baffling to me.

Thoughts?

With some jurisdictions categorically recommending that children under a certain age (in the case of Denmark under 13) should not have a tablet or smartphone, what is your opinion on the appropriate age/way to introduce these devices to your children's life? Do you use your own devices together with your children? If so, how and when?

While my own children are still unquestionably too young for tablets or smartphones, I'm already afraid of the social pressure that is likely to arise at an ever younger age when their friends start getting devices.

I think I handled it well.
I told them yes in a longx50 time. While I was wiping their butt. Then they asked if they were going to die. I told them maybe, when they are an old old old lady like Grandma.
That seemed to go well enough.